Dom

There’s nothing better after a weekend of sex and submission than curling up on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and some Netflix. I chuckle at the thought. What would Jacki think if I sent that to her in a text? Her head would explode, that’s for sure. I don’t want to bother her if she’s still enjoying her weekend with Eric, so I let the thought pass and promise myself I’ll shock her later.

I stretch out on the couch, draping one leg over the back while a pillow supports my head, and dig my spoon into the ice cream. My mind wanders as I stare at the TV. I kissed Nate goodbye this morning, told him I had a wonderful time and promised I’d see him at work tomorrow. But now, as I sit here, my legs sore and my ladies parts throbbing, my mind wandering down unfamiliar paths, I start to get antsy. Nate says there’s strength in submission and in the moment, I agreed with him. Now that I’m alone, left to wonder about all the things I let him do to me, all the ways I let him into my head. I begged him for his cock, for God’s sake. I thanked him when he spanked me and called him Sir. I was raw and uncensored and for as much as I loved it, I’m starting to wonder if this was a mistake.

Is there strength in submission? Or is it the worst kind of weakness? How can I have pride in my place as an independent woman after spending the last few days with my eyes in my lap and yes, Sir on my lips? How is there strength in denying the most basic parts of my personality? I am not submissive, damn it. I sit up, no longer comfortable laying down, and put my ice cream on the coffee table. My phone pings.

6:02 pm Jacki-O: Can I come over?

Well hell, that’s not a good sign.

6:03 pm Me: Of course. You okay?

The dots that mean Jacki is typing a message bounce for a long time. I pick up my ice cream and fish out a bite.

6:06 pm Jacki-O: no

6:06 pm Jacki-O: tell you when I get there.

This doesn’t bode well. Not at all. Drama will ensue. I take on last bite of the ice cream and put the lid on the container, sighing sadly as I put it back in the freezer. I head to the bedroom to put on a bra and curse when the buzzer rings at the door. Of course, she was mostly here before she thought to text. I pull my shirt over my head and press the button.

“Come on up,” I say into the intercom.

“Ms. Thorne?” Charlie’s voice surprises me.

“I’m sorry. I’m waiting for a friend and I thought you were here.”

“There’s a delivery for you. Shall I send him up?”

A delivery? I don’t remember ordering anything.

I press the button on the intercom. “Go ahead and send him up.” I wait by the door and open it when someone knocks lightly, surprised to find Jeremiah smiling, a massive bouquet of exotic flowers in his hands.

“Good evening, Ms. Thorne. You look well.”

“Hello, Jeremiah.”

He hands me the bouquet. “Mr. Wellington sends his regards.” Jeremiah tips his hat, drops one of his heavy lids in a wink, and backs away. “Have a good night, Ms. Thorne.”

I call a goodbye after him and close the door, juggling the bouquet in my hands before finding a space for it on a my coffee table. I pull the card out and find a note scrawled across the paper in Nate’s clean handwriting.

A smile works its way across my face and I press the card to my chest. He’s right. It was no small thing. He has a part of me that no one else has ever seen, not even Jacki. And if I just stop overthinking about it, I can admit that I enjoyed relaxing into his control. I slide the card back into the envelope. I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow. There’s something between us worth investigating and maybe there is strength in submission after all. But only to Nate and only in bed. For the rest of the world? Nothing’s changed.

The intercom buzzes and I let Jacki in. She pushes into my apartment, wheeling her suitcase behind her, tears streaming down her face.

“Men. Suck.” She lets go of her suitcase and drops onto my couch.

“I’ll stop you when you’re wrong.” I pull the ice cream back out of the freezer, grab a new spoon, and hand it to Jacki. “What happened?”

She pops a bite of Half Baked into her mouth. “It was amazing. At first. Hot jacuzzi sex. Great views and good conversation.” She swallows her bite and goes back for more. “But then his other girlfriend showed up.”

“You’re kidding.” I know she’s not. Jacki has a knack for picking the wrong kind of men.

