Chapter 13

Kin

I woke up the next morning determined to drop all the negativity in my life and start moving forward.

I climbed out of bed, threw on a pair of running shorts, sports bra, and a tank top, and went for a long run. I had a million things to get done later in preparation for Lucy’s baby shower the following day, but first, I needed to get my ass in gear and start keeping in shape again. I’d gotten lax while secluded in the mountains of Tennessee. Shane would have given me so much shit if he knew I hadn’t been running regularly.

After a five-mile run that kicked my ass, I went back to the apartment and took a long shower.

As I walked into the kitchen in search of something to eat, it was to find not one but two shirtless men. I paused, taking in both Cash and Nate as they moved around the kitchen making breakfast and coffee, joking around with each other.

“Oh hey, Kin,” Nate greeted. “You want coffee?”

It took me a few seconds to pull my eyes away from the sight of his chiseled chest and abs before I noticed he was lifting the coffeepot in my direction. Realizing I was staring—and drooling—I quickly averted my eyes. “Yeah, coffee would be good, thanks.”

Grinning, he poured me a cup and handed it over. I carried it to the counter and pulled creamer out of the fridge before looking for the sugar.

“You hungry?” Cash asked, turning bacon in a skillet. “I can make you eggs while I’m at it.”

“No thanks,” I told him, trying not to look at his chest as I had Nate’s. Cash’s physique was just as amazing as the bartender’s, but I’d known Cash longer than anyone else in this apartment. He’d been Caleb’s best friend long before I even grew boobs. I couldn’t drool over him and not feel dirty about it. “I’m just going to eat a bagel.”

Replacing the creamer, I snatched the cream cheese spread and popped a bagel into the toaster. While I waited for it, I kept my eyes on my cup of coffee.

“Heard about what happened with Jace last night,” Cash said as he plated the bacon and started scrambling eggs. “Want me to rearrange his face?”

My thumb brushed over the sore skin on my wrist, but I shook my head. “Don’t mess with your bandbrother, Cash. I don’t want to cause issues. I just want to forget about it.”

“He shouldn’t have put his hands on you,” he said between clenched teeth.

“He didn’t realize what he was doing. Jace was upset. He didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“Why are you defending him?” Nate demanded, his eyes going to my wrist where faint bruises had formed.

“Because Jace isn’t like that. He would never touch me with violence, and he didn’t last night. He was just freaking out, and he didn’t understand he was holding me so tight.” I pushed my hair back from my face, frustrated they were turning on Jace.

Was I pissed at him? Yes, there was no doubt about that. But I didn’t want people villainizing him. He’d broken my heart—repeatedly—but he wasn’t a bad guy. If anything, I was hoping we could at least find some middle ground and be friends, if for no other reason than our shared responsibility of having a goddaughter.

My bagel popped up, and I dropped it onto a saucer, turning my back to the two guys as I smeared cream cheese over it.

“You’re right,” Nate said after another tense few moments passed. “Jace would never hurt you. I know that. I just don’t like seeing you with bruises, Kin.”

“I’m not fragile,” I told him with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. Lifting one half of the bagel, I bit into it.

“I’m actually surprised you left him standing, from what Amara told me,” Cash said as he plated the rest of the food and handed a dish over to Nate. “I know you’re not fragile, honey, but don’t let him touch you like that again, or he’s going to end up with a few bruises of his own.”

As he passed, he dropped a kiss on my forehead and carried his loaded plate back toward the bedrooms. It was so much like Caleb would have done that it made my eyes sting.

“That goes double for me, sweetheart,” Nate told me with a wink as he followed after the rocker.

I stood there, waiting until both Riley’s and Amara’s bedroom doors shut before I tossed my bagel in the trash and downed the rest of my coffee. I was no longer hungry, and what little I had already eaten felt like a stone sinking to the bottom of my gut.

Sighing, I grabbed my keys and purse and went out the door.

First stop on my list was a maternity and baby boutique downtown. I’d reserved a present for Lucy weeks before, once everything on her baby registry was finalized. I paid extra for them to wrap it for me, and I just needed to pick it up.

Walking into the popular little store, I wasn’t surprised to see the many women in various stages of pregnancy out shopping. This place had some pretty cute clothes for pregnant women and their expected bundles of joy, all of which was one of a kind that couldn’t be found in big chain department stores around the country. Everything from nursing bras to cloth diapers and monogrammed pacifiers.

Lucy and I had found this place after her first doctor’s appointment just a few weeks after her wedding. Ever since, she’d been coming back at least once a month. She restricted herself to only buying the small things like onesies and gender-neutral blankets and clothes, knowing her family and friends would want to buy her all the major things. Especially her dad.

She and Harris had already picked out the crib, which they’d put up the month before and she’d sent me pictures of while I was still in Tennessee. Once they knew they were expecting a girl, they went from buying everything in yellow and white headfirst into everything pink and purple and glittery.

As I approached the sales counter, I noticed the guy standing there talking to one of the managers I remembered from previous shopping trips with my best friend.

Jace.

