Deegan jerked to a sitting position. The bed was empty. He looked around the room, searching for Kiersten, but she was nowhere in the apartment.
He reached for his phone and dialed her number, but she didn’t answer.
Sliding into jeans and dragging on a shirt and boots, he left the apartment and stepped out into the drizzling rain. He shivered against the cool breeze and cursed. He’d rather be back in bed, with Kiersten, repeating what they’d shared earlier. Where could she have gone?
Making his way down the stairs, his boots landed on the soggy dirt and he squinted, looking through the dark. Using the light on his phone, he followed the worn path toward the lit stables where he heard noises.
By the time he made it to the building the rain had picked up and his T-shirt was soaked, but he couldn’t go back to the apartment until he found Kiersten. He stepped in, instantly gratified by the warmth and the rich scent of straw. The stables were kept clean and tidy and everything was organized.
He heard one of the gates shut and found Kiersten and Cull.
“There you are. I was looking for you.” His smile fizzled when he saw the frowns on both of their faces.
Cull strolled toward him and patted his shoulder. “Sorry, man,” he said, then kept on walking.
Deegan didn’t take his eyes off Kiersten who was staring at him in return, her hands on her hips and one corner of her lips dipped into a frown. “Did I miss something?” he asked.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What?”
“That Cull mentioned to you about my plans to have a baby.” Her arms dropped to her sides.
He shrugged. “I planned to.”
“When?”
Decreasing the space between them, he stood close to her but kept some distance between them because he could see her agitation. “When it was right, I guess.” He blew out a long breath. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m crazy about you and I ain’t running. That doesn’t scare me.” He hooked his thumbs into his pockets. It was time he laid everything out on the table, good or bad, because he meant what he said back at the apartment. He didn’t want to lose her.
She blinked as if she was having a difficult time absorbing his words. “You don’t know me. One night two years ago and a few days of investigating a case together doesn’t mean we’re now open books.”
“This is what happens when two people like each other. They get to know things about one another.”
There was no softness to her features and he was getting the idea that they were headed in the wrong direction. “We had unprotected sex, Deegan. Isn’t that skipping some of the steps?”
He shrugged. “Is that what this is about? That we didn’t use protection? Would it be so bad if we conceived a child? You want to, right?”
Her eyes widened. “Are you listening to yourself? This is crazy!”
“I’ve been thinking about this—”
“All of three days?”
“Sometimes it doesn’t take long to know what we want. I want you, Kiersten, and if you’re wanting a baby, I want to prove that I’m the man for the job.”
*
An unfamiliar feeling raced through Kiersten. How had they gotten here? They slept together and now he wanted a baby with her.
Centering her mind, she couldn’t seem to wrap her mouth around the words she wanted to say.
“You want a baby, right?” he asked again.
There were at least ten ways she could answer, but all would be anything but the truth. She didn’t want to lie to him—didn’t feel like she could. “Yes, I do. Several months ago, I signed up with an agency that finds a prospective mate who will help.” Seeing his skeptical expression, she warned him, “Don’t judge me.”
“I won’t judge you, but isn’t that a bit…well, sterile? An arranged baby-making-relationship doesn’t feel right.”
With a sigh, she said, “It’s whatever you make of it. I wasn’t getting anywhere on my own and the clock is ticking.”
The area between his brows creased. “When I think of two people making a baby I think of passion, caring, a connection. When I think of you, I can’t imagine a man touching you without all those things—and it kills me to think of a man touching you any way. You deserve to be loved—made love to—Kiersten. Just like we shared up at the apartment.”
The effect of his words danced around inside her bloodstream. “This isn’t about making love, Deegan. This is about having something that I want. A child.”
“Why can’t you have both?” He lifted a brow.
Kiersten tilted her head, looking at the man who made her knees weak. “That was a wish once upon a time.”
He took a step closer, so close that she caught his scent—leather and sandalwood. Her body trembled, wanting to relish in his touch again. “It can still happen. I’m here. I want to make all your dreams come true.”
“If only it was that easy,” she whispered.
“It feels like we’re always having this same conversation.”
“Maybe because you never listen.”
