Bryant climbed the metal stairs at the back of Cowboy Ink while staring at Vaughn’s tight ass in his perfectly cut jeans. He’d give all the water in the Indian Ocean to see what was beneath that denim. Was pretty sure that if he asked, Vaughn would show him this time. And still, he was too afraid to open his mouth and admit he craved a taste of this man even more than the vanilla-chocolate swirl they’d devoured.

He followed Vaughn, who seemed more willing to listen than he had been in the past.

And that’s when Bryant realized it.

Vaughn had grown. Matured. While Bryant was still standing still, stuck in the same spot he’d been in since their lives had last crossed paths. He hated that about himself.

Maybe it was time to do something about it. To unfreeze his emotions and desires.

Sure, he was progressing on a professional level, but personally…not so much. Bryant steeled himself for the night ahead and hoped whatever happened would help him take the first steps forward. If he was going to do that, he had to explain the situation to Vaughn. Fuck.

He did believe he was in good hands with Vaughn. But it was still hard to talk about.

Just about the time he got ready to spill his guts, Vaughn unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered Bryant inside. Whatever he’d been about to say got stuck in his throat when he took in the sleek, masculine apartment. It looked nothing like the rest of Compton Pass.

Completely out of place in their tiny country town. Just like Bryant.

There wasn’t a hint of shiplap or a single quilt or distressed anything. Instead, it was all gray tile floors and honed black granite counters. Stainless steel appliances and high efficiency fixtures. Straight-line, simple furniture. Modern. Sexy as fuck.

“Wow,” Bryant muttered as he kicked off his boots at the door, then turned in a circle, loving the open-concept floor plan. Though he couldn’t see it at night, he was sure the giant windows on the rear wall of the apartment provided a glorious view of the surrounding mountains. It was exactly like something he’d want for himself. He took mental notes. He’d either need to renovate Sterling’s cottage or build something of his own if he was going to stay on the ranch long-term. Something like this would be ideal. “This place is…”

“Small, I know.” Vaughn winced. “But it’s just me. No need for anything extravagant.”

“You made great use of the space. It’s perfect.” Bryant’s eyes were drawn immediately to a charge controller discreetly concealed behind a smoky glass panel. “Is this for solar?”

“Yep. Not so useful in the winter, but this time of year I can get most of my power from the roof.” Vaughn shrugged. “Seems like a no-brainer to me. I also installed a catchment system to make use of runoff for the landscaping in front of the shop, and the toilet, and stuff.”

And…Bryant was officially in lust. Eco-friendly, knew his way around the bedroom, not quite a cowboy but still full of swagger? Oh yeah. Vaughn was the one. He’d always been the one.

Bryant refused to miss out on another chance with him.

But first he had to come clean about his lack of experience so Vaughn knew what he was getting into, and so he knew to take it easy on Bryant…at least at first. Hopefully Vaughn wouldn’t change his mind if he knew just how fucked up Bryant was.

Vaughn took him for a brief tour, though most of the area was on display. “If you need to use the bathroom, the only one is in here, through my bedroom. Sorry, I didn’t really think of having guests when I designed the layout.”

Bryant knew what he really meant. He’d assumed anyone sleeping over would share his bed. Well, hopefully, Bryant wouldn’t be the first to break the streak. “I’d rather stay with you anyway. If that’s okay.”

Vaughn blinked. “Of course. I just thought… I mean, I’m not trying to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“We both know that’s not what you’re doing. I’ve been in that situation. It was nothing like this.” Bryant cleared his throat, prepared to lay himself bare. In fact, he was kind of looking forward to it. For years, he hadn’t had anyone who understood where he was coming from or why he was so damn cautious about finding a lover. “Back when that happened, you know…”

Damn, this was harder than he thought. He took a shaky breath, but Vaughn beat him to it. “When that child molester attacked you?”

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds a lot worse.”

“Worse than what, exactly?” Vaughn turned to face Bryant. “How do you think about what happened that day in your own mind?”

“I was butt-hurt when you turned me down. Because of that, I made a terrible decision. I just wanted a kiss. To know what it felt like to make out with a man. Instead, it was a disaster of a hookup.”

“That’s completely crazy. Bryant, that asshole was on the prowl for someone susceptible to his manipulation. When he found you, he pounced. He lured you in so he could rape you. Plain and simple. That’s what he fucking did.” Vaughn’s teeth were clenched. The veins in his neck bulged.

Bryant had never thought of it like that. Definitely had never considered the R word in regards to himself. Was that what had happened? Things had gotten out of hand, sure. But rape? He reflexively waved Vaughn off. “Not exactly.”

“Did you at any time say no?” Vaughn asked matter-of-factly. “I don’t care what you said or how it started out. At some point, did you tell him you weren’t into it?”

Bryant nodded.

“Did he stop?”

Bryant shook his head. They both knew he hadn’t.

“Shit, if I hadn’t left you there alone that day, it wouldn’t have happened. If you want to blame anyone, it should be me. Not yourself. I relived that moment—the one where one of the hands said they’d heard Bill grunting and you screaming then saw Jake charge in there, or the one where I saw your face and the blood on your clothes after and realized what had happened—a million times in my nightmares, but I can never change it. I’d give anything to go back…”

“What?” Bryant whipped his stare to Vaughn.

His tortured gaze ripped Bryant open.

Had Vaughn suffered because of that bastard, too? He’d never imagined the other guy might have been beating himself up or he would have reached out to put his mind at ease. Bryant didn’t blame Vaughn. Not one bit. He shouldn’t blame himself for the actions of a despicable bastard.

In that moment, Bryant had an epiphany: Jake had been absolutely right. If he was willing to absolve Vaughn of any guilt in the situation, maybe he too had been a victim, not responsible for Bill’s vile actions.

