SAWYER

(YEARS AGO)

1.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you.”

We were on the roof of an abandoned building, the kind of place where bad things happen to bad people who were up to no good. Tonight, it was just me and Kate. Well, us and an audience of about ten billion stars. She made a few comments about life needing to calm down, and I agreed with her. So I brought some sleeping bags and blankets up here to have a secret place to hide out. We were in one sleeping bag, her warm body pressed against mine. We had been looking up at the stars, the two of us trying to point out constellations, but we had no idea what we were looking at. Back in high school, the geeks paid attention when the lights went out in the classroom to learn about the stars, planets, and all that shit, but for me and Kate, it was time to fool around. For me, I found a galaxy in each of her eyes, and our orbits were always destined to collide.

Although collision was sometimes a really bad thing…

“Something you’ve always wanted to ask me,” I said. “And what’s that, darling?”

“Why do they call you Saint?”

I laughed. “We’re up here staring into space, forgetting about the world that wants us apart, and you’re worried about my name?”

“Yeah,” Kate said. “I went away for a summer and came back to you being called Saint. Everyone worshipping you.”

“I guess I offered them a holy experience while you were gone. It’s just how much I love you.”

Kate swallowed hard. She never got over those summers she had been ripped away from me. Mostly because I knew in her wild eyes and her passionate heart she thought I did stuff with someone else. Sometimes the heart was the hardest thing to convince. People always said that the brain controls the body but trust me, it’s the heart. The heart can tell the brain to tell the body what to feel.

I touched Kate’s face and swore I could still see the green of her eyes shining brighter than any damn star in the sky.

“You really want to know why they call me Saint?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“When you were gone, I became a sort of a peace maker with everyone,” I said. “I had to distract myself so I didn’t lose my mind without you. I did anything possible for anyone who needed it. When the guys got into a war with some crew across town, I got between them to keep things from getting out of hand. At night when I couldn’t sleep I drew pictures. I drew everything that would become the portfolio for the launch of the tattoo shop.”

“So that’s where St. Skin came from,” Kate said.

“Yeah,” I said. “What’s got you so interested?”

“I don’t know,” Kate said. “I’m just curious. You don’t seem like a saint at all.”

“Oh, darling, I’m far from a saint,” I whispered. I turned in the sleeping bag to face her. “I’m the devil in disguise and you’re all mine.”

I growled as I kissed Kate. She laughed as I scooped her up into my arms.

I was done talking. I was done looking at the damn stars too.

I had Kate. I had St. Skin.

I had everything.

Which meant I had everything to lose.

* * *

*MONTHS LATER*

SAWYER

2.

I threw the first punch. To be fair, it was years in the making. Where did it start? How did it lead to that exact moment? Those details were fuzzy. Maybe it was the whiskey, maybe it was everything else around me. But all I knew was that as Tate ran his mouth I told myself it was for the last damn time. I dove across two seats, hitting both River and Maddox out of my way, and I got to Tate.

Finally.

What really set me the hell off was that as we all hung out at Little Mikey’s, Kate chose to sit somewhere else. She was two seats away from Tate, sitting with a couple of her friends that I really didn’t know. Friends that were only there for the experience of the outlaw bad boy biker and tattoo experience.

I was there on business. And things weren’t going my way.

Maybe it was bad for business to punch the guy that owned half the tattoo shop, but oh well, once my fist connected with Tate’s jaw, there was no taking it back.

The bar instantly erupted with yells. I think it was more shock than anything else. Considering the size of myself and Tate, if we really did come down to blows, there wasn’t anyone that could stop it. That meant poor Pecker behind the bar would have to call the cops and they’d have to come and arrest us to stop the fight.

Maddox hooked his arm into mine and I spun him like a toy. For a split second it looked like we were dancing but Maddox went flying across the floor. Tate had stumbled back, holding his jaw, his eyes locked to mine. I looked at Kate and her beautiful green eyes weren’t the same. For every step I had taken on her precious heart, she had taken the same on mine.

So, yeah, maybe that’s what this was all about.

River put a hand to my shoulder and said something soothing. That was just River being River. Forever the bad ass romantic. But this was a guy who spent his life forever waiting for a woman to come back and meet up with him. To me, if you wanted something that bad, you went and fucking got it.

I gave River a warning to let me go and he did.

Maddox regained his footing and went to Tate, putting a hand to his chest, as though that was going to stop Tate if he chose to come after me.

He didn’t.

He just stood there.

And Kate just sat there.

And everyone looked at me.

Now, the whole story? Tate and I hadn’t spoken a word all night. We had been sitting there, drinking, a normal night for us. So, yeah, it was a little out of the blue for me to just lunge at him and punch him.

But he deserved it.

Trust me, he deserved it… and then some.

* * *

*A FEW MINUTES LATER*

SAWYER

3.

I stepped outside, licking my lips, wishing I had fresh whiskey. I should have just stayed put at the damn bar and drank myself into darkness. But there was no staying calm around Kate. And all the shit between me and Tate had reached its peak a long time ago and was just waiting to explode. Hell, there was plenty still to deal with but I was just going to hang outside and catch my breath.

I never intended to open St. Skin and have this mess happen. St. Skin was my escape from the world I had been tossed into. Tate had every right to be pissed off at me but all I ever asked for was trust. From him. From Kate. And that never really came. Instead, it was a storm. I was done with the storm. It was pretty clear that this shit wasn’t going to pass. I wasn’t going to hold an umbrella or stand there in the rain like some fucking cliché.

I cut my own path in life once, I could do it again.

I walked toward the side of the bar and froze when I saw something I never thought possible.

Tate standing with Kate. I’d be a fool to not know those two hadn’t had several conversations about me. Maybe it was their way of trying to cope with me. I was glad they had each other though. I didn’t have enough whiskey in my head to calm the racing thoughts. I stood there and watched the two of them talking. Kate hugging herself, a cigarette in her right hand. Amazing how she hated that shit, but now suddenly she loved to smoke. Tate stood in front of her, a giant, but if came down to it, I would put my money on Kate taking out Tate.

They were talking and I couldn’t hear them.

I thought about emerging from the shadows and having a conversation, but the cuts were too deep. Some stuff could scar over but some stuff would just bleed for the rest of your life.

Before I could take a step, Tate touched his jaw. Then Kate reached up and peeled Tate’s hand away. Her hand slid along his jaw.

I watched it happening as though I were imagining it. But this was real. This was fucking real.

And it left me with two choices.

Go over there and finish the fight with Tate.

Or get on my ride and go.

I made sure my motorcycle roared as I rode past them.

I told myself I would figure things out by morning.

It would take me years to come back.