Chapter Five

“You wanna grab a bite?” Kai asked Prentiss the next afternoon, grabbing a towel and mopping at his face. They’d burned a shit-ton of calories with that workout, and he was freaking starving. Normally Khan worked out with them on their days off, but he and Jaliya had something going on today, so it was just Kai and Prentiss. And once they got down to Emerald Warrior, they’d be slammed and wouldn’t get much if any time in the gym.

“Sorry, man, can’t. Got plans.”

“Plans?” Well now. “What kind of plans?” He’d just had Autumn last night, so it couldn’t be that.

“Why are you so fucking nosy?” Prentiss shot back with a half-hearted scowl.

“Because I like to be kept in the loop.” He draped the towel over his shoulders and followed his buddy toward the gym door. “So?”

“Dinner plans,” Prentiss said without looking back.

Kai raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got a date.”

No answer.

It was killing him. “Dude, come on. You haven’t been on a date in like, six months. Who is it?”

“How the hell do you know the last time I went on a date? Maybe I went on one last night.”

“Did you?”

“None of your damn business, Maka.”

Oh, it was serious when he used Kai’s last name. “It’s that hot helo pilot. Am I right?”

Prentiss sighed and twisted the combination lock on his locker. “Not telling you shit.”

“You don’t have to, because that just answered my question.” Kai saw a hell of a lot more than the guys gave him credit for. He wasn’t only interested in food all the time. He’d seen Agent Dubrovski at headquarters yesterday, and noticed Prentiss chatting her up prior to the team meeting. “Saw you putting her into your Mustang last night, brother.”

“She hung out with Autumn while we were in the meeting, and Autumn asked her to come to the movie with us after. I couldn’t say no.”

So defensive. “It’s all good, man. So, what’s the plan? Where are you taking her out to eat?”

“I’m making dinner.”

Kai stopped dead at that and swung his head around to stare at him, utterly betrayed. “Wait, you cook? Since when?”

Prentiss snorted. “Since always.”

No way. “We’ve been teammates for four damn years, and you’ve never once made me a meal. What’s up with that?”

“It’s because you’re a grown-ass man who can cook for himself. And besides, with the amount of food you put away I couldn’t afford to feed you anyway. Beast.”

Kai chuckled and rubbed a hand over his stomach. “I’m a big guy. Takes a lot of fuel to keep this machine in prime condition.”

“Yeah, and the rest of us know it. So you can fuel that machine on your own dime.”

Kai shook his head, unable to smother a grin at the sarcasm. “Why you gotta be so cheap all the time?”

“Because I have a daughter to support and eventually put through college,” he said dryly.

Yeah, okay. Good one. Kai unlocked his own locker. “What’s she like? Dubrovski. I mean, aside from hot and crazy talented in the cockpit.”

“She’s nice. Genuine.”

Those five syllables might not sound like much, but from Prentiss, they were high praise, especially since they pertained to the opposite sex. He hadn’t had an easy time with his ex since the split. It was good to see his buddy willing to put himself back out there on the dating market again. “Awesome.” Kai hoped it went somewhere.

Prentiss grabbed his gym bag and shut the locker. “What about you, don’t you have plans with Shelley?”

Kai barely stopped himself from making a face at the mention of her name and broke eye contact. “Nah. We’re taking a break.” Maybe a permanent one this time, hell if he knew.

Prentiss looked at him, and even though he didn’t say anything, his reaction was clear. Again?

Avoiding his gaze, Kai grabbed the stuff he needed for the shower and shut his locker. Ironic, him being embarrassed about how things were with Shelley considering Kai had made it no secret how he felt about Prentiss’s bitch of an ex. But Shelley had a vindictive streak when she was pissed off.

“It’s fine,” he muttered, for some reason feeling the need to elaborate. But it wasn’t fine, actually. It was exhausting. Always drama. The constant ups and downs made him feel like he was on a freaking rollercoaster. But then she’d do something so damn sweet and kind, and the make-up sex was so damn good, he’d forget about all the bad stuff and believe that things would be better going forward.

Except it never was for long.

Unsurprisingly, Prentiss let it drop and thumped a hand on Kai’s back. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Yeah, brother.” Kai was looking forward to a night chillaxing on the couch by himself. Just him and some quality time with his flat screen.

Freshly showered and changed into clean clothes, he climbed into his monster of a truck and drove back to his place, already planning what he wanted for dinner. He didn’t have much in the fridge and didn’t feel like doing a big grocery shop on the way home, so he’d just order in from his favorite barbecue joint and watch some rugby.

The moment he stepped off the elevator onto his floor of the apartment building, the smell hit him. The delicious, mouthwatering aroma of homemade gorgeousness that was coming from apartment 7F. He inhaled deeply. Damn, that woman cooked like a goddess.

