I grab the flowers from the passenger seat and shake my head. I don't know why I'm in trouble, but by the way she blew in and blew out of the hospital earlier, I'm in shit up to my knees.
I knock at the front door and try to fix the handle that slips every time I tighten it.
She pulls open the door and gives me a weak smile before pushing it open all the way. "Hey, you. Come on in."
When she turns her back to head in, I grab her from behind and hold the flowers in front of her, kissing her jaw. "I'm sorry." I know why I'm apologizing, but I don't think I should have to.
"Me too," she mumbles, grabbing the flowers. "They're beautiful. Thank you."
She's silent while she gets the vase. I watch her as she trims the stems then arranges the bouquet in the vase all without speaking to me, and when she turns around and her eyes hit mine, I take a seat at the table.
"You scare me more than I like to admit, Bo."
"You're always sayin' that, Kinlee, but I ain't a different person than I used to be." I shrug and cross my legs at the ankles while I stretch out. "The kids were protected. Helmets and all. If that's what your worry is."
"My worry isn't about them. I know you're taking care of them." She sighs and walks over to the table, sitting down across from me. "My worry is for you. Yeah, you've always done this, but back then you weren't a bull rider with a broken back."
I sigh and sit up straight, leaning over the table. "I ain't gonna live in fear of my back." I glance at her, wanting this subject long over. I know how much I can take. "I didn't hurt my back, I cut open my nose. Baby, you gotta stop worrying about my back."
"I can't," she whispers, picking at her fingernail polish. "What if one of these days you hurt it even worse? What if it paralyzes you? Have you ever thought of that? What if you hop on one of those things and hit a bump too hard and it snaps again? Worse, what if you die, Bo?" Her voice trails off and she clears her throat. "I let myself fall in love with an adrenaline junkie who's already badly injured. Anything else on that back, and you may never walk again. That's what the news station said when it happened. That's why you came back here, isn't it?"
"Don't believe the media, Kinlee." I stand and cross over to the refrigerator, grabbing a beer. "You want my medical records? It ain't good, but it ain't as bad as they made it seem. There's a rod in my back. That four-wheeler ain't breaking that titanium." I smirk at her.
"I don't want your medical records, Bo," she scoffs. "I just want you to talk about it. And I'd love if you didn't like to do such dangerous shit. I thought I was dealing pretty well these past few years, tamping down the anxiety of not being able to provide for the family that was thrown at me. But lately the only thing I worry about is losing you. And I can't handle the thought of that."
I drink the beer quickly, not really sure what she's trying to say. "Well, darlin', you fell in love with the wrong man then. If you want a man that sits on his ass all day, you're barking up the wrong tree. I don't do half the shit I used to, and you'd kill me if I did. I ain't tryna fight with you over my back, over my need for adrenaline, but we're never going to see eye to eye on this."
She blinks a few times, staring at the wood grain of the table. Her eyebrows push together, and when she finally looks up at me her eyes are glistening. "So what do we do? I just learn to live in constant fear that when you're out doing...whatever it is you're doing, that you may not come home?"
"Kinlee." I rinse the beer bottle and walk it over to the recycling bin. "You ain't gonna change me. If it were a sport, I'd kill it. It's in me, it'll always be in me." I kiss her cheek, ready to head out because we're not going to agree on anything and she's using it as a way to break up. "I'll always come home to you," I tell her, headed for the front door.
"Promise?" she says from behind me as I reach for the door handle. "Promise me you're always coming home to me, Bo. I'm not asking you not to be you, but I'm asking you to promise at the end of the day you're not...dead."
"Is that really a promise I can make?" I turn around and pull her against me. I know she lost her parents and lives in fear because of it, but accidents happen. "I promise I'll never do somethin' I know will get me killed."
Her arms wrap around me tight. "I love you too much, Bo Hart," she mumbles into my shirt.
"I love you too and I'm finally where I want to be in life. I'm not trying to ruin that. This." I point to my stitches. "Shouldn't have got you so hot this afternoon. It was an accident and unpreventable. I ain't out there dreamin' up ways to piss you off."
"It's the accidents that scare me. And when I get scared, I get angry. It's easier for me to be mad at you for killing yourself than it is to accept it happened."
"I didn't kill myself and I won't. Maybe be a little nicer when I'm bleeding out at a hospital next time though." I run my fingers through her soft blonde hair and try to take a deep breath but it hurts like a bitch.
"I'm sorry for being mean to you when you needed to be coddled." She smirks up at me.
I chuckle and bite her neck. "I'd like to be coddled," I mutter, traveling to her jaw.
Her body pushes harder against mine. "You poor thing," she says, her hands sliding under my shirt. My lips on her jaw and neck make her wriggle. "Maybe stay and I’ll see what I can do about that. In the bedroom." She grins and pushes me back a bit before scrunching her nose. "But the kids are probably still awake."
"Then we should probably use something to muffle your moans," I tell her, pulling her to her bedroom.
When she crosses the doorway, I close it and push her against it, kissing her harder and ignoring the slight burn to my stitched nose. I swipe her shirt over her head then take a moment to admire her bra.
"Like it? It's new. Makes my boobs look huge."
"It's a cute bra, darlin." I reach to her back, unsnapping the strap. "But I prefer it off."
As she slides it down her arms I yank my shirt off then pin her again. My chest pushes against her full tits and I groan, kissing her. My hands slide from her tits to the button on her jeans. When I slide them down her legs, I turn her around and kiss down her backside before bending her over, pulling my tongue from her clit to her ass. She squeaks with a laugh and I chuckle.
"Shh." I grab her hips and walk her to the bed.
Bending her over, I spread her legs, getting to my knees to taste her again. She moans, her face dropping to the bed as she pushes back on my mouth, her hands gripping the comforter. I could stay down here awhile but she's panting heavily and quickly stands, moving onto the bed. Her legs spread and the look on her face is hot as hell so I kick my boots off and shove my jeans to the floor. Her fingers slowly trace over her pussy and I start to stroke my hard dick, loving and hating this torture all the same. I want to be inside her, but that look on her face, and what she's doing keeps me standing at the end of her bed a few minutes longer. When she moans and her head drops back, I dive for her, my mouth going to her throat and I growl like an animal while I claim my girl.
"Bo!" she calls out and I put my hand over her mouth, plunging inside her.
"Quiet, darlin'," I groan in her ear and push deeper, removing my hand from her mouth. "Look at me."
Her eyes flutter open and she bites her lip while I push deep.
"I love you, Kinlee." I thrust and her hands grab my arms, her nails digging into me.
"I love you," she moans and arches to get me deep again. "Yes."
"Stay quiet, baby." I grin and kiss over her neck, pushing until her pussy stops me.
"I can't," she squeaks. "Oh god, I can't," she whispers then lets out a moan I'm sure the kids might have heard.
I put my hand over her mouth and push deeper, biting her ear. "Shh. Or I'll stop," I warn her, pumping harder, feeling my dick start to swell even more.
She bites onto my hand, small moans coming out of her but she squeezes her eyes closed and her nails claw at my arms. I slam harder into her. Keeping quiet while fucking Kinlee is the hardest fuckin' thing I've done. I'm just thankful her bed isn't loud. When her moans build behind my hand and her body starts to tremble I know I'm going to lose it with her, but I try to keep my focus long enough to keep her moans quiet. I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes closed as her pussy throbs around me.
