Chapter 9

Kin

I didn’t think it was possible for Jace to hurt me more than he already had, yet there I stood, my heart hemorrhaging from the direct blow he’d made to it. I felt like I was exsanguinating, as if I might actually die from the pain at the realization that Jace actually didn’t love me as much as I did him.

I sucked in a breath, trying to make the pain stop, but there was no way to escape it.

“Kin, that’s not what I meant. Baby, I… I… Fuck, why can’t I find the words to fix this?” he groaned, scrubbing a hand over his jaw before raking his fingers through his hair.

“Let’s face it, Jace,” I told him, blinking back the tears that just kept coming. “What we once had is over. You keeping secrets from me showed me just how far off course we have really gotten.”

“No. I can fix this. We can work through this.” He went to grasp my hand, but I pulled back. “Counseling. Yeah, that’s it. We can go to counseling. Whatever you want, baby. Anything.”

“I asked you to go to counseling with me back in January,” I reminded him in a tired voice. “You couldn’t be bothered. It’s too late, Jace. I’m done.”

Panic filled his eyes, but I couldn’t let his anguish dissuade me. I had to respect myself, love myself more than I loved him, or I was never going to get through this.

“You should go,” I told him, suddenly feeling like there was a ten-ton weight on my chest.

“Kin, baby, I love you.” Tears replaced the panic, and I couldn’t look at him. His pain only magnified my own. “I love you so fucking much.”

“Please go.”

“Look at me, damn it!” He was in front of me, barely an inch separating us, but I couldn’t lift my eyes to meet his gaze. If I did, I knew it would be game over. I would want him to hold me, to make this all better. But that would be like putting a bandage on a mortal wound. It couldn’t save us; it wouldn’t even stop us from bleeding out.

His chilled fingers touched my chin, urging me to look up at him, but I clenched my eyes closed. He lowered his head, his breath brushing over my cheek seconds before his lips touched the corner of my mouth. “I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you every day for the rest of my life. Nothing will change that, ever.”

“Please, just go,” I choked out, fighting back a sob.

“I will, for now.” His thumb caressed over my jaw and down my neck before pressing into the pulse at the base of my throat. “But this isn’t over, Kin. I won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past.”

My eyes were still clenched shut tight, so I couldn’t see what he was doing, couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His lips skimmed across my cheek until he reached my ear. “You are my life, my soul. I won’t ever give up on us.”

His arms came around me, holding me so tight that I thought for a moment he could put me back together, but then he kissed the top of my head. He stepped back and I instantly missed the warmth of his body, but I still kept my eyes closed, holding on to the sobs that wanted to be set free until I heard the door click closed behind him.

A pained cry left my lips, breaking the dam that held back the sobs. My knees gave out, and I dropped to the floor. I was thankful the room was soundproof, because the noises that left me scared me, and I knew they would terrify anyone outside those four walls.

--

Somehow, I managed to pick myself up and find the bathroom. I blew my nose and washed my face, trying to regain some semblance of control over my emotions. I couldn’t let this pain rule me. There were other things to worry about instead of a broken heart.

Like getting the demos recorded so Aunt Emmie could jump-start my new career. I was taking a year off from college to see what could happen. The royalties from the songs I’d already sold were enough to live off for years if I needed to, so it wasn’t like I needed money, but Aunt Emmie really wanted me to turn singing into something substantial. With her help, I knew I could.

First, I needed to get the demos ready for her. Then she could get me a record deal, and we could move on from there.

That she wanted me to sign with the same label as Tainted Knights didn’t make me particularly happy. Any other musician would have been jumping through hoops even to be considered by Petrova. Me, on the other hand…I couldn’t really stand the guy behind the music label. It wasn’t like I had a reason to dislike him either, but from the first time he was introduced to me at a party to celebrate TK getting the contract with his label, I’d hated him.

But if Aunt Emmie thought it was the best route to take, I would have to trust her.

After cleaning up, I noticed more than an hour had passed since my meltdown with Jace. Shane was back in the control room when I got to the recording booth, and thankfully, Amara was in there with him and Mason.

But I still felt like I was going to implode.

“Relax, Kin.” Shane’s voice filled the booth, as if he thought I was nervous. “It’s just me, Amara, and Mason in here. Give me all you got, sweetheart, and I’ll do the rest. Yeah?”

I nodded, but I knew I couldn’t start. Not yet. It was too much, and if I didn’t do something, I was going to…

I threw my head back and screamed out my frustration, knowing no one in the world could hear me through those soundproof walls, not even the three people staring at me like I was losing my mind.

Arms wrapped around me, and I sagged against Amara, letting my pregnant friend slash manager comfort me. I hesitated for only a minute before wrapping my arms around her in return and closing my eyes.

“I hate the world right now,” I told her in a hoarse voice. “Maybe we should just wait a few days to do this.”

“Nah,” Amara said, leaning back to look down at me with a reassuring smile. “I think you’re going to do great today. Artists need passion, and no one said it had to be happy passion.”

“This isn’t passion,” I mumbled. “It’s a desperation to eradicate all the liars in my life—and the inability to accomplish such a feat without going to prison.”

Her snort of laughter was adorable, and I wondered how Cash had ever let this chick get away. “Yeah, I’ve been there a few times. But experience has taught me that the best way to get back at those idiots is just to move on.”

“Easier said than done.” Sighing, I pushed my hair back from my face. “But you’re right. It’s definitely time to move on. I’m just glad it’s Friday.”

“You need a night out,” she informed me, pulling out her phone. “This calls for a girls’ night. I’m taking you out, getting you drunk—and maybe laid if you’re up for that. I’m making you turn off everything even remotely related to Jace St. Charles.”

“Fuck yeah,” I laughed, but it came out more than a little shaky. Remembering I’d told Angie and Lucy we would have a night out, I asked Amara to make sure to invite them. “You two preggos can watch the rest of us shoot tequila together.”

She grinned. “Sounds like a date. Riley is making all the plans as we speak.”

I grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Thanks, Amara. I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few months without you beside me to keep me straight.”

She hugged me again. “Just remember you’re not alone, babe. I’m here anytime you need me.” Stepping back, she squeezed my shoulders. “Now, deep breath. Suck it up and put all the feels into your music. You got this. You’re going to be a motherfucking rock star.”

For the first time all day, my excitement was enough to push down thoughts of Jace. “Yeah.” I nodded, feeling the confidence filling me, and straightened my shoulders with determination. “Yeah, you’re right. Fuck Jace. Let’s do this.”