My heart rate picked up as I contemplated coming back later to pick up my present for Lucy. But even as the thought was forming, I clenched my jaw and squared my shoulders. No. I couldn’t be a coward and just keep avoiding him. Not if we were going to try to be friends.

We weren’t together anymore, but our best friends were married to each other. We were going to be Hayat’s godparents. I needed to get used to being around him because we were still going to be connected through Lucy’s precious baby girl.

As I drew closer, he seemed to sense me behind him and turned his head. When his eyes landed on me, I saw the heat that instantly filled his eyes along with the relief. His gaze skimmed over me from head to toe, and his throat bobbed as he completely turned to face me.

Diverting my gaze, I was welcomed with a smile from the manager who was tending to Jace. “I’ll be right with you, miss.”

“She’s with me,” Jace informed the woman without looking away from me. “Thank fuck you’re here, baby. I’m trying to get Lucy something for tomorrow, and I don’t understand what any of this shit is on her registry. Harris said just pick something but…” He blew out a frustrated breath. “Will you please help me?”

He looked so adorably helpless, I couldn’t tell him no. Unfortunately, that was something I’d never really been able to do in the past either. Sighing, I moved up beside him at the counter. “What’s left on the list?” I asked the woman behind the counter.

“I was just telling Mr. St. Charles there are still several items that any first-time mother would be happy to have,” she said with a smile. Typing something into her computer, she turned the screen to show us what items hadn’t been purchased yet.

By several, the woman was overstating the small list dramatically. Of the hundred or so items Lucy had picked, there were only three items left, and all of them would make the badass rocker beside me blush at giving them to his best friend’s wife.

Biting back a laugh, I shook my head. “I think we’re going to go off-script for his gift,” I told the woman. “Excuse us while I help him shop.”

She beamed at me. “Take your time. We do have a sale going on right now on pamper goodie bags for mommies-to-be. That includes everything mom needs during and after baby’s birth.”

“Thanks, we’ll keep that in mind,” I told her with a giggle as I pushed Jace toward the back of the store.

“Would it have been bad if I’d actually picked something off the list?”

“Remember that time you walked in on Harris and Lucy having sex in his office at First Bass and you couldn’t look her in the eye for a month?” He groaned but nodded. “Well, I’m pretty sure that would have happened again.”

“Gotcha.” He glanced around at all the baby stuff, his shoulders drooping in defeat. “So what do I get her instead? One of those mommy pamper things she was talking about?”

“You want to give Lucy breast pads, nipple butter, hemorrhoid wipes, and feminine pads?” I asked, tilting my head to the side as I stared at him in amusement.

His face turned beet red. “What?” he whisper-shouted. “Oh, motherfuck, I need a drink.”

“It’s not even noon.”

“Doesn’t matter. I need alcohol for this shit.”

Laughing out loud at him, I pushed him toward the girl section. “Relax. I’m going to help you out. I’ve seen every outfit Lucy has already purchased for Hayat, as well as what the grandmothers have gotten. You can buy our goddaughter a few dresses, a stuffed animal, and like a truckload of diapers, and Lucy will love you forever.”

Seeing a particularly pretty little dress that I instantly fell in love with, I grabbed it in two different sizes and handed them to Jace.

“That’s the same dress,” he stated the obvious.

“Yeah, but it’s so pretty, and Hayat won’t be able to wear the smaller size for long. This way, Lucy will have another one to dress her in when she outgrows it.”

“Oh. Yeah, good thinking.” For the next few minutes, I thrust several more outfits at him, then made him pick out a stuffed animal on his own. “The nursery is decorated in pink with purple trim, but they went with a zoo theme with all kinds of adorable little animals, so you won’t go wrong with any of these.”

He picked up a gray elephant. “This is cute.”

I lifted the one beside it, noting how soft it was. I rubbed it against my face. “Very nice. Get it if you want,” I told him.

Adding that to the basket another saleswoman had offered earlier when she passed and saw how full Jace’s arms were, I led the way toward the diapers. “Lucy said she preferred this brand, but her mom said she would need more size one diapers at first than the newborn ones, especially if this baby takes after her daddy.”

He handed me the basket and grabbed three large boxes of the size ones. “What else?”

“This should be plenty,” I assured him.

Silently, we carried his items back to the sales counter. I stood with him while the manager scanned everything, waiting for her to get done with him so I could let her know I needed to pick up my present.

“Do I wrap these up? Put them in a gift bag?” He frowned at the large bag the woman was placing the folded clothes into. “You usually do all that shit for Christmas and birthdays, so I don’t really know what to do with this stuff.”

“I can wrap everything in tissue paper and place them in a gift bag for an extra charge, sir,” the woman assured him.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

“Teddy bears or blocks?”

He looked at her like she was talking gibberish. “What?”

“The bag, sir. Would you prefer teddy bears or blocks? We have the blocks in both pink and blue, but from all these dresses, I would suggest pink if you go with that.”

“Kin?” he asked, uncertainty in his voice and mirrored on his face.

“It’s a gift bag, Jace,” I told him with a snort. “Either will be fine.”

He sighed and nodded. “Teddy bears, then, I guess.”

The woman smiled kindly. “Perfect choice, sir.”

