Chapter Four

 

 

Reid pulled up in front of Tess’s hotel twenty minutes after dropping Autumn off at her mom’s place, trying to think of a way to stall. Or even pondering asking Tess out, which didn’t make any sense because they lived in different cities.

Although that could be a good thing, too. The thing was, he hadn’t expected to enjoy Tess’s company so much, and now he didn’t want the evening to end.

He wanted more time with her, to get to know her. And if part of it was because a tiny bit of him was desperate to stave off the inevitable moment when he was left alone with his demons as the anniversary of his best friend’s death loomed like a black hole before him… Well, he was far from perfect.

“Thanks for letting me tag along on your father-daughter night. I had a good time,” Tess said to him, reaching down to unbuckle her seatbelt.

“Yeah, me too.” Watching her undo that belt and prepare to get out of his car made dread congeal like a cold, hard lump in the pit of his stomach.

The idea of going home alone to his apartment right now rattled him enough that his heart rate kicked up. This time of year was always the hardest on him, as well as the Christmas holidays.

This past Christmas he’d been at Bagram with his teammates, and had plenty of things going on to keep his mind occupied. Until Khan had eloped a few months ago, Reid had spent a lot of time with him, in part because his teammate didn’t drink. Now, Reid was on his own with downtime on his hands, and the urge to hit up the nearest liquor store just to numb the memory of Jason’s death a little was like a living thing inside him.

“And thanks for dinner. Next time, my treat,” Tess added.

It encouraged him that she was open to a next time. “Sure.” Things had gone way better tonight than he’d anticipated. The movie had been pretty good, then he’d taken them to Autumn’s favorite Italian place for dinner. He’d expected to suffer through a couple hours of awkward pauses during the meal since they didn’t know each other, but that hadn’t happened.

Throughout dinner Autumn had chattered to Tess like they were old buddies, and Tess had kept up with every shift in the conversation, talking to and treating Autumn as a little adult rather than a child. That earned her major points right there. Too many adults talked down to kids, and kids could always sense that forced fakeness a mile away.

Not Tess. She was kind, with a good sense of humor, and clearly had a soft spot for kids. More points for her.

It was actually kinda funny—he’d avoided introducing Autumn to the few women he’d gotten involved with since the divorce, and here Tess had forged a connection with his daughter right off the bat. Not that he and Tess were involved, of course.

But he was starting to think he’d like to be. And he wanted the chance to see how much more than just physical attraction was going on here. Because shit, yeah, their chemistry was powerful.

Tess popped the passenger door open and shot him a questioning look. “See you at HQ tomorrow, maybe?”

“Maybe.” He’d only be called in if something big came up because the team was scheduled to have the day off.

She gave him a little smile and started to slide out, and a spurt of alarm shot through his chest at the prospect of being alone with his memories the rest of the night. He’d been dry for almost nine years now, but it was a constant battle. Not a day went by when he didn’t crave a drink, even though he’d gone through programs and had a fellow vet for a sponsor. Days like this were even worse. And he was the kind of recovering alcoholic that if he had a single drink, he’d likely fall headfirst off the wagon and not even realize what happened.

“You wanna go for a walk or something?” he blurted. He told himself he wasn’t being selfish, wasn’t using her as a distraction or a crutch. He genuinely liked and was drawn to her. Although as far as distractions went, Tess was a goddamn powerful one. “There’s a nice promenade in front of the hotel that goes along the waterfront.”

She stopped and faced him, her hazel-green eyes searching his.

He liked the way she looked at him. Direct. Nothing coy or practiced or calculated about her. Tess was classy. Mature.

Real.

Maybe that’s what it was that drew him so hard. She wasn’t trying to be anything other than her authentic self. As someone who was still learning to be comfortable in his own skin without alcohol, he admired that a lot.

He was pretty sure she felt the pull too, or at least he hoped there had been a gleam of interest in her eyes a time or two across the table tonight. But no flirting from her, not even after they’d dropped Autumn off. He’d always enjoyed being the pursuer, and it had been a damn long time since he’d needed to be, let alone felt the urge to.

The idea of enticing Tess was arousing as hell and excited him in a way he didn’t even understand. His instincts were urging him to pursue her, and for once, he didn’t question them.

A grin spread across her face. “Sure. A walk sounds great.”

Inwardly, he sighed in relief. Perfect.

He got out with her, locked up the car and fell in step beside her as they headed around the north side of the hotel and onto the brick-paved path that ran along the bay. Antique lampposts lined the walkway, spilling warm yellow light onto the path and surface of the water, making it ripple with a million sparkles.

To stem the urge to touch her, he stuck his hands in his front jeans pockets. “I’m glad you came with us tonight. Autumn was thrilled.”

Tess tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear as the breeze blew it around her face. “I’m glad I did too. And she’s a great kid.” She shot him a sidelong grin. “Like a fifty-year-old woman in a little body.”

