Chapter 11

Travis left for the Academy early the next morning. Normally he tried to get in some weight training and cardio before Slade or Tony came in. The cameras were set up that day, and there were a few fans—all women—outside looking in through the windows. It would be so easy to leave with one of them. All they wanted was five minutes of fame, money, and sex, which at one point was all he’d wanted too. But something had changed, and the women with the tight tops and short skirts didn’t look so appealing anymore.

Complicated seemed like the wrong path to take, but he knew he’d been wandering near that line, and every time he mustered up the courage to tell Penny he wanted more, he’d look at her daughter’s big doe eyes, eyes that were too trusting, too helpless, and too vulnerable, and he took a step back. No matter how much he wanted Penny, he couldn’t risk hurting Belle.

He had built up a good sweat by the time Cain walked in.

“Yo,” said the notoriously quiet and stoic Cain.

“Hey, man. You’re early.”

“Penny’s your girl, right?”

Travis put down the weight he’d been holding, sending a loud clang reverberating throughout the gym. “It’s complicated. Why’re you asking?”

“Saw her walking. Pulled over and asked her if she wanted a lift. Said no. It looks like it’s going to rain and she has a kid.”

“What?” he burst out, taking off his gloves. He pulled the hem of his shirt up and wiped his brow. “She’s staying with me. Maybe she’s going to the supermarket or something. I better go find her.”

“She was crying. I don’t do well with crying women.”

“Crying? What the hell?” Travis ran his fingers through his hair. “Where’d you say you saw her?”

“Bruggs Street and First Avenue.”

Travis ran to the back, grabbed his keys and wallet, and took off.

Fifty thousand dollars.

She had been hurt when she’d been abandoned by Lawrence. She’d been hurt when Kip had steamrolled her decisions and basically abandoned her at Fresh Start. But Travis accepting money from Kip somehow felt like the ultimate betrayal. He could have just said he didn’t want anything to do with her. She hadn’t even asked for help; he’d insisted. Then he’d accepted Kip’s money…for what? Why hadn’t he just kicked her out last night? Was he holding her there for Kip to get to her?

What had she done to deserve all the things that kept being thrown her way? She tried to be the best person she could be at all times. She considered herself to be kind, forgiving, and trustworthy. She never intentionally hurt anyone. But the number of things that had been thrown at her during the last year and a half were beginning to feel like too much, physically weighing her down and making her feel hopeless.

Maybe it would be easier to just go back home, she thought. Her daughter would have a privileged life because there was no way that Kip could now do anything but assume responsibility for his bastard stepgranddaughter. He’d hire people to take over the raising of Belle, even if Penny fought tooth and nail. And Kip would make sure to vilify Penny’s behavior over the last year—even making sure her own daughter knew it.

Penny sighed deeply. Even if she could explain her side of the story to the media, what good would that do? It would certainly not bring her or Belle any sort of peace. She’d be at war with Kip and the entire television congregation. And her daughter would remain by her side—poor.

She said a silent prayer before turning the corner to her apartment, praying that the reporters were gone. But no such luck—in fact, there were now actually more reporters.

“Penny! Wait up!”

She looked back to see Travis jogging toward her. She wiped her eyes and hoisted Belle higher on her hip.

“Twavis!” the little girl exclaimed happily.

“Hey, Belle,” he said back, then looked at Penny. “What happened? What’s going on?”

She didn’t answer for a moment, and then it was as if all the anger she’d felt, not just because of Travis but because of everyone and everything, came rushing out.

“Fifty thousand dollars?” She wanted to yell but knew she couldn’t, because she was holding Belle. “My life was fine for a year. We got by. Then you come along and turn my world upside down. And now I find out that you took fifty thousand dollars from him. For what? What did I ever do to you that was so bad that you’d do that to me? You keep telling me you have a lot of money. Did you really need more? Why did you pretend to like me? To care for me? And now my daughter is saying your name. She doesn’t even say my name…everything is so messed up!”

“That’s not what happened. It’s not what you think. Shit,” he said, looking behind her. He took her arm and tugged. “Come on. There’s a reporter walking this way.”

She looked behind her, panicked.

“Trust me. I didn’t do anything, I promise. I’ll explain—just let’s get outta here first.”

When she still didn’t budge, he yelled, “Penelope! Get your ass in the truck!”

She startled and began to move. When they got to his truck, half a block away, he threw the door open, took Belle from her arms, and buckled her in, a move that surprised her.

