30
I decide to go out with my friends again on Sunday evening. We have a few beers at Asencio’s Bar and dinner at a pizzeria; and after dinner, we go drinking at Amnesia. About an hour later and still at Amnesia, Fernando appears out of nowhere. I’m quite taken aback, but he just grins.
“What are you doing here?”
“Jerez is very boring without you.”
A little freaked out by his sudden cameo, I just stare at him.
“Fernando . . . I’ve never lied to you and . . .”
He puts a finger to my mouth to shut me up.
“I know, but I can’t help it. C’mon . . . let’s go to my hotel. We have to talk.”
I say goodbye to my friends and tell Azu I’ll be back soon. I already know what I have to do. The conversation with Fernando will be short and, surely, not very pleasant.
When we get to his hotel, the tension is high. I refuse to go up to his room. We go to the bar instead and order something to drink. We talk for an hour, we argue, and we make our feelings known. And when I think everything’s clear and I’m getting ready to leave, he grabs my arm and brings his face close to mine.
“Give me a chance, please. You just said yourself that you don’t know if you want something more. Let me show you once and for all what I can give you. You’re beautiful and I care about you. I love your determination to do whatever you want, and I want you to know that, for you, I’m willing to do whatever it takes too.”
Since I need tenderness, in the moment his words are a balm for my wounds. But I can’t stop thinking about my damned boss. When I close my eyes, Zimmerman’s possessive and intriguing gaze always appears. Without knowing why, I kiss Fernando. I kiss him with so much desire and need that I surprise myself.
Without a word, Fernando drags me to the elevator. I know what he wants. I know where he’s taking me, and I let him. We go up to his room without exchanging a word. For a few minutes, we kiss while I let his hands run all over my body. But I feel like a traitor, because I can’t stop thinking about Eric. When I sense Fernando raising my denim skirt up to my waist, I sigh and, surprising him, take his hand and make him touch me.
Excited by my effusiveness, Fernando pushes me onto the bed, climbs on top of me, and rubs himself against me. He’s cautious. It’s the way he’s always been. Sexually speaking, Fernando is measured and delicate. Eric, on the other hand, is possessive and rude.
Two different men for me, with two different ways of making love.
My heart beats mightily. I think of Eric, and that gets me excited. I’m sure if he could see what I’m doing, he’d be as or even more excited than I am. His game has become my game. Right now, though it’s Fernando who’s touching me, it’s Eric who owns me.
I discreetly pull out my cell and take a couple of pictures while we’re kissing.
Crazy because of the surrender he senses, Fernando slides down my panties. I can tell he’s surprised when I open my legs for him. Without a pause, he plants his mouth on my vagina; an instant later, my panting echoes in the room as I let him eat me, suck me, and penetrate me with his fingers.
My eyes are closed, but I feel Eric’s eyes on me. His blazing gaze reproaches me for my behavior, even as his desire rises. I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want to see Fernando. I want to keep my eyes closed and to feel Eric soaring over me.
Suddenly, Fernando stops and I open my eyes. He unzips his jeans and begins to roll on a condom.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I nod. I can’t talk.
He smiles, wordlessly. An instant later, he very carefully enters me. But impatience overtakes me, and so I’m the one who goes hunting for what I want. I lift my hips and hook onto him, wanting him to use all his sexual prowess. My assault surprises him. I hear him huff. He grabs my hips and begins to plow into me over and over again. I like it, but I need more. My muscles tighten in anticipation of a deeper attack, a greater dominance, but after several more thrusts, he comes and drops on top of me.
I close my eyes. I feel like crying. I want Eric. I want it to be him who takes me and makes me tremble. What I was doing a month ago with Fernando or any other man was marvelous, but now, after Eric, it’s dull and boring.
I feel Fernando’s head on my neck. I hear him panting from the effort. When he pulls himself up, he asks if everything’s all right. I lie and say yes. I don’t want to hurt him.
He helps me up, and I go to the bathroom. I close the door and splash water on my face. I examine myself in the mirror.
“What have you done to me, dickhead?” I whisper.
Once I’ve freshened up, I go back to the room and find Fernando sitting in a chair.
“I’ve got to go.”
His face tightens.
“No, Judith . . . don’t leave.”
Aware that I’m being a bitch, the worst of the worst, I go up to him and give him a quick peck on the lips.
“Please, Fernando, go on with your life and let me go on with mine. We’ll see each other in Jerez.”
I turn and leave. Once I’m on the other side of the door, I close my eyes and sigh. I feel so bad. I call my friend Azu. She tells me where they are, and I head there. I need to get drunk and forget about what just happened.