“I’m not.” She waves her spoon at me. “But wait. It gets better. This chick? She wasn’t surprised to see me. Oh no. She knew. In fact, they’d been planning an ambush for weeks.” She swipes at her tears with the back of her hand, more angry than sad now.

“An ambush?” I take the ice cream and spoon from her and scoop out a bite for myself.

“Yep. They thought I’d be just the woman to round out their threesome.”

“No way.”

“Yes way.” She snatches the ice cream and spoon and tucks her legs up underneath her.

“What did you do?”

She looks away from me. “I considered it.”

“You did not.”

“I did.” She shrugs. “She was cute and I’ve never had a threesome before. But, I don’t know. The more I thought about it, the less I liked it. I’m really tired of meaningless connections. I don’t want to just keep doing the same old thing—”

“A threesome is the same old thing?” I raise an eyebrow.

“No. But, yeah, kind of. Running from one crazy sexual experience to the next? That’s the same old thing. I’m ready to settle down, Dom. Open up to someone and share something deep and meaningful with them.” She waves her spoon at the flowers from Nate. “Looks like your weekend went well.”

I study the flowers and smile. “It was an experience, that’s for sure.”

Jacki swipes at her eyes. “Uh-oh. Are those apology flowers?”

“No.” I shake my head. “We had a good time.” My mind is going a mile a minute. The things Jacki said she wanted, the meaningful connection, opening up and sharing something special, I had that with Nate this weekend. I shared something with him that I didn’t even know existed in me. And as off-kilter as it has me, if I sit really still and stop trying to analyze my way through it I can admit that it feels good. It might be scary, but sometimes the things that scare us the most are the things that will make us happiest.

“So…” Jacki pushes her back against the armrest of the couch. “Are you going to spill it or do I have to sit here and keep guessing?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I smile at my best friend. “Besides, tonight isn’t about me. It’s about you and your crappy weekend.”

“Oh, Dom. Whatever. We all know I make bad choices with men. This weekend is just, I don’t know. Monumental? Is that the word? I knew on some level that I wanted to just give myself to someone, but I hadn’t admitted it yet.”

Just give myself to someone. Those words echo in my mind, setting off a chain reaction of thoughts.

“But now,” Jacki continues. “I’m so completely aware that’s what I want that I can make the right decisions from this point forward.

I laugh. “Right. Because you and good decisions go hand in hand.”

Jacki rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine. I can try to make good decisions. Feel better now?”

I nod. “Do you?”

“Honestly, I do. I want to make a big deal out of it, but I can’t even really work myself up to crying.”

I don’t point out that she was in tears when she barged into my apartment. “Well good. I’m glad you had a shitty weekend and learned an important lesson.” I drop her a wink. I’m not glad she had a shitty weekend, but if she learned something about herself in the process, that can only be a good thing, right?

Jacki frowns at me. “What’s different about you?”

“Huh?”

“Something’s different about you. I don’t know. I’ve been here for at least twenty minutes and haven’t wanted to call you an asshole yet.”

I make a face. “Thanks?”

“No seriously. What’s with you? You’re like, not scary right now. Like, you’re not on edge or something. Did you take a Xanax?”

“Right. Because I’m the kind of woman who feels comfortable taking mind-altering drugs.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t know, Jacki. I had a good weekend and am feeling super relaxed. I’m sorry if I’m usually super intense and scary.”

She sits up, her eyes wide. “See! That’s what I mean. You never apologize for being super intense. You wear it like a badge of honor.” Her eyes go to the flowers. “What did Nate do to you?”

He called me a bad girl and spanked me until I came, choked me with his cock, and led me around his multi-million-dollar condo with his belt.

I almost say it to her. Almost. But that isn’t something I want to share with her. Those truths are just for me and Nate. “We had a good weekend,” I say instead.

“Holy shit. Are you blushing?” Jacki drops her feet to the floor and leans forward. “Domino Thorne is blushing?” My best friend shakes her head. “That man must be some sort of master in the bedroom.”

I suppress a giggle. If only she knew.