We decide to stop at C’s for a couple drinks. Music and chatter assault our ears as we step inside. One of the more popular pubs on campus, this place is packed as usual. Brady leads the way, weaving in and out of groups of people standing together conversing until we’re next to the bar. He orders a round of beers and once they’re in our hands we walk toward the back seating area.

We gather around a table as soon as the occupants step away and slide onto the stools. Once again I manage to sit next to Grace. Shifting her weight on the wooden seat, she rests her feet on the metal rungs. The sweet smell of her perfume wafts over, teasing me, dredging up memories of what her skin felt like under my lips. Her nearness taunts me, making me wish for things that will never be. I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath, giving myself a mini pep talk. Hang in there for a little bit longer. You’ll be going home soon.

Quickly gulping down my beer, I rise to my feet and hold up my empty bottle. “Anyone need anything?” The girls all shake their heads.

“I’ll go with you,” Brady stands. We make our way back to the bar and slip into an open space.

“What’s been going on with you, little brother?” Brady leans in from the other side of me. He gestures at my empty beer. “I can tell something’s wrong.”

“Maybe I’m thirsty.”

“Come on, tell me what’s up.”

“Did my mom tell you what happened?” Brady and I have different mothers. Our father was married to his mother when he had an affair with my mom. And I’m the love child that resulted from their relationship. But oddly enough my parents ended up married, and happily too. Dad seems to have given up his philandering ways for my mom. My brother could resent me for that, but he doesn’t.

Brady frowns and shakes his head. “No. What’s going on?”

“I switched my major to Secondary Education and dad found out. He told me I had to change it back to Business or he was cutting me off.”

“What do you mean cutting you off? How so?”

“He’s not giving me any money for anything. I’ll still have health insurance, but I’m responsible for the rest.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I got a job a couple of nights a week at a restaurant and I might have a job at the bar where Owen works.”

“If you need anything I’ll help you out in any way I can. I might be able to get you some hours making calls for fundraising at the station.”

“That could work as long as it doesn’t interfere with my classes or football.”

“I have money in the bank if you need some.”

“Thanks, bro, I appreciate your offer, but I want to do this on my own. I need to show dad I’m serious about this. If I don’t, he’s never going to let me live it down. He might not agree with my decision, but he’ll damn sure respect it.”

“Trevor, I’m proud of you. Six months ago I don’t think you would’ve had the same attitude about this. You would have taken the easy way out. You’re growing up, bro.”

I smile. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“I wasn’t so sure, but I’m glad you are. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. Your head’s on straight and that’s the most important thing. Making solid decisions is the key and the rest will follow.”

“I hope you’re right. There’s so much up in the air for me at the moment, it’s daunting at times. I try to be the tough guy who can handle it all, but I’m not sure I can. Lately, I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water.” Brady reassuringly clasps my shoulder with his hand.

“No one said growing up is easy. Sometimes treading water is the best we can do. There are going to be hundreds of times where you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. And then when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you wonder if you’re doing right by them. Not only do you have to worry about fucking up your own life, but now you have someone else relying on you.”

“Then why bother with a relationship at all?” I’m feeling bitter tonight and the source of that negative emotion is sitting at the table we just left.

“Because being in love makes it all worthwhile - the good, the bad, and the ugly. The whole enchilada.”

“I wouldn’t know. And I’m not sure if I believe that.”

“What’s going on with you and Grace?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“She can’t take her eyes off you.”

“Really?”

“Yep. And there seems to be tension between you guys, or am I imagining it?”

“No, you’re not wrong.”

“What happened?”

“I like her a lot, but she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I tried more than once to get her to go out with me and she won’t. I finally decided I’m done.”

“Just like that?”

“What do you mean? I told you I’ve tried repeatedly. And the other day we kissed and she freaked out once it was over. How am I supposed to pursue her after that?”

“Did she kiss you back?”

“Yes.”

“Then she must like you or at least be attracted to you. If you really like her keep trying, dude.”

“But doesn’t that make me a pussy?”

“No, it makes you determined to win her over. Unless you don’t think she’s worthy of the effort.”

“I think she’s worth it. I’m just not sure she’ll ever change her mind.”

“Well if the way she’s been watching you this whole night is any indication, I’d say she cares more than she lets on.”

“What should I do? I’m completely out of my element here.”

“You win her over. Show her how much you care by doing thoughtful things for her. Woo her. It’s time for some romance. Find out what’s important to her and learn about it.”

“But what if I do all those things and she still doesn’t want to be with me?”

“Then you’ll know for sure she’s not the right girl for you. And no matter what, you won’t regret taking the chance.”

“Grammy, everything is delicious. Once again you’ve outdone yourself.”

She smiles. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it. But after eating the food at school, I bet anything tastes good.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. This is the best meatloaf I’ve had. And the mashed potatoes are the perfect consistency. The gravy is thick and no lumps. How do you do it?”

“Jesus, man. Enough already,” Jameson, Owen’s oldest brother, says with a scowl. “She knows she’s a great cook. We’ve been telling her for years now.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it from someone who doesn’t feel obligated to compliment me,” Grammy retorts.

