CHAPTER TWELVE
Grace
I stare back at Catherine and John, two people who I have grown to love as if they were my own parents, and hate the concern I see in their eyes as we tell them about my sister and the decision I have made. But not as much as the hidden pain that has been on Sawyer’s face since waking up. Somethin’ I wish I could take away but know I can’t. He’s been solemn and quiet but is trying to be understandin’ for my sake. I can tell it’s killing him and his pain only adds to my own. He’s the last person on earth I ever wanted to hurt.
“We’ll come and help you with the kids,” Catherine says, grabbing my hand.
“Thank you.”
“You sure about this?” John asks me. “It’s a life-changing decision and you don’t owe anybody anything, sweetheart.”
“I know. But I’ve thought long and hard about this. I need to or I’ll never be able to live with myself.” I swallow past the permanent lump that has formed in my throat since last night and hold back my emotions as best I can, wanting to be strong for myself and for the people around me.
Sawyer stands. “I’m going to go out back and check on Sam and the kids.”
“Want me to come?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. Stay here and finish your coffee. I’ll send them in when I find them.” After a brief kiss to my forehead, he walks out the patio door without looking back.
I glance at Catherine when she gently squeezes my hand. “Give him some time. He’s just worried right now.”
“I never wanted to hurt him,” I whisper.
“Of course you didn’t. You have a big heart, and you have to do what you need to. This is your body and your choice. We will be with you every step of the way and I know my son will be, too. He’ll take care of you and we will take care of him,” she promises.
“Thank you, your support means everythin’ to me.”
“We’re always here for you, honey. Everything will work out. You’ll see.”
I hope so, because otherwise the repercussion of what could happen will destroy my family, and that’s what terrifies me most of all.
*
Sawyer
I find the kids and Sam playing in a giant pile of leaves next to the big fishpond that they’ve clearly made themselves.
“Hey, Auntie, eat this,” Parker says, trying to shove a bunch of leaves in Sam’s mouth but of course has no success.
Their laughter and bright smiles bring the first measure of relief to the tightness that’s been restricting my chest since last night.
“Daddy!” Hope squeals, jumping to her feet and running to me at full speed.
I scoop her up in my arms, bringing her beautiful smile she inherited from her mother at eye level. “Hey, Shortcake. How’d you sleep?”
“Good. We had another great night with Auntie and ate lots of candy,” she says, rubbing her tummy.
I smirk. “That’s good, baby.”
“Where’s Mama?”
The question has my smile vanishing and the tightness in my chest gripping again like a tight vise. “She’s in the kitchen with Grandma and Grandpa. She wants her morning hug.”
Parker gets up from the pile of leaves. “Come on, Hope. I’ll race ya.”
I put Hope down to her feet, but before they can take off I pull Parker in for a hug. “Mornin’, kid.”
“Morning, Dad.” He squeezes me back.
“Make sure you hug your mom too, okay?”
“I will.”
As soon as I release him they take off, trying to shove one another to the side to win the race. I turn back to Sam and see her brushing the leaves off herself.
“You ready for a break yet?” I ask, taking a seat on one of the massive stumps in the ground next to the fishpond.
“Never. I’m going to miss them when they’re gone. I’m going to miss you all.”
“You don’t have to. You could come with Mom and Dad.”
She watches me, her expression soft. It looks like she’s about to say something but then thinks better of it. She takes a seat next to me and changes the subject. “Grace told me about her decision this morning before the kids were up.” My jaw automatically locks as I try to ward off the pain. “How do you feel about it?” she asks quietly, already knowing the answer.
“I fucking hate it but it seems I don’t have a choice so…” I trail off with a shrug when what I really want to do is beat the shit out of something.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, putting a hand on my shoulder. “But you know Grace. She could never turn her back on someone if they needed help. She’s too good of a person for that, and it’s one of the reasons you love her. Why we all love her.”
Maybe, but not when it comes to risking her life. I’m trying to accept her decision but knowing it’s a choice that could potentially take her from me is making it damn difficult. I decide to steer the subject back to her, not wanting to talk about it. “Tell me about this Grant.”
Her eyes fall to the ground. “Not much to tell. He’s a guy I met a few months back and we hit it off.” Her simple shrug doesn’t fool me.
“Dad doesn’t seem to like him much. He thinks he treats you bad.”
She scoffs. “Well you know how Dad can be. His perception can be skewed at times.”
“Yeah, sometimes, but usually he’s a pretty good judge of character.” Her eyes remain on the ground as silence fills the air. “Sam, look at me.”
Her chin lifts defensively. “What do you want me to say, Sawyer?”
“I want to know that he’s wrong and this guy is good to you. Tell me you wouldn’t be with someone that didn’t treat you right.”
“I wouldn’t be.” I watch her carefully. She’s not doing a very good job of convincing me and she knows it. “Look, things may not always be perfect but I like him, okay? He makes me feel good about myself. With him I’m not following in other people’s footsteps.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means, for the first time in my life I’m being seen as me—Samantha Evans. Not Sawyer Evans’s youngest sister—the less attractive and least talented of the bunch.”
I rear back in shock. “Who the hell ever said that?”
“Everyone thinks it. They always have.”
“The hell they do! No one thinks that. We’re all a good-lookin’ and talented bunch. Everyone fucking knows that.”
She stares at me, a long moment of silence stretching between us before she bursts out laughing. “God you’re so arrogant,” she says, but can’t hide her smile, which is what I was hoping for.
“I’m serious, Sam. No one thinks that. If anything, you’re the best out of us all, and I want you to consider moving with Mom and Dad. Come to Sunset Bay. You can work with Grace at the bakery or better yet…you could be our nanny so I can get my woman alone whenever I want.”
She shakes her head; a small smile still on her face but it’s dimmer. “I don’t know, Sawyer. I think maybe it’s time for me to be on my own. Be my own person. You left long ago and Jesse a few years back. Maybe this is my time.” She shrugs, looking really sad. “It will be hard at the beginning, but I need to grow up at some point and be my own person.”
“Since when are you not your own person? Just because you’re close to family doesn’t mean you aren’t independent.” Her eyes fall to the ground again, and I notice her visibly swallow. “Just think about coming. We’d love to have you closer and you know the kids would, too.”
“I’ll think about it,” she says vaguely. “Anyway, you don’t need to worry about me. You have your own beautiful family to worry about.”
“I’ll always worry about you. You’re my baby sister. Nothing or no one will ever change that.”
Her head snaps up in surprise, tears in her eyes, and it makes me feel like shit.
Does she really not know this?
She throws her arms around my neck, hiding her face in my shoulder. “I love you, Sawyer. You’re the best big brother a sister could have.”
I pull her in close. “I love you, too. I’m always here for you, Sam. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there. No matter where that is.”
“Grace and the kids are lucky to have you.”
She’s wrong. I’m the lucky one, and I vow to make sure nothing takes them away from me.