Chapter Nineteen
Olivia
I watched as the door closed and Cash walked out of my life, and all I could think of was how stupid I’d been. There are leagues, Olivia. Who did you think you were kidding thinking you could be with someone like Cassian March?
Whatever we’d had together had been all in my mind. He’d never cared. He was just another player who cared only about getting laid. I’d been such a fool!
Curling up on the couch, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming again. I’d missed Cash so much the past few days. Each night I’d lay in bed as my mind replayed memories of us, unable to stop myself from wishing he was right there next to me even as I told myself it all had been a lie. I thought I’d cried him out of my system, but just seeing him again tonight had brought all the sadness back like a tidal wave.
I missed him so much. Not having him next to me made my chest ache. But it didn’t matter. Whatever I’d thought we had was nothing but a lie. I had to accept that.
A knock on my front door shook me from my misery, and I opened it sure I couldn’t handle any more of Cash’s excuses. I wanted to lash out, and when I saw the person standing in my building’s hallway, that rage only intensified. There right in front of me stood Cash’s wife in all her model-perfect glory wearing a stunning white and black Calvin Klein sheath dress and sky high black Louboutin pumps with their trademark red soles.
“Go away. I’m not seeing him anymore, so he’s all yours. I hope you two enjoy your life together.”
“Let me in, please. I’d like to talk to you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears! She wanted to talk to me? “No. Go away. I have nothing to say to you other than I didn’t know he was married. I am sorry about that.”
“Olivia? That’s it, right? Olivia? Let me in. I want to explain.”
What on earth could she have to explain? Why would the wronged wife want to explain anything to me? I was the mistress, albeit an unwitting one. Wives didn’t explain things to mistresses. “I don’t think so, Rachel. Whatever’s going on, I don’t want to be a part of it.”
She stepped toward the door and placed her hand over mine. “Give me five minutes. I think you’ll want to hear what I have to say.”
I looked down at her long fingers tipped with their perfectly manicured red nails and worried if I didn’t agree she might gouge my eyes out with those talons. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, but if listening meant the end of this whole ugly mess, then I could spare five minutes. It wasn’t like I was going to be sleeping any time soon.
Standing back, I held the door and watched as she sauntered past me into my apartment. Instantly, I felt out of place in my own home. “What do you want to say, Rachel?”
She sat down on the couch and waved me over. “Come. I want to tell you the story of Cassian March.”
I plopped down in my favorite chair and crossed my arms. “I already know that story. It’s an oldie and not a goodie. He’s a player and I got played. What I can’t figure out is why you’re here to say anything to me about him. I already told you I won’t be bothering with him anymore. He’s all yours.”
Rachel shook her head. “No, he hasn’t been mine for a long time. And just in case you’re wondering who left who, he left me.”
I couldn’t hide my surprise at that bit of news. “Really?”
She flashed me a million dollar smile. “I bet you didn’t think any man would ever leave someone like me. Not true. Cassian left me and he had good reason to.”
Nothing like being humble. “I can’t imagine what that could be.”
“I cheated on him with his brother Stefan.”
Suddenly, all the nasty looks and comments Cash had made about his brother made sense. No wonder he hadn’t wanted me to spend any time around Stefan. “He obviously forgave you. You’re still in his life.”
“I don’t think he’s ever forgiven either of us, but Stefan is blood. I don’t know why he kept me around for so long.”
“I think it’s a bit disingenuous to sit here and tell me you don’t know why your husband kept you in his life, Rachel. He still loves you. It’s that simple.”
She shook her head and frowned. “No, he doesn’t. I wanted to think he still loved me all this time, but it was too easy for him to tell me he didn’t want me in his life anymore when he met you. I never had a chance once you showed up on the scene.”
A sudden laugh escaped from my throat, and I quickly covered my mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at what seems to really bother you, but you never had a chance once he met me? You’ve got to be kidding me. I have eyes, you know. No man would choose me over you.”