“What’s wrong with you tonight, Jam?” I question. “You seem like more of an asshole than usual.”

His eyes pin me. “Nothing I’m gonna talk about.” Jameson is a member of the outlaw biker club, The Bastards. He’s always closed mouthed about club life. I don’t even know what his actual job is. Owen doesn’t talk about him as much as he does Josh, his middle brother.

“Well that’s a surprise, seeing how you usually love talking about feelings and all that touchy feely shit,” Josh interjects with a smirk.

“Fuck off,” Jam grumbles.

Grammy clears her throat and tips her head at Jam’s swear.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“Trevor, I don’t know why you bother asking him what’s up. He’s locked up tighter than a bank vault. It’s a waste of breath for you,” Owen says.

“Yep, you’d think I’d learn, but I do it every time. What can I say? My social skills require me to ask even if I know the answer ahead of time.”

“I’m right here, assholes. Don’t speak about me as if I’m not.” His tattooed hand grips his glass of water and raises it to his scowling lips. He really is surlier than usual. Things must be stressful with The Bastards. I can’t imagine being a part of something that could get you killed or arrested on a daily basis. How does anyone cope with that much stress?

Grammy clears her throat again.

“Jesus. I mean sorry, Gram,” Jam slaps his palm on the table frustratedly.

“Elle, you’re quiet today. How’ve you been?” I direct my question at Josh’s live in girlfriend.

She glances at me and smiles. “I’m great, thanks. Between Josh and work my time is all taken up.” Josh places his hand over hers on top of the table and they stare into each other’s eyes as if there’s no one else around. My chest tightens with longing. Is it wrong for me to want the opportunity to experience such devotion and to have it reciprocated?

I love my family, but outside of them I’ve never cared for a girl with more than a passing curiosity… until Grace. What is it about her that makes me long for the very things I’ve run from in the past?

“Trevor,” Elle calls my name and giggles when I catch her eye. “Boy you were deep in your thoughts.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“So I gathered when I called your name three times.”

I shrug sheepishly. “I’ve got a lot on my plate.”

“Who’s the girl you’re pining over?”

“What makes you think there’s a girl?” I reply.

“Only a girl could put that look on your face and boy, she’s got you in knots. You should ask Josh for advice. He’s an expert at unraveling them. I had him tied up plenty.”

“You definitely didn’t make it easy on me,” Josh adds. Elle rests her head on his shoulder briefly before sitting up once more.

“Luckily for me you never gave up and look where we are now.” She aims her gaze my way. “If you really care about someone you have to show them.”

“What makes you assume I haven’t?”

“I guess it’s more important how you show them. Telling and showing are two different things.”

“I feel like I’m in a creative writing class now,” I chuckle.

“Seriously, Trevor. Pull out some romance and prove to this girl you care. What’s her name?”

“Grace.”

“You do care about her, right?”

“I do, but she’s stubborn and she won’t give me a chance. What else can I do?”

“Why don’t you bring her lunch, unexpectedly, or go for a walk with her? Send her a card in the mail telling her how you feel.” I nod. Those are good ideas. “She probably thinks you’re a player, and honestly, if that’s the case what do you expect? Besides, you are one.”

“I’m not though.”

“Since you met her?”

“Yeah.”

“How long ago did you guys meet?”

“About two months.”

“All she has to go by is your reputation, and I’d be willing to bet she’s gotten an earful from more than one girl.”

“I never said I was a monk.”

“Maybe not, but have you told her that you’ve been different since you’ve known her?”

“No, not outright, but I’ve dropped hints about it.”

“Maybe she’s not good at picking up your hints. Find a way to tell her how you really feel. Make it creative and put some effort into it. Remember, actions speak louder than words.”

Josh smiles down at her proudly. “You’ve come so far since we’ve been together.”

She puckers her lips and he jumps at the invitation, pressing his to them. “That’s because you showed me how great it is to be loved.” She looks my way once more. “Show her, Trevor. If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out to me.”

“My mother always told me where there’s a will there’s a way,” Grammy chimes in. “I’ve found that statement to be true on more than one occasion, even when situations seem hopeless.” She leans forward as if she wants me to pay careful attention. “Start with a single step toward your goal, no matter what that might be. Every action, even small ones, bring you that much closer toward reaching it. If you do nothing, how do you plan on getting the results you want?”

I mull her words over in my mind and also the points Elle introduced. Have I given up on Grace too easily? Should I make a grand gesture so she knows how serious I am about her? I’m going to come up with a plan of action tonight. I’ll see her in class tomorrow and I want to be prepared.

“If you want my opinion, I think you should have fun and sample the endless buffet of hot girls college has to offer. Why would you want to tie yourself to one girl when you can have as many as you want?” Jameson scoffs. “Dude, you’re on the football team, you’re a Lincoln, and you’re a good looking guy. Beaver Island is yours for the taking. Go claim that fucker.”

“Jameson,” Grammy scolds angrily tossing her cloth napkin at his face. “Watch your language, please.”

He grimaces, his expression shameful. “Sorry, Grammy.”

I grin, picking up the tray of meatloaf from the center of the table. “Now that the therapy part of the evening is over with who wants seconds?”