Chapter 8

Travis sat on a rocking chair in the nursery in JL and Enzo’s massive home, rocking Heather in his arms as JL changed Trip’s diaper. “How tired are you?” he asked his sister.

“Exhausted.”

“Is it all worth it?”

“What? The babies?”

“Yeah. Are they worth all the sleepless nights?” he asked as he looked down at his niece.

“I don’t know, Uncle Trav. You tell me.” He looked up to see his tiny pink-haired sister, with talcum powder on her cheek and her son in her arms, looking at Travis as if he’d grown a second head.

“Fine. They’re cute. I’ll give you that. I guess it is worth it.”

“Yes. Just because they’re cute,” she said, rolling her eyes and setting Trip down in the crib. “I didn’t know what it was to love until they were born.”

“Oh, calm down. You just met them,” Travis said with a snort.

“I’m not being dramatic, Travis. They came out of my body. I feel like they are part of me. Literally. Like you are holding a piece of me. The thought of them ever being hurt…well, it hurts me physically. It’s that intense.”

Travis let out a breath. “Always knew you’d be a good mom, sis.”

JL’s eyes watered. “Don’t make me cry.”

“Every time I see you now, you’re crying.”

“And eating. It’s the hormones. I feel like I always have either a burger or tissues in my hand. The tears are like a faucet that won’t turn off.”

“Maybe you got that depression shit you get when you have kids.”

“It’s called postpartum depression, and I don’t think so. I’m just a little emotional, is all.” She paused and gave him a speculative look. “So, what’s new with you?”

He knew that singsong tone. The woman wanted to ask him something but was beating around the bush. “Just spit it out, JL.”

“What happened with Penny?”

“Well, as you obviously know and hid from me, she has a kid,” he said, adjusting Heather’s pacifier. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. You’re my sister. Fucking traitor.”

“Don’t curse, asshole. It wasn’t my story to tell. Honestly, I only knew that Belle existed—I didn’t know about the big secret with her family. And the poor girl needed someone to confide in. If I blabbed, she had no one else.”

“Well, I don’t want to drop everything to play house now.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t want kids. I haven’t been secretive about it. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? I like her.”

“Sarabelle’s a great kid, Travis. What’s the big deal? I don’t think Penny’s proposing or anything.”

“She’s not, but if I get more entangled…”

“What, you think you’ll fall in love and then you’ll be forced into fatherhood? You think she’ll make you be her kid’s dad? She’s not Mom—she wouldn’t do a shitty thing like that to her kid. She’s not trying to trap you, you big doofus. Her kid is her priority. And anyway, if you fell in love, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

“I know that. I think Penny’s the kind of girl I can fall in love with,” he admitted, looking down at Heather. “I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’m getting soft, little niece.”

JL tossed a cushion toward him. “I wasn’t talking about Penny. I was talking about Belle. I don’t think you falling in love with that little girl would be the end of the world.”

“I don’t want to be tied down. You can’t ride two horses with one ass, right? Someone’ll end up hurt.”

“You don’t even know how to ride a damn horse, you dummy.” She laughed. “You’re presuming that you’ll get hurt.”

“Or that Penny and Belle will get hurt,” he said quietly.

“No one’s going to get hurt,” she said in a huff. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I? I know I want to have fun. I know that Mom was a bitch. I know that Dad left us. I know that I don’t want to do that to a kid.”

“So don’t.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Because it is. Do you think I’m going to be a shitty mother? Do you think I’m going to just leave?”

“What? No! You’re the most caring person I know.”

“Well, what makes you any different? We’re twins. By your logic, if you’re destined to be a crappy father, then I’m destined to be a crappy mother. And I am not going to be a crappy mother.”

He shifted the baby in his arm. “Aren’t you scared?”

“Of course I am, Travis. I’m terrified. But not because I think I’ll leave. Not because I think I’ll treat my kids like Mom and Dad treated us. I’m scared because these kids are terrifying. I just met Heather and Trip, and I’m scared I’ll screw up. That they’ll get a diaper rash because I didn’t put enough cream on, or that I didn’t burp them correctly and they’ll get an ache. Or when they’re older that they’ll hang out with the wrong crowd, or fail math. Shit like that.”

