Chapter 16

 

The moment I walked through the door, Stefan jumped all over me like an excitable puppy, as though I had been missing for a year or more, not just one night. Alex gave him a kiss and a stern warning to calm the fuck down – Alex’s words, not mine – before he left again for work. As soon as Alex had gone, Stefan pulled me down beside him on the old sofa and demanded all the lurid details of my night with Mason.

I had never been the kiss-and-tell type of guy, but I told him enough to satisfy his curiosity while keeping all the best and most intimate parts of the night to myself. Those parts belonged to me and Mason and were not meant to be titillation for our friends. I did show Stefan the text messages, figuring it could do no harm when Alex had already seen them. Stefan squealed in delight and clapped his hands, making me laugh. I knew guys like Alex saw me as a twink, the same as Rufus and Stefan, but I had never been one for over-the-top, effeminate displays. In Rufus, I thought it was done mainly for dramatic effect, but in Stefan, it was totally natural and really quite endearing.

“Did you answer him yet?” Stefan said, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

It seemed a little strange, perhaps, that it should matter so much to him, but Stefan believed in true love, and I could he see he wanted me to have found at least the chance of that with Mason. What did it say about my relationship with Rufus that his best friend hadn’t been so enthralled at our being together as he was at the start of something with a complete stranger? Had Stefan known all along that Rufus had never really loved me?

“I need to charge my phone,” I said, a lame excuse even to my ears, but it was true. My phone did need charging and I didn’t want to enter into a text conversation with Mason when it could die on me at any moment. “I’ll call him later.”

A small part of me still felt a need to test Mason, despite my earlier decision to see him again. If he didn’t wait for me to call first, if he called me, or turned up in person – it would be further proof that he was serious about me. I was being childish, I knew, unfair and selfish, but I still hadn’t quite rid myself of the notion that this was all some sick game Mason was playing. What was wrong with me? When had I become so pathetically insecure and needy?

Probably around the same time I discovered my boyfriend of eighteen months had been unfaithful to me for the entirety of our relationship, I thought. Or maybe it had been when Mason bulldozed his way into my life and turned everything on its head. I did like Mason, I couldn’t deny it, and I did want to see if the feelings we had for each other were something we could build on. I just had to be sure it was real.

“I have to go to work,” Stefan said, bounding from the sofa. “They’ll kill me if I’m late again. I’m already on a warning.”

“Is it okay if I use the laptop? I need to find somewhere to live if I’m going back to London on Sunday.”

“Sure. Help yourself. The password is on the label underneath.” Stefan emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, fully dressed in dark jeans, a pale blue button-down shirt, and his favourite converses. “Alex thinks it’s there so he doesn’t forget the password. Really it’s there so he doesn’t forget my birthday.”

Once Stefan left and I was alone in the small apartment, I carried the laptop over to the sofa and started it up. The password was STEFBDAY and a date. I smiled, not believing for a second that Alex didn’t see straight through Stefan’s little ruse. The guy was nowhere near as dense as he let everyone think.

I spent a couple of hours browsing letting agent sites, my hopes sinking fast. Properties close to the hospital were far and few between and way out of my price range. Searching further afield provided more choice, but none of them were immediately available and all of them required a minimum of a month’s rent upfront –which I didn’t have. I would have to hope Mason could get my car back sooner rather than later, because the way things were looking, I would be living out of it for the foreseeable future.

A knock at the door startled me. I set the laptop to one side and went to answer it, my heart skipping a beat at the thought it might be Mason, impatient to see me again. It wasn’t Mason. Instead, Rufus stood on the doorstep, his hair and clothes a shocking purple.

“Have you got money for the taxi?” he asked, apparently deciding not to bother with such niceties as actually saying ‘hello’.

“Um…no, I haven’t got a penny to my name.”

“Oh, okay.” He peered into the apartment over my shoulder. “I don’t suppose Stefan left any lying about?”

“No! Stefan and Alex haven’t got any money either and – even if they did – I wouldn’t steal it from them to pay your taxi fare.”

“Fine,” Rufus huffed. “God, if I’d known you were going to be so bloody miserable, I wouldn’t have bothered coming.”

He stomped down the metal staircase in his ridiculous, high-heeled, suede boots. I stood at the top of the steps and watched, wondering how he would get around the taxi driver. Knowing Rufus, I half expected him to offer to blow the guy. I watched, shocked, as he pulled a wad of notes from his pocket and peeled off a twenty for the driver.

It took a moment to remember why Rufus would have money on him for the first time in his life. Then it hit me. It was Mason’s money. Mason had paid Rufus hundreds to find out where I had gone. Rufus had sold me out and still had the nerve to ask me for the money to pay his fare.

He clomped back up the stairs and gave me an innocent smile, looking for all the world like butter wouldn’t melt.

“You could look a little more pleased to see me.”

He pushed past me and crossed the room to flop down on the sofa. I noticed him turn his nose up as he looked around the apartment, and apparently found it wanting in some way. Rufus’ hatred of Alex far surpassed any affection he had for Stefan, so he would be glad of an excuse to look down his nose at their living arrangements. I knew the way Rufus operated. No doubt, he was noting every little detail so he could go to Keane’s and tell everybody who had ever known Stefan that Alex Gill was incapable of providing for him.

“What do you want, Rufus?”

“Well, that’s nice, after I came all this way to see you.”

“I’m only here because you threw me out!”