"Fuck," I grunt, taking a final thrust and shudder as I fill her. Sex with the woman I love is way better than any surge I need to feel. "Fuck," I huff, dropping my face to the nape of her neck.
"I love you," she whispers, kissing my jaw and I wrap my arms around her, never wanting to let go.
"Alright, now just go slow but when you get to the end of the ramp, floor it." I grin at Will while holding the boards to this ramp together. We probably should have secured them, but there was no time and we just want to see if our idea works.
"You ready?" he calls through his helmet.
"Hit it." I grin and everything goes smooth up until the point he revs the throttle.
The board twists and pins my hand between the other one and I try to yank away, but the four-wheeler's still on it.
"Shit!" I holler and wait it out until Will's on the other side of this piece of shit ramp. "Well damn." Laughing I look at him as he stares over his shoulder at me.
"You alright?"
"Naw." I laugh and hold my wrist, whispering, "Shit." Kinlee's gonna kill me. "Do me a favor," I mumble, looking at my unnaturally bent finger then jut out my hip. "Grab my phone." When he curls his lip at me 'cause I'm asking him to go in my pocket, I roll my eyes and scold him, "Don't be weird. Grab my phone and text your sister."
BO: I think I broke my finger. Gonna take Will up to the clinic with me.
She replies immediately.
Kinlee: Want me to meet you two there?
When Will reads it to me, I chuckle and shake my head.
"Just tell her no. It ain't bad. Probably a sprain." Looking at my black and blue hand that changed colors immediately, I know it ain't a sprain.
When I call her that night, I'm waiting for the lecture.
"How was your day?" I ask, looking at my casted hand.
"Just peachy. How's your hand?" The background noise sounds like she's slamming shit around.
"Uh, not bad. Just couple knuckles and my ring finger. It's alright though." I crushed my knuckles and will be in this cast for six weeks. I'll tell her about that if she ever asks. "Hey, listen, my mama wants us to come for dinner tomorrow. She invited the twins as well."
I hear her groan. "You're not even going to tell me what you did to break your hand, Bo? And I work tomorrow night. Remember? I work pretty much every night this week."
I pause. It seems like if we ain't fuckin', we're fightin' lately and that ain't no way to carry on this relationship.
"I'll reschedule, or just tell her no. She just wanted to meet my girl. She don't remember you from when we were kids. My folks didn't pay much attention to my friends."
She hums and the line goes quiet for a moment before she clears her throat. "I can see if Candace can take my shift. I'd like to meet your folks. And I kinda miss you."
"Would be nice to spend more than an hour in a bed with you," I mumble. "Not that I mind." I chuckle. "Not at all. But I'll make the time, when you have it, Kinlee. I ain't trying to change your schedule around."
"Summer break's soon. Things'll calm down then. Then we can spend all kinds of time together, I promise. What time tomorrow?"
"Well, they eat early, but I can tell them any time I want. A normal dinner would be at five."
"That's perfect."
We sit in silence again. She's awfully quiet tonight. Usually she talks my ear off about the kids at school.
"You alright, Kinlee?"
"How'd you break your hand, Bo?" She takes an audible breath and lets it out, groaning. "I'm sorry. I said I wasn't going to ask, but it's eating at me real bad."
"I'm fixin' to bring Will home. I'll bring the x-rays and explain it all." Getting her face to face to go over these mishaps is easier because, I hate to say it, but when she gets pissed, it's easier to calm her down with sex.
"Kinlee is gonna be pissed." Will laughs at me. "When you got rope burn the other day she almost lost her shit."
"What's wrong with that?" I ask and glance at him while I hit their driveway. "You jealous she's concerned about me?" I smile, knowing that ain't the case, and it worries me that the twins see her pulling away from me. "You go on in to shower. You smell like motor oil. And I told you you couldn't bypass oil." I grin.
"Don't you worry, I'll get around a few things," he promises before jumping out of the truck.
I grab the x-ray and get out of the truck, moving slow because when I crushed my hand earlier, I twisted my back trying to get out of the position. I take a deep breath before climbing the couple of stairs and walk in the front door to a dim house. It's just goin' on eleven and I should have gotten Will home a little while ago, but I was dreading facing Kinlee.
"Hey, beautiful." I find her in the kitchen and tug her against me, kissing the side of her head.
She spins in my arms and smiles up at me. "I didn't know if you were comin' in or not. Will looked pretty excited from workin' on the car all day. How's that going for you guys?"
"Real good. Kid's smart as a whip." I try to keep my casted hand behind her back because she hasn't seen it yet. "How was your day? You know what would be nice? If you were comin' home to me."
She scrunches her face and smiles, letting out a chuckle. "You're on a whole lot of pain pills, Bo Hart." She pulls back and takes my hand from behind her, shaking her head as she softly traces the tips of my fingers. "You wouldn't live three days with these teenagers."
"Now, hold on, that ain't true. I have yet to let one of them get hurt."
Her loud laugh fills the house before her eyes hit mine. "I'm not talking about keeping them safe. I'm talking about being in a house with two teenagers that bicker like they're four. It takes a toll on your mental state. Trust me."
"Well, they're respectful around me. They're used to you being the sister, not the adult. It'll take time, but they'll learn." I kiss her and slide the x-ray envelope onto the table, hoping we can forget about my hand.
"I don't need to look at those, Bo." Her smile's gone but she's trying. "I'm just happy you're okay. I told you I'll figure out how to live with the accidents, and I am." At the fridge, she looks back at me and catches me looking at her ass. She laughs. "Beer?"
"Yeah. Please." When she walks toward me, I pull her to sit on my lap and hold my hand up. "I made a ramp for the four-wheeler and we were testing if it was sturdy. Wasn't too sturdy and I got my hand caught." I shoulda lied and told her I was fixin' somethin', but I'll never lie to her.
"So I'm guessing we won't be using that ramp?" She smirks at me.
"Maybe with a little more re-securing. It'll make a sweet jump, Kinlee." I grin at her while she tries to keep this smile on her face, but she ain't happy.
"Well, I'm happy it was only your hand. Albeit, this cast is god awful." She laughs and kisses my nose that's still recovering. "And I'm happy that it wasn't Will that got hurt." She brings my hand to her lips and kisses my fingertips. "Thanks for messaging me about it. It's a little less scary coming from you than coming from someone else."
"Listen." I shift her to straddle me and glance toward the kitchen doorway, making sure no kids are around. "I may pull some stupid shit, but I won't let Will. I'm tryin' to teach him. And I know it's dumb." I look away. "But usually after everything I do, I tell him not to try it. I should just stop doin' it." I rub my face tiredly then push a smile to my lips, but I'm tired. Tired of waiting to see how long Kinlee will take this. "But adrenaline...the surge." I shrug.
"I'm tired, Bo," she whispers and stands, taking my good hand. "Stay with me tonight. Please."
"I'd love to," I admit, because I wasn't messin' around when I said I wish she was comin' home to me daily.
I'm up at six and start breakfast. When Wendy walks into the kitchen, she's all groans and grunts.
"Well, why'd you get up so early?" I laugh at her.
"School alarm in my head. I can never sleep in on the weekend." She drinks a glass of juice and scrolls through her phone while I continue with the bacon and sausage. "Okay. I'm not a zombie anymore. I can help."
I smirk and nod to the pancake mix. "Get to pourin'." I set out the griddle on the stove. "So, what's up with you and Ryan? Will was goin' on 'bout you two the other night."