“Nah, they won’t fail math. Their uncle’s a genius.”

JL burst out laughing, and at the sudden sound Heather began to cry. Not knowing what to do, he quickly handed her to JL like a sack of potatoes.

JL chuckled and started to unbutton her shirt.

“What are you doing?” Travis asked, alarmed. He stood up and held his hands out. “Do not pull out your boob.”

“Travis, I need to feed her,” she said incredulously.

“No, no. I don’t need to see my sister’s boob in my niece’s mouth. That shit can’t be unseen.” He walked out of the nursery, yelling over his shoulder, “I’ll be in the living room having a beer, maybe bleaching my eyes.”

Travis sat down, his feet on the coffee table, a beer in his hand and the remote in his other hand. He’d promised Enzo he’d stay with JL for an hour or so while he went to the gym. Apparently the sleepless nights were affecting both of them: Enzo had been desperate to get out and work up a sweat, and JL had been desperate to get Enzo out of the house for a few hours.

Travis wasn’t even sure what he was going to say to Penny when he saw her later that day. He wanted to see if she was okay. See what Lawrence wanted. Just…see her. And really, that was the bottom line. He wanted to see her. One night hadn’t been enough, especially combined with the 365 previous nights of harmless flirting and chatter while she worked. He just needed to see her face, and once he saw it, he’d figure things out one way or another.

Travis clicked on the television, but nothing appealed to him. Either way, he wasn’t the type to sit and watch TV or, well, just sit. He wasn’t accustomed to doing nothing.

“Travis!” He jumped off the couch when he heard his sister’s voice. Sprinting, he rushed to the twins’ room, almost crashing into the door.

“What?” He looked around. Heather was tucked underneath a blanket on JL’s chest, presumably still eating. Trip was fast asleep, having slept through JL’s yell. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you just stop talking to Penny? Like completely?”

He put his hand over his heart. “Jesus Christ, Jamie Lynn! You almost gave me a fuckin’ heart attack.” He leaned an arm against the wall and let his head fall forward. “You yelled like that to chat about Penny? These poor kids—how are they not crying?”

“Answer the question,” she insisted, her phone in her hand.

“I’m going to see her later today. What’s going on? I thought we just had this conversation like two seconds ago.”

She tapped on her phone, and when the screen lit up, she tossed it to him. Barely catching it, he looked at the screen.

“Oh, shit!”

“You dickhead. You’d better go find her.”

He handed her back her phone. “You okay here?”

“Yes. Go! Go!”

Penny’s heart raced. This was worse than she thought. It went a lot further than bad-mouthing her to the media. Lawrence wanted contact with Belle. Could he make her move back to Oklahoma? She was shaking by the time she got off the bus, Belle on her hip. As she rounded the corner to her apartment complex, she saw them.

At first she thought there was an emergency somewhere, but when the vans with the satellites on top began to speed by her she realized it wasn’t the coincidence she was hoping for. Three news vans were parked a few feet from the entrance to her apartment, but no one had noticed her yet. There were photographers getting out of their cars and setting up tripods. Her heart began to pound loudly. Trying not to make a scene, she slowly turned around and walked the opposite way.

Her phone began to ring. She took it out of her pocket and saw it was Travis, who was likely on his way to her apartment.

“Hello?” she said.

“Where are you?”

“I’m walking home,” she said breathlessly.

“Stop where you are and I’ll go get you.”

“You know?”

“Yes. Saw it online. Where are you, exactly?”

“You know the big blue house at the corner of Miller and Ninth?”

“Yeah. Stay put. I’m a minute out.”

She was so busy fidgeting with her pearls and thinking about what her next move would be that she didn’t notice Travis’s truck speed by.

It screeched to a stop, then reversed quickly, causing pebbles to fly all over the place.