Stepping inside his condo, he tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter and turned to head to his bedroom, but stopped dead when he saw he wasn’t alone.

Shelley sat on his living room couch, watching him with her arms crossed and a pissed-off expression on her face.

He tensed and stifled a groan. What was she doing here? He thought she’d slammed the key he’d given her onto the kitchen counter yesterday before she’d stormed out, but maybe not. Or she’d had another spare made.

“Hey,” he said in a neutral tone. He’d learned to test the waters with her after a fight, gauge her mood. Right now, she looked like she wanted to smack his face.

Her jaw flexed once, her blue eyes cold as glaciers as she stared him down. “Where’ve you been?”

Instantly his back went up. He hated it when she questioned him like that. As though she didn’t trust him. “The gym,” he answered, keeping his voice level. If he didn’t, things would escalate fast.

When he didn’t offer anything else, just stared at her from across the room, hurt crept into her expression. “I thought maybe you’d call me so we could talk this out.”

Oh, man, the thought of freaking talking about “this” any more made him want to stab himself in the eye just so he’d have an excuse to leave. “You wanted space.” She’d screamed the words at him yesterday on her way out the door. “So I was giving it to you.”

She let out a humorless laugh. “What I want, clearly I can’t have.” She pushed to her feet, stood there facing him in the short black dress that hugged every curve of her killer body, her long, dark hair cascading over her shoulders in shiny waves, her makeup done to perfection.

Stunningly beautiful. And yet for some reason so damn insecure inside it baffled him.

“I’m tired of being the only one willing to fight for us, Kai.”

And I’m fucking tired of fighting, period.

Sick of always trying to reassure her, to continually prove he cared and wasn’t cheating on her. He wasn’t stupid enough to say any of that aloud, though.

“What do you want from me?” he said, tired all of a sudden. This part drained him. It didn’t matter what the hell he did, he could never do or say enough to make her feel secure about their relationship. And the truth was, he was tired of trying. He just wanted a peaceful relationship. Was that too much to ask?

Her eyes flared. “I want you to love me! That’s all I’ve ever wanted, and even though you say the words, you don’t act like it. You don’t show it the way I need you to. I still come in last, even after being with you for almost a year. I’ve waited for you through missions and weeks-long training exercises, and a four-month-long deployment, yet I still—”

“I can’t help it that I’m away a lot. It’s my job,” he said, voice tight. He loved his job, had worked his freaking ass off to make FAST, wouldn’t give it up for anything. “You knew going in that that was the deal. I told you straight up how it would be.” He was actually looking forward to the training exercise next week, just to have a break from this.

“Yeah,” she said bitterly. “I guess I’m just too fucking stupid to realize that you’ll never be able to give me what I need.”

He had no idea what she wanted him to say to that, and the truth was that right now all he wanted was for her to leave. “Look, I’ve had a long day. Maybe you should just go.”

Shock flickered across her face for an instant before anger burned in her eyes. “You want me to go? Fine.” She snagged her purse from the coffee table and marched past him, the scent of her expensive perfume trailing in her wake.

The familiar scent of it had once spiked his heart rate and libido. Now it almost made him cringe.

She opened the door and stopped, her back rigid. Nailing him with a hard look over her shoulder, she paused there. “You’d better think long and hard about what you want, Kai. Because you’re this close to losing me for good,” she said, holding her index finger and thumb an inch apart.

With that parting shot she flounced out and slammed the door shut behind her.

Kai sighed into the sudden quiet, struck by the stark sense of relief washing over him. Things had been great between them for the first few months, but the constant bickering over stupid shit had taken its toll. Nothing he did seemed to make her happy for very long. Seemed to him that she was pissed-off and hurt more often than not these days.

Damn, maybe he was the one who needed the space and not her.

A knock at the door had him biting back a frustrated growl. He didn’t have the patience to deal with this bullshit any more tonight, but if he didn’t she’d just use her key and barge in again.

He yanked it open, ready to tell her to leave him alone, but stopped when he saw his food goddess neighbor standing there instead. “Abby. Hey.”

“Hey,” she said, twisting her head to look down the hallway, her pale blond pixie cut gleaming in the lights. She had on black yoga pants and a snug athletic jacket that hugged her fit, but curvy body. “I thought I heard Shelley’s dulcet tones a minute ago.” She faced him, the top of her head coming to the center of his chest, her vivid blue eyes lit with a trace of wry amusement. “But the door slam confirmed it.”

His face heated and he barely resisted the urge to rub the back of his neck. This was so damn embarrassing. Half the people living on this floor were probably aware of the drama. “Sorry about that,” he muttered.

