Chapter One
Ten months later…
Camryn Jacobs looked over her closet as she pictured the packing list in her mind. She snagged a few of her staple items, and then chose a couple of basic sweaters. Her sister was sitting on the bed cross-legged with the stereo remote in her hand. Melanie switched Camryn’s alternative rock station to Christmas music instead.
“Try not to forget to bring the mail in,” Camryn said, placing several items on her bed. “You can just put mine in here on my dresser.”
“Sure,” Melanie answered.
“I already paid anything that was due for the next month, so you won’t have to worry about that,” Camryn continued, removing three pairs of jeans from a drawer.
“Okay,” was the indifferent reply.
Camryn rolled her eyes. Like her sister would care if collectors pounded down the door and the landlord kicked them out of their two-bedroom Fresno rental. It wasn’t Melanie’s responsibility, after all. Nothing was.
“Don’t forget to change the water in that damn birdcage, either.” She considered trying for the most efficient way to pack, and then just decided to stack things however they ended up.
“Fine.”
Camryn tossed the last of her underwear and socks into the bag and started to zip it shut. “You know you can come with me, right? Brandon said he’d check on the house.”
Melanie flashed her bright green eyes with alarm. “I’ll do whatever you just said, Cam. I promise. I mean…I’d rather not be stuck here alone, but going with you to see mom is a definite no for me. I just can’t do it.”
Sighing to herself, Camryn decided to let it go. She’d much rather have Melanie come with her and let Brandon check on the house. Two images dashed through her mind: the house totally abandoned while Melanie flittered off to the next party, or the house completely in shambles because of the parties that would plow through it.
“And I can’t because I work,” Melanie added flippantly as she examined her nails.
Camryn almost laughed. That was an excuse used when it was convenient, not because she actually believed it. At nineteen, Melanie Jacobs believed that one semester of college was enough, and that her job as a barista was the best job in the world to pick up guys. It wasn’t exactly far from the truth, either. She always had some guy pursuing her and another one chasing the hook she dangled.
Toting her bag to the hallway, Camryn pulled her phone out of her pocket to call Brandon. Melanie yanked her feet off the bed and followed her, just so she could listen in.
“Hey, I’m ready to leave,” Camryn said into the phone.
“We’re still eating, right?” Brandon asked.
“Of course, but I want to leave by noon so I can at least get halfway tonight.” She set her bag by the front door while she finished her conversation and then hung up. “I’m leaving in about ten minutes when he gets here,” she told Melanie. “We’re gonna get a late breakfast/early lunch and then I’m heading out.”
“It’s called ‘brunch.’ And my hair appointment’s at eleven-thirty so I guess I won’t be here.”
Camryn grabbed a jacket out of the hall closet but didn’t know what last minute parenting she needed to do. Tossing the jacket on her bag by the door, she decided not to lecture her little sister again. She wouldn’t listen anyways.
“Drive safe,” Melanie added.
“ ‘Kay,” Camryn nodded. She gave Melanie a long hug and sighed. “Please call me if… Well, just call if you need to.”
“Sure, Cam. Tell mom hello, I guess.”
Camryn nodded as they pulled apart. She didn’t mind helping her mom with funeral arrangements; it was the emotional hurricane she was going to face in the process that was going to get to her, and without someone else to share some of the drama, it was going to suck even more. “Please call her anyways, Mel. Even if you don’t want to.”
She saw Brandon pull into the driveway as Melanie nodded a reluctant agreement. They spoke their goodbyes to each other as Camryn grabbed her purse and shut the door behind her.
***
“I don’t like the idea of you driving that far on your own,” Brandon said, placing a hand over Camryn’s thigh to squeeze it. They were practically side-by-side at a tiny table for two, and he placed his elbow on it to lean his temple against his fist.
“I can handle things,” Camryn replied. “Obviously you know that by now.”
He laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, I do. But still, it’s just the idea of you being on your own if something happens.”
“And what’s going to happen? Car problems? Gas station attendants wanting to fill me up instead? A lonely trucker luring me into his love lair?”
Brandon lightly laughed. “Not funny, Cam. No truckers.”
“Gas station guys are okay?”
“Sure. But only if you tell him your boyfriend’s a six-foot-five linebacker for the Raiders.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Six-five, huh? Boyfriend? And the Raiders? Hmm, I could lie about your height and status, but the Raiders? I’ll tell people you’re a Sumo wrestler.”
He laughed out loud but shrugged. “Fine, fine. Whatever works, pretty girl.”
She finished off her iced tea as the waitress dropped the check on the table. Brandon scooped it up to glance at the total, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, and dropped a few bills on the table with the tab. He took Camryn’s hand and said, “Come on, lemme show you how much I adore you. Cold Stone for dessert before you leave.”
She gave him an approving smile and let him pull her along to the parking lot.
Sliding his arm around her shoulder he said, “I am going to miss you, ya know. I wish you weren’t leaving for so long.”
“Two weeks isn’t so long.”
He unlocked the passenger’s door of the truck and waited while Camryn climbed in. When she sat, he gave her a look and said, “Yes, it is a long time. I’m gonna miss that smart mouth of yours.” When she smiled at his remark, he leaned in and pressed his lips against her forehead.
She kissed him hard on the cheek before shoving him back. “Get in and drive,” she commanded playfully. “I want ice cream.”
With a grin he shut her door and hurried around the front of the truck.
Camryn’s thoughts were all over the place just from sitting in this seat. The smell of the truck had never changed. If she closed her eyes and imagined hard enough, she could place herself in a life two years ago. They might be going to the lake right now. Zach would be holding her hand, or better yet, have her crushed up against his side. Her head would be against his shoulder and they’d be debating music or sports. She probably would have kissed on his neck a little, played in his pants a bit, and he would have joked about crashing the truck. She could hear his voice, his laugh, his witty remarks…
“Did you catch that?”
Brandon’s voice smashed into her reverie, and since she was brought back to reality, her chest started to hurt again. It was never a good idea to think about Zach in public. If she were at home, she’d curl up on her bed and cry.
“Um, what?” she asked.
“The Keys,” he nodded to the radio. “You want me to get tickets?”
“Oh. I’ll have to check the calendar, but that sounds great.”
Brandon flashed her a pleased smile, even though she knew he could see right through her. He was ready for her to do one of two things: either shut herself off entirely, or get pissed and demand the gym.
He reached over and put his hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “In for three, out for three. You’re just fine, Cam.”
She nodded with a smile to reassure him. Two years ago her life had suddenly changed. The first year was the hardest as she dealt with the anger and despair, trying to find anything she could to bandage the gaping hole in her chest. Heartache had been killing her from the inside out and she depended on physical exertion to get her through it. She kept busy with work and looking out for her sister, and focused on as many distractions as she could to remain emotionally afloat.
The second year wasn’t any easier, just different. The heartache was still there, but acceptance had started to settle in and it was almost just as bad as the despair. It was the loneliness that crept in and took over her heart. It built a blockade so nothing could affect her. There had been a few that tried, but there wasn’t enough there to even chip away a corner of the brick wall she put up.
Her mind wasn’t held captive in any way. She wanted to move on. She needed to feel something again. Her head told her yes, it was time to progress; her heart constantly riddled her with guilt and fear.
Head and heart needed to get on the same damn team…