Light stings my eyes and soft cursing pulls me out of sleep in the middle of the night.
Trin’s at her computer again. This time I don’t get up. I just watch her. It’s bugging the fuck out of me that I can’t figure out what she’s up to.
I end up falling asleep going over all the possible scenarios.
In the morning I’m alone. On my way out of the bathroom, my hip knocks her chair, which bumps into the desk.
Her computer screen lights up.
“What the ever-loving fuck?”
A sharp intake of breath behind me turns my head from the screen. “What are you doing?” Trin yelps and runs over to shut the screen off.
“What am I doing? What the hell is that?”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe you went snooping through my stuff!”
“I didn’t snoop.” Not today anyway. “I’m a little fuckin’ unsteady on my feet and bumped into your desk.” Why am I explaining myself? She’s the one who has some explaining to do.
Her bottom lip rolls, and she nibbles on it. Fuckin’ great, she’s tryin’ to distract me by being cute.
“Trin?”
She swings her gaze to me and her eyes are all shiny. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“At what? Why you got half-naked guys on your computer, Trin?”
Her chest rises and falls as she takes a deep breath. “It’s a book cover. I’ve been taking these digital art classes. Well, I was. Not since—”
“What?”
“Not since I started helping you prepare for the fight. Because they were Saturday classes and you needed my help.”
I’m so fucking confused right now.
I drop down on the bed and motion her over. “Start at the beginning.”
Cheeks bright pink, eyes still glassy like she might cry, my poor girl’s twisted up in knots. “I started messing around for fun, just doing little digital art pieces. I posted a few on this site I belong to and someone asked if they could use it for a book cover. Then someone else saw my name in that book and contacted me and it went from there. When I realized I needed to learn some better programs and techniques I started taking classes at the art center over in Ironworks—”
“You’ve been going to Ironworks, by yourself?”
“Yeah. I don’t wear anything that identifies me as belonging to the club. I’m allowed to do that.”
She’s right. Still hate the idea of her being in Viper territory by herself. But at the same time, I admire her determination.
“It’s right over the bridge, barely inside their territory,” she assures me.
“Okay. Continue.”
“That’s it. But I’m behind on a few projects which is why I’ve been working at night.”
Because of me. Fuck. “And the classes?”
“I’m going to sign up for a couple of one-day sessions when you’re better.”
“You dropped out ‘cause of me?” Here I was trying to give her something to focus on, but she already had something and I ruined it for her.
“I didn’t drop out. They’re going to let me use my remaining classes up. It’s not like school where I’m getting a certificate or something.”
Still doesn’t make me feel any better. Something else occurs to me. “So that ‘date’ you told me about, was an art class?”
She dips her head. “Yeah. You hurt my feelings, I wanted to make you jealous.”
Sharp laughter rushes out of me. “Well, you did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I deserved it. I was pretty twisted up after that night, seeing you and Tell—”
Her eyes gloss over with tears again, “I’m sorry.”
My fingers trace along her jaw, tipping her head up so I can see her eyes. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I just wanna explain—”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
Yeah, I guess she does.
“Wait a second. What’s with the half-naked dudes, though? What kind of books are these?”
The pink staining her cheeks gets brighter. “Romance books.”
Don’t laugh. Don’t make her feel bad. Don’t.
I nod at her computer. “Show me.”
She looks downright horrified at the idea. “Come on. Show me how talented my girl is.”
“I used the computers at the school for some of the more complex things. My computer doesn’t have enough memory to use one of the programs I need.” She stations herself in front of the screen and calls up an online bookstore, taps in a few things and brings up a page. There’s a line of maybe fifteen or sixteen book covers and she scrolls through them for me.
“They’re so small, babe. Can you enlarge them?”
She hesitates, but does it one by one. “This book made a list.” She points out a few other details about different ones and I get a little lost, but try to follow her train of thought. Other than our club by-laws, I don’t think I’ve willingly picked up a book since high school. This is a world that’s completely foreign to me. But I can’t help wanting to know more because she lights the fuck up as she’s explaining it to me. I love seeing her so passionate about something—besides sex. She’s so animated and excited, it floors me. She explains the work involved in a rush and it’s clear how much she loves this. That she trusts me enough to share this, even though I sensed how hard it was for her, twists my insides.
“So what’s holding you back?”
A soft blush spreads over her cheeks. “I’m saving up for better equipment. The art center has been nice about letting me use their equipment, but eventually I want my own set up.”
Well, fuck me.
The club has always taken care of her expenses and we pay her a small salary for other stuff she might need, but it ain’t much. I may not know anything about books, but from ordering tech stuff for the club with Z, I know plenty about computers. Gonna take her an awful lot of time to save up for the kind of shit she’s talking about. I’m sure if she asked Rock, he’d get her anything she wanted. Problem is, she’d never ask for anything from the club.
The other problem is I don’t want anyone else helping her with this. I need to do a little research.
An idea begins to take shape in my head, but I keep it to myself.
Telling Wrath about my hobby leaves me feeling raw and exposed.
But he doesn’t make fun of me. He seems genuinely interested.
“I was thinking about asking Hope if she’d help me incorporate. Make it a legit business.” I float the idea to see if he’ll laugh.
“That’s a great idea. I can give it to Glassman’s firm—”
“No!” Wrath seems startled and I try to control my voice. “Please don’t tell any of the guys.”
“Rock doesn’t know?”
My heart thumps a few extra panicked beats. “No. Please. I don’t want—I’d be mortified.”
He tilts his head. “Why? You’re obviously talented and really good at it.”
I don’t have an answer for him.
“You realize with the way Z monitors the internet set up we have here, there’s a good chance he knows anyway, right?”
“I don’t really picture him sifting through my e-mail.”
“He’s a big perv, he could be searching for nudes.”
I shove him away. “Ugh. I’d never do that.”
“No? What about me?”
“You want to send nudes to someone?”
“No. I want you to send them to me.”
“We’ll see.” I don’t give myself time to chicken out before asking my next question. “You know, most stock photos aren’t very good and they get reused a lot. You’d make a great model for me.”
The look on his face is priceless.
“I mean, I could charge more if I had my own original photos.”
“I’m a little old for that, don’t you think?”
Is he kidding? “Uh, no. You’re all muscle-y-male perfection.”
He just keeps staring at me like I’m completely nuts.
Maybe I am.
“I’d only use you from like, the chin down.”
“Not my face?”
“No. The idea is to turn women on, not scare them away.”
He pins me to the bed, shifting so he’s over me. “Think you’re funny don’t you?”
I’m laughing too hard to answer.
The length of his body presses against mine.
Then I’m not laughing anymore. His fingers slide into my hair; a gentle massaging touch I wouldn’t have thought he’d be capable of. “Thank you for confiding in me.”
“Thank you for not laughing.”
He draws back, blue eyes searching my face. “You’re my girl. I wouldn’t laugh.”
Every awful thing ever said about me when I was a kid—ugly, disfigured, damaged, whore—is replaced by two other words. My girl. I adore them, yet I’m so afraid they won’t last.