He leaned over and pushed the passenger door open from inside. “Get in!”

She glanced back. More cars were starting to gather by her apartment complex. “Hurry up, Penelope.”

She jumped inside the truck. “Buckle up and crouch down,” he ordered as he made a quick U-turn.

A few minutes later the truck stopped, and her heart began to beat a little slower. Travis looked around, then at Penny. “You’re good. There’s no one here.” She sat up, Belle on her lap. She looked at the park. It was the one she had just come from, the one by the beach. She got out of the truck and put Belle in the sandbox, which was empty now.

“What exactly is going on, Travis? What did you see online?”

“I was with JL, and she saw someone post something on Facebook about you being some famous person. Then she started looking things up, and you were all over the news and there was all sorts of stuff about you on the Web and some of it was footage of your apartment complex. Couldn’t read it all because I hurried right over.”

She covered her face with her hands.

He wrapped his hands around her wrists. “Talk to me.”

“Kip will be here soon.” She took a deep breath.

“Calm down. Tell me everything. No more half-truths, no more omissions. Tell me.”

“Why? I’m not your problem, Travis. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. You thought it was bad when I had a kid? Well, it’s worse now. My baggage now consists of not only a child, but also two men who want me back in Oklahoma immediately.”

“I didn’t know what I was going to say when I saw you later today,” he admitted, his hands still around her wrists. “I want you. I’ve had you, and it wasn’t enough. I need more of it. But I also don’t think I can do the family thing.”

“I understand that, Travis. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“But I also can’t turn off the attraction I feel toward you. Nor can I pretend I’m not concerned about you.”

“So what then?”

“I don’t know. We take it one day at a time, I guess. But you have to start by telling me everything.”

“Lawrence, Belle’s father, came to see me last night.”

“I know.”

“Jack told you, of course.”

“Nothing in this town stays a secret long.”

“Really? Did you know he came to see me again before you showed up just now? Right here in this same park?”

Travis let go of her hands and looked around. “What?”

“Yes. I think he followed us. He wants me to go back to Oklahoma. My father is giving him money in exchange for me returning quietly.”

“What the fuck?” Travis said. “You said no, right?”

“Of course I did,” she snapped, pacing around. “Except that he came back today and threatened us. Said that he never authorized me to take his daughter nor did he give me money to leave him alone. He’s going to use that to get us to go back.”

“Son of a bitch!” Travis yelled. “He can’t do that.”

“He can. I’m an idiot. I’m so stupid!” she wailed, tears filling her eyes. “I can’t believe I didn’t have him sign something. I just…”

“You were eighteen years old, pregnant, and in a home for unwed mothers. This ain’t on you, sugar.”

“It is on me. I have to stop being so naive. I didn’t think he would ever show his face. But really, this is all Kip’s doing. Lawrence is Kip’s puppet. Yesterday I was tough and strong. I thought, I’m an adult. I have a child, a life. It doesn’t matter what people say about me. Nothing matters other than Sarabelle’s happiness. And she’ll be happy in this town, so I’m staying. They can be jerks—I’ll just deal with it.”

God, he was proud of her, he thought.

She dropped her face in her hands again. “But now…now I don’t know what to do. I’m not strong, Travis. Lawrence is going to say I took his daughter, and try to get custody. And Kip will start telling everyone all the ways I’ve failed as a person and now as a mother. And the morality clause in that television contract—I’m going to get sued. And…where’s Belle?” She looked toward the sandbox. “I have to—”

“Stop!” He turned her toward him, his hands on her shoulders. “I need you to breathe, Penny. Belle’s fine. She’s right there playing in the sand.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then, as he’d done that night at the Pier, he opened his arms. She looked at him for a moment, then walked into them, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“You’re wrong, Penny, darlin’. You’re strong. You’re a fighter. I don’t know how you did it all alone for a year. You can get through this. You have friends, and now you have me.” She looked up at him. “I don’t know exactly what I can promise you, Penny. But I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t want to end things before they even begin.”