He picked her up into his arms, holding her close. She stared into his eyes, wanting to swim in the dark depths. What she wanted was to forget the hurdles that existed between them. He sat down on a bale of hay, keeping her on his lap.
“Why do you make things so hard between us?” Amusement glimmered in his eyes.
“Why do you brush off the important things?” She swallowed hard when he brought her hand to his lips to kiss the backs of her knuckles, then entwined their fingers. His heat seeped into her, hypnotizing her senses. She couldn’t imagine anything better than being here with Deegan. He made everything seem so calm, so right, and why did she lose all logic when he looked at her with his amazing eyes?
“I’ll quit the Department.”
She blinked, not sure she heard right. “Quit? You can’t do that.”
He shrugged, stretching the sleeve of his shirt up on his large bicep. “There are other jobs, but there’s only one you.” He nuzzled his nose against her neck. “Stop fighting me, sweetheart. Stop fighting these feelings.”
Deegan could see the wheels churning through her eyes. He’d never been the best communicator, but he also didn’t like beating around the bush. He slid his finger along the delicate line of her cheek, following the plumpness of her bottom lip, wanting to undress her and explore her with his tongue. Yet, now wasn’t the time. He needed her to understand that he was serious.
“See what I mean. Everything is just so simple for you. As if sleeping together mends all the issues.”
He touched her hand and she trembled under him. “I decided this before we slept together.”
Shoulder slumped and wearing a frown, she gave her head a small shake, sending tendrils of hair around her cheeks. “Well, I’m glad you have this all figured out.”
“I don’t, sweetheart, but sometimes things come along that we can’t fight. I can’t fight my feelings for you any more than I can predict what tomorrow brings.”
“This is too much to think about on an empty stomach.”
He smiled. “You’re hungry?”
“Very much.” She stood.
“How about I make you my specialty.” He stood, taking her hand and together they walked outside.
“Specialty?”
“Meaning it’s about the only thing I can make.”
Ten minutes later, Deegan was in the kitchen taking out slices of cheese, salami and ham from the fridge and grabbing a loaf of bread from the cabinet. Heating a skillet on the stove and dropping in a dollop of butter, he tossed in a handful of ham and warmed it, then toasted the bread until golden brown. He layered mayonnaise, mustard, salami, ham, cheese then topped it with a toasted slice of bread. After two sandwiches were made, he set the paper plates on the bar where she was sitting and he joined her.
“They smell delicious.”
They ate in silence and the moment she chewed her last bite, he swiveled on the stool and looked at her. “Now that you have a full stomach, we can discuss what we started down at the stables.”
She looked uncomfortable as she slid off the stool, grabbed her empty plate, and threw it in the trashcan. “Thank you for that delicious meal. I’ll clean up the mess.”
“I made it so I’ll help and we can talk while we’re doing it.” He joined her in the kitchen, remembering what almost happened between them before when they were here together.
Kiersten made no argument with him but opened the door to the dishwasher and loaded the pan and silverware while he closed the containers on the deli meat and cheese and replaced them in the fridge. It didn’t take long before the kitchen was spotless and they still hadn’t said one word.
“How much longer do you plan to procrastinate?” he said.
She turned to look at him, working her bottom lip. “You really want to do this? Discuss you and me, and a baby?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I think you’re crazy,” she blurted out.
“Maybe just a bit, but aren’t we all?”
“You’re not thinking clearly.” She stepped out of the kitchen and plopped down on the couch, pulling the pillow into her lap. Was it to keep her from feeling vulnerable? He’d never hurt her, not intentionally.
Sitting on the coffee table, the wood creaked under his weight, but it was the best seat in the house if he wanted to see her face while he talked to her. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he hesitated before starting the conversation. Kiersten was a hard nut to crack, and he didn’t want to “crack” her, but marinate her in his attention. “My clock is ticking too. Up until lately I haven’t really thought about my future, kids, but there’s a time for everything.”
“And you think your time is right now?” One dark brow came up.
“I think we have a future. I think you do too and that’s why you’re so scared.”
Her fingers moved across the fringe of the pillow, plucking and wrapping the strands around her fingers. Was she trembling? “I’m not scared. I’m rational.”
