Chapter Eleven
Olivia
The pain of rejection still stung the next morning as I lay in bed going over every moment of my time with Cash, inside and outside that fantasy room. What had I done wrong? Why did he leave me sitting there just as we were about to finally get together?
That man was going to drive me mad.
I heard a pounding on my front door, so I dragged myself from the bed to find Josie and Erin standing in the hallway staring at me with expectant faces. “Where’s the fire?”
The two of them pushed past me into my living room and took their places on my sofa. I trudged back in, knowing why they were there. Erin stared at me, obviously waiting for me to say something. I looked around, unsure of what to say, until Josie finally spoke up. “We’re here to find out what happened last night. We want the details, and we’re not leaving until we get them.”
Just as I’d thought. I slunk over to the chair and plopped down onto it. “Nothing. Not a damn thing happened, unless you’re a fan of some sexy talk and being left hanging.”
“What the fuck? I’m beginning not to like Cassian March much,” Josie said with a sneer.
Erin reached over to squeeze my arm. “Are you okay, honey?”
“I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me or anything like that. I guess I just was hoping he’d want me like I want him.”
“Sweetie, you sound horrible. I hate hearing you like this. I feel a little guilty too since we egged you on to do this,” Josie added.
“It’s not a big deal, guys.”
Their silence as they looked at me with sad eyes made me feel even worse. The new Olivia was just as lame as the old Olivia. Olivia 2.0 had failed miserably in beta testing.
“Liv, it is a big deal, not because of him but because of you,” Josie said as she stood and began to pace.
I’d seen her do this before when she was trying to unravel a problem in her mind. Part of me wished she would be able to figure this out so I wouldn’t feel so awful about being left high and dry. At least if I could blame it all on something other than being a woman he just didn’t want I could feel better.
“You shouldn’t feel like this is about you, honey,” Josie continued.
“How is it not about me? I took a chance and put myself out there only to be handed a big fat rejection. Sounds like it’s all about me.”
“He’s probably got some baggage you don’t know about,” Erin said in her usual sweet way. “You know, like he can only be with women who don’t intimidate him. That’s probably it.”
That didn’t make me feel any better. I’d spent my entire dating life dealing with the fragile male ego, unsure if I should let boyfriends win at everything from poker to friendly games of softball, so to find out that a man like Cash only wanted some weak thing to hang on his arm would make me feel like there was no chance at any happiness for someone like me.
“I’ve seen the women he takes out in public, Liv. They’re gorgeous, like you, but other than that, they’re nobody big in business or law or any other career.”
Josie’s description of Cash’s other women as gorgeous didn’t help either. I knew, like everyone else, that there were different types of gorgeous. There was gorgeous your friends said you were, and then there was real gorgeous—the kind that made men fall at a woman’s feet.
My feet had never had any attention paid to them.
“So what are you guys saying? I should only put myself out there with men who have no problem with smart women? You might have wanted to mention that before you got me all gung ho on the idea of a fantasy room.”
Erin hung her head and quietly said, “In my defense, I never realized you were going for your boss. I just thought you’d have a good time and shed some of your inhibitions. I never would have told you to risk your job.”
And there it was, the real problem. I hadn’t even thought of that before. I’d been spending all my time nursing my bruised ego when I should have been concerned about losing my job. Fanfuckingtastic.
Josie stopped her pacing across the room and pointed at Erin and me. “Oh, don’t even go there. I will get you the finest sexual harassment attorney on the East coast and when he’s done with the March brothers, you’ll be the owner of Club X. I hear one peep about you losing your job, I’ll be on this like white on rice.”
I lifted my hand to calm her down. “Relax. Nobody’s losing anything. The only harm here is to my ego. I never even let on that I knew it was him.”
Erin narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying you never let him know you knew, Liv?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“What does it matter?” Josie interjected impatiently as she made her pass by us.
Turning to face Josie as she walked toward the window, Erin said, “It matters because the male ego is fragile. What man wants to think a woman can’t even recognize his voice as he’s standing there seducing her?”
“He must have known she knew, Erin. The man’s not an idiot.”
“But Josie, can’t you see? He shows up week after week and she never even lets on that she knows the man there with her is the very man she works with every day. That’s got to bug him.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway, guys. He proved he wasn’t interested, and that’s that.”
“I disagree, Liv. I don’t think that proves anything.”
I looked in amazement at Erin. “Are you suggesting this is my fault?”
“No, not really. What I’m saying is that you may not be seeing the real picture. What if all the guy was looking for was some recognition that he was the one getting you all hot and bothered and all you made it look like was you were into some stranger whose voice you didn’t even recognize? I’m just thinking we should try to put ourselves in his place.”