“I can’t do that to you. We’ll swallow you up with problems, and that’s not something you need in your life, Travis.”

“Every man needs swallowing in his life, darlin’.” He winked, making her snort out a watery laugh. “Prefer that smile to those tears.”

She wiped her face and took a deep breath. “Can I see your phone, please?”

“No.”

“No?” She put her hand out. “Why not? Is it that bad?”

“Yes.”

He felt terrible. It wasn’t his fault. Not completely. But she had been very clear about not wanting to be on camera, and not only had she been caught on camera, she’d been caught in a very compromising position.

“Travis, I need to know what’s going on. This isn’t about you. It’s not even about me. I have a daughter, and I need to know what she and I are dealing with. Give me your phone, please.”

Hesitantly he handed her his phone, and she began to scroll through the Internet.

“Oh. My. God.” Her voice wavered.

Preacher’s daughter has secret love child with cage fighter.

Preacher’s daughter is stripper at local strip club.

Preacher’s daughter runs away from home due to a drug problem.

Preacher’s daughter seen dancing naked and making out with local celebrity on HBO’s hit show Fight Night, Travis Calhoun, and all his friends.

“No. No. No.” She began to cry. “This is bad. This is so bad.”

She crouched down and put her hands on either side of her head. Then she stood and began to pace again.

It broke his heart to see her this defeated. If there was one thing he knew about her, it was that for the most part she had it all together. “Penny, I get you’ve been doing shit on your own for a while now. But you’re not alone.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s exactly what I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Travis, yesterday you couldn’t even stand to look at me.”

“That’s not true. Not even a little bit. I was just surprised. I care about you. And I said a horrible thing. Something I’ll never forgive myself for saying.”

“Emotions were high. I already forgave you for that.”

“That’s the religiousness, isn’t it?” he said apprehensively.

“What good would being mad at you do me? I have enough issues. Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak; it makes you strong, because it allows you to move on. But if you ever say something like that to me again, I’ll walk away and we will never be friends again. No matter what happens, I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that, ever. Understand?”

“Well, aren’t you sassy?” He gave her a small smile. “It’s on me, sugar. I’d never say anything like that to you again. I only said it out of my own insecurities. I am truly sorry.”

“So that’s that. No more talking about it.” She stood and walked toward Belle. “I need to feed her.”

She still looked so damn broken. “Wait up.” He pulled her by the shirt toward him and tightened his grip around her. “Remember that night? The night we kissed?” he asked, placing a kiss on the top of her head as she rested her cheek on his chest. “You needed a hug back then.”

“Desperately.”

“Did you feel better after?”

“Yes.”

He tightened his arms around her. “Well, I’m here. I haven’t left. I’ve just been…confused. But I am your friend, Penny. Have been for a while. Even before we slept together. So let me help. You can’t do things alone. Wait, let me rephrase that. You can. You’re strong and eventually you’ll figure shit out. But you don’t need to do it alone. I’m here.”

She nodded into his chest. “Okay,” she said softly. “So what do I do about the reporters camped outside my apartment?”

“Do you work tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Well, they’re probably swarming Ruby’s now. Why don’t I call Joe for you, let him know what’s going on?”

“No. It’s my first day.”

“Joe’d understand.”

She shook her head. “Maybe Ms. Hannigan—”

“No. You’ve got to keep away from your apartment complex today.”

“Now that Violet knows about Belle, you think that maybe she’d watch her?”

“Yes. Great idea. But tonight you and your kid stay with me, and hopefully things’ll have died down by tomorrow.”

“Travis, no. I can’t let you—”

“You can and you will. Honestly, I feel bad that I kissed you in front of those cameras. I feel responsible.”

“It’s not your fault. I couldn’t hide forever.”

He cupped her face and kissed her lips softly. “Go get your kid and come stay with me at my house for just a day or two until things settle down, okay?”

She looked hesitant but desperate. Finally she let out a big breath. “Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Travis. Thank you.”

