Luke trailed kisses up my throat, poised over me, and I tilted my head up, enjoying the feel of his lips. Hearing my own groan, I laughed and peeked open one eye. He smirked down at me. He asked, “Enjoying yourself?”
Running my hands up his back, I applied pressure under my nails, letting them lightly scratch his back. He always loved this, and when his eyes closed again, I knew he was enjoying it again. He was distracted, so I scooted down in the bed, wound my legs around his waist, above his hip bones, and pushed myself up as I used my legs to pull him down at the same time. Our positions were reversed with me on top.
Luke’s eyes opened, and he ran a hand underneath my shirt. “That was nice and smooth.”
Straddling him, I sank down on him, rubbing myself over the front of his jeans. We had come home from school earlier. We were supposed to be writing songs for the band, but that turned into flirting, and eventually all pretenses were given up. We headed upstairs to Luke’s bedroom, and for the last hour we had been sharing kisses and much more. My hand fell down to his jeans. They’d been unbuttoned earlier, but that was the farthest we had gone.
“Bri.” Luke sucked in his breath, stilling under my hand.
Feeling brave, braver than normal, I bit down on my lip, and my hand slipped inside his jeans. His hands fell to my hips, and he gripped them hard. Feeling the power my touch had over him, I wanted to do more.
The sides of his mouth were strained, but he jerked it up into a smile, remaining still under my hand. One of his hands left my hip and cupped the side of my face. His thumb traced over my cheek softly, as he asked, “What are you doing?”
“I want to.” I looked down at where my hand was between us. I didn’t say anything more, and before Luke could question me again—he was always making sure I was okay—I shifted down on his lap. Feeling him through his boxers, my hand went inside. He was already hard, but at the touch of my finger, he sprang upward.
“Bri,” he whispered.
I looked up and saw his eyes were clouded. He was enjoying the touch of my hand, so I rubbed my finger up and down. His eyes closed. Slowly, he lay back down, and I wrapped my whole hand around him, just holding him for a while.
I was enjoying this power over him.
“Luke,” I started to say. I wanted to do even more.
“Bri?”
I shook my head. I was going to do this for him. Other girls had done this for their boyfriends. Luke wasn’t my boyfriend. We never gave ourselves a title, but he was mine. We were best friends. Everyone knew about our connection. I wanted to feel him in my mouth, but I was nervous. If I did this—and my mouth watered just thinking about it—maybe I could finally call him my boyfriend. He never asked me to be his. Neither did I. We just were, but I wanted to know. I wanted to call him my boyfriend and not just ‘my Luke,’ even though everyone already knew he was mine.
I slowly lowered my head closer to him. “Hey, hey.” Luke sat up, pulling away from me.
I looked up, confused. “What’s wrong?” The rejection hit me immediately. He didn’t want me to do that for him. He didn’t want me, repeated in my mind. Luke didn’t want me after all.
“Stop,” he said, lifting my head so I was looking him directly in the eye. It hurt. There was pity in his. I tried to look away, swallowing back the bile burning in my throat. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me when he turned me down.
“Hey,” he said again. He caught my face and held me firmly.
I couldn’t look away, but I wanted to. His rejection hurt.
“This is not what you think.” He shook his head. His other hand went to my waist, and he lifted me off him. Holding me in the air for a moment, he scooted back and then placed me back on his lap. He was sitting upright, his back against the wall. When I tried to move away, he caught both sides of my face and turned me so we were nose to nose. He was looking into me now. I felt like he was stripping me bare, exposing how much I loved him, and deciding I wasn’t enough for him.
“Stop.”
I had yet to talk. The burning was too much. I shook my head instead.
“I love you.”
What? My eyes widened, and I stopped fighting. Had I heard that right?
The lines around his mouth softened, and he traced his fingers through my hair, smoothing my tendrils back and tucking them behind my ears. His fingers continued to rub down my jaw, falling to linger on my lips. He rubbed his thumb over them, and a rakish smirk appeared on his face. He said again, “Did you hear that? I know what you were going to do, and I want that. Holy shit, do I want that, but I wanted to tell you those words first.”
He loved me. Relief and joy pushed all the other emotions aside. I couldn’t talk again, though. The feelings were overwhelming.
“Do you?”
I laughed, my voice was raspy, and I nodded. Some tears fell from my eyes. Luke wiped them aside. “You do?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He nodded, his gaze falling back to my lips. “My dad’s going to be home soon. I don’t want…” He trailed off as he indicated the bed.
He didn’t want it to be here, not when we could be interrupted.
I nodded in a jerking motion. “Okay.”
We heard the door open at that moment, followed by loud footsteps. The wood protested and creaked from under his father’s weight. Then his deep voice boomed a second later, “Luke?! You here?”
Luke shook his head. His hands fell to wrap around me, pulling me against his chest. His forehead lowered to rest on my shoulder, and I felt his lips brush against my neck as he said, “See? Perfect timing, huh?”