"Nothin' really." She rolls her eyes. "Ryan's been my friend for a long time too, ya know!"
"No need to get defensive on me. I just want to be involved with your lives."
"Will's being a freaking baby. Ryan isn't only his best friend. He's mine too. He was my best friend before Will's!" She spins with her hand on her hip and her elbow hits the griddle. "Oh shoot!" She jumps back and I twist to grab it from falling and scalding her. I catch it in time but the pop in my back sends me to my knees. "Bo!" She grabs my shoulder and tries to yank me up.
"It's fine, sweetheart, it's fine," I groan. "Unplug the griddle and make sure it won't fall." I inhale a breath but it feels like my lungs seized. "Shit. Wendy, can you go get Kinlee?" I ask through shallow breaths, trying to breathe evenly but I need to sit in a chair and I can't move. With Wendy frantically hopping around, she ain't helpin' nothin'.
I hear Kinlee barrel down the hallway and when she gets to me, she drops to her knees in front of me. "What's happened? Your back?" She looks frantic, and tired as hell.
"Wendy, turn the stove off," I tell her, hearing her at my back whimpering and sniffling. "Kinlee, can you pull the chair over? I twisted too fast. I'm okay," I lie. This'll have me walkin' crooked for two days.
She moves quick, grabbing a chair and sliding it over to me. "Here, let me help." She huffs, and I can tell there's a lot more she wants to get out but isn't right now, but I also know it's coming. She was up all night tossin' and turnin'. I thought for sure after what we did, she'd be out like a light. And she was for the first hour, but it was downhill real quick after that.
I grip the seat and she grabs under my arm, helping me get into it. As soon as I sit, I feel the pops and shifts in my back and it immediately relieves the pressure, but I need pills for this one.
"Breakfast's ready." I chuckle but when I look from Wendy to Kinlee, neither woman has a trace of a smile and Wendy has that same look Kinlee is wearing right now.
I got a shit storm comin'.
"What happened?" Kinlee finally asks, arms crossed in front of her and her glare moves from me to Wendy, then back to me.
"Wendy, go wrangle Will out of bed. It's 'bout time to eat," I tell her. I wait until she's out of the kitchen before I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. "I moved to grab the griddle that was fallin' onto Wendy. Ain't no big deal," I mumble and move to try and stand, but I'm not goin' anywhere for a few minutes yet.
"You moved to grab the griddle? That's it? And this happened?" Her eyebrows furrow and she shakes her head. Her hands rub at her face. "God, Bo, one small twist in a kitchen brought you to your knees. You're not fine, you'll never be perfect again, but doesn't this show you you're not fine?" She sniffles then groans and leans against the counter. "Think how bad this would be if you were on the four-wheeler. Or the horse. Or something with a lot more impact than a twist."
I got pain coursing through my back and anger starting to fill my head. I don't know what she's getting at and she's got no foot to stand on. I force myself out of the chair and grit my teeth. "And what, Kinlee?" I blurt a little louder than intended. "What is your damn point?"
"My damn point is that you're not invincible! Even when you're being safe and innocent, you're still at risk of getting hurt! Every time you go out having the time of your life with death defying stunts, you jam that back just a little more. Then something as simple as catching a falling griddle brings you to your knees. You don't even see it. You don't see the stress you put on everyone you love. The sleepless nights. The nightmares. The daylong anxiety. I can deal with things like today, and sadly I'm learning to deal with the bigger ones, but I won't be able to deal when you're paralyzed, Bo. You won't even admit to me when your back's sore. God knows how you'll be when you're paralyzed." She rubs her eyes before walking over to the coffee pot. A shaking hand pours her a mug and I can't pull my eyes from her, trying to kill the anger inside me. "What then Bo? What if your back kills you?"
"My fucking back ain't gonna kill me!" My scream echoes and she whips her head to look at me wide eyed. I'm docile but not when I'm losing the thing I love most. "What's easier on you, Kinlee? You want to call this all off because I won't act crippled like you want? What do you want from me?" My adrenaline is through the roof right now as the scariest stunt in my life is happening in this kitchen. Took me forever to get here. To get Kinlee to want me, love me. And now she's regretting being with me.
She lets a tear slip down her cheek and her head shakes furiously. "That's not fair, Bo," she whispers. "You can't make me fall in love with you, then not fight for us when shit gets rough. I'm fighting every damn day. Every day I wake up from a shit night's sleep, praying to myself that you text me. That everything's okay. Every day at work, I worry, but I'm trying. Sure, I slip and get mad, but that's no reason to call this quits. Right?" She blinks away a few tears. "Right?" Her voice squeaks.
"I ain't tryin' to call this quits, Kinlee!" I go to move toward her but my back keeps me in place. "Every time you break down, you point out I ain't the man I used to be. What the fuck do you want from me?" I look over my shoulder at Will standing in the doorway and drop my head.
I knew they were in the house, but I'm heated and stupidly didn't shut my damn mouth.
"Cut the guy some slack, Kinlee!" he screams at her.
"Will," I mumble.
"You're always bitchin' 'bout somethin'! Always actin' like such a bitch!"
"Will!" I shout and the walls shake with my roar. "Take yourself outside before I remove you, boy. Don't take that tone with your sister or talk to her like that again. I catch you, and you're going to regret it."
I watch him storm out the back door. When it slams behind him, it pops from the hinges at the top and I huff.
"I don't know how to keep you happy, Kinlee." I look over at her as she frantically keeps swiping at the tears rolling down her cheeks. I want to move to her and hug her, forget about any of this, but this is far from over.
"I wish I was enough for you," she whispers. "You've said it before. You're not changing for anyone. It's not fair of me to ask you to change, Bo. I get it. I just wish you'd realize you don't need all that extra excitement in your life. That I'm good enough, we're good enough." She furiously wipes her running nose. "I'm terrified of losing you. Today, tomorrow, next year. Terrified, Bo."
"You ain't gonna lose me like you think. You're more than enough for me, Kinlee. When I'm around you, you get my blood flowin'." I look out the window and see Will throwing an axe at a target. "You're all the adrenaline I need. But...you...we don't have but a few hours a week for each other. We spend most of those fightin' lately. I knew goin' into this that you're busy. And you knew goin' into this that I got a little boy's brain up in this head I need to occupy the twenty hours a day I ain't with you."
"You can occupy it with things like huntin'. Fishin'. Sitting still. Hell, there's lots to occupy your time with. I wish I didn't have to work this much and we could spend every hour together, but I got bills that need paid, kids that need fed. This place is expensive to keep up, Bo."
"Kinlee, if I fuckin' breathe heavy you start about my back. I hunt. I fish. I move to catch a griddle from burning Wendy and you lose your shit. I'm done here today. You need your space away from me 'cause I ain't gonna stop moving today, and I need some time from you." I walk over to her and quickly kiss her cheek. "I love you, but I ain't going to lay up in a bed so you don't have to worry."
I walk out the back door and find Will, immediately smelling gas. "Boy, you better not be playin' with gasoline," I warn as I round the corner of the shed.
"I ain't, Bo," he swears and everything looks sorted.
"That woman in there is all you have. You don't talk to women like that, you got me?"
"Yes, sir." He nods and drops his head.
"She's killin' herself to provide for you and your sister and that's how you treat her?" My voice is raising and I try to reel it in some, but this entire morning's got me going.