Josie began arguing the case against Cash in her usual dogged fashion and pacing even more determinedly, but as Erin’s words sunk in, I began to think I’d played this thing with Cash all wrong.
“I never considered that. At first, I didn’t show him I knew who he was because I was so surprised, but then as it kept going, I didn’t know how to bring it up. My fear of rejection mixed with my insecurity over the whole thing added up to me just never saying anything.”
“Liv, I say give him one more chance and let him know you know. Reserve another room and see what happens. If after you show him you know it’s him he’s still not into you, then fine. His loss. But I think you have to give him a chance.”
Erin’s suggestion sounded like the scariest thing I’d ever heard. Give him another chance to reject me? Was I a masochist now?
“I don’t know. I don’t think I can handle him knowing I know and still not wanting me,” I said quietly as her idea settled into my brain.
“I agree,” Josie chimed in as she took her seat on the couch. “Why give him another opportunity to be a dick? I say walk away.”
“But you were the one who told me to take the chance with him. Now I’m just supposed to give up?”
Neither of my friends said anything for a long time, but finally Josie answered, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Liv. What if he’s playing some kind of game?”
I looked over at Erin, hoping for some counterbalance to Josie’s natural suspicious nature. “Nothing to add?”
She shook her head. “I still stand by my hopeful suggestion. Give him one more chance and let him know, but I will add this. If you like him, I think you have to take the chance. The question is, do you like him?”
Looking away, I avoided their gazes as I admitted the truth. “I do like him. It’s been a long time since anyone has made me want them as much as Cash. I liked how I felt when we were in the fantasy room. I’d like to see if we can be that outside Club X.”
“Then there’s your answer. I think even our resident cynic here would agree. Go for it!”
Josie scowled at being called a cynic, but Erin was right about her and my situation. “Okay, I’ll give him one more chance, but I’m not waiting until next Friday. I’m sure Kane tells him when I reserve a room, so I’m going to get one for Monday night. Olivia Version 2.0 might be braver, but she’s impatient.”
“Now that makes me happy,” Josie said as she elbowed Erin. “At least if she’s going to do it, she’s going to do it on her timetable.”
I reached over to grab my laptop and logged into my work email. Typing an email to Kane, I let him know I wanted to reserve a gold level fantasy room with the same man at midnight on Monday. Then I clicked Send, and that was that. Now the ball was in Cash’s court or soon would be.
Looking up at my friends, I pressed a smile onto my lips even as my insides began to shake from the real fear that Cash really wasn’t that into me. “There. It’s done.”
Josie steepled her fingers and cocked one perfect eyebrow. “Now we wait.”
“Thanks for the evil villain thing there,” I joked.
“How long does it usually take for Kane to confirm a reservation?” Erin asked.
I looked down at my work email and clicked refresh, sure that he wasn’t even awake at that time on a Saturday. “Not long, but he keeps much later hours than I do. He probably just got to bed a couple hours ago.”
“Sounds sexy. I need to find a man like that instead of the workaholics I keep dating,” Josie said. “He’s the scary brother, right? I could handle scary, don’t you think?”
“I’d be more worried about him,” I said with a chuckle. “All joking aside, now that he doesn’t scare the hell out of me every time I see him, I sort of can see what someone would find attractive about Kane. He’s got a dark thing about him.”
As Erin began asking for more details on Kane, my email dinged and I looked to see his reply. “I was wrong. He’s already emailed back. Here’s what he has to say. ‘Monday night is confirmed for a gold room with all the same components. Reserved for midnight in Room 12. Please follow the same instructions as always.’”
“He’s as personal as my credit card company when they explain why they’re raising my interest rate, Liv. Does it always sound like that?”
I nodded at Josie’s question. “Yeah. Nothing new there. I’m just surprised he replied so soon.”
“It’s a sign. I say it’s a good sign,” Erin said in her chipper voice.
“Let’s hope so.” I steepled my fingers and grinned. “Now we wait.”
* * *
I’d never worked late on a Monday night, so I was surprised at how many people actually partied at Club X on the first working day of the week. I’d obviously been missing out on a lot of life. Cash and Stefan had been out of the club all day, only showing up in time for the crowds to appear. I tried to get a sense of Cash, but other than being professional and friendly, I couldn’t get a vibe from him.
Just before midnight, I poked my head into his office and found him sitting behind his desk wearing a serious expression. He looked up at me and smiled. “Decided to work the late shift tonight?”
“I did. I have plans tonight, so it worked out.”
I watched for any change in his expression, but I saw none. That didn’t mean anything, though. It’s not like he was anything but cool in the office on most days, so I tried not to read anything into it.
“Have a nice night, Olivia.”
“Thanks! See you later.”
