As I sat at my desk at the bar, I felt lost.

It should have been the most comfortable place in the world for me, the place I spent the most time other than my bed, but even in the bar, I felt uncomfortable because all I could think about was Clay. Each time I looked up from the computer, I saw his ghost pacing in front of me, agonizing over the words that he had to say but couldn't get out.

None of it was fair, and that was what kept repeating over in my head as I tried everything I could to think about anything else. It just wasn’t possible. Really, how could I think of anything else now? He'd abandoned me, because of his work, and abandoned Parker too. It’s not easy to move on and forget something like that when you have real feelings for somebody; when you open up your heart and your life to someone only to have them walk away.

I had made significant changes in my life, both as a result of Parker and as a result of Clay coming into it. Now, Clay was gone, and I was left to pick up the pieces and explain to Parker what'd happened and why it'd gone wrong.

The troubling part was that there was no good answer for it, no way to explain why we broke up other than we just were in different places in life. But I knew that Parker wouldn’t accept that answer any more than I did, so what the hell could I say?

“Everything okay in here?” Jason asked, knocking on the door as he peeked his head through.

“As good as it can be, I guess,” I said. Jason was about the last person I wanted to see, still glowing and bouncing from his honeymoon with Dan. At the moment, all I wanted to do was sulk, not be reminded of how happy everyone else was compared to my miserable life.

“What’s going on?” Jason asked, forcing his way through the door and taking a seat in front of me.

“Jason, no offense, I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said.

“Well that’s exactly why you need to talk about it then,” Jason said. “I know how you are, you like to keep things bottled up, but I’m not going to let you do it.”

“Well, you might not like what comes out of me if I don’t keep it bottled up,” I said.

“Lay it on me, give me a chance. You never know, I might surprise you,” Jason said.

“I’m burnt out on surprises, I don’t need any more of those right now,” I said.

“Is it Clay?” Jason asked.

“Is the sky blue?” I fired back, and Jason chuckled.

“It’s funny how the tables have turned, isn’t it?” Jason asked.

“I don’t see what’s so funny about it,” I said.

“Well, just a few months ago, we were on opposite ends of the spectrum here. Don’t you remember all my drama with Dan?” I asked.

“How could I forget? It ain't like it invaded every part of our lives or anything,” I said, and again Jason chuckled.

“Did he dump you?” Jason asked, and I wrinkled my eyebrows at him. I couldn’t believe how bold he was being, how blunt. That was usually my job, to tell it like it was regardless of feelings that might get hurt, but now I realized just how uncomfortable that could be for the person on the other end.

“Yeah, something like that,” I said, shuffling in my chair. The last thing I wanted was to talk to my little brother about this, my little brother who'd just gotten married no less, but who else did I have?

Luckily for me, or unluckily, depending on how I decided to look at it, I didn’t have to talk any further. Jason had just opened his mouth to pry a little bit more when the front door of the bar jingled open, and in stepped Parker. Things just kept getting worse for me.

“Shit,” I groaned under my breath as Parker approached us, and he didn’t look happy. I couldn’t believe that the school day had already rocketed past and that he was out, but I could tell from the look on his face that he must’ve put two and two together and that was why he was making a beeline for my office.

“Hey Uncle Jason, do you mind if I talk to my dad for a little bit?” Parker asked. Jason looked over at me for approval, and reluctantly I nodded my head. Without a word, Jason stood from the chair and showed himself out, replaced by Parker, who sat down in the same chair.

“What the hell happened?” Parker demanded, not beating around the bush. Maybe he did take after me in more ways than one, ways that weren’t good for either of us.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, playing stupid. If I didn’t want to talk with Jason about things, I definitely didn’t want to talk with him about it.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. I could tell all day long today, every time I saw Clay, that something was wrong between you two,” Parker said. “I tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t open up, and he looked like forty miles of hard road. What did you say to him? What did you do?” Parker demanded.

“It might surprise you to learn, but I didn’t do a damn thing,” I said, resting back in my chair with my arms behind my head. There were a lot of things I had to answer for in my life, but my breakup with Clay wasn’t one of them—for once.