“Hop in, darlin’,” he said to Penny before jogging around and getting behind the wheel.

As they drove, Penny realized she was shaking. She looked behind her and couldn’t see anyone pursuing them. She began to relax a little.

“Listen to me,” Travis said as she turned back around. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Not yet. Haven’t had a chance to cash it yet?”

“Kip’s attorney came by yesterday and gave it to me. I told him to fuck off.” He looked at Belle, who was looking back at him. “Oops. Sorry. I mean, I told him to leave and then I went to work out. I completely forgot I still had it. I was going to give it to you. I thought maybe you could use it for the kid or somethin’.”

“I don’t know what to think, Travis.” She looked at him skeptically, then back out at the road. “Where are we going?”

“You need a break and we need to talk.”

Her brow furrowed as he pulled up to JL’s house. “What are you doing, Travis?”

He didn’t answer, just unbuckled Belle and then hopped out of his truck. Penny followed close behind.

“Yo, man,” Travis said when Enzo answered the door. Enzo had on a baby sling that held one twin on the front and the other on the back. If she hadn’t been so upset, Penny would have laughed out loud. “Where’s my sister?”

“In the sunroom painting. Come in,” Enzo said, stepping aside. “Hi, Penny.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then playfully tugged one of Belle’s pigtails. “Hi, Belle. You come to play with Heather and Trip?” he asked, and Belle began to fuss in Travis’s grip.

“Hi, guys. What a nice surprise.” JL came down the stairs with dried paint all over her clothes and across one cheek. “Are you holding a baby? Wow.”

“Ha ha. I hold yours all the time.”

“All the time? They’re only a week old. You’ve held them twice.”

“Well, whatever. Listen, I know you two are busy. But I need a favor. Can you watch the kid—”

“Sarabelle!” Penny and JL yelled at the same time.

“Shit. Sorry. I meant Sarabelle. Cut me some slack. Anyway, can you watch her for an hour? Two, tops.”

“Of course,” JL said, reaching for Belle. “Is everything okay?”

“No. But it will be.”

Penny shoved Travis aside. “I’m sorry for the intrusion. Your brother is being crazy. I would never impose Belle on you with the twins—” She began to reach for her daughter.

“It’s no intrusion. Go do what you have to do. It’s really no bother,” JL said as she bounced Belle, who was now laughing.

Penny sighed. “You can’t just hand my daughter over whenever you want, Travis,” she huffed to him. Then she turned back to the new parents. “Thanks, JL. Thanks, Enzo. We won’t be long.”

“That’s just one of the things we’re going to chat about,” Travis said as he closed the door and walked her back to the truck.

Just like a few days ago, he took her back to the beautiful and isolated park by the beach. Instead of taking her to the bench by the sandbox, however, he pulled her through some mangroves and out to the beach, where it was completely deserted. Serenity cloaked the small sandy patch of land. The seagulls cawed above, the sun shone down on them, and the tranquil water lapped gently by their feet. “I thought about things,” he began, pulling her down onto the sand. He sat right next to her, looking out at the water. “Let me just start out by saying that I never would have taken the money. Even a few months ago when I was broke, I still wouldn’t have done that to you. To anyone, really. Not my thing. I think you know that.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked out toward the ocean. “I was tidying up the house. I went to your room to get your clothes to do some laundry, and while I was sorting things out, it just fell out of your pocket.”

“You didn’t have to do laundry.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I know. Just want you to know that you don’t have to cook or clean or do laundry. You don’t have to do anything. It’s not why I invited you over.”

“Why did you? Invite me over, I mean?”

“Honestly?” He looked out toward the sea. “I was still upset that you’d lied about having a child. But I also felt guilty that you got caught. I mean, you did tell me you didn’t want to be on camera. I ignored that and kissed you. I put you out there. But that guilt lasted about two minutes. The first day you were in my house, I slept better than I have in years. It was weird. You weren’t sleeping in my room or anything, but when I lay down I was actually able to get some sleep.”

“Don’t you do that every night?”

“No, I don’t. I usually go jogging or I pace around. I’m always restless and can’t sleep until I’ve exhausted myself. But the last couple of days have been better.”

“Okay,” she said warily.

“And it’s nice having you there. In my house. Even the kid—Belle. She doesn’t bother me as much as I thought she would. She’s actually kind of cute, and I think she likes me.”

“And I think you like her too.”

“Maybe,” he confessed with a coy smile.