“He did. He told me a while ago that he wasn’t interested in having me in his life anymore. I think he might have kept me around all this time just to punish me, or maybe it was to punish himself. I’m not sure. All I know is that he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, and I knew by that look in his eyes that he was crazy about someone. He told me you were different from anyone he’d ever been with, and I knew I’d lost him for good this time.”
“When did you two separate?”
“Right after he caught me with Stefan five years ago. You should have seen him before I did that. The Cassian you know who’s so cold and controlled all the time didn’t exist back then. God, he was so incredible. I fell in love with him the day I met him. He was so sweet. That’s the only way I can describe him then. He fell hard for me, and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.”
“And then you cheated on him with his brother.” I couldn’t stop myself from showing her my disgust. She’d had an incredible man, and she’d thrown him away, just like I imagined she threw away whatever else she didn’t give a damn about. Women like her saw everything as disposable, including people.
For a moment, Rachel’s perfect face twisted in what looked like pain but then the façade returned along with that fabulous smile. “Not exactly. We fell in love and married. He was young and wealthy and I’d snagged one of the hottest guys in town. Then everything changed. He wanted a family, but I liked our life like it was. You see, our Cassian isn’t by his nature the man whore he’s been for so long. He wants a wife who’ll give him children so he can escape the life he has to live at work, but I wasn’t that woman. I wanted the man he’d been when I met him—wild and sexy and devoted to me.”
“Why Stefan then? Because he’s a player who wouldn’t get serious?”
“I don’t know. We were thrown together so often and it just happened. Before I knew it, I’d cheated on my husband and he found out.”
“Then why didn’t he divorce you if he didn’t want you back?”
“One word. Pre-nup. He never had me sign one. He was so in love that he never even asked. I think he believes if he divorces me I’ll make damn sure I get as much of that club as I can.”
“Wouldn’t you? It looks like you can afford the best lawyers in town, so you’d probably keep him and his brothers in court with that for ages, all the while making his life and theirs a living hell.”
“I don’t want that club of his. All I wanted was him, but that’s not going to happen.”
“So you still love him?” I asked, needing to know, even though it didn’t matter anymore.
“I do. I’d take him back in a heartbeat. I’ve always loved him, but I ruined what we had. I know that. I’d just always hoped he wouldn’t find anyone else and we’d get back together eventually. I thought that was going to happen since all he’s dated since me were women he just wanted to sleep with. Until you. Once you came along, I knew any hope of us getting back together was gone.”
“Why are you telling me all of this, Rachel? Nothing’s changed. You’re still his wife, and he still lied about you.”
“Because for the first time in years, he was happy. That was because of you. Those beautiful blue eyes that for so long seemed so cold finally had that look back in them that he used to have with me. That was you. You did that for him.”
I cut her off because I just couldn’t hear any more. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m just not—”
“Maybe I’m hoping that by telling you this he’ll finally be happy and I’ll have some good karma. I never wanted to hurt him, and I certainly don’t want to see him miss out on the happiness he deserves. I’d hoped it could be with me, even after what I did, but I know that’s not possible.”
I’d heard enough. Standing to show her to the door, I shook my head. “He’s still married to you, Rachel. As long as that doesn’t change, he and I can never be anything.”
She walked toward me and stopped to open her purse. Reaching in, she took out a stack of papers and held them up to show me. “I’m giving him these tomorrow. As long as he signs them, we won’t be married for much longer. I want nothing from him, so I won’t be dragging this out to hurt him or his brothers. The way is cleared for you. I won’t cause you any problems from now on.”
I leaned forward to read the words on the paper and saw she was telling the truth. Looking up at her, I asked, “Why are you doing this, Rachel?”
“It’s just time. I figure if Cassian can find happiness, maybe I can too, but that can’t happen if we stay stuck in the past together. Give him a chance, Olivia. You might just get to see that man he was before I hurt him.”
I closed the door behind her and remembered how open and gentle Cash had been the last time we were together. I’d already seen that man, and I missed him.
But could I go back to him?
* * *
Josie sipped on her morning coffee and listened as I told her everything, from Jake’s attacking me to Cash having a wife who looked like one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, stopping me every so often just to make sure she understood my story. When I finished, I sat back in my chair and let out a sigh. “So that’s the whole story. Now what do I do?”