“Then why was he so upset?”

“Because he broke up with me,” I said, my voice flat. I expected the words to hurt coming out, but I'd numbed myself so much to the situation that they barely even phased me. Parker, however, seemed bowled over.

“He did what?” Parker asked, narrowing his eyes in disbelief.

“I know, I had the same reaction. It’s fucking crazy what happened, and I don’t have the words for it,” I said. “All you need to know is that going forward, Clay and I aren’t going to be together anymore.”

“Fuck that,” Parker said, slamming his fist on the desk and making me jump. “I’m not okay with that. Why would he break up with you? That doesn’t make any sense,” he said.

“He was worried about you, Parker. He thought that our relationship might make things awkward or uncomfortable for you at school, and he was also worried that it might bleed over into his professional life and get him fired,” I said. Parker scoffed.

“I doubt that. Everyone there at the school loves Clay. If anything bubbled up in public, they would cover for him; I know they would,” Parker said.

“Maybe so, but that’s not what happened. Clay decided he didn’t want to risk it anymore so, here we are,” I said, with a shrug.

“And you’re not even going to fight for it? You’re not even going to try to tell him that you’re not accepting this?” Parker asked. There seemed to be a fire lighting inside him, a fire I hadn’t seen before. I wished I could get as fired up as he was, wished that I could bring myself to stand out of my chair and try to do something, but as far as I was concerned, the relationship was over. No matter what I said or did, Clay couldn’t reconcile his job with my relationship with him, and that was his choice.

As much as I hated it, I had to honor his decision. He was an adult, he had to look out for himself, the same way I had to look out for Parker and me. And maybe Clay was right; maybe we were never supposed to be together. Maybe it was supposed to just have been a fling between the sheets and nothing more, an exploratory option that just went awry.

“There’s nothing to fight for,” I said.

“Bullshit! There’s everything to fight for. You mean to tell me that you don’t want more mornings together like the three of us had recently? You mean to tell me that you don’t want to be happy?” Parker asked, and his words were like knives in my chest. Of course, I wanted to be happy, of course, I wanted more mornings of shared breakfasts and laughs, honesty and family, but Clay didn’t. There was nothing I could do to change his mind about that, and the more I tried, the more I knew I would disappoint him.

“I can’t fix it, Parker. Trust me, if I could, I would, but it wasn’t my decision to make, and it isn’t my decision to change,” I said.

“All that stuff you told me about being honest, about being who you are, it was bullshit, wasn’t it?” Parker snapped.

“No, it wasn’t bullshit, I meant what I told you,” I said.

“No, you didn’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here sulking, you’d be out there fighting for the relationship that brought you happiness, the man who changed your life, literally,” Parker said. More than anything else that he'd said to me, that hurt—but he wasn't wrong.

“If you don’t go talk to him, if you don’t at least try to get him back, you’re never going to be able to forgive yourself,” Parker continued. “I know you loved mom once upon a time, in some alternate universe, where she loved you too, but do you really want to live your life in regret again? Do you really want to spend the next few years alone and then look back on it wondering why?"

“Who the hell made you so smart?” I asked.

“It was so obvious to me that you and Clay were good for each other, that you enjoyed each other, so it pisses me off that neither one of you is doing anything to try to save this. If it was that important to you, wouldn’t you give up everything for it?” Parker asked. “Isn’t that what all the songs say, all those sappy bar tunes that talk about love and love lost?”

“They do, but that’s not exactly what’s going on between Clay and me. Not everything you hear in music is accurate, Parker,” I said.

“Who cares? It’s close enough. Look, I’m not letting this go, ever. I want you and Clay back together. You belong together, even if you can't see it right now. We have a fall band concert coming up this weekend, and you’re coming, whether you like it or not,” Parker said. I laughed at him because I couldn’t do anything else. I couldn’t say no, even if I wanted to because he would throw a fit and drag me to the concert anyway.

Besides, what would it make me look like if I didn’t go to my son’s first band concert?

And what if Clay said yes?

There was only one way to find out.