In that instant, he became a million pounds lighter. Vaughn had helped him without even realizing it. “Maybe we’ve both been too hard on ourselves.”

“Could be. I think it’s time we fixed the mistakes we made that day.” Vaughn ran his knuckles over Bryant’s cheek. “You were so damn attractive, and you didn’t even have a clue you were causing every cowboy who was into guys within a hundred miles to nearly break their necks trying to catch a glimpse of you.

“I’d been struggling to keep my hands off you since the first day I showed up that summer—tired from traveling and worried about what I was going to find here—and you offered to help me carry my luggage into Snake’s house. I was frustrated that I couldn’t have you every time I saw you out washing one of the ranch vehicles or mowing your sister’s lawn, tempting me to do something I knew was wrong. I almost died that time I came across you and your cousins skinny-dipping in the back pond. When you burst up from the still waters, glistening with droplets that you shook from your hair and face while laughing, I swore I’d seen a merman or some other mythical creature designed to entrap men who should know better. You weren’t old enough for all the things I wanted to do with you. Besides, I was bitter that I wasn’t good enough for a Compton. I shouldn’t have let that bubble over and burn you.”

“Wait, what do you mean you’re not good enough? You’re plenty fine yourself. For a Compton or any damn person.” Bryant took a step forward until he could look down into Vaughn’s eyes. How dare he say shit like that about himself? “Look at everything you’ve done. You came for your dad even though he hadn’t been a big part of your life, and you stayed for yourself. You’ve made something here, Vaughn. The shop. Your home. You. It’s impressive.”

“Now, yes.” Vaughn stood straighter then. “Maybe I finally feel ready. For you.”

Wow. Could Vaughn be serious? Bryant just needed one small double check before he launched himself onto the other guy’s bed and started ripping his clothes off. “So you weren’t really turned off by the fact that I didn’t know what to do with a cowboy like you? A real man?”

“Nah. I would have loved to show you, to give you the answers you were looking for. But it wasn’t the right thing to do.” Vaughn scrunched his eyes closed. “I’ve never regretted doing the right thing more than I did that day…and every time I’ve thought about it since.”

Bryant took a deep breath, then confessed, “Good, because I still don’t know what I’m doing. I need you to teach me how to please a real man. I promise I’m a great student.”

“I…uh…whoa.” Would Vaughn turn him away again now that he knew that Bryant didn’t have a single shred more experience than he had that day?

“You don’t want to? I’m not going to force you, that’s for fucking sure. I don’t want to take anything from you that you don’t want to give freely. I wouldn’t have told you at all. Except I’m afraid…you’re going to be disappointed.” Bryant rambled, desperate to explain himself without ruining the sweet tension building between them.

Vaughn cracked up at that. He wrapped his arm around his middle and rocked until his face was as red as the prize-winning tomatoes in Vivi’s garden. “I highly doubt that.”

“But I’m not like the rest of the guys you’ve been with.”

“Are you terrible at blowjobs or something?” Vaughn chuckled, as if Bryant should know how he was at going down on someone by now. Because he probably should. “What are you really trying to say, Bryant?”

“My friends at school mostly relied on social media hookup apps to find partners.” He cleared his throat. “That didn’t seem safe to me. After what happened…I don’t trust men I don’t know and I haven’t met any gay guys I was into romantically. I spent a lot of time studying, not going to parties. My social life is nonexistent.”

“Hang on. Are you telling me you’re still a virgin?” Vaughn stiffened at that, his face going blank and unreadable.

“You know damn well I’m not.” Bryant couldn’t stop the shame that flooded him at the memory and the embarrassment that accompanied it, especially knowing the one man he lusted after was privy to his worst secret.

“So you’ve slept with other guys—at least once or twice—in the past six years, right?” Vaughn asked casually.

Bryant shook his head again. Negative.

“Are you serious? You haven’t done…anything…since then?”

“Not unless it involved my own hands. And a few toys I got off the internet.” He tried not to stumble over that confession. Like smuggling a purple mail-order Fleshlight into his dorm and hiding it under his pillow was no big deal. When one of his roommates had passed by in the hallway, he’d nearly passed out.

“Holy shit, Bryant.” Vaughn didn’t run this time. He reached out and drew Bryant to him. “I’m so damn sorry. And as far as I’m concerned, that day doesn’t count. That wasn’t sex. It was violence.”

Did that mean Vaughn was about to reject him again? Tonight, of all nights, he didn’t think he could stand to sleep alone. He needed a distraction from his grief—both new and old. He needed to make progress. To be sure he wasn’t wasting the life not everyone had the luxury to live.

“Will you show me the difference then?” Bryant let his wildest hopes slip from his lips into the darkness before he could lock them inside.

“Yeah. I’d love to.” Vaughn kept holding him close, making him forget to be awkward or afraid or sad.

Bryant hugged him back, glad for the man filling his arms. Giving him something steady to hang on to in a sea of confusion and misery. Ironically, on one of the hardest days of his life, he had found hope.

After a while, Vaughn’s hands began to wander up and down his back. “Are you sure tonight is the best timing, though?”

“I want to stay.” Bryant nodded.

“That’s not what I said. You’re not going anywhere tonight or any night you feel like this is the place you’d most like to be. You’re always welcome. I’m glad I’m not alone tonight either. But…your first time should be special.”

“I’ve waited long enough. If you’re here with me, that’s all I care about.”

Vaughn closed his eyes for a moment, as if weighing the pros and cons. Then he opened them. The resolve there spiked Bryant’s pulse. This was happening.

It wasn’t a dream.

It wasn’t a fantasy.

It was real life and it was going to be incredible.