"She's pushing you away! She's gonna break up with you and then we ain't gonna see you no more!"
"That ain't true," I grit out because the thought of not being with Kinlee makes me angrier than anything that just happened. "She's scared. I'm hurt, you're being a disrespectful punk, she's scared and she's tired! Lay off your sister or you and me won't be spendin' much time together anymore. I don't know how to teach you respect but by takin' away things you love. Maybe you should stay away from my place for a few days. Think about everything she does for you because next time I catch wind of you talking to your sister like that, we'll move straight to an ass beating," I growl and immediately regret it. "Shit, Will," I huff and rub at the tension in my forehead. "I don't mean that, but don't." When I point at him sternly, he nods.
I head to my truck and when I glance in the window I see Kinlee and Wendy hugging and I huff, almost going back in, but I need the space. I need to stop at the pharmacy and pick up the pain pills I never did when my script ran out. As I enter town, my cell rings and seeing it's Kinlee, I snatch it up.
"Baby, I'm sorry," I answer, hating we can't get through this without fighting. I love the woman fiercely and it makes the fights fiercer.
"You gotta get back here. I called the fire department but they're not fast enough and I can't..." She curses and yells something at Wendy. "It's burning, Bo! The entire house!"
I whip the truck around, not even bothering asking questions. She's frantic and I hear the kids screaming at each other in the background.
"Kinlee, y'all ain't in that house, are you? There's nothing you need to get out of that house but yourselves." My foot pushes on the pedal and I leave a cloud of gray smoke behind me as I start speeding up to ninety.
I can't hear anything but screaming. The phone rustles and Wendy's voice comes trembling through the line. "She just ran back inside," she says, sniffling. "All we have left of our parents is in there, Bo!"
"Hang tight, I'll be there in a minute," I blurt, tossing my phone to the seat next to me and get the truck to one-twenty. I see the black smoke from four miles away and before I roll, taking the turn into their driveway, I slow down.
Throwing the truck in park, I see Kinlee stumbling out of the house with her hands full and I jump out, not letting my back slow me down while I yank her off the porch as the left side of the house collapses in on itself.
"Kinlee," I shout at her, holding her too tight as she's coughing, gasping for air but seeing her run from a blazing house is one of the worst sights I've ever witnessed. Grabbing Wendy's arm, I pull her and Kinlee farther away from the house then look around for Will. "Where is he?" I shout, not able to spot him anywhere and I have a feeling he did this.
Pushing the girls toward the truck, I run to the back of the house and find Will with the hose, spraying the flames but it's not doin' enough. As the back porch collapses, I grab him and pull him back before he's hit by debris. Fighting away from my hold, he grabs the hose and continues to try and extinguish the flames claiming their belongings.
"Stop, Will! It's gone!" I pull him back again and when he breaks into tears, I hold him close and move farther away from the house.
My lungs burn and I can't get in a full breath. I also can't tear my eyes away from the last part of my childhood burning to the ground. Every memory I shared with my parents, be it good or bad, I held onto tight inside those walls. Now they're gone. I grabbed a handful of photos from the living room before I couldn't take the smoke anymore. But that's it. Everything else is gone. Staring at my memories going up in flames, I zone out, thinking back to the last fire I saw in person like this. It was at the Kenshaw Ranch and it was terrifying. Watching my house, the twin's home, my parent's hard work go up in flames is gut wrenching.
"Kinlee," Wendy peeps from beside me and I snap out of it.
I grab her and wrap my arms around tight as she breaks down. I squeeze my eyes closed, waiting for my breakdown but it's not coming yet. I think I'm in shock. The sound of sirens makes my heart flutter with hope but when I look back at the house, my heart immediately sinks again. Nothing can be salvaged.
"I'm so sorry, Wendy," I whisper, smoothing her hair down as she cries into my shirt.
"Everything's gone," she whispers.
"We're safe though. It's fine. We'll be fine," I mutter the words that I don't even know if I believe.
This house was all we had that we could call ours.
When I see Bo, he's got Will under his arm who's covered in soot with tears streaking down his face.
When Bo lets him go he runs for me. "I'm sorry," he screams over and over, holding me tight enough I can't breathe.
"Will, why are you apologizing?" I think I already know, but I don't want to believe it. My eyes dart to Bo and he's got his arms crossed in front of him, glaring at Will. My stomach drops.
"It was supposed to go the other way. I'm sorry, Kinlee, I'm sorry." He cries.
I yank him tight against me and watch the firefighters try to get the blaze of our house under control. We can't talk about this right now; I can't wrap my head around this right now. Especially because I need some oxygen.
It takes hours to turn the blaze into a smoldering pile of ash. I feel so numb, and I can't process anything anymore today. I feel empty. Cold. Angry. Sad. So fucking tired.
By the time we're in Bo's truck, on the way to his house, Bo's not said more than ten words all afternoon. The firemen had things to tell us and I hope he was listening because I don't remember a word they said. I think they told us when the fire marshal will be out to inspect the blaze. I think they told us where to go from here. I have homeowners insurance, but I can't even think about processing any of that right now. This cannot be considered the type of accident my insurance will cover. A pyro-obsessed brother is not covered on my policy.
Bo pulls the truck to a stop in his driveway and I stare at his house. Massive, not burned to the ground, and a hint of jealousy stirs in my belly, but I know it's only because of everything I've been through today.
"Kinlee, can I go to the horses?" Wendy asks quietly.
I pull her in for another hug, grateful my siblings are okay. "Of course. Please be careful." I feel like I'm running on autopilot, and as I walk into Bo's house I feel a chill come through my body.
When I look over at him, I don't know what my face is saying or portraying but he wraps an arm around me and walks me into the kitchen, grabbing the kettle to start some tea. He's been talking, but I haven't registered anything yet and can’t find the words to respond.
The only things I have left in my life are my siblings, and Bo. And from the fight we had today, he's getting real tired of me not being okay with his choice of lifestyle. If he leaves me, I'm ruined. If I stay with him, and keep falling this hard for him, then he dies? I'm more than ruined.
Will walks into the kitchen after cleaning himself up in Bo's bathroom. He silently sits at the table and I notice Bo glare at him. I turn in my seat at the counter and look real close at the mopey teenager in front of me. I heard what he said at the house. His words won't leave my head, but the afternoon turned chaotic and we're finally able to sit down and talk about what he said.
"What did you mean when you said it was supposed to go the other way, Will?" My throat still burns and when the kettle goes off, Bo makes quick work of grabbing the tea bag and setting the cup in front of me.
Bo hands him a glass of milk then sits next to me; he scoots his chair closer then slides his hand over my thigh.
"Tell us everything that happened," Bo calmly says, while Will stares into his glass of milk.
"I was letting off steam." He looks up at Bo. "Like you told me to do when I'm pissed about something," he mumbles. "I was hitting a target by the shed and the hatchet...got away from me." His sorry gaze won't look up and it's making my blood start to boil.
"Will, what're you saying to me? A hatchet won't burn a house down."
"A burning one will..." he mumbles and sets his head in his hands.
My eyes go wide when I realize what he did. "Will?" I choke out his name. I want to scream at him but my throat burns too bad. "Bo?" I turn to look at him and shake my head. "I don't... He burned the house down," I whisper. This wasn't something I didn't know, but finding out exactly how he did it makes that horrible feeling start to rumble inside me again.
