I waited for almost an hour for George to leave my apartment complex.

He never started his truck, never even turned the lights on, but I knew he was out there. I felt like a total jerk for not coming clean with him, but how could I tell him what was on my mind without it causing major problems?

The last thing I wanted was problems between us, anything that might threaten what we'd started, but my conversation with Emily had rattled me more than I cared to admit. It was clear she knew something was going on between George and me, though I didn’t know to what extent.

Of course, the adult thing to do would've been to talk to Emily, try to clear the air, but even the thought of that alone set my hands shaking. She seemed like a levelheaded person, and I doubted she'd make a big deal out of it, but there was always the risk that she might. If she didn’t approve, if she thought it might be some sort of interference with my job, what would happen?

More than anything, I wanted someone to tell me what to do and how to do it. So when I finally heard George’s truck roar to life and pull out of the parking lot, I reached for my phone sitting on the counter where I'd left it when I walked in. When I was sure he was gone, I turned the lights on and dialed my mom.

“Hi, honey,” Mom answered after just a few rings. I was surprised she was awake this late, but I was grateful for nonetheless.

“Hey, Mom. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” I asked.

“No, your father and I were just sitting and watching TV before bed,” she said. I wasn't thrilled to hear that my dad was in earshot because I knew what he'd say as soon as I told Mom the whole story, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. “Is everything okay? You sound upset.”

“I’m not upset, I’m just mixed up and I need to talk about it,” I said.

“Well, you know I’m here for you,” Mom said. My throat tightened, and it took everything I had not to start crying, which was the last thing I needed right now—especially with Dad nearby. I needed to keep my head on straight, to give mom all the facts so she could give me the best advice.

“So, what is it?” she asked.

“It’s a guy,” I said, and Mom chuckled her low, gravelly laugh.

“Of course it is,” she said. “I knew it was only a matter of time before you found somebody down there, some southern gentleman to sweep you off your feet.”

“Well, it's more complicated than that."

“How so?”

“I don’t know how else to say this other than just to say it, so here it is: he’s the parent of one of my students,” I said, and the line went silent, nothing but static crackling on the other end. “Mom? Are you there?”

“I’m here; I just don’t know what to say,” Mom said.

“Well, before you get carried away, let me lay it out for you. Like I said, it's complicated,” I said.

“I'm aware,” Mom said flatly.

“He’s a great guy, he really is, and so is his son,” I started.

“But he’s a parent of a student,” Mom said.

“I told you it was complicated,” I said, and Mom clucked on the other end of the line.

“Yes, you did, but I had no idea it was going this far,” she said.

“Can I at least explain?”

“You can do your best,” Mom said.

“So, on the first day of school, a student of mine named Parker got into a little bit of a physical altercation with another student,” I said.

"Oh my god," Mom gasped.

"Yeah, it was not a good time. Anyway, it turns out the reason was that Parker is gay, but wasn't out, and so when the other student called him a slur, it escalated quickly,” I said.

“I can't say I blame Parker for that,” Mom said.

“Yeah, so because of all that, I had to meet with Parker and George, his dad. We sorted it out, and nothing really came of it, but it started something else between George and me. Anyway, long story short, we decided to play some music at George’s brother’s wedding,” I said.

“Wait, back up. How did you go from meeting with this George for a parent-teacher conference to playing music at his brother’s wedding?” Mom asked.

“Parker suggested it. He's in the after-school music group I'm running, and we've taken a real liking to each other. He's a great kid," I said.

“Wow, this just keeps getting more and more tangled, doesn’t it?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, you have no idea,” I said. "Anyway, George and I found we had pretty good chemistry during the wedding. I ended up going home with him, and things have progressed pretty quickly from there,” I said.

"What does that mean, exactly?" Mom asked.

"We're dating now," I said. "I just got home from dinner with George."

"I see."

“But today, my principal, Emily, came to talk to me about progress with Parker and she made some pretty veiled comments about being aware of George and me.”

“So your principal knows you’re seeing the parent of a student?” Mom asked.

“Well, I don’t know if she actually knows or not, but she seems to,” I said.

“OK, I think I've heard enough. First things first, you need to get to the bottom of what she knows and what she thinks about it. Jesus, Clay, this could cost you your job,” Mom said.

“Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that?”

“It doesn’t sound to me like you’ve been doing a whole lot of clear thinking since you’ve gotten down there,” Mom said. It stung, but she wasn’t wrong. Sometimes the truth hurts, but sometimes we need to hear it anyway.

“So what do you think I should do?” I asked.

“I told you already, you need to talk to your boss, figure out what she thinks, and then as soon as you patch things up with her, you have to stop seeing this man,” mom said, and the bottom fell out of my stomach. I’d had the same thought all day long but couldn't bear the conclusion. There had to be another way; there had to be something I could do to have my cake and eat it too. I didn’t want to stop seeing George, and I didn’t want to give up my relationship with Parker, but I also didn’t want to lose my job.

