Ten hours have passed, and I’m so busy I haven’t found any time to check on Elizabeth. I even got to deliver another baby today. This time, I was the one who made the incision and Dr. Redman supervised.
I’m glad Elizabeth wasn’t my first. I’m confident in my abilities and all, but still, the thought of pressing too hard with the scalpel and cutting into a perfectly formed baby is more than a little daunting.
Next week, I’ll be back in the ER. But I know I’ll miss obstetrics. What are the odds that I was in the ER when Elizabeth first came to the hospital and then I was doing my OB rotation when she got admitted a week later?
It makes me think back to one of the first conversations we had about fate and how we both seem to think all things happen for a reason. One thing’s for sure. I was meant to meet her. I was meant to be her doctor. And I was damn sure meant to fall for her.
It’s more than the obvious fact that she needs someone. She needs me. And I never knew it until just a few days ago, but I need her. And now, in some strange way . . . I need the baby, too.
After my shift, I pick up some takeout from Sal’s and head back to the hospital. When I get to Elizabeth’s room, I find her asleep.
I put the bags down and walk over to the bed to study her. Despite the fact that she must be exhausted, I see she took the time to put on makeup. For me? She’s beautiful without it, but I know the light shade of blue shadow will bring out the color of her eyes. Her pink lips look even more luscious than normal.
Her lips. I stare at them. I’ve wanted to kiss them for so long. Maybe even since I first met her. I have to hold myself back every day. I work here. It would be unprofessional. Then again, I’m not on duty now. Doctors have every right to visit their loved ones when not on shift. And they have every right to kiss them.
Don’t they?
I take in the dark, thick stripe of the roots of her hair, hoping that maybe she’ll let it grow out into her natural brown color. I can’t help myself when I reach over and take a lock of her hair between my fingers.
“Hey, you,” she says, catching me worshiping her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. I was asleep for a few hours. The baby will probably want to eat soon. They took her to the nursery to let me rest.”
I nod to the bags of Chinese food. “Then maybe we should feed her mom first.”
She smiles, shaking her head in wonder. “It still sounds so strange, me being a mom. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it.”
“Well, you are, and you will. And you’re going to be a great mother, Elizabeth.”
I put all her favorite dishes on the tray table and move it over her bed. I’ve learned what she likes and what she doesn’t. And as we eat, I lean over and pick the slices of watercress out of her food. She smiles every time I do it.
“When do you think I’ll be released?” she asks.
“Day after tomorrow,” I tell her. “Since you delivered late in the day on Monday, we’ll keep you that extra night just to make sure you’re okay.”
“Oh, good.”
Good why? Because she gets to see me? Or because she doesn’t have to go back to . . . wherever she’s going back to. I shudder at the thought.
“It’s my day off, you know, the day you get released.” I push some food around with my chopsticks. “I was hoping you’d let me take you home. Get you settled.”
She shakes her head sadly. “No, Kyle. I don’t want you to take me home.”
“I don’t care where you live, Elizabeth. Don’t you know that by now? You don’t have to be embarrassed. But you’re going to need someone to help you. Do you have stairs? You can’t possibly navigate them with the baby in your condition.”
“No, Kyle. I can’t. I’m sorry. Don’t worry. There’s an elevator.”
I’m not sure why that makes me feel better. Maybe because I’ve imagined her living in a building without electricity and running water. Still, even slums have elevators.
“If you won’t let me take you to your house, then let me take you to mine,” I say, my heart thundering in my chest.
She looks at me in surprise. “Why would you do that, Kyle? You’ve only known me a few weeks. I have a baby. A baby that will cry a lot. And spit up everywhere.”
“Because I want to. Because I have a spare bedroom for the baby—for you. Because I believe we were meant to meet, Elizabeth. Because I . . .”
I can’t bring myself to say it. I’ve never said it before. Plus, I think I’ve already freaked her out enough for one day.
“Thank you, but no,” she says, picking at her food.
“Why, Elizabeth?”
She pushes what’s left of her dinner away. “Because everyone wants something in return.”
“What?”
“Well, hello, Mommy,” the nurse says, pushing the bassinet through her doorway. “Ready to feed this little one?”
“Just think about it, please, Elizabeth?” I ask as I clear away her dinner.
The nurse hands her the baby and then glances at me. “Would you like some privacy, Elizabeth?” she asks.
Elizabeth looks up at me shyly. “Uh, I don’t know, I’m . . .”
“I’ll go wash up in your bathroom,” I say, getting up to cross the room.
I stay in there longer than necessary, giving her time to get the baby situated. I hope she knows she doesn’t have to be embarrassed to breastfeed in front of me.
When I come out of the bathroom, I see that the nurse has closed the door to give her privacy. I stand across the room, leaning against the wall to give her some space.
“I think I’m getting pretty good at this,” she says, looking down at her daughter.
“You’re a natural,” I say.