“So what did they ask you to do in exchange for the money?”

“Step aside when Kip comes to get you. He’s supposed to be coming soon.”

She stood up and brushed the sand off her legs. “What am I going to do, Travis?” Tears streamed out of her eyes. “I can’t even go to my apartment. I feel—” She took a breath and closed her eyes.

“Tell me, darlin’. What do you feel?”

She shook her head, holding back the tears.

“You need to be strong for your little girl and maybe for the rest of the world. But not with me. Not here. Not on our little secret beach.” He got up too and opened his arms. “Cry. Yell. You need to get all that shit out.”

She hesitated for a moment before walking right into his arms. “I’m scared. I feel that maybe I’m making the wrong choices,” she cried into his chest. “I feel selfish. I feel lonely. I feel mad.” She fisted her hands on his shirt. “Oh God, I feel so mad.” As her sobs went from soft to full, his grip around her tightened. “Things get a little good and then super bad. I can’t seem to move forward. I want my own crappy pots and pans. I want Belle’s crib. I want my comfy pajamas. I just want the normal I had learned to live with. I don’t want Kip or Lawrence here. I don’t want to be called a whore to the world. And I want you, but you don’t want me. I just want to—” Her knees buckled, and she began to cry in earnest now, body-racking sobs. He dropped down and held her. “I just want to run away.”

“Can’t do that, sugar.”

“I know!” she yelled into her hands. “I know. I wouldn’t. I’d never leave Belle. But it’s so hard sometimes.”

“But sometimes it’s not,” he said, lifting her chin. “You have to let people help. You just do. And what you said about me not wanting you—it’s not true. Not at all.”

“Yes, I know you want sex. I kind of want sex too. But I wish we could be more than that. I can’t help it, I just do,” she admitted between sobs.

“I do want you, Penny. Exactly the way you want me, maybe even more. It’s just that…” He ran his hands over his face.

“You have the ability to hurt me the way Lawrence never could. That scares me. It scares me because I don’t know if I could handle another loss, and it scares me because I have to think about Sarabelle too. But I am willing to take that risk, Travis. And I don’t want to pressure you. God, I promised myself I wouldn’t. But I like you so much, Travis, and I want you to know that.”

He breathed out. “Penny, I’m just not cut out for a wife and kids. I’m fun and sex.”

“That isn’t true. You’re more than that. Why do you say stuff like that? I’m not asking for marriage; I’m asking you for a chance. A real chance to get to know me and my daughter.”

“I just don’t think I can do the domesticated home thing, and I don’t want to hurt you or the kid. Especially the kid. She’s innocent and doesn’t need to see men coming in and going out of her momma’s life.”

“I know about your mother, Travis. JL has told me. I know she was a terrible mother. I know how you looked out for JL—”

Travis shook his head and turned away from her. “You don’t know anything, Penny. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said angrily.

She reached for his arm and grabbed it. “I know more than you think. I know that if it wasn’t for you, JL wouldn’t be as wonderful as she is today. You took care of her when your mother couldn’t.”

“I can’t have this conversation.”

“You are worthy of love, Travis. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t let the place you grew up in define you.”

He whirled back around to face her. “I was in jail.” Seeing her eyes grow wide, he went on. “Yesterday Kip’s attorney threw a stack of papers at me with all my priors. The tattoos I hate? They were from a gang I was in. I was sixteen when I joined. We were in Texas and dirt poor. My mom wasn’t around. These people took me in and I did stupid shit for money.”

“And that money you made, what did you do with it?”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you listening? I don’t think you get it. I sold drugs, stole shit, hurt people. Physically. Got into a shit ton of fights. Went to juvie so many times I lost count, and then starting at seventeen I went to jail a dozen times for stupid things.”

“Yeah, but why were you doing those things? Was it to have a nice car? To buy drugs for yourself?”

“Mostly for food, to help pay rent.”

“For you and your sister, right?”

“Yeah, but—”

She cupped his face. “I’m not judging you. I don’t care about any of that. You’re a good man. I knew that before you told me this, and now that I know, you’ve confirmed it. You are good, Travis. You were a kid doing the best you could in a bad situation.”

