46
In Jerez, my father doesn’t talk; he just looks at me.
It’s been three days since I came home, and I’m just human debris. He knows that I’m not well and something happened between Eric and me, but he respects my silence. My father’s neighbors are a different story. They’re constantly asking me about “the Frankfurter,” and that throws me into despair.
Somebody tells Fernando I’m back home. He texts me and, on the third day, shows up at the house. I’m over by the pool, lying on a hammock, when I see him come out to the backyard.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” I respond.
He sits down on the hammock next to mine, but he doesn’t say anything. Neither of us says anything. My father peeks out the kitchen window and sees us, but he doesn’t come near us. He waits.
“Are you OK, Judith?”
“Yes.”
Silence again . . .
“I feel bad that you’re here,” Fernando says.
“There’s nothing wrong,” I say with a smile. “As you said, I bashed my head against the wall all by myself.”
“I’m not happy about that, Judith.”
“I know.”
Again, silence between the two of us. Suddenly, the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” comes on the radio, and we can’t help grinning.
“Every time I hear that song, I remember the party at Rocío’s a few years ago,” I say. “Do you remember when we did it to this song?”
Fernando nods and starts to sing along. I join him. He gets up and begins to dance as he sings, and that makes me laugh. Finally, I get up too, and I dance and sing along with him. In that moment, I manage to forget all my troubles. When the song ends, we both laugh and look at each other. I raise my arms in search of a hug.
“This is how I like to see you, Judith. Happy and having fun. Like yourself. Forgive me for sticking my nose in what wasn’t my business, but sometimes, we men can be real idiots.”
“You’re forgiven, Fernando. I need to be forgiven too.”
“Of course. Have absolutely no doubt about that.”
That night, I have dinner with him, and then we go out to places where we know we will run into friends. Nobody makes the slightest reference to the man they’ve seen me with in the past few weeks, and I try to enjoy myself the best I can.
The days pass, and Eric doesn’t contact me. I don’t understand how such a marvelous vacation can end like that, so abruptly and on such a sour note, especially when he and I can understand each other with just a look. These days, Fernando’s presence gives me comfort. He hasn’t tried anything beyond what would be expected of a friend, and I’m grateful to him.
Then without warning, like always, my sister shows up with Jesús and my niece. This makes my father crazy happy. To have both his daughters and his granddaughter here is the most he can hope for, and he can’t contain how proud he is.
Luz, my niece, is a breath of fresh air. My sister and my brother-in-law are happy. They can’t stop flirting, and they go out to dinner every night and come home in the wee hours. This really amuses me. I haven’t seen my sister, Raquel, so satisfied, active, and in love in so many years.
I’m glad for her happiness. I see how my brother-in-law looks at her, how their eyes meet, and how, when they can, they find their intimacy. They’re so obvious, even my father is astonished. My sister tries to talk to me. She knows I’m not doing well, though I smile, but I tell her we can talk later. For the first time in my life, my sister respects my decision. I must look terrible.
One night, after Fernando drops me off at home around three o’clock in the morning, I come into my father’s house and go straight to the porch swing in the backyard. It’s a perfect and marvelously starry night. My father sees me through the window and ambles out to sit by me. He brings two Cokes. I take one, and he sips from his.
“I’m very glad to see your sister so happy, but I feel bad to see you so sad, especially because it’s usually the other way around.”
“I hope this lasts a long time for her, Papá. When she’s like this, it makes us all happy.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she made me a grandfather again sometime soon . . . Have you seen the two of them?”
Amused, I nod while my father shakes his head.
“Yes, Papá, I’ve seen them. It’s wonderful.”
We each drink from our Cokes.
“Listen, little girl,” he says after a long silence. “You’re worthy, and I’m sure Eric knows that.”
“And what good is that, Papá?”
“A lot, my love, you’ll see. Eric won’t let you get away.”
“Maybe I’m the one who’s letting him get away.”
My father laughs and ruffles my hair.
“Well then, little girl, it will be you making the most foolish mistake of your life.”
I can’t keep my secret from my father any longer.
“Papá, Eric is my boss.”
My father stays quiet for a second and scratches his chin. “Is he married?”
“No, Papá . . . Eric is single and has no commitments. What do you take me for?”
I feel my father sigh with relief. The last thing he would have wanted to hear is that Eric is married.
“He doesn’t look at you like a boss, and I know what I’m talking about, little girl. When he looks at you, it’s with the eyes of a man gazing at the woman he loves and whom he wants to protect. But I have to tell you, Fernando looks at you the same way, and that makes me feel bad for him.”
I shrug and sigh.
“Then,” he says when he realizes I have nothing to add, “will you be going back to Madrid tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ll load the car after breakfast and then leave for the city. I want to get back early enough to get groceries and stuff like that.”
“When will you come back?”
“I don’t know, Papá, but it’ll be the next time I can string at least four days off in a row. You know I don’t like to come for just a few hours . . .”
“I know, my love, I know.”
He cradles me as he used to when I was little and kisses my hair.
“I know you’re going to be happy, because you deserve it. And if you and that Eric don’t give yourselves another chance, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your lives. Think about it, all right?”
“All right, Papá . . . I’ll think about it.”