Bo frowns at me and softly rubs my thigh. "Will, I walked into that shed and asked if you were playing with gas." Bo sighs then rubs his face. "Go shower. I'll get you some clothes. Just go. Out of your sister's sight for a while."
Will jumps to his feet and runs down the hall while Bo pulls me into his arms. Just having his arms around me makes me break. I couldn't go through this without him, and just for the night, I don't want to think about losing him.
"I don't know what we're going to do, Bo. Do we still get insurance money from it if we technically burned our own house down? I need that money to rebuild, or buy new somewhere. Or rent. And clothes... Oh my god, the kids have no clothes for school." I hug him tighter and let the tears fall. "Everything hurts." It more than hurts. It aches to a point of almost being numb. I can't do this on my own.
"I know," he softly says and rubs my back, not letting me go. My body's shaking and I'm trying to calm myself but it's no use. "I'm going to take care of you three. I promise you. When the marshal discovers what started the blaze..." He sighs. "There won't be any insurance money, Kinlee." I cringe at his words and another sob escapes me. He pulls me tighter against him, arms enveloping me and trying to keep me safe. "I'm going to make a call to the station so he knows we found out what happened. Maybe there's somethin' they can do," he mumbles, but doesn't mean it. My brother burned down the house. There's nothing they can do.
"I need to get the kids dinner," I whisper, not wanting to let go, but just because the house burned and everything is in shambles doesn't mean we don't have to eat. I still have to feed them. I still have to take care of them. I don't have time to lose my shit right now. "I need to call into the diner too. I can't work tonight." My mind starts listing off all the things I need to do and before I know it I'm gasping for air because I can't handle all of this. I was barely holding it all together before the fire.
"Call Jo and see if she has some clothes y'all can borrow until we go shopping."
I nod, pulling away and feeling so cold. My phone's only at ten percent battery life and I huff. It's amazing the things you take for granted. I don't even know where a damn charger is to charge this thing.
I hit dial to call Jo, though I'm skeptical anything of hers will fit me. Though maybe it'll fit Wendy, she's small enough.
"Hey," Brandt answers without a care in the world and I glance, making sure I dialed Jo and not Brandt.
"Uh, hi." I clear my scratchy throat. "Jo around?"
"Nah, I think she's out with the chicks. What's up?" He sounds like he's eating something and I chuckle with a shake of my head because it's better than getting annoyed by the sound.
"Shit," I huff. "I um... My house burned down today." The sentence ends on a squeak as I try not to cry, but my throat is too tight. That phrase will never be easy to say out loud.
"What?" The phone speaker vibrates.
"Will hit the house with a burning hatchet," I mumble, rubbing my face with my dirty hands. I need a shower.
"Holy hell, Kinlee. Is everyone okay? When... Why didn't you call?"
"We're all safe. We're at Bo's. I was just calling to see if Jo has any clothes we could use. Anything. At least until we can get new things. I hate asking, but it's late and they have school tomorrow and—"
"Stop, Kinlee. We'll bring stuff over as soon as I get her in here and can gather some things. Y'all need anything else?"
"No. Bo's got us taken care of. Thank you, Brandt."
"Shit," he sighs. "See you soon. Hang in there."
I end the call and stare at the red battery symbol on my phone, zoning out. When Bo walks in, I blurt, "Do you have a charger?"
Taking the phone, he plugs it in on the counter and takes my hand. "I had a talk with Will." He walks me to the stairs and as we get to the top, I look back, having not even realized we already climbed them. "He's in the room for the night. Wendy's in the shower and going to bum around in a t-shirt and pair of shorts until we can get her somethin'." In his room, he hugs me close. "You need to get in the shower and out of these clothes. I'll have them all washed for the mornin' and if you want to send them, the kids can go to school."
"Brandt and Jo are bringing over some of Jo's things for Wendy." Pulling away, I tug my shirt over my head, feeling more and more robotic as the minutes pass. "But yeah, Will needs something to wear." I push off my jeans and another chill runs through me. Looking at Bo, I frown. "I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry for fighting with you. I'm sorry you have to, once again, save us. And I'm sorry we're crashing here...probably ruining all kinds of peaceful time."
He chuckles and grabs my face, shaking his head. "Darlin', you're my peaceful time." A kiss presses to my lips before he pulls off his shirt and holds me against his chest. "I want you here. All three of you. I wish it was under different circumstances though." He pulls my hair back and moves to look me in the eyes. "I don't want you three to leave. I want you here."
I blink a few times, not sure if he means what I'm thinking. "Always?" I whisper. "As in...you don't want us to leave tomorrow? Or you don't ever want us to leave?"
He reaches to my back and unhooks my bra before kissing my forehead. "I don't ever want you to leave. Ever. Me and you, Kinlee. And the twins." He chuckles. "I love you three." Looking me in the eyes again, he says, "I love you."
"I love you, Bo," I whisper but it grates over my throat and I start to cough, ducking my head into his chest. "God," I groan.
He sighs and drops his head to rest on top of mine. "Shit, Kinlee, when I saw you coming from that house..." His grip tightens. "I need you to want to stay for me too, you know? You keep saying I could die from anything, well same goes for you and what you did was stupid. If you didn't come back out, I woulda went in for you and we both more than likely would be dead right now." I feel his hands shaking as he holds one at the back of my head and the other softly rubs up and down my back.
"I needed those memories, Bo. I've already lost my parents, I can't lose their memories too." I look up at him and reach to my tiptoes, pushing my lips to his. "Trust me, I'll never do something that stupid again. I'm paying for it right now. Maybe shower steam will help."
With my hand in his, he walks me to the bathroom and turns the water on. "I'm going to intercept Brandt and Jo. You get in the shower." He dips down to kiss me and stares me in the eyes a minute. His gaze says enough and I love we don't always need words. "Go through my drawers when you're set." He taps the doorframe before forcing a smile and leaving me in the bathroom.
I turn on the water and the minute the warm steam hits my lungs, I start to cough more. It burns, and the sudden burst of tears aren't helping, but in this small space I can finally let go of everything I've been holding in. Today was horrific. Absolutely horrific. The more the house fell apart, the more the memories I had in that place raced through my mind.
I sat in the back of an ambulance, watching the firemen break down the walls, walls I scribbled on as a toddler. Walls that had marks from all three of us kids growing in height. Walls that held pictures of my parents. Walls Bo kissed me against. My life was inside those walls, and now they're gone.
As the soot and dirt rinses off my body, I watch the parts of my life I'll never get back wash down the drain, and let out a sigh. I can't stand around and cry all goddamned day. I have two kids that need me and two jobs that aren't going to pay me if I don't show up. Moving in with Bo seems too good to be true. I'm not used to leaning on people, and I'm not used to asking for handouts. But I'm also not sure this is even considered a handout. I mean, just last night he suggested the crazy idea. That was pre-fire. Maybe he really does want it.
Padding out to his dresser, wrapped in a towel, I eye the bed and just want to lie down and sleep for days. I can't though. My little brother, the shit that he is, needs to know I don't hate him. I find a t-shirt and toss on a pair of boxers then head down the hall to the room Will's staying in.
"Knock, knock," I whisper, pushing the door open. He's on the bed, staring at the ceiling, hands behind his head. "Can I come in?"
Without a verbal response, he sits up and looks at me. I want to yell at him for being a dumbass. I want to punch him for what he did. But what's all that going to help?
