“So, the band’s name is Braille, right?”
I stopped filling a bowl with chips as Dustin grabbed a handful of them, filled his mouth, and grabbed for a second handful. He had become an almost permanent fixture next to me when he showed up earlier. After dinner with our mom, Braden made me come to a party at Luke’s house. I hadn’t wanted to go, but he told me the band would play at some point during the night, so I didn’t feel like I could turn it down. I was in the band. I had to be there. And because I sucked at being social, sign me up for chip duty.
“Dustin, why are you here again?”
“Because you guys are awesome.” He licked his fingers and reached for another handful. I knocked his arm aside and filled a separate bowl. His eyes lit up, but before he could reach for it, I gave him the entire first bowl. He added, “And because of future pussy. I know there’s going to be mountains and mountains of vagina buffets. I already told you earlier that I’m not dumb. You guys are going to be dripping—” He stopped at my glare. “Well, not you, because you know,” he gestured to my chest, “you have a mighty fine rack yourself.”
“Dustin!”
“I’m just stating the obvious. You’re a chick. You’re not going to get those juices, well, unless you bat for the other team. I’d be all for that.” He winked at me.
“I’m going to neuter you.”
“Oh. Kay. Back to the first question.” He continued to beam at me, his cheeks plump and moving around as he ate his chips. Around a mouthful, he asked again, “So, the band’s name is Braille, right?”
I groaned, but went back to the cupboards for more chips. “Yes. Why do you keep asking?”
Keeping his bowl of chips close to his chest, he followed behind me. “The band’s name was kinda named after you, right? Brielle. Braille. I get that part.”
“Yes,” I clipped out, walking around a group of girls chugging their beer. “Brielle and Braden. The guys thought it was funny. Why?”
“I remember when you guys first started the band, but you left it, right?”
I was gritting my teeth. For some reason, this guy was getting on my last nerve. “Dustin,” I warned.
He leaned over my shoulder, too close for comfort. “Yeah?”
“Get to the point and then back the fuck off me.”
“Oh.” He moved his body back, but continued to lean forward so his head was right next to my ear. “That better?”
“No.” I grabbed the rest of the chips and wound back through the crowd. Instead of filling the bowls, I just dumped the bags onto the tables. People could do with them what they pleased. Then I went in search for Braden.
Dustin went with me. “So yeah,” he kept going with his question, “you quit the band, and they kept the name, but now you’re back with them?”
“Yes. So what?”
He stuffed another handful of chips into his mouth and shrugged, cocking his head to the side. “I guess nothing. I’m just trying to get all the history down in my head.”
Spying Braden in a corner with Luke, I veered toward them. They were surrounded by a group of girls. No surprise there.
“For what?” I asked Dustin.
“I’ll make a great head roadie. Putting that out there.”
As I got next to my brother’s side, I rotated my head toward Dustin, taking in his over six-foot frame. He appeared to be a mix of all-American-boy and preppy-douchebag-frat-boy. His blue eyes, blond wavy hair, and square jaw made him look like an innocent, nice guy.
“Dustin,” I said.
“Hmm?” He flicked at his earlobe. “All ears here.” He chuckled to himself, putting another chip into his mouth.
“You were a popular jock in school with us.”
He bobbed his head up and down. “I’m with you. I was.”
“Your parents are rich.”
A second bob, followed with another wink. “Still are, I believe.”
“You got kicked out of Harvard, right?”
“Oh, yeah. Too much booze and chicks.” His head was continuously moving up and down, going along with each question I asked. “Living the carefree life, I might add.”
“And you’re kissing my ass because you’re hoping for a future spot as the head roadie with the band?”
“Yep. If you guys will have me.”
“Why?” I was dumbfounded. “You should be interning at your dad’s company, whatever it is that made Forbes magazine.”
He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “See. That’s why. I don’t want that responsibility, not yet anyway. Here I am. Living a hobo-lifestyle.” He patted the bowl. “Got my chips.” He gestured to Braden and Luke. “Got some future rock star friends.” Then he sent a charming wink at the group of girls who had been talking to Braden and Luke. “And hopefully some future ass, too.”
Some of the girls laughed, while another gasped. One girl gave him the middle finger. A second rolled her eyes, but none of them left.
“I said hopefully, ladies. Hopefully.” He pointed to Luke, Braden, and me. “These are good people, my future people.” Lifting his hand, he crossed his fingers. “Here’s to hoping, anyway.”