Jace paid for everything, and the woman started to take the items into the back to put into the gift bag for him. I stopped her as she turned to go. “I’m picking up a present, actually. Kin Montez.”

“Right. I’ll have someone bring it out for you,” the manager assured me.

Jace leaned back against the counter as the woman left us. “What did you get her?”

“It’s a dream glider. A bassinet type of swing that Hayat can be rocked to sleep in. It was at the top of Lucy’s list, and I snatched it up before any of the grandparents could.” I laughed, remembering the text I’d gotten from Jesse Thornton for getting the dream glider before he could, and then the email from Devlin Cutter.

Hayat didn’t know how lucky she already was with how much her grandfathers were going to spoil her.

Jace’s hand caught mine, his fingers interlocking with my own. I went still in surprise, fighting my body’s instant reaction to his touch. Helping him, even laughing with him over the last half hour, had been nice. It was easy to fall back into old habits with him, but with his skin caressing mine, it was difficult to separate friendship from relationship. “Thank you for helping me.”

I tried to tug my hand free, but his other hand had caught my wrist, his fingers gentle as he lifted it and examined my bruises.

His throat bobbed, remorse and shame clouding his face. “I’m so sorry, baby. I swear, I didn’t mean to do this.”

I caught his hands and pulled mine back. He released me instantly. “I know you didn’t mean to. That’s why I didn’t drop you on your ass then and there.”

“Can we talk?” he asked, his eyes pleading.

I looked away, knowing if I didn’t, I would give in. “There really isn’t anything left to talk about, Jace.”

“Maybe you don’t have anything to say, but I have plenty.” He leaned down, his face coming closer. I tried to turn my head, but his scent filled my nose anyway, and my body began to shake in reaction. It had been so long since the last time we’d made love, and I wanted him so fucking badly. His nearness alone was making my breasts swell and my nipples harden, pressing painfully against the material of my bra. “Just give me a chance, Kin. Let me explain about Eden and why—”

“Stop,” I whispered fiercely, stepping back from him. “All the chances for explanations have come and gone.” I looked at him then, letting him see my tears, my pain. “You had a year to tell me, and you stayed silent. You blocked me out even more than you normally do during that time, and I’m disgusted with myself for letting you treat me like that.”

“I’m sorry,” he groaned. “Baby, I never meant to push you away. Fuck. I just didn’t want her crap to touch you.”

“All I have ever wanted was to come first with you, Jace. That was why we broke up when you first came out here with the band. I thought…” I sucked in a shuddery breath. “I thought when we got back together, things would change. We loved each other, we were finally back together after months of fighting, and I thought we could move forward. But I was living in a fool’s paradise. You couldn’t even bring yourself to confide in me about your sister, and I get that you were trying to protect Kassa. Really, I do. But you could have told me. You should have told me.”

“I know,” he agreed, cupping my face in both his hands. “I know, baby. And I’m sorry about all of that. It’s not going to happen again. I promise you.”

“I wish I could believe you, but you’ve already broken my heart twice. I’m not giving you a third chance to stomp all over it.”

“I won’t. Not ever again.” Tears filled his eyes, and he didn’t seem to care that anyone in the store could see us. “Take me back, Kin. Let me prove how much I really do love you.”

“I can’t.”

“I bought a ring when I got back to LA after you left me in Virginia,” he announced, and my heart leaped in my chest. “I was stupid for not asking you to marry me the second you turned eighteen. I was crazy to think we didn’t have to get married until later on. You are the most important person in the world to me, and I fucked up by not showing you that every single day.”

I pushed his hands away, stepping back. “Don’t. I’m not arguing with you about that here.”

“Marry me, Kin,” he commanded, his voice rough with emotion. “Let’s stop this madness and get back the happiness I took for granted.”

“I said, stop it, Jace.”

“Why?” he demanded. “I love you. You love me. Let’s get married.”

“Because you being sorry isn’t reason enough to get married!” I exploded. “Marriage wasn’t even on your radar until I brought it up the night we broke up. You freaked out, like I was asking you to commit murder instead of asking you why you didn’t even want to move in together.”

“Kin, just let me explain.”

“Here we are,” the manager said merrily as she appeared with Jace’s large gift bag in one hand and pulling a small cart with my own present behind her. As soon as she felt the tension between us, she paused. “Is everything okay?”

I put some much-needed distance between Jace and me, giving the woman a tight smile. “Thanks for everything. I’ll take that, thanks.” I bent and lifted the wrapped box. I was glad it wasn’t overly heavy so I wouldn’t have to struggle to get it into my Range Rover. Avoiding Jace’s gaze, I walked away.

Outside, I set the gift on the ground and opened the back of my Range Rover, but before I could lift the box again, Jace was there to do it for me. Placing it securely inside, he turned to me and cupped my face. “I love you.”

My chin began to tremble. “Stop.”

“I know you’re not ready yet. That you need more time. But we will discuss this, and you will listen to what I need to tell you, baby. I can wait, barely, but I can.” He touched his lips to my forehead before stepping back. “Don’t cry,” he ordered, his voice hoarse. “I don’t want you driving upset.”

“Jace—”

“I love you,” he said again before walking toward his car.