Penny went and picked up her daughter, then walked back over to Travis. “Travis, I’d like you to officially meet Sarabelle.”

“Belle,” the little girl said.

“Belle, excuse me,” Penny laughed. “Travis, this is Belle. Belle, this is my friend Travis.”

The little girl hid her face in her mother’s neck.

“She’s very shy.”

“ ’S okay. I’m not.” He moved closer to Belle. “Hey, kid, I’m Travis. Who’s this?” he asked, pointing to the tattered bear she held.

“Bubba,” she mumbled into her mother’s neck.

“Bubba the bear. I like that.” Travis noticed that Belle did that same move her mother did, shaking her head slightly to get her hair out of her eyes, but in this case it was one fat blond curl. Then she looked up, and her big blue eyes stared back at him—blue eyes that looked almost identical to his and Jamie Lynn’s. Her soft milky skin, chubby cheeks, and shy smile took him aback. “Twavis,” she whispered, then hid her face again.

His feelings were scattered all over the place as he walked back to his car. What the hell was he getting himself into?

Sarabelle was still fast asleep in Penny’s arms by the time Travis parked in front of Target to pick up a change of clothes and a few other necessities. Penny carefully hopped out of the truck just as Travis made it around to the truck’s passenger side.

“I was coming around to help you.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine.”

He shook his head and let out a frustrated breath. “You’re just going to carry her the entire time?”

“What else am I supposed to do with her? She doesn’t walk yet.”

“She doesn’t?” he said, surprised.

“No, Travis,” she huffed. “She wobbles a little, but that’s about it. She’s just a baby. Besides, I didn’t exactly plan all this out. Her stroller’s in the apartment.”

As they walked in, she went to grab a basket, but he pulled out a cart.

“We don’t need that many things,” she protested.

“Maybe not, but a car seat isn’t going to fit in a basket.”

“Car seat?” she said, a little louder than she intended. “I don’t even own a car.”

“Yeah, but I do.” He began to push the cart. “Come on.”

“Travis, we only need to get from here to your house. That’s like half a mile. A car seat is…I don’t know, a hundred or two hundred dollars.”

“You can’t have her going around in my truck on your lap. It ain’t safe, plus I’ll get a ticket.”

“She’s not going around in your truck. It’s just this one time. I don’t have two hundred dollars to just throw around for something I don’t need.”

He stopped and turned, almost crashing right into her. He took a deep breath and tried to reset himself. “Listen, like I said, I feel this is partly my fault. I’ll pay. So don’t worry.”

“I can’t let you do that, Travis.”

“You need diapers, a change of clothes, formula or whatever else it eats. I have money for all that. If it makes you feel better you can pay me back.”

She groaned and relented because what else could she really do. “Okay. Fine. But I’ll pay you back. And don’t call Belle ‘it.’ ”

“Okay, okay. Now come on, momma. I want to make this quick. Don’t want anyone to recognize me or you.”

Half an hour later Penny was sitting on the bed of the truck waiting while Travis installed the new three-hundred-dollar car seat. “I can’t believe you bought the most expensive seat.”

“It was the best one. Plus, you’ll be able to use it as she grows.”

Under her breath she muttered, “I don’t have a car.”

“If I could only fucking figure out how the hell this shit works,” he complained, fumbling around the seat.

In a louder voice she said, “And I told you I already have a stroller.” She looked behind her at the exorbitant number of bags. “I didn’t need so many diapers, and one change of clothes would’ve sufficed, and—”

“Aha! I got it!” he said as he moved out of the car. “Go ahead and buckle her in.”

Travis was nothing if not a hurricane of energy. She’d learned that when he was into whatever thing he was doing, he didn’t do much listening. It was just his way. She didn’t take it personally and knew it was his way of trying to do right by her. She accepted it, and on the way to his house said a silent prayer to God in thanks for having brought people such as Travis into her life. Because whether or not they were together, she had a feeling that the man wouldn’t ever let her down. It just wasn’t in him to do that—to anyone.