He let out a deep breath. “I’m so ashamed of all the shit I did and how it’s now being brought up as a way to make you look bad. And to be honest, Penny, they’re right. I’m no good for you. I’ve tried to be better. I moved to Florida and got out of that gang over ten years ago. I would never steal again, but it’s still haunting me, and now you. You should be with some straitlaced accountant or something. Not someone like me.” He looked down. “My job is to fight. Beat people up. I didn’t go to college. Damn, I didn’t even graduate from high school—I got a GED instead. Lived in the gym for almost a year. You grew up with pearl necklaces and a ranch and horses. What could I possibly give you?”

Penny let go of him and didn’t say anything as he turned away. He’d never felt so ashamed of his past. It was probably because most of his life he’d been around people with similar upbringings and it had never mattered, but now…now it mattered. A lot.

When he turned back around and saw her tears, he sighed. “Exactly. I’m a piece of shit, and you’ll be portrayed in the media as the woman dating a criminal. I can’t let that—”

“No, you are not a piece of shit!” she interrupted, in a tone he’d never heard before. “Those are your mother’s words. You are not a piece of shit, Travis. Your mother was a piece of shit.” He flinched at her words. “She led you to a life where you had to do whatever it took to make ends meet. You were a kid—you shouldn’t have been put in a position where you had to take care of yourself and your sister. I’m honored to have you in my life, not embarrassed.”

“I wasn’t a kid, though. I was seventeen, eighteen.”

“Like I said, a kid. Your parents are supposed to protect you. You were not responsible for what happened. I don’t care what anyone else thinks of you, except that I never want to hear you say those words about yourself again. They hurt my soul to hear you say those things. I do not judge you. God would not judge you.”

“God?” he huffed. “Where was God when my mother was drinking and snorting shit in front of us when we were kids? When my mother was verbally abusive to JL? When kids teased us for having worn-out shoes? There was no God back then. There was no God when Lawrence was using you.”

“God was there. God gave me Sarabelle. God was there when you persevered through all the obstacles. And when I came to Tarpon Springs all those months ago, when I stepped into the Pier, scared to death—to death!—and I dropped those shot glasses and that cowboy with those blue eyes and that dimple came to help me, God was definitely there that day.” He ran his hands through his hair, making it stick up all over the place. “Come here, Travis.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to pray for me or something.”

“You could use a prayer right now,” she laughed. “But that wasn’t what I was going to do.”

He took a step toward her, and she opened her arms. He looked at her in confusion for a moment until she closed the distance and wrapped her arms around him.

“You are the most lovable person I know. Let me be your friend. You don’t have to give us more than that. There are no strings in this relationship. No commitment. Just friendship. Let me do that for you.”

He relaxed a little in her arms and took a deep breath. He suddenly noticed that his eyes were a little wet and that he felt as though a weight he’d been holding on his shoulders for so long had been suddenly lifted. She ran her fingers through his hair, not in a sexual way, but in a tender way that made his heart thud against his chest. “To the world you’re the life of the party. You’re all smiles. Most don’t see beyond your appearance, but it’s not their fault. You keep everything else locked away so that we all see this picture of carefree happiness.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being happy.”

She looked up at him. “No, there’s nothing wrong with being happy, Travis. But you’re not happy. You’re tormented inside. Once in a while I get a glimpse of it. You refuse to let yourself be happy because you don’t think you’re worthy of it.”

“People wouldn’t like me if they saw that,” he admitted.

“Yes, they would. They’d like you better, or at least they’d like you, Travis Calhoun, not this fake person you want them to think is Travis. The real Travis is the best man I’ve ever met.”

“Penny…”

“It’s true. You took me and Belle in. Men don’t do that. Single men just looking to have fun, they don’t do that. You can get uncomplicated fun in any corner, Travis. You want more than that.”

“And what do you want from me, Penny?”

“Nothing. I just want you to be my friend.”

“I have lots of friends.”

“That may be, but I don’t. I didn’t say I wanted to be your friend. I just asked you to be mine.”

God, he wanted this woman in so many ways and being just her friend wasn’t one of them. “My mother…” He swallowed and pulled her closer. He needed her warmth, and besides, he couldn’t have this conversation face-to-face. It was too hard. “My mother always called me a loser. She said I’d never leave the trailer park. Never amount to anything. Never be anyone. She said she couldn’t count on me and neither could anyone else.”

“That’s why you work so hard.”

“I’m going to make it big, Penny.”

“You already have, Travis.”