“And now I’ve come to take you back.” He threw his hands up in exasperation, as if he genuinely couldn’t understand my lack of enthusiasm. “Honestly, Eric, you don’t have to be such a drama queen.”

That was rich coming from him. Rufus was the ultimate drama queen, and he didn’t care who knew it. I’d always been the shy, quiet one. The first time I met Stefan, I’d called myself Azrael. Azrael had been a mask, a persona I created for when I was out on the pull, but even Azrael hadn’t screamed look-at-me with every fibre of his being the way Rufus did.

“Are you flat hunting?” Rufus asked, looking at the open laptop.

I folded my arms and glared at him, although the effort was totally wasted on Rufus, who wasn’t even looking at me. “I’m going back to work next week. I need somewhere to live.”

“Uh…what’s wrong with our flat?”

“At the risk of repeating myself…you threw me out.”

“And at the risk of repeating myself,” Rufus snapped back, “I came here to get you back.”

He closed the pages I had been browsing and snapped the lid of the laptop shut. It was his way of saying the matter was settled. It would probably never occur to Rufus that I could simply open everything up again after he’d gone and carry on where I left off. Not that I had got very far with my search, but Rufus’ determination to get me to move back in with him made me all the more determined to find somewhere of my own.

I leaned against the sink unit, not trusting Rufus enough to sit on the sofa beside him. He’d probably take it as an invitation to jump me. He might have no qualms about it, but I had no intention of having sex on Alex and Stefan’s sofa, especially not with my ex. Rufus frowned, and I thought maybe he had the first inkling that getting me back was not going to be as easy as he had anticipated.

“Did you ever love me, Rufus?”

“Of course.” His gaze flickered away, as though he was unable to look me in the eye while he lied to me. Which, knowing what I knew now, was actually a first. “How can you even ask me that?”

“Okay, I’ll ask you this instead. How many times did you cheat on me? And don’t say twice,” I said. “I already know it was more than that.”

“Oh, let me guess… Stefan’s pet gorilla has been telling tales.”

“That gorilla has done more for me in the past few days than you ever have,” I said hotly. God, how could I have been with Rufus for so long without realising how infuriating he could be? I had always found his behaviour to be entertaining and – more often than not – amusing. All this time, I had treated his hostility toward Alex like it was some big joke, but now I saw it for what it really was. Spite. In short, Rufus was not a nice person. “And don’t change the subject.”

“Fine!” Rufus rose from the sofa and tottered across the room on his high heels. We were pretty much the same height so we stood face to face. Typically, Rufus was totally unrepentant, unable to admit – or even see – that he had done anything wrong. “There were more than two, but don’t ask me how many because I don’t remember. What does it matter? You’re the one I come home to.”

“What does it…?” I shook my head, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. He’d been with more guys than he could remember, all of them behind my back, and he didn’t think that mattered? “Who the Hell are you, Rufus?” He blinked at me, confused, obviously not understanding the question. I sighed, and waved a hand up and down his slender body. “All of this…it’s an act. You hide behind pink hair, outrageous outfits and a bad attitude, but none of that is the real you. I think you’re so used to this pretence that even you don’t know who you are anymore.”

“I’m just me, Eric,” Rufus said quietly. “This is all there is.”

I didn’t believe him. There was a rare humility in his voice, and a sorrow in his eyes that suggested he hadn’t quite convinced himself any more than he had me. It was the tiniest glimpse of the man Rufus could be if he stopped pretending for five minutes; a moment of vulnerability that passed in the blink of an eye.

“And, in case you hadn’t noticed, my hair is purple, not pink,” he said, with an exaggerated pout. “It’s only temporary though. You’ll be pleased to hear I’ve got an interview on Tuesday. It’s shop work, only part-time to begin with, but I’m fairly confident. I know the manager from Keane’s – and before you ask, no – I haven’t slept with him.” He cocked his head to one side, looking thoughtful. “Not that I remember, anyway.”

“You’re impossible.” I surprised myself by laughing. I was resolute in my decision not to go back to Rufus, but it was hard to stay angry with him, even if I wanted to.

“But you love me, right?” Rufus closed the gap between us, his gaze locked disconcertingly on my lips.

“No.” I took hold of him by the arms to stop his slow advance. “I did, Rufus. But it’s over. I want…I’m sorry, but I want to see what happens with Mason.”

“Mason?” Rufus looked surprised. “You mean the guy who accused you of stalking him and lost you your job? You can’t be serious.”

“I like him. The job and everything got sorted. None of it was his fault.”

“Well, that’s…nice.”

“Rufus…”

“Okay, okay.” Rufus rolled his eyes. “Just…can I have one last kiss? Please? For old times’ sake?”

I should have reacted quicker. Said no. Pushed him away. Anything but stand there and let him kiss me. Rufus being Rufus, he wasn’t satisfied with a chaste, little peck on the lips. He went in full force, pushing his tongue into my mouth, and bringing his hands up to thread his fingers through my hair.

There was a gasp from the open doorway. I twisted my head in time to see Mason’s shocked face. He stood there, his gaze flicking between Rufus and I. Then he turned and walked away. I heard his boots on the metal staircase, his tread heavy enough to rattle every step.

I looked back at Rufus before he could wipe the smug expression from his face. He must have heard or seen Mason coming up the stairs. He’d deliberately kissed me passionately, knowing Mason would see and think we back together. But if Rufus thought it would change anything, he was mistaken. It was over.