Braden and Luke were grinning. At the sight of the relaxed amusement on Luke’s face, I was startled for a moment. My body warmed at the sight, and the corners of my own mouth curved up in response. Because he smiled, I wanted to smile. Then he glanced to me, and the smile faded. So did mine. I was zapped by the abrupt change.
He leaned forward, murmured something to Braden, and left.
I watched him go and felt the kick of rejection against me. It had been like this for a month now. Since talking to him, things had gotten better. A tiny bit. We performed, and once we were on stage, everyone clicked. It shouldn’t have been like that, but that was the one place all four of us didn’t hate each other. It was like all the bullshit had vanished, and we were back in the beginning. Emerson was easygoing. Braden was…still Braden. Luke was my best friend again, and I loved everybody. As soon as we were done, though, the same tension immediately returned. Awkward silence was the norm now, as we set up before our gigs and as we tore down afterward. There was no gig planned for this weekend, and a part of me had looked forward to a weekend of working at Rowdy’s and not feeling chewed up inside and out, just by being around Emerson and Luke.
I hadn’t known about the party until Braden mentioned it earlier. And watching Luke walk away, for what felt like the hundredth time this month, I had enough. I stormed after him without thinking.
I bumped into two of the girls at the same time, pushing them back.
“Hey,” one girl cried out.
The other hissed under her breath, “Bitch.”
I skewered both of them with a look.
They wanted Luke. There were so many girls, always the same, always wanting to end up in bed with him. I wanted to obliterate them, all the time, all at the same time, and it was becoming a different hunger all on its own inside me. I did my best to ignore the feeling as I followed Luke across the road to Rowdy’s. He went inside through the back door and down the basement stairs.
It was raining, but I didn’t feel it.
The bar was louder than normal. Cheers, hollering, and music crashed against my eardrums, along with the smell of smoke and sweat. I gritted my teeth. Good. I wanted to yell, and the basement was a perfect place to get it out.
When I pushed open the last door, after going down the stairs, I didn’t hold back. I didn’t think I was able to anymore. “You can’t keep leaving.”
Luke was behind the bar. He straightened, a bottle of whiskey in one hand. “What?”
“You can’t keep leaving. This is ridiculous.”
“What are you talking about?”
I flung my hand out in the direction of his house. Pointing at the air in a savage motion, I added, “Before. Just now. I came up to the group, and you left.” I missed my friend. “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of this. It’s been a month of this. If you won’t let me in, then…” my chest was heaving, and I spat out, “let me go!”
Aw, shit. I didn’t mean that. Dread quickly lined the bottom of my stomach. He was going to kick me out, once and for all. It was going to be the end, and I would never get him back. I was startled at the vehemence behind that thought.
My eyebrows bunched together. It had just hit me. I hadn’t joined the band to be in the band. It wasn’t about staying away from Elijah. It wasn’t about making Braden happy. It wasn’t even about me playing the drums again, although now that I got back to it, I didn’t think I could quit again. No. This was all about Luke. Ever since he picked me up. It had taken root in me then, and the yearning for him had dug deep, burrowing so much inside me that I had forgotten he was even there.
I wanted us back. It wasn’t just about sex.
A dark storm was brewing in Luke’s eyes. His knuckles were white as he gripped the neck of the whiskey bottle. “Are you fucking with me?”
“No.” With a deep breath, I raised my chin. “But I want to.”
His eyes widened, and he jerked back from the bar. Then his chest went up and held. “What did you say?”
Screw it. The decision fell into place. Everything lined up perfectly, and I wet my lips. This was the real reason I followed him. I wanted him, any way I could get him. “You heard me. Sex or nothing. I can’t do nothing.” Not anymore.
His chest abruptly fell and rose back up again in a gaping breath. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were dark with the same hunger that was gnawing inside me, but he wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t he moving?
He couldn’t move, a voice whispered in the back of my head to me.
I had left him three years ago. It was my turn to go to him, so I said a small prayer in my mind and started forward. My foot moved out in an unsteady motion. He turned, watching me, as I made the slow progress to him. One step at a time. My knees shook, my palms were sweaty, and my vision blurred as I focused on his face. I took that last step around the bar and stood inches away from him.
Now or never.
Please, don’t reject me, I silently prayed. I wasn’t sure how many rejections a girl could take.
“Luke.” I raised a hand.
His chest was moving up and down at a rapid pace now, and his eyes never left mine. The hunger was there, but he was holding back. My arm began trembling. I forced my fingers to spread out so my palm touched his chest. I felt his strength pulsating underneath my hand. Moving my hand lower, I could feel his heart under my palm, and I closed my eyes.