“I’m going to fuck up, Penny. Probably a lot. I don’t want to hurt you or Belle.” With his eyes closed he continued, “I can be intense and consuming. I’ll want all of you. I’d want to see you all the time. And I suck at slow. I’d want you in my bed every single night. I wouldn’t be okay with Belle just having a shitty bear because all I had was a shitty bear. I’d probably buy her everything because I didn’t have anything. I’d probably buy you everything too, but just because seeing you smile makes everything seem right with the world. I wouldn’t be okay with you taking a bus. I would take Belle to the park every day. And as soon as she learned how to walk, I’d probably put her in boxing classes and keep all the boys away. I would probably drive you both crazy.”

“So you want to try?” she said with a chuckle.

“I more than want to try. I’m not really a try kind of guy,” he admitted as he kissed her lips and wiped her stray tears. “I’m more of a go-all-in kind of guy.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a blubbering mess.”

“You’re a chick. Goes with your DNA,” he quipped with a wink. He kissed the top of her head sweetly, and then pulled her up to her feet. He wiped her tears with his thumbs, his hands cupping her face. “You okay?”

“Not really, but I will be,” she said.

He took her hand and led her back to the truck. They drove to JL’s house and visited with the twins for a little while before buckling Belle into her car seat and heading back toward Travis’s house.

“And one last thing, Travis,” Penny said as they drove.

“What’s that?”

“You know how you said you weren’t cut out for the domesticated thing?”

“Yeah.”

“You do realize you’ve been doing that domesticated thing with us already, don’t you?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

She snorted. “Has it been that bad?”

“It’s been weirdly relaxing, awesome, and terrifying all at once. Wait. Hold on.” He did an abrupt U-turn.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve been meaning to get a few things for a few days but hadn’t had a chance. This is as good a time as any.”

A minute later he parked in front of a huge toy store.

“Travis? What are you up to?”

“I know you’re going to complain, so all I’m going to say is that it doesn’t concern you. It’s between me and Belle.” He unbuckled Belle and lifted her out of the car seat. “Isn’t that right, baby girl?”

“Twavis,” she repeated with a giggle. Penny followed behind, practically jogging to catch up.

“Did you know she doesn’t say ‘Mom’ yet? She repeats practically everything but won’t say ‘Mom.’ Now she says ‘Travis’ every time she sees you.”

“Green ain’t a good color on you, momma.” Travis pulled out a cart and sat Belle in it.

Two hours, half a month’s rent, and a lot of protesting on Penny’s part later, they walked out of the toy store.

“This is insane. Where am I going to fit all of this when I go back home?”

“Leave it at my place,” he said. “My girlfriend’s daughter can have space to keep her toys.”

“Girlfriend? Wow. I like the sound of that.”

“Me too, darlin’. Me too.” He winked.

“Shit,” Travis said as he opened the front door of his house. “I forgot they’re filming today. I left in the middle of the shoot.”

“Go. We’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? After everything that’s happened today, I really just want to stay here with you guys.” He set down the bags of toys.

“I promise to only let her open one toy. You can give her the rest of them yourself when you get back.”

He smiled and kissed Penny, then waved to Belle. “See you later, Belle.”

“Twavis,” she cooed, and he laughed.

“See you later, darlin’. Don’t open the door to anyone, and make sure you keep the gate closed, okay?”

“ ’Kay,” she agreed.

He cupped her face and kissed her before he left.

Penny was in the kitchen with the iPad Travis had loaned her running the accounting software she used for the Pier’s books when the doorbell rang. She looked into the camera and saw the well-known logo of a furniture store on a big truck. She clicked the intercom. “Hello?”

“Delivery for Ms. Richards.”

“One second.”

She pulled out her phone and dialed Travis. “Are you expecting a delivery?”

“Yes. Let them in. On my nightstand I have some cash. Give them a tip.”

“Okay,” she said before hanging up and pressing the button that opened the gate.

The truck backed into the driveway, and two men emerged. As one opened the back, the other came to the door to get a signature. As soon as she signed and he had started back to the truck, her phone rang again.

“Hello?”

“Hey, darlin’. You like it?”

“Like what?”

“They haven’t brought it in yet?”

“We just talked like two minutes ago, impatient man.”

Then she looked up to see the two men walking in with a beautiful wooden sleigh-style crib.

“Travis!”

“And when she gets too big for it, it turns into a little girl’s bed. Violet picked it out.”

“Travis! Oh my God, what are you…are you crazy?”

“Did you just say the Lord’s name in vain?” he said, a smile in his voice. Then in the background she heard some men talking, though she couldn’t make out the words. “Gotta go, darlin’. See you later.” And he hung up.