She nods at the chair next to the bed. “You don’t have to stay over there, Kyle. I was being silly. You’re a doctor. You see this all the time.”
I resume my seat in the chair next to the bed, trying not to stare at her as she feeds her daughter, but finding it completely mesmerizing at the same time.
“Tell me about your day,” she says. “Anything to take my mind off the fact that I’m half naked and you can see my boob.”
I laugh along with her.
“Well, I got to do my first solo C-section from start to finish. I guess Dr. Redman was impressed by what she saw when I helped out with you.”
“Kyle, that’s fantastic. I’m glad I could be your test case.”
I frown. “You weren’t my test case, Elizabeth. I never would have assisted in your surgery if I didn’t think I could do it flawlessly.”
“I know. That’s not what I meant. You’re a good doctor, Kyle. The best.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
I spend the next ten minutes telling her all about it as I watch her burp the baby and then switch to the other side. When she’s done feeding her, Elizabeth asks, “Do you want to burp her?”
“Sure,” I say. “I never liked this shirt very much anyway.”
She giggles and hands me a burp cloth. “Use this. I love that shirt, it really brings out the green in your eyes.”
I carefully pick up the baby and rest her on my shoulder as I lightly pat her back.
“You like green shirts,” I say. “Duly noted.”
“I like your eyes when you wear scrubs, too,” she says. “The blue brings out the blue in your eyes. In fact, your eyes are amazing. They seem to change colors based on what you wear.”
It’s the eyes. Girls have always loved them. It’s one thing I got from my mother that my brothers don’t also possess.
“Technically, my eyes are hazel. But yes, they do seem to take on the color of my clothing, especially if I’m wearing brown, green, or blue.”
“I love that. I wish she would have eyes like that,” she says, nodding at her daughter.
I wish she would too. I wish she had my eyes.
Elizabeth seems to understand what I’m thinking. Or maybe I’m understanding what she was insinuating. Either way, we stare at each other as I bounce and pat, bounce and pat.
She reaches over into the Sal’s bag and pulls out a fortune cookie. “I’m opening mine,” she says with a smile. This has become the favorite part of our dinners together.
After she eats the cookie, I watch her face as she reads her fortune. “Two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.” She studies the slip of paper. “Wow, that’s so simplistic, yet so deep.”
I laugh. “That guy in Boston must do a lot of Googling.”
“Want me to do yours?” she asks, pulling another cookie from the bag.
“No. I want to open my own,” I say, laying the baby down in her waiting arms and then sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. “Plus, isn’t that against the rules, to open someone else’s fortune?”
“What are you, ten?” she asks, giggling.
“Hey, don’t come between a guy and his fortunes. When I was seven, I got a fortune cookie that told me I would heal the world. Maybe that’s why I’m a doctor. What if someone else had opened my fortune?”
She holds one out to me. “Well, now that I know your fortunes dictate your destiny, I wouldn’t dream of interfering.”
I open the cookie and pop it in my mouth before I glance at the words. I can’t believe what I’m reading. I look at Elizabeth. I look at the baby. I look back at the little slip of paper.
“Well, what does it say?” she asks.
“Uh, it says, ‘Your future is right in front of you’.”
Her mouth hangs open. Just like mine is.
I look into her eyes. The damn thing is right. I swear I can see my future in them.
I want to kiss her. No—I need to kiss her. I need to kiss her like I need air.
So I do.
I lean over and take her face in my hands. She looks at me with baited breath. She knows what I’m about to do. Her eyes close and her lips part ever so slightly. It’s an invitation. One I don’t hesitate to accept.
When my lips meet hers, I wonder why I ever wasted time kissing anyone else. Because these are the lips that were made for me. They’re plump. They’re soft. They’re small. And they fit perfectly against mine.
I kiss her top lip. I kiss her bottom lip. My tongue comes out and requests entry into her mouth that she’s quick to allow. A faint mewl escapes her throat as our tongues meet and mingle. The tiny sound travels through me and goes all the way to my groin. But not before taking up residence in my heart.
Our kisses are gentle, not demanding. They’re soft. Meaningful. They speak more between us than any words ever have.
I kiss her unlike I’ve ever kissed anyone before. Because it feels unlike any other kiss. It feels like the first. It feels like the last. It feels like nothing I’ve ever felt and nothing I’ll feel again.
When we’re out of breath, our lips part, but our foreheads meet as we breathe into each other.
A cry from the baby pulls us apart, and I look down on Elizabeth’s beautiful daughter. Then I lean down and kiss the soft brown curls on her head.
A noise coming from the door makes me turn my head in its direction. And when I do, I see Gina standing in the open doorway. The door I know was closed moments ago.
I try to figure out how long she’s been standing there. But I quickly get my answer. The look on her face and the disapproval in her eyes say it all. They let me know the line has been crossed. Hell, it’s been shattered. I’m so far past the line, I can’t even see it in my fucking wake.