I didn’t care. His dad was an ass, but I didn’t give a damn right then. My hand cradled the back of his head, and my fingers tangled in his hair. “We can go to my place.”
“Yeah,” he continued to whisper.
“Luke?” His dad’s voice was louder and clearer. He was at the bottom of the stairs. “You up there? Answer me.”
“He’s going to come up here.”
We had to go. I nodded and slipped off his lap, going to his window.
I awoke to those same kisses being trailed up my throat, and it took only a slight second for everything to register. This was present day. That had been the past, before everything went wrong, and Luke was back. Luke was with me. I felt him push inside me, and my body reacted, instantly curving to move with him, my hips adjusting so he could go deeper.
Raising my hand, he pressed it to the headboard above me. He smirked down at me. “Morning,” he said as he moved out, then back in. Harder. Deeper.
My throat choked on a gasp. My lips opened, and I managed to get out, “Morning to you, too.”
He slid out, and then paused at my opening.
My eyes widened. “Wha—”
He shoved inside again, and the corner of his mouth lifted. His other hand held my hip prisoner as he slid out and slammed back inside. He kept going, in and out, in and out, all the while holding my gaze. Wave after wave of pleasure filled me. I stretched out, savoring the feel of him. He was all over me, claiming me. As he kept going, my hips moved with him. Rolling my head to the side, still holding his gaze, I gave him a side-grin, and he chuckled. He caught my chin, making me look him square in the eye again.
I didn’t know what was going on, if he wanted to dominate me, but I loved it. Feeling his thumb enter my mouth, my tongue flicked up to meet him, and he pulled it back out. He trailed his thumb down my neck, between my breasts, and all the way over my stomach. His hand lingered at the tip of me, rubbing slightly there.
I gasped, the sensations mingled with the pleasure of him inside me. They wound together, and I couldn’t think or talk. My hand held onto his shoulders, just grasping there, as he kept moving inside me at the same time as his finger was rubbing over me.
The tremors were building in me. I felt them coming. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to be woken up like this every morning, but as he began thrusting faster and harder, going so damned deep, my climax was rising. Building. It was going to crash through and then—I surged up, pressing against him—it filled all of me.
I went over the edge. As the aftershocks were still clambering in me, making my body physically shake, Luke caught me against him. He held me in place, pausing in his thrusts. He hadn’t come, so I knew he would start again so he could finish, but he was waiting until I was done. As soon as my trembling slowed and a deep satiation filled my bones, he began moving in me again.
This was for him.
I lay back down and held onto his shoulders. His hands rested on either side of me, and he began to thrust harder again. As he did, his head bent. He was riding me hard. One of his hands went back to gripping my thigh and then, without warning, he pulled out and flipped me over. I had a second to grab hold of the bed before he slammed back in from behind me. Taking hold of my hair, the other hand resting on my back, he was pumping harder and harder, his hips going strong against mine with each thrust. Then, with a guttural groan, I felt him come, and he collapsed on top of me.
One of his arms wound underneath us, and he hugged me to him.
I felt his heart start to slow, felt his body began to cool off, as mine did as well. We lay there like that for another moment. Then it started to trickle back to me.
I had come to him.
I had begged him.
I had stripped myself open to him.
I bit down on my lip. What next? Would he leave? I wanted to grab the blanket and cover myself, but then Luke did that. He covered both of us after tossing the condom into the trash, and he moved beside me. “You want coffee?”
Coffee.
He asked about coffee.
I blinked rapidly. “That’d be nice.”
“Okay.” Slipping out from the covers, he tucked them back in place behind me, and I could hear him pulling on his jeans. I was lying on my side, so I didn’t turn over to watch what else he was doing, but he crossed to my side of the room where the thermostat was.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t look back at me, but his shoulder muscles shifted under his skin. His thumb touched something on the thermostat. He glanced over his shoulder to me. “It’s cold in here. I’m turning the heat up.”
“Oh.”
“Are you cold?”
I heard his question, but I was distracted by his tattoos. I’d gotten a peek at them earlier, and I saw them last night, but I hadn’t really looked. Sitting up, wrapping the blanket better around me, I inspected them now. They were birds. I counted three of them, and they ascended up his bicep and over his shoulder. It looked like they were flying off him. On the inside of his side, under his arm, a large tribal tattoo was there.
I pointed at them. “What do they mean?”
He’d been waiting for my response, but a frown graced his features. The atmosphere in the room shifted. It’d been light, intimate, but it was tense and distant now. Not knowing why, I held my tongue. My instincts were warning me to tread lightly here, then I heard Luke answer in a quiet voice, “Each bird stands for someone who has left me.” He came over and sat next to me. Lifting his arm, he pointed at each bird. “My mom. My dad.” His eyes fell to my lips as he pointed at the last one. “You.”