He laughed at the spot-on description. “Exactly. It’s just…”

She tilted her head to the side. “What?”

It had been bothering him for a long time now, and he didn’t feel stupid telling Tess about it. She was easy to talk to. “Sometimes I think she’s way too mature for her age. And she worries too much. Way more than a little girl should.”

“About what?”

“Everything.” He wished Sarah had honored his request and kept her from watching the news, but that was yet another battle he’d lost in the raising of their daughter and there wasn’t much he could do about it since Autumn lived with Sarah eighty-percent of the time. “And a lot of the time she worries about me.”

Tess didn’t say anything, just kept glancing at him as they walked.

He let out a breath. “Not sure if she told you, but her mom and I split a long time ago.”

Tess nodded. “She mentioned it.”

“Well, to be honest, things didn’t end well.” And how did he put this without sounding like an asshole? “My ex is still pretty angry about it.”

“So the divorce wasn’t by mutual agreement?”

“Sort of. She was the one who finally filed, but I guess some part of her thought I’d never actually go through with it.”

“Ah.”

He glanced at her, curious. “You married?” She didn’t wear a ring, but that didn’t mean anything.

“No, widowed, actually. I lost my husband a few years ago.”

Oh, shit. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, me too. He was a good man, and I was lucky to have him as long as I did. We met in college.”

Silence followed her response, and for the first time that evening, it was an awkward one. He wasn’t sure whether he should ask more about it, change the subject, or shut the hell up.

“What happened?” he finally asked, going with his gut. He wanted to know her better, and losing a husband must have had a big impact on shaping the person she was.

“He was killed in combat in Afghanistan. His squad’s helo was shot down.”

He winced. “God.” She must think about that every time she climbed into the cockpit. And when he thought of their near escape during that firefight in the mountains back in January, he felt even worse for her. That had to have stirred up a hell of a lot of shit for her, but he’d never have guessed that when he’d spoken to her right afterward. She’d seemed perfectly calm, standing there next to her shot-up aircraft.

“Yes. Anyway,” she said with a wave of her hand. “You were talking about Autumn worrying too much.”

“Right.” It was a relief that she changed the subject again, since he felt uncomfortable and tongue-tied and had no idea what else to say about her loss. He wasn’t good with that kind of stuff, emotional stuff. One of the many faults Sarah had found in him. “She’s only nine, but she’s smart, and she can tell things aren’t good between her mom and me.”

“In what way?”

Every way. He couldn’t say that aloud, though. Not without sounding like a bitter douche. “My ex bears the brunt of the parenting because I’m away so much. I get why she’s mad about that, but she tends to, ah, interfere with my efforts to maintain a good relationship with Autumn.”

“Really?” She sounded surprised.

He nodded but didn’t elaborate. He didn’t want to bitch to her about his problems. “Autumn sees it and tries to run interference whenever she can. I don’t want that for her. And when I’m away, even for training, she constantly worries that something will happen to me. If I don’t text or email her every day, she thinks the worst.”

“It’s because she’s bright. She understands the risks of what you do.”

“Yeah, and I don’t know how to keep her from worrying.”

“I don’t think it’s something you can protect her from, Reid. It’s one of the ways she expresses her love for you.” Tess aimed a soft smile at him, and damned if it didn’t set off a burst of warmth in his chest. “She told me all about the trip you guys just took. She’ll remember it for as long as she lives.”

He hoped so. “It was awesome to spend so much one-on-one time with her. I never get more than a couple days at a time with her at most.”

“And your ex agreed to let her go, so that sounds promising.”

He grunted. Not really. I had to fight like hell to make it happen. But enough of him bitching about his problems like a little pussy. That was the opposite of sexy, and he was trying to get Tess interested, not turn her off him for good. Though he’d sworn off relationships since the divorce, he could see himself trying something like that with Tess. They clicked on so many levels.

“What about your family?” he asked.

“My parents, older sister and her three girls live back in Nevada. We’re pretty close and I fly home to visit whenever I can. You?”

“Just my aunt, who raised me.” She was watching him again, and he sensed her silent question so he continued. “My mom’s sister. She and her husband raised me, down in Pascagoula.”

“Oh. Did you spend much time with your parents?”

He shook his head. “Never really knew them. They were both killed in a car wreck when I was ten months old, and my aunt wound up taking me in. She was sixteen years older than my mom, so she’ll be eighty-five this year. She’s really slowing down lately.” It was going to hurt like hell when she went. She was his last living link to the family he’d lost.

“Why did you join the DEA?”

“I wanted to stay in the action, and I wanted to make FAST. I’m not exactly a desk job kinda guy.”

She chuckled. “No, I can’t imagine you behind a desk. You were SF before, right?”

He nodded, surprised. “You been asking about me?”

The hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Maybe. You worried?”

“No.” Pumped that she was interested enough to ask about him, more like it.

“I’m former army too.”

He smiled at her. “Hooah.”

“Hooah,” she said with a laugh that made something swell in the center of his chest.

He couldn’t remember ever connecting with a woman like this before, or so easily. Not even Sarah, who he’d married and had a child with. Before everything had gone to hell.

He told her a couple funny stories about his SF days, enjoying making her laugh.

Tess shook her head as they kept walking. “You sure haven’t had it easy, have you?”

He half-smiled at the teasing note in her voice. “Guess not.” Although a lot of the shit he’d gone through was self-inflicted. “But not as tough as a lot of people have it.”

Up ahead, a jazz group was playing in a lookout built into the promenade, the slow, sultry strains reminding him of home as they drifted on the warm night air. “You want to sit and listen for a bit?” he asked, gesturing to a bench nearby.

“Sure.”

She sank down on it next to him, the outside of her thigh pressing against his and her delicate pear scent swirling around him in a delicious cloud. They listened to the music for a while. A few minutes in, Reid glanced over and caught the vestiges of a bittersweet smile on her face. “You okay?”

“Yes, it’s just this song. It was one of Brian’s favorites.”

Oh, great. He hadn’t meant to upset her. “You want to head back?”

“In a little while. It’s good to remember him. Hurts more if I don’t.”

Her words were like tiny daggers in his heart. Because she was dead on about that.

She frowned slightly, turning more fully toward him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He cleared his throat, glanced toward the band before turning his attention back to her. “How long ago did he die?”

“Three years ago.”

He nodded slowly, his heart beating faster. Another connection they shared. He was starting to lose count of how many they had. “It never really goes away, does it?”

Her gaze sharpened on his. “No.”

“And it’s tough to move forward, because if you do, it feels like you’re forgetting the person you lost, and the guilt is just as hard.”

Tess stared at him in astonishment for a moment. “Who did you lose?”

It shouldn’t have surprised him that she was so perceptive. He hadn’t wanted to talk about this, but she’d just opened up to him, so he had to give her something in return. “My best friend. Jason. We served together in the same A-Team. He was like a brother to me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. When?”

“Ten year anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks.” And he was fucking dreading it. May nineteenth was an entire day of torture he was forced to endure each year, when his demons were strongest and the temptation to slide back into a bottle had him on the verge of giving in.

Tess reached for his hand, startling him, and laced their fingers together. It was scary how natural it felt. How comforting. “Tell me about him.”

Because he was more comfortable with her than he had been with anyone in ages—other than his teammates, who still didn’t know all the details or how bad his alcoholism had been—Reid did. He told her about how he and Jason had met during Robin Sage and how Jason had pushed his ass through to the finish. How Jason had loved Adam Sandler movies and smoking cigars and bass fishing.

But he couldn’t tell her about how Jason had died after that last deployment to the hellhole in Helmand Province almost a decade ago. The pain of it was still too fresh. Too raw. He wasn’t ready, maybe wasn’t capable of baring his soul that way.

Tess’s expression was soft as he finished. “He sounds like a great guy.”

“He was.” Jason had been the best friend Reid had ever had. And when Reid had lost him, nothing else in his life had mattered anymore. He’d let the darkness take him, because he’d thought he didn’t deserve to be happy if Jason was gone. The guilt had damn near killed him.

“You still miss him a lot,” Tess said, sliding her thumb gently back and forth over the back of his hand.

Reid squeezed in silent thanks, and something about the way she watched him, that she truly understood where he was coming from because she had experienced loss, made him continue. “I…wasn’t in a good place after he died. Didn’t handle it too well, and I had a child on the way.”

He’d wound up a high-functioning alcoholic who got next level drunk when he went on a bender, which back then was all too often. Because the booze at least temporarily numbed the pain. “I got out of the army, eventually got my life together—” But only after a monumental struggle and the destruction of his marriage—“and applied to the DEA. I made a lot of mistakes before that, though.”

He didn’t tell her about the drinking, or how bad it had gotten, because it was still embarrassing as hell. And he didn’t want to scare her off. What woman in their right mind would want to get involved with a recovering alcoholic? Let alone one who had gone through what Tess had?

She squeezed his hand. “Everybody handles grief differently. We all make mistakes.”

How had she handled it? He bet she hadn’t tried to drown her sorrows in alcohol the way he had.

“And if it helps, whatever your faults, Autumn doesn’t hold them against you. She adores you. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

That made him smile. “She’s the reason I kept going.” Like corrosive acid, the survivor’s guilt had all but eaten what was left of his soul. Until Autumn was born and he’d found a reason to get his shit together. A reason to start living again. “I’d see that little face looking up at me, and that was all the kick in the ass I needed to get back up again.”