“I don't think I can do that,” I said.

“Well, you'll have to find a way. Clay, do you want to keep teaching, or do you want to keep seeing this man? You can't have both,” Mom said. I'd expected her to be blunt, but this was rough even for her. She didn’t know George, didn’t know Parker, didn’t know anything about the circumstances regarding our relationship. It wasn't just George I'd be walking away from if I decided to stop seeing him—I'd be leaving Parker behind too. It wasn't an easy decision to make.

“I’m not sure what the answer is,” I said, and Mom sighed on the other line.

“Maybe you should just come back home, find a job up here and start over,” Mom said.

“You know as well as I do that’s never going to happen,” I said.

“Then you know what you have to do. I’ll repeat it: stop seeing this man. He sounds like nothing but trouble, sounds like he's already been nothing but trouble. What are you thinking, Clay?” Mom asked. “This isn't like you."

“Sometimes love makes us do stupid things,” I said, and she chuckled on the other line.

“Are you saying you love this man?”

“I think I do,” I said, and once more the line went silent.

“This really is complicated,” she said.

“Yeah, now you know how I feel. I can’t just walk away from this, Mom,” I said.

“I do understand, and I feel sorry for you, but there isn’t a better option. You have to think about your future, your longevity. This fling could cost you your job and your ability to teach in other places if it goes the wrong way. Haven’t you ever seen those shows on TV where teachers get fired for inappropriate relationships with students and parents?” Mom asked. Of course, I had, but I didn’t want to admit it. It wasn’t like we were doing anything untoward. George and I were both adults, both consenting, so what was the problem?

“Yeah, but this is different. We're not doing anything wrong,” I said.

“You’re not? Then why are you talking to me about this right now?” Mom asked. "If there's nothing to worry about, you wouldn't have had to call me to tell you that." Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't called her to have her tell me not to break it off with George—I'd called her because I needed someone to permit me to do it.

I sat listening to the static, trying to find words, but nothing came. I had to end it, for all of us.

It wasn’t fair to George or Parker, but like Mom said, there was no other way around it. The longer we kept seeing each other, the longer we kept playing this game, the more dangerous it would get. George himself had said there was no such thing as secrets in Beauclaire, so it was only a matter of time before the word about he and I got out, and Lord only knew what would happen once it did.

“I think you know what you have to do. There’s nothing else I can say other than I love you and I wish you the best,” she said. "You know I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't have your best interests at heart."

“Thanks,” I said, though I found it hard to be emphatic about it.

“No matter what happens, you know I’m here for you. You can always come back here if you need to,” Mom said. “But for the love of God, Clay, please think with your head and not with your heart.”

“I’ll try,” I said, though it wasn't one of my specialties. If I'd thought with my head instead of my heart, I wouldn’t have gone into education in the first place. Instead, I would’ve followed in my dad’s footsteps and taken over the family business even though it was nothing that suited me personally. Sometimes following my heart had led me in a positive direction—and other times it'd led me to heartbreak.

“Keep me posted,” Mom said.

“Will do. Good night, Mom. I love you,” I said and hung up without waiting for her to reply. I sat staring at the phone, my whole world spinning away from me, totally unsure of what to do. The rational part of my brain knew I had to talk to George, but the emotional side of me felt otherwise.

People went their whole lives looking for the kind of relationship I'd found unexpectedly with George, so how could I just walk away from it like it was nothing right as it was taking off?

And what would Parker think? I couldn't imagine having to look in his eyes, face him every day in school knowing the hurt that I’d caused him after trying so hard to make things work between the three of us.

Would his grades start to slip? Would he drop out of band, or the afterschool music program? I wouldn’t blame him for either decision, but that didn't mean I wanted him to have to make the choices. Both programs were good for Parker, kept him motivated and moving, and I wanted things to stay that way for good. I wanted to be happy myself; I wanted George to be happy.

How could I take that away from him? It didn’t seem fair, but then again, life itself isn’t fair, is it? As much as I wanted to make George and Parker happy, I also had to think about my future, like Mom said. I had to be honest with myself, and I had to be honest with everyone else. To keep seeing George would be to lead him on, Parker too, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. Both of them deserved someone who could commit themselves entirely to the family, and I couldn’t do that.

It broke my heart to admit, but there was nothing else I could do.

Still, how could I break this to George? No matter how I turn it over my head, it would inevitably lead to something ugly. I didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to disappoint him, but it didn’t seem like there was any other way. I couldn’t do it over the phone, didn’t dare do it via text message, so I had to do it in person.

And I had to do it before I got so invested that it was no longer an option to walk away.