My stomach flipped over on itself. Why would he want to remember who had left him?
“They’re reminders that no matter who leaves you, you keep going. You persevere. No matter what, but.” He shook his head as a laugh left him, sounding regretful. He raked a hand over his head. “Anyway, that’s too heavy for now. How about coffee? Did you still want some?”
“Yes.” My throat was dry. He had a tattoo for when I left him. I…hated that.
“Okay. I’ll get some from upstairs quick.”
“Wait.” He started to stand. My hand caught his and tugged him back down. “We’re at Rowdy’s.”
He nodded. The sight of his smile transformed his entire face. Luke had a mesmerizing beauty to him, and as he smiled, it had the same effect that I witnessed the night before. It kicked up his charisma. It’s what pulled people in.
He sighed, shaking his head as he stood. “No one will be around. I’ve stayed the night here before.”
With other women. Reality crashed back down on me. Luke wasn’t mine. He hadn’t been in so long. He’d been with others, and I knew there would be so many more.
I moved back. “Right. What was I thinking?”
He moved to the door. “You were thinking we’d be caught, but no one’s here this time of day. Kelly always locks up around three in the morning. She won’t be back in until eleven, ten at the earliest.”
“Yes, you’re right.”
He paused before slipping out the door. “You okay?”
“Of course.”
He stared at me, his eyes squinting, and he raked a hand through his hair. His head tilted at an angle. “Listen,” he hesitated. His hand grabbed a fistful of his hair. “Things are weird with us. Getting that phone call pissed me off. The one you made from the police station.”
What? I sat up, readjusting the sheet so I was still covered. That’d been a while ago. “Why?” I could almost feel my heart pausing. Luke kept so much from me. We had sex, but I knew there was a cement wall around his heart. I’d once been lucky to be allowed past that wall.
Was he going to let me back in?
His hand grabbed the doorframe above his head. Leaning there, that pose accentuated how lean he was. He was the image of a panther stretching. “I know it’s dumb, but Turner got you in trouble. You finally called for help. I know you were calling your brother, but I was here, and he wasn’t. I was happy, but I was damn mad at you. Mad at him, too, for putting you in that position. A lot of the shit inside me from the past few years came out, and I’ve been a dick since then. I kept waiting for you to go back to him, but you didn’t, and I don’t know.” He let go, and his arm dropped back to his side. He was lost in thought, and his hand raked through his hair again. “I’m sorry. For everything. I should’ve shut down Emerson more than I did. I should’ve done a lot of things.”
My hands curled into the blanket, pulling it tighter around me. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was…my heart was right there, pressed against my chest. My throat swelled up, and I managed out, “Thank you.”
He let his arm drop a second time. “Yeah. I know I said a while back it was sex or nothing, and you’ve been nice, really nice, actually.”
“What are you saying?” I sat further upright. The blanket was wrapped so tightly around me now, but I pulled even harder on it. A red mark was going to stretch across my chest soon.
“Nothing really.” He gave me a half-grin. “It doesn’t have to be just sex or nothing. I don’t know if that’s why you followed me here last night. I don’t want you to feel…I have no idea what I’m saying. I just wanted to apologize for being an asshole since you came back around.”
Now I was really confused. “Luke.” I shook my head. “We just had sex.”
“I know.”
“A lot of sex.”
The other corner of his mouth twitched up. “I’m aware.”
“I didn’t fuck you so you’d be nice to me.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I know. I know. I’m not saying—Bri. I’m not saying that.”
“Good.” My hand let go of the blanket, just a bit. The material loosened around me, but I was still clutching onto it. “I didn’t know where you were going with that.”
He grunted, and his hand rested on the back of his neck. “Neither did I. This whole thing, you and me, I have no clue what’s going on. You’ve got me spinning. Then again, you always did that to me before. I’d be wound so tightly, I didn’t know if I was up or down some of the time.”
“So?” My lips were suddenly dry. My tongue darted out to wet them, and I gestured to the bed. “What does this mean?”
He straightened from the doorway and took a step closer to me. His hand hooked on his jeans, hanging there. “That’s what I’m saying. I’ve got no clue, but I won’t be a dick anymore.”
“Oh.” I was confused. “Well…thank you?”
He gestured to the ceiling. “Listen, let me get some coffee. I’ll come back down, and we can figure our shit out.”
That sounded wonderful. I closed my eyes, relishing the sound of Luke heading upstairs. He was going to get something for me. He was coming back. We were going to talk about ‘us.’ My hand curled into the sheet. Us. I hadn’t thought…I blinked back a sudden onslaught of tears. I hadn’t thought this would ever happen. An emotion was filling me, but I didn’t want to figure it out. I’d let it simmer there. I didn’t want to deal with whatever the emotion was, because if I did, and if it didn’t work out with Luke, I couldn’t handle it. I needed to stop myself from jumping too far ahead.
There was an ‘us.’ That was enough.
For now.