“Hey, not my deal.” She shrugged and held up the container in her hand. “I’m just off to the gym but I thought I’d drop this off. It’s beef stroganoff over egg noodles.”

He didn’t have to ask whether it was homemade, and his mouth was already watering. “Thanks, you’re an angel,” he said, taking it from her. It was still warm, too. Homemade comfort food like this would so hit the spot right now, and Abby’s cooking was always awesome. It reminded him of his grandma, who had raised him. “Smells amazing.”

Abby leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb, her head tipped back so she could meet his eyes. “Your text said you wanted to talk to me about your schedule?”

“Oh, right.” He’d sent it last night. He gestured over his shoulder. “You wanna come in for a sec?”

“Sure.” She stepped inside and followed him to the kitchen, smelling of the light, clean scent of shampoo and soap instead of perfume. “You going out of town again?”

“Next week for about ten days.” He reached into a drawer for a fork, glanced at her. “You want some?”

“No thanks, already had some and I’ll be eating it for the next week anyway. So, you want me to look after Goliath and grab your mail while you’re gone?”

“That’d be great, if you could.” They helped each other out like that whenever one of them was away.

Although he was gone a whole lot more than she was, so the arrangement was pretty lopsided. Kai tried to help her out whenever he could to make up for it, fixing things around her apartment, dropping off a bag of her favorite coffee or whatever. Actually, she did way more for him than Shelley ever had, and that was a hell of a sad statement about his so-called girlfriend.

“Sure, no problem.”

Abby was always like that, always willing to help without making it a big deal. No guilt trips, never made him feel like he owed her or anything. No drama. God, she was such a breath of fresh air compared to Shelley now that he thought about it. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Another shrug. “Just text me when you’re on your way home so I don’t accidentally barge in on you.”

He wouldn’t mind if she did. He liked talking with her, because she was so easy to be around. “I will.”

She gestured to the fork in his hand. “I’m waiting for you to take a bite,” she said with a grin.

He was happy to oblige. Sliding a mouthful of tangy sauce-smothered beef, mushrooms and noodles into his mouth, he let out a deep groan of appreciation and gave her an adoring look.

One side of her mouth tipped upward. “Good, right?”

“It’s awesome. I can taste the love.”

“That’s my secret ingredient for every dish.”

“I know it.” He forked up another bite.

Abby glanced around the kitchen/living room to where Goliath swam in the special tank Kai had outfitted over in the corner, then focused on him once more. “So you and Shelley are back together again?”

His hand froze around the fork. “Ah…no, we’re…taking a break.” Actually, he wasn’t sure what the hell they were doing anymore, aside from being miserable most of the time.

She frowned and shook her head a little, concern etched into her face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. And Shelley’s great,” he said, not even sure why he felt the need to defend her. When things were good, they were awesome. They just weren’t good all that often anymore. “She’s just…tired of me being gone so much.”

Among other things. He didn’t exactly blame her for being upset. Very few women were okay with the frequent and sometimes long-term absences his job demanded. And since they were only dating, there was a lot he didn’t—couldn’t—tell her.

Abby’s shrewd expression told him she wasn’t buying it, then her face softened. “You know, I don’t talk about this much, but I got out of a toxic relationship a while back. We were together three years and I was sucked in so deep I didn’t see how bad it really was. And, if I’m honest I guess deep down I just really didn’t want to be alone, so being in a bad relationship was somehow better than being by myself.

“But then one day I realized how dysfunctional and codependent it was. I finally understood that I deserved better. That I’d been enabling it.” She took a deep breath. “Once I figured that out, there was no going back. I left him. It wasn’t easy, but my life is a thousand percent better now. Looking back, I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life on someone who was never going to treat me the way I deserved.”

Kai stared at her in stunned silence. Was that what he was doing? Enabling a toxic relationship? He floundered for something to say, squirming inside. So much of what she said rang true for him, too. It was like she saw right through him.

Abby took pity on him by shrugging and giving him a quick smile. “Anyway, don’t worry about your place, I’ve got it covered. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Thanks. I’ll give your container back after I wash it.”

“Okay. See you.” She let herself out and left him standing there in the kitchen with a container of delicious food in his hand and a strange, hollow sensation filling his chest as a light bulb went off in his brain.

Jesus Christ, she was right about everything. He’d been enabling a toxic relationship for months now, and it wasn’t the first time. All four of his serious relationships had followed a similar pattern, and every single one of them had dragged on way too long in the same hellish cycle. Why did he pick women that were no good for him?

Kai frowned, suddenly angry with himself. Shit, he did deserve better. He knew damn well that Shelley was never going to change, never become secure in her own skin and in his loyalty to her.

It was time to get real, stop hoping things would get better, man up and do something about it.