I walk over to the bed and sit next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulder. "No more burning shit, okay?" I whisper, rubbing his back. As mad as I am about this whole situation, he's only a sixteen-year-old boy. "You gotta promise me, Will. What happened today...it's bad. It's really bad."
"I'm sorry, Kinlee." His voice cracks and he lays his head onto my shoulder while his arms go around me. I feel his chest start to bounce before I hear he's crying.
"God, Will." I wrap both arms around him and let him cry. His genuine remorse helps comfort me. If he weren't sorry for what happened, I'd be scared. "Everything's gonna be okay. I promise." I huff and pull back a bit. What Bo told me earlier keeps buzzing in my head. "You know, Bo mentioned maybe moving in here. With him..." I trail off, testing the waters. I'd love nothing more than to be with Bo all the time, but if the kids are against it, I'm not sure I can do that to them.
"Bo don't want me here." He's batting at his cheeks, trying to hide evidence of his breakdown. "He's so pissed at me." The look across his face is heartbreaking.
"I'm sure that's not true. He wouldn't have asked us to move in if he didn't want you two here. He loves you guys."
Wiping at his face still, he lays down. "I ruined our lives. Everything we had of mom and dad is gone."
"It's not though." I lay next to him, staring at the ceiling. "I grabbed some old photo books. Some framed pictures. And I have a ton of pictures online of them." I'm trying not to think about my mom's wedding dress that's ashes right now, or the wooden rocking chairs my dad handmade each of us as kids. "We still have each other. That matters more than any material things."
"Wendy hates me. Her computer's gone, her phone. All her...girl stuff." He shrugs and rubs his face. "I'm sorry, Kinlee," he says again before breaking down into sobs.
"She'll be fine. Everything we lost is replaceable. Once she realizes she's getting a new laptop and a new phone, she'll get over it, Will." I sit up and force a smile. "Come on. Up. You need food." Pulling him up, I wrap my arms around him. "I love you, Will."
"I do too." He sniffles and hugs me tightly before letting go to wipe at his face.
Headed out the door, I glance back, happy he decided to follow. At the fridge I grab the makings for the best peanut butter and jelly ever.
"Will, go get Wendy. Dinner's almost ready." I try to laugh at the bread slices with juvenile toppings spread on them, but I can't find it. Will hops up and heads to the living room. When Bo's hands wrap around me, I startle, then relax back into him. "Where've you been?"
"Script." He wiggles the pill bottle and sets it on the counter. "And ice cream." He sets a bag on the counter in front of me and takes a deep breath of my hair, quietly chuckling. "I love that you smell like me right now, but we'll replace all your girly things tomorrow." He kisses my cheek.
"I like your clothes though. They're comfy." I spin and put on a smile for him. "How's your back doing?"
"Sore," he admits, grinning as he grabs the bowls. "Ice cream and sandwiches for dinner. I already like having you three livin' here."
I smile and sigh. "It won't be like this every night, you know. If we live here, meals like this wouldn't be the norm." My smile's real, and probably only because spending time with him actually relaxes me. I love this man, I think more than I've ever loved myself. That's what scares me the most.
"Well it's a good thing you'll be here then, 'cause if I'm not eatin' at the Kenshaw's, I'm eatin' toast or whatever condiments I don't have to cook." He winks at me before walking into the living room to get the kids.
This isn't the time, but I stare at his ass the entire way. He's too good to be true, and I still have a hard time accepting this is the same boy from five years ago. We eat our very unhealthy feast and try to pretend nothing abnormal happened today. It's like an elephant in the room that no one's talking about. I know they're worrying about everything, but Bo's doing great keeping conversation up and keeping their minds off it.
"Wendy, there's clothes in the spare room you're in. Jo sent some things over earlier," I tell her after we finish up. "See what'll work for school. We'll go shopping after school tomorrow..." I trail off and glance at Bo. "Tomorrow's dinner with your parents?" My eyes go wide. "I have nothing to wear. I have to work tomorrow. I don't have time to go clothes shopping." I start to panic.
Bo grabs my hand and smiles at the kids. "New toothbrushes and toothpaste in the bag." He points at the bag on the counter. "Go brush 'em and get ready for bed. It's almost ten thirty." Waiting until the kids decide who gets which toothbrush then head out of the dining room, he turns to me. "Kinlee, we ain't going to my parent's, baby. And I'll take Wendy and Will shopping after school if you're goin' to the diner. But I ain't pickin' your clothes. You'd likely kill me when I came back with camo everything." He smiles and kisses me. "You're gonna have to take another day off. And if it ain't tomorrow, it'll have to be Tuesday because you're out of clothes." When I open my mouth he pushes his finger to my lips. "And you're gonna have to accept I'm gonna take care of you, so all this workin' fifty plus hours a week shit? It can stop now." He kisses me and heads to the refrigerator while my eyebrows sit high on my forehead.
I watch him take a swig from the milk carton and chuckle. Getting out of my chair, I grab it from his hands. "You think you'll be able to put up with us here?" I smirk then take a swig and his grin widens.
"God." He yanks me against him and starts attacking my neck. "You'll fit in just fine here."
I giggle. "Not out here, Bo," I laugh, wiggling against his attack. When I break free, I step back and grab his hand, turning to head up the stairs to his bedroom. When we make it, I stop in the middle of his room and smirk. "You may proceed." He takes me to the bed, sucking and kissing anywhere he can, poking at my sides while I laugh hysterically and fight to moan from his mouth. "I need you, Bo," I whisper, straddling him after wrestling out from under his tickling fingers.
His jaw tightens and eyes lock on mine. Without words, he pulls the shirt over my head and sits up, cupping my breasts and attaching his lips to my nipple. I grip the hem of his shirt and slowly pull it off, then press my lips to his. Our bodies move together as we finish stripping each other's layers off and when I sink over him, my hand pressed firmly on his stomach, my eyes flutter closed at how thick he feels.
"God, Bo," I whisper and start pivoting my hips.
He groans, his hand going to my thigh and his eyes raking down my body. "Baby, that's so fucking hot." The thumb on his good hand moves to my clit, pressing firm circles as I rock over him, pushing him deeper and deeper.
I bend down and push my lips to his, his arms wrapping around me, trapping me to him. I moan loud when he thrusts hard, hitting deeper than before. His thrusts don't let up, his dick hits that perfect rhythm and my clit is getting the friction it needs between our bodies. Being this close to him, feeling him in this way, is better than any quick fuck. His eyes lock on mine as I rock back then slide him in again. The quiet moans that leave his throat are deep and gruff. Who would have thought a cowboy's sex noises would be this…sexy? As I rock my hips against him I feel my orgasm start to build and he keeps making these sexy fucking noises. Making my cowboy succumb to me is probably the sexiest thing ever.
"Oh my god," I gasp. "Oh god, Bo. Holy shit." I tuck my head in the crook of his neck as he pumps up into me.
My legs start to quiver and his lips kiss over my chest. He grunts and comes with me, fighting to maintain the rhythm while he spills inside of me. His mouth latches onto my neck to muffle his moans and I slap my hand over my mouth because I almost called out for him. We don't get up to clean ourselves. We don't bother leaving the bed the rest of the night.
I know my world was turned upside down today. Again. But Bo being there for us, and being here now, makes me have hope for our future. It's so much different than the tragedy that struck before. Before, I just tried to make it one day to the next. Now, with Bo here, I'm planning for our future.