“Because you’re a warrior, and you love your little girl.”

“I love her to death.” There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her. He loved his job, but not even in the same realm as what he felt for his daughter. Push came to shove, he would give it up for her if he had to. And some days, it seemed like that was the right thing to do. He’d missed out on so much already, being away so often. He didn’t want to miss the rest, too.

“I noticed. And it’s adorable.” Tess cocked her head, that endearing little smile in place.

God, she was pretty, the night breeze gently blowing her hair around her shoulders, her cheeks the same soft pink as her lips. She didn’t wear much makeup. Didn’t need it, and it only would have covered up her natural beauty. Her low-maintenance style was just another thing that set her apart from every other woman he’d been with.

“She’s a lucky little girl to be that loved,” Tess said.

“Nah. I’m the lucky one.” She’d saved him, no question.

The band finished their last song and began to pack up their instruments.

As the quiet closed around them, Reid cleared his throat. “Should we head back?”

“Sure.” Tess released his hand and stood, hugging her upper arms as the wind tugged at the hem of the thin sweater she wore.

Without a word, Reid took off his leather jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She glanced up at him with a grateful smile that punched him straight in the chest, and tugged the halves together. He wished he was still holding her hand.

They didn’t talk much on the way back to the hotel, and he started to regret having revealed some of his baggage to her. Talk about a downer of a conversation, and he hated to think she was sad now, about to be alone with thoughts of her dead husband for the long hours that stretched ahead. The nights were always the longest.

All too soon they reached the hotel lobby doors.

“Well.” Tess slid his jacket off and handed it to him, the lantern-style lights throwing bright gold highlights on her hair and illuminating her green eyes like gems. “Thanks for a great evening.”

He closed his fist around the jacket. “I’m glad you came.” The instant he said that word, an image of her coming in an entirely different way highjacked his brain. Spread out on her back, naked, her hands in his hair while he pressed his face between her thighs and took his time getting her off.

As though she’d somehow picked up on what he was thinking, she stared at him, pupils expanding in a telltale reaction of arousal she couldn’t hide.

A low, primal growl built in his chest as heat roared through him, shunting a rush of blood straight to his groin. Them working for the same agency and having contact on ops should technically put her off-limits, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was what was happening between them and the crazy intense pull he couldn’t resist.

He stepped closer, reading every subtle sign her body gave him as he closed in. She didn’t move except to tilt her head back, those pretty green eyes locked on his, her lips parted ever so slightly as though she couldn’t quite catch her breath.

Lifting a hand, Reid cradled the side of her face in his palm, letting the pad of his thumb sweep over the petal softness of her cheek. Tracing the line of freckles that extended from the bridge of her nose and reining in the impulse to kiss each one. “Have dinner with me tomorrow night at my place. I want to cook for you.” Maybe it was too soon to ask, but she knew he wasn’t an axe murderer and had to trust him on some level.

She blinked, as though waking from a trance. “You cook?”

He half-smiled. “I’m not a chef or anything, but I won’t poison us.”

Her lips twitched and her eyes gleamed with silent laughter. “Okay then.”

Yes. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

A tiny nod, and her eyes still fixed on his for a moment before they dropped to his mouth. Reid couldn’t stop himself from dipping down to capture those soft lips.

She let out a soft, nearly inaudible gasp as he settled his mouth over hers, and reached for his shoulders. Lust slammed into him so hard it dazed him.

He dropped his jacket on the ground and slid that hand into the back of her hair, holding her in place as he molded his lips to hers. Slow. Firm, giving her the barest stroke of his tongue across her lower lip before he gently nibbled on it a moment and lifted his head.

Tess made a sound of protest and gazed up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, her fingers still gripping his shoulders, her lips shiny from his tongue. Reid couldn’t help bending to take another taste, then released her, stunned at the almost electrical charge crackling over his skin.

Jesus.

They stared at each other from less than a foot apart, the constrained sexual tension heating the air between them, pulsing with the promise of what would happen if they took things farther.

Before he could give into temptation and risk pushing too hard too soon, he bent to scoop up his jacket and straightened, never taking his eyes off her. “Seven tomorrow.”

She nodded, still seeming a little dazed. “Okay. See you then.”

He gave her a slow smile, the sweet ache of desire spreading through his body. He wanted her. Badly. Loved knowing he’d just affected her so much with a kiss. “Sleep well.”

She gave a slight nod, the hint of a smile, and then walked through the revolving doors. Inside she paused, looked back at him, the heat in her eyes making the hunger burn hotter. He stood where he was, raised a hand in farewell and watched the fluid movement of her curves as she walked away, already impatient for tomorrow night.

As for tonight…

Instead of tormenting himself with thoughts of Jason and battling the demon in the bottle, he was going to fantasize about the woman who’d just rocked his world with a single, innocent kiss.