“Okay, but even rational people have to realize when there’s something great within their reach.”
She removed the pillow and planted her feet on the floor, situated between his legs. “Decisions like these can’t be made quickly. I’m tired.”
He scraped his hand down his jaw. “Want me to take the couch?”
“No, I want you to sleep with me. Only holding, no sex, because right now I need to allow my brain to get back on track.” Her cheeks turned a slight pink, making her look adorable. When didn’t she?
“I’m going to take a shower. Okay?” He needed a cold one. Ice cold. And a very long one to scrub out the dirty avenues of his brain so he didn’t screw up and get a hard on. He wanted her to see that he was more than a fuck. If a man had the balls to ask a woman to have his baby, then he needed to prove he was a mature man who could control his body.
“Sure. I’ll meet you in bed,” she said, and he watched her sashay her little ass down the hall toward the bedroom.
He stepped into the bathroom, closed the door, and knocked his head against the wood and cursed. He braced his hands on the edge of the sink and stared at himself in the mirror. “Bro, you’re in big trouble.”
“Deegan? Did you say something?” Kiersten called out.
“Uh…no.” He opened the door and there she was, standing by the bathroom and fuckity fuck! She was wearing that T-shirt again. The one that had so many holes—peep holes.
“Alright. Just checking. Do you have a fresh towel in there?”
He looked at the shelf. “Yes. I’m good.” Liar. You’re freaking going insane.
“See you in bed.” She gave him a small smile and again he watched her walk.
In the shower, he turned the temperature to blue-balls-cold and stood underneath the spray until he believed he was sufficiently an ice cube. Scrubbing quickly, he got out, dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He forgot to bring a fresh pair of boxers in with him.
Kiersten was asleep when he walked into the bedroom. The sheet was slung over her hip with one toned leg sticking out. What he wouldn’t give to wake her with his tongue.
He pulled on his boxers and…
“Do you prefer a side?”
He jumped a little, thinking she was asleep.
“I can sleep on either.” He tossed the wet towel over the arm of the chair and crawled into bed.
She rolled and looked at him, smiling. “Who would have even thought this would happen. That we’d be sharing a bed.”
“Yeah, I certainly wouldn’t have thought it possible, unless it was a burning bed.”
“You really thought I disliked you that much?”
“Pretty much. I’ll never forget the time you called me into your office and told me I was an incapable dimwit that should be working a chain gang and not a crime scene.”
She popped her head up, her mouth twisting. “I said no such thing.”
He laughed. “No, but I could read between the lines.” He closed his eyes, feeling exhaustion fill his muscles.
“Do you like undercover work?”
“I do.” He opened one eye to a slit. “Do you enjoy being a supervisor?”
“At times. I can’t believe the killer hasn’t called yet.”
He opened both eyes. “Honestly, I’d forgotten about the case.”
She was plucking at a thread on the sheet. “That’s easy to do here on the ranch. It’s like an island.”
Should he even mention that it was easy for him to forget anything when she was around. No, he needed to keep things distant if he planned to keep his hands off her. “Much different out here than in the city.”
Her hair was spread out over the pillow. Her cheeks were rosy, and she looked beautiful. “I guess I should let you sleep.”
“I reckon so.” He closed his eyes, feeing an urge in his body. Behave yourself.
“One more question, Deegan.” Her voice was soft. “What do you know about children that would make you offer to have one with me?”
He didn’t even open his eyes. “Not a damn thing. But what I do know is that I want you, Kiersten. Not for just today. Not for just tomorrow. But for always.”
Then silence took over as they fell asleep.
Deegan popped up from the bed, unsure of what awoke him until he saw that the screen on his phone was lit up. Max had left a voice message.
“I think I know who killed her, Deegan. Meet me at my office tonight.”
Looking over at Kiersten, she had her back to him and the sheet was tossed to the side. The T-shirt had ridden high up on her waist and her itty-bitty blue thong exposed her firm ass. His cock jerked and he could barely breathe, but he had a crime to solve.
Shaking her shoulder gently, he then swept the hair off her cheek. She stretched, and her eyes fluttered open. “Deegan? What’s wrong?” She sat up.
“Max called me. He said he has news.”