Tuesday morning I wake up and roll over in bed. Yesterday, working all day, was absolute hell and it didn't take much persuasion from Bo to talk me into taking today off. It was also easier than I thought. The school had already heard of the fire when I walked in yesterday morning, and the diner called and told me to take the week off, telling me the other three girls working there are donating their tips to me. Small towns suck in some ways, but when something like this happens you really know you're cared about.
Waking up in bed next to Bo has been amazing these last two days. I think we're officially living here, and I'm trying to be excited about it because it's exciting, but there's so much to do that it's hard to focus on the happy yet. Today is clothes shopping day and tomorrow I have to go to the house to see if anything is salvageable before the demolition crew comes in to take away the rubble. It's not going to be fun, but it has to be done.
Bo's so warm, I almost hate to wake him. Almost. He's also sleeping completely naked, so I have other plans for his morning. Our limbs are tangled together and I start to wake him, drawing small circles on his chest.
"Bo," I whisper, pushing kisses to his jaw.
He grumbles and pulls me closer, locking me against him but doesn't open his eyes.
"Time to wake up, sleepy head," I whisper, pushing my body against his. "We gotta get the kids to school so you can take me shopping in the city today." I grind against him and he groans again. "I'll need new shorts. New jeans." I press my lips to his chest. "New bras, underwear," I whisper, feeling his erection pressing against me.
"Can I pick those?" he mumbles, eyes still closed.
"Apparently, since you're buying everything," I say, giggling and grinding against him harder. "You feel like waking up yet, cowboy?"
He flips me to my back abruptly and hooks my leg over his arm then dips his hips. "Someone does." His cock rubs against me while he kisses over my chest and down to my breasts that are covered by the t-shirt I stole from him. His hands slide up the shirt and his mouth sucks my nipple making me moan and slide my fingers into his hair. His mouth starts to travel down my stomach, shimmying me out of my shorts as he goes. "Those kids are probably still sleeping, but don't be loud," he says before latching his lips around my clit with no warning.
I gasp, my hand slapping over my mouth as he licks long strokes. "Shit, Bo," I whisper, grinding up to him, needing more.
He sucks gently on my clit again and when I let out a moan his low chuckle sends vibrations straight through my core. His tongue slowly rolls over me before he sucks, and he does it over and over, chuckling every time. I have to untwist my fingers from the sheet to cover my mouth. He slides a finger inside me, then pulls it out and trails it up my body, circling my nipple. As he grabs my nipple his mouth latches onto my clit and I start to vibrate. His tongue flicks my clit, faster and harder, and soon I'm biting down on my shirt so I don't scream as I come, my legs shaking hard around Bo's head and my breaths coming in short spurts.
"Oh god," I whimper, the sensation from the orgasm flowing through me and I glance down to Bo's tongue still playing lazy circles around my clit. "Stop!" I laugh, sitting up and pushing my lips to his. "I taste good."
"I never want to stop." He grins against my mouth and pushes me to lie back, sliding inside me at the same time and groaning quietly. "Except to be inside you."
His hips slowly pump until he pulls out to the tip then thrusts hard, making the bed squeak. He does it a few more times, slowly pulling out and slamming inside me until my nails dig into his back, ready for another dizzying orgasm. He stops the tease and starts to pump, hard and fast, kissing me deep. The faster he pumps, the harder my body trembles. From the way his movements are becoming more rigid, I know his orgasm is coming. I push my lips to his, our tongues twisting together and my arms tightening around him. As he moans into my mouth, thrusting harder now, my orgasm explodes again and I can't help but cry out. He curses, pushing into me one more time then groans, shoving his face into the crook of my neck as he comes so hard I can feel his release pumping into me. I don't want to let go. I don't want to separate this connection. I keep my legs wrapped around him and my arms hold on tight as we lay here and catch our breath.
"I could wake up like that every morning," I whisper, panting.
"There's probably nothing left, Bo," I mumble as we drive to the site of my old house.
I don't want to do this, but it's an important part of healing from a house fire, or so I'm told.
"If you don't want to go, we won’t." He takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "But I think you'll feel better if you do."
"Yeah," I whisper, glancing out the window. "I'm gonna miss this drive. I always liked living here, as dinky and dilapidated as it was."
"You had a lot of good memories here with your family." He kisses my hand. "We'll make news ones with the twins and you'll always hold the memories of your parents in your heart." He tries to smile at me but I'm sure the look on my face isn't welcoming right now.
I'm trying, but it's hard when the possessions you cherished in life are gone just like that.
"We will." I take a deep breath as he turns into the driveway. When my eyes hit the pile of rubble, I hold my breath, attempting to not tear up. That's my goal today. Get through this with no tears. I'm sure Bo's getting real tired of the damn tears this week. "Crazy how that much house can look like trash, huh?" I whisper, staring where the front door once stood as Bo parks the truck.
"It ain't trash. It's a tragedy." He exhales heavily while looking over the rubble then opens his door, coming around to mine. He holds his hand out so I take it, needing to touch him right now.
"Thanks for comin' with me today, Bo. I know there're probably lots of other things you'd rather be doing than sorting through dirty rubble." We walk up to the house and I kick a burned board.
"Kinlee, there's nothin' I'd rather be doin' than staying by your side." He wiggles my hand. "I love you."
"I love you, Bo." I mutter, staring at the loss. "Let's get started, I guess." I grab the gloves from my back pocket that Bo forced me to bring and slide them on.
Slowly we work through the pile, in and out of rooms that are now hollow, semi shells and a few rooms that aren't standing at all. The majority of the walls fell in the fire; there are only a few lone standing boards. I step carefully over a pile, glancing back at where the fireplace used to stand, trying to picture our last family Christmas together. I know I'll be making all kinds of new memories at Bo's house, but the heartache that I'll never be able to show my future children my childhood home hurts too much to handle.
I step into what used to be the kitchen and glance around, letting out a puff of air. I hear Bo rustling around, but I'm sure he's not found anything worthwhile. The only thing so far has been one metal picture frame with a picture of my grandma in it, only slightly charred. Nothing else has been worth saving.
I look around the kitchen, and when my eyes hit the piece of doorframe my mom used to measure all our heights on, I let out a sob.
"Bo!" I yell, stepping over a few downed beams to get to it. "It's still here!" I press my fingers to the dark wood. It's definitely not in perfect condition, but I can still see my mom's handwriting on it and all the marks up until the time I left for college.
"Step back, baby," he says, gently pushing me away before he grabs it with both hands then kicks the bottom, breaking it free from the floor.
It's burned and crumbling in parts but I can save it. He uses the bottom of his shirt to wipe away the soot and smiles at me, walking it over so we can look at it.
"How the hell did this not burn?" I whisper, letting my fingers trace over where my mom pressed the pen into the wood. I realize I'm tearing up and roll my eyes, wiping it away hoping he didn't see it. "Can we keep it?"
"I'll carve it down and clean it up. After I treat it we'll fasten it to our kitchen wall." He smiles, kissing my head.
"Thank you," I say, smiling. "I think we're done here. There's nothing left of this place." I step where the back porch used to be and glance at my car, that isn't totaled but there's definite damage. Walking over, I pull open the door and jump back, coughing. "God, it smells like it was in flames."