As I made my way upstairs through the crowds dancing to the techno music, I worked to still my jitters about what I was about to do. It was a big step, but Erin was right. I had to take this chance. I flashed a smile at Kane as I passed him at the top of the stairs and headed to my assigned fantasy room. I’d chosen a very informal sundress for work that day, so all I had to do was tie the blindfold around my head and wait.
Like every other night, my other senses kicked into overdrive once my vision was taken away. Each creak of the floor outside in the hallway put me on edge as I wondered if the noise signaled Cash’s arrival. Wiping my sweaty hands on my thighs, I tried to remain calm even as the reality that it was all going to be laid on the line in just minutes hung over my head.
I took a deep breath and let it out. I could do this.
The sound of the door opening made my heart pound, and I sat up straight on the chair, ready for him. He closed the door, and I quickly licked my dry lips, hoping my nervousness didn’t leave me with cottonmouth.
I sensed him standing in front of me and took the initiative. It was now or never, but I wanted him to see my eyes when I spoke to him. Sliding the blindfold off my face, I stared in amazement at the man looking down at me.
“Where is Cash?”
“He’s not coming.”
Leaping off the chair, I angrily threw the blindfold on the couch. “Kane, what the hell is going on? I said I wanted the same person, so why isn’t he here?”
Kane simply stared at me, his blue eyes hard. “I don’t know, Olivia. I just know he said he wasn’t coming.”
I couldn’t decide if I was hurt, humiliated, or angry. They all mixed together inside me like some emotional stew. Whatever I was feeling, I wanted some damn answers. I deserved better than having his half-brother give me some vague bullshit answer. If Cash didn’t want to do this anymore, he damn well better be prepared to tell me himself.
As I stormed down to the first floor, my brain filled with what I wanted to say to him. Who the fuck did he think he was? I wasn’t some bimbo plaything he could just throw aside when things got too real. If he didn’t want me, he was going to have to be a man about it and tell me to my face.
The crowd nearly parted as I walked through the nightclub. I imagined my expression told people to get the fuck out of my way, but I didn’t care. Hell hath no fury like a woman who wanted answers!
I knocked on his office door and didn’t even wait for him to invite me in. Throwing the door open, I saw him sitting in front of his laptop as he had been earlier, like leaving me waiting up there in that fantasy room was perfectly okay. I marched up to the front of his desk, placed my palms on the glass top, and when he turned to look at me, stared straight into his eyes. “What the fuck is your problem?”
His eyes flashed emotion for the briefest moment—anger or maybe confusion—and then he was calm again. “Excuse me?”
Leaning toward him, I said even louder, “Excuse me nothing. There’s no excuse for what you did.”
“Oh, so now you admit you knew it was me all along.”
His statement surprised me, and I stood up to my full height, folding my arms across my chest. “So that’s what this is about? Is this a punishment because I didn’t show you I knew?”
Cash calmly closed his laptop and pushed his chair back away from his desk. “I don’t want to have this conversation, Olivia.”
My blood pressure soared, and I felt my heartbeat hammering in my ears. “So that’s it? You decide you don’t want to tell me what the fuck tonight was about and I’m supposed to be okay with that?”
“You wanted to feel what it was like to not be in control all the time, so no, you don’t get to demand any answers from me.”
I stood staring at him, stunned at how cold he seemed compared to the man I’d grown to respect at work and the one who’d driven me half out of my mind with desire in our private room. “Are you kidding?”
He stood from his chair and straightened the knot in his black silk tie. “I simply decided I didn’t want to continue our time together.”
“And that’s it? Don’t fucking pretend that you didn’t enjoy our time together, as you call it.”
Cash appeared to consider my words for a moment before he returned to fiddling with his damn tie. Brushing a piece of lint off it, he said, “I don’t deny that I enjoyed it. I simply decided I didn’t want to continue it.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that? You knew I liked you, and still you left me sitting there tonight and had your brother tell me you weren’t showing up.”
I felt tears building up inside me from the anger I couldn’t seem to express well enough. His icy answers stopped me dead in my tracks, leaving me unable to tell him exactly how shitty he’d treated me. I watched for any reaction to my words, but all he did was brush off his fucking tie.
“Look at me! Stop fiddling around with your goddamned tie! Is this how you are to people you care about? I know you were into me. I know you liked spending time with me. I’m not stupid, Cash. I may be shy, but I know when someone likes me. Why are you acting like this?”
He looked up from his tie and those stunning blue eyes of his stared directly into mine. “You seem to know my name well enough now, Olivia.”
“Don’t do this. If I did something to offend you, I didn’t mean to. That doesn’t mean I deserved to be humiliated upstairs.”
Cash ran his hand through his short hair and took a deep breath, as if he was working to keep himself calm. I didn’t want him calm. I wanted to know how a man who could be so bothered by me not admitting it was him there with me in that fantasy room could be so cold to me now.
“Good night, Olivia.”