“I have no idea. All I know is that for someone who’s supposed to be so fucking boring, you live one hell of a life. I guess you have to take things one at a time. What are you going to do about Jake?”
“There’s nothing to do about Jake. I’m done with him. He hated being stuck in the friend zone? Well, now he can fuck himself because I don’t even want to be friends with him. And with what I heard Cash do when I was at his place, Jake’s going to need friends now more than ever.”
“Did you tell Erin yet? You know she’s had it bad for him forever.”
“No. How can I tell her the guy she obviously idolizes attacked me? But he said something about being with both of you. Do you know anything about that?”
Josie sneered at my mention of her with Jake. “No. If she’s been with him, it’s news to me and not good news. I knew he was a shit way back when. His problem has always been the same. He’s spoiled rich and thinks he can have whatever he wants because of it. I hope Cash ruined him for what he did to you.”
“I think at some point I’m going to have to tell Erin what happened, Josie. What if he tried to do something like that to her too?”
“Jake’s an ass, but I never thought he’d do something so awful, Liv. Erin just can’t see how much he’s not that boy from high school anymore. I can’t tell her. She won’t listen to a word from me about him.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to handle that. I don’t give a shit about his feelings, but Erin is a good friend.”
“I’d say dealing with her is going to be easy compared to deciding what to do about you and Cash.”
“I know you aren’t his number one fan. You probably think I should leave him in the rearview mirror, right?”
She shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. “You always think I dislike your guys, Liv. That’s not true. I just want to be sure he deserves you. He is still married. That fact is inescapable.”
Looking down at my hands in my lap, I mumbled at her succinct statement of the hardest part of the whole thing with him. “I know.”
“But unlike other married men who say they’re not with their wives, he actually told the truth. Add to that the bizarre visit and confession from the barracuda, and I have to wonder if the marriage thing is as big a deal as you first thought.” Chuckling, she added, “I mean, it’s not every mistress who gets a visit from the wife pleading with her to go with the husband.”
“Thank you, but if we can never call me that again, that would be good.”
Josie reached over and slapped my knee. “Oh, come on. It’s got a sexy, reality TV show vibe to it, don’t you think? Olivia, the mistress, is visited late one night by the wife, Rachel Barracuda, hell bent on convincing the other woman to take her man, no matter what.”
“Really? No, thank you, and if it had been reality TV, there would have been hair pulling and screaming. Sorry to disappoint, but all we did was talk.”
Josie’s eyes lit up with excitement. “And one of you would have ended up naked just in time for him to walk in and join you both.”
I nearly choked on my coffee. “Uh, that’s porn, not reality TV, Josie!”
“Sorry. I told you I’m living vicariously through you these days. I guess I need to get out and get my own life, huh?”
“Could we get back to my mess and deal with your lack of a life later? What would you do if you were in my shoes?”
She took a deep breath and blew it out until there was no more air left to expel. “I’d go back to him, especially since you know Rachel is filing for divorce. I’m never a fan of lying, but it’s not like he had a little wife at home with some kids he was stepping out on. That relationship has been dead for a while. Plus, you need that job, Liv, and you like it there.”
“I can get another job.”
“Okay. Then it’s all about Cassian.”
That had been the truth since the first moment I laid eyes on him. “I can’t get another Cash.”
She smiled sweetly. “Then there’s your answer, Liv.”
“Now I just have to find the courage to go back to my job in a few hours wearing my heart on my sleeve. No sweat, right?”
Standing, Josie took her mug out to the kitchen and returned to where I sat to grab her purse. “The course of true love never did run smooth.”
“Shakespeare before nine a.m.?”
She flung her purse over her shoulder and shrugged. “I know. I’m a wild woman today. Call me with all the details, but remember, you got this. The guy’s crazy about you, Liv. Now you just have to show him you’re crazy about him. You two can work this out.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll call you later.”
I finished my coffee and with caffeine coursing through my veins, I summoned the courage to go back to my job and Cassian March