He sighs and wipes his hands on his jeans before pulling me into his arms, holding me tightly and kissing my forehead. "I'll get you a new car this week," he mumbles, knowing I don't want him to buy me anything, but I can't afford a car right now.
"Baby steps, cowboy. We need clothes for the kids and school supplies first. A car isn't top priority," I mumble, gripping his hand and walking back toward his truck.
A car is pretty high on the list though, because I need something to get to both my jobs and something to cart the kids around in until they get their licenses soon.
"If you don't get a car, you're gonna be takin' baby steps all the way to town." He chuckles but quickly clamps his lips. "I'm sorry. It's nothin' to joke about. Just, don't worry about how or when I'm going to spend my money to take care of you guys, okay? It's my priority, it's my job, it's what I want to do."
"You're too good to us, Bo Hart." I smile and stop at the truck, turning and going to my tiptoes to gently press a kiss to his lips. "How's the hand feelin'? You kinda pulled a superman stunt back there, ripping that board out."
"It wasn't hard. The foundation isn't that sturdy. Don't worry about my hand right now." He opens the door for me.
"Well, thank you. That just made today a little bit brighter, finding that." After helping me in he grabs the handle and steps up, resting his knee on my seat as he bends down, pushing his lips to mine.
"You make all my days brighter, sunshine." He smiles and kisses me again.
I bring my hands to the back of his neck, letting my fingers slide into his hair, deepening the kiss. My legs wrap around him and I arch closer to him. He grabs my hips and carefully shifts so he's sitting and I'm straddling him. Pushing my hair out of my face, he holds me against him.
"I've always loved you, Kinlee Jones."
"I'm glad you came back. I mean, I'm not glad you got hurt and all but I'm real glad you're back in town. For good." I grin, my fingers grazing his neck.
"For good." He presses his lips to mine.
Even with the hell this past week has been, being around Bo's made everything ten times easier. There's not a life I want to live without him in it.
As I walk out of the school, I pause seeing Bo leaned against the side of a brand new Honda CRV. I raise my brows and walk toward him.
"Hello, darlin'." He grins and pulls me against him for a kiss.
"Bo, what's with the car?"
"It's yours."
I close my eyes and drop my head. I wanted something used, and we agreed we'd wait awhile until I could save some money and help pay for it. For the time being the Kenshaws are letting me use one of their old pickups and I'm fine with that loaner.
"Now hold on, before you get pissed off at me, I didn't pay for it."
I lift my head and my eyes dart from the car back to him.
"Will and Wendy did."
"Bo," I say with warning because this isn't anything to joke about.
"Hear me out." He walks me around to the driver's side and opens the door before jogging around to the passenger side and getting in. "Remember that car me and Will have been rebuilding?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, he stopped messing around with it and the past couple of weeks decided to put it back together efficiently. He was able to sell it for five grand." He grins like that explains how I'm sitting inside a twenty-five thousand dollar car.
"Bo, this wasn't five thousand dollars," I whisper.
"You didn't let me finish, woman." He leans over and kisses my cheek. "And Wendy." His throat clears and he grabs my hand. "She sold Empress."
"Bo!" I blurt as my heart drops. Empress is one of the horses.
"Hold on, hold on." His hands are up while he tries to tame me like Wendy's had to do with Empress. "She sold her to the Kenshaws so the horse didn't go far, but now she's not on our farm."
"Oh god." I tear up, knowing Wendy loved that horse. "That's still not enough money."
"Donna Kenshaw tried to outright buy you a car, but I wouldn't let her so she donated. Brandt and Jo donated. Chase showed up at the Ranch with pockets full of money. He didn't want me tellin' you, but I don't feel right keeping it from you. The bar's been holding a fundraiser. The only reason I let them all help is 'cause you ain't taking it otherwise and I felt bad because they just want to help, darlin'. The remainder, I paid for."
My hands cover my face and I cry for the first time in days. I've been pushing through, trying to make ends meet and connect the dots to our life while Bo watched on, biting his tongue. I need the help, I know I do, and my tears are because I'm so happy I have them all to lean on. Including my siblings.
We have a family dinner with the Kenshaws and I almost invite Chase, but I know he wouldn't come. Last I talked to him was briefly and I refused his help; he wasn't too happy about it but it isn't his place.
The weeks go by in a blur. The end of school approaches and the last few days are long and horrible, to say the least. Everyone in the building found out what happened, everyone gossiped, but no one would talk to me about it. Being the talking point of the entire school isn't something I'd like to be again. The best parts of my days anymore include getting the twins from school and meeting Bo at home.
Home.
Allowing Bo to help out financially has made him less stressed. I didn't want to be the cause of his stress anymore, not to mention I needed the help. School's out and that takes away a paycheck. The paycheck that offered more stability than the diner does. The arguing's stopped and there's less tension. His injuries aren't near as often as they had been, mostly because when he's got free time it's with me. My anxiety has dropped significantly, though I still have nightmares and days when everything seems ten times louder and I'm on edge, just waiting on the call from Brandt that Bo got hurt at work. Spending time with him helps, but the adrenaline junkie in him won't be satisfied for long.
Living with Bo isn't all that easy though. I've had to get used to a lot. I've had to swallow a lot of pride. I've grown over the years to become a very humble, independent person, so walking into a house five times the size of my old one and into the arms of a man that wants to do everything under his power to give myself and the twins whatever our heart’s desire, is a little strange. The fact that it's Bo, a childhood friend, doing this all for us makes my heart melt in ways I never felt possible. He cleans up without me asking, does the laundry correctly, helps the twins with homework. He walked into this role as pseudo-brother/dad figure with so much ease. I never knew I could love someone like this. I never knew I could love someone that gives me so much anxiety there's times it's crippling. I never knew how crazy love is...until I met Bo.
I see him walk back into the kitchen as I finish cleaning up dinner. It was a late one tonight, but at least we got them fed before they passed out from exhaustion. They were out with the animals so long this evening I almost had to rope all three of them in here.
"Hey, you, twins locked away for the night?" I smirk, almost joking but a week ago Wendy almost walked in on Bo and I in the living room after we thought they finally fell asleep. I'm not taking any more chances.
"Yes, ma'am." His voice is deep and his eyes watch me as I walk over to the radio and turn up one of my favorite country artists.
"God, this man," I moan when In Case You Didn't Know comes on.
"That's enough about Luke Bryan, darlin'."
"Oh this ain't Luke, cowboy. This is Brett. And he's just as dreamy." I bite my lip and start to sing along to the song.
"How about that's enough talk about these dreamy country stars?" He leans against the counter and smiles as he watches me sway around the room, singing along to the song.
I slide over to him and hold my hand out. "Wanna dance, cowboy?"
"You know I do." He pulls me against him.
As the song plays on, his eyes don't leave mine and we glide around the kitchen, without a care tonight. The world outside is dark, but here in this kitchen our life is bright and perfect, and the look on Bo's face says more about his love for me than any words he's ever said out loud. I rest my head on his chest and we rock back and forth, eventually coming to a stop at the end of the song but I don't pull away.
"I can't live this life without you, Bo," I whisper.
He holds me tighter, the radio switching to a commercial, but neither of us making a move. "You'll never have to. I promise you, darlin'." He kisses the top of my head.
His promise is something I need to hear, but it doesn't stop the worry inside me. I've lost too many people in my life already to lose him. I can't live worrying though. I need to live life like I'm never going to lose him.