Please, Luke, I whispered in my head. Please, touch me back.
My forehead rested against his chest. I stood there, feeling him. One touch. I ached for it, and then his hands went to my hips. It was a light touch at first. I felt him take a deep breath at the same time, and then in a nanosecond, everything switched. His hands grasped me hard, lifting me in the air as he crushed me to his chest. I was placed onto the counter, and he was between my legs. Strong. Commanding. Hot. All those sensations blasted me at the same time. His touch was demanding as he gripped me to him.
“Bri.” His tone was hoarse.
I opened my eyes, seeing his burning brightly down into mine. Then I gasped softly. There was something else there, more than just desire. Recognizing it, my pulse raced, but I couldn’t let myself admit what it was. If I did, and if I was wrong, he would shatter me.
Slowly, so agonizingly slowly, his forehead came down to rest on top of mine as his eyes kept boring into me. One of his hands held a firm grip on my hip as the other touched my cheek tenderly. He traced his fingers over my cheek, down to my lips. His thumb held the underside of my jaw, and he tilted my head back. I felt like I was pleading for him to touch his lips to mine.
He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Are you sure it’s over with him?”
My throat had swollen, so I couldn’t talk. I nodded instead.
His hand trailed down my arm, taking hold of both of my hips again, and he tugged me to the edge of the counter. My legs fell open, wrapping around his waist. Every inch of us was pressing into the other, but I wanted to get closer. I had to. Too damn long we’d been apart. His touch was like oxygen to me. I began to move against him, rubbing up and down. My lips opened, and his gaze darted down, lingering there now.
He asked again, “You’re not going back to him?”
There was no way I could do it now, not after…I knew where this was going. His hand left the counter and slid underneath my legs. He tipped me backwards, slowly lowering me until I was on the counter. Under heavy eyelids, I watched him, feeling exposed as I waited for his continued touch. We had made out and slept in the same bed, but we had never been together. His hands held my hips, anchoring me, but he didn’t close the distance.
I couldn’t taste him yet, and the need was escalating. I was beginning not to care what happened later. I needed this night.
“Bri,” he murmured, his breath caressing me again. I couldn’t talk, so I sat back up. His fingers caught my shirt and pulled at the corner while his knuckles grazed my side. “What is this?” he asked, his voice gruff. “Just sex?”
I didn’t care. I didn’t respond, but I would take anything at that moment. If that made me pathetic or weak, so be it. I just needed him. Sliding my hands under his shirt, I pushed it up until he took it off. It was tossed to the floor, his eyes glancing up once to catch mine before falling back to my lips. Then I leaned forward, just a tiny bit until my lips pressed harder against his. I waited, my heart pounding all the way in my eardrums. The hunger was so deep, and then Luke let out a breath, and I knew it was time. His lips opened over mine, claiming me, and I arched forward to meet him.
Everything went up a notch. His hands lifted me from the counter, and I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. Wherever he was going, it didn’t matter. As his tongue swept inside, a part of me sighed from contentment. This was it. This was enough. The taste of him was everything I had missed, and I couldn’t get enough. As he lowered me to a bed, I ran my hands over him, anchoring him to me this time.
He gasped against my lips, but then reared back and ripped off my shirt. He tore the straps on my bra so it fell away. As my fingers went to his jeans, his went to mine, but it wasn’t enough. He held me in the air and pulled off my pants. My underwear was torn away like my bra, and then he stopped, his chest heaving for air, and I lay back, panting the same. My pulse was pounding all over. I hadn’t realized how strong until that one touch from him.
It was blinding.
With eyes that were almost black, he watched me. Holding his gaze, I pushed his jeans down. His boxers went next, and he sprang forward. As my hand went to him, he bent at the same time to lift me further up the bed, coming with me as he reached for a condom at the same time. Holding himself up with one hand, he gazed at me, never leaving me as I began to caress him. He was hard. His heartbeat matched mine. I could feel it from him, and I licked my lips. One taste wasn’t enough. As he bent down and touched his lips to mine, I knew it wasn’t ever going to be enough.
As he pushed inside me and began thrusting, I clung to him. My head fell back against the pillow, but I moved with him. Our hips were joined. Every inch of us touched the other. We were fused together. This was what I had been missing for so long. This was our first time together, but it had been missing from my life.
He rose above me, over and over through the night, and I knew without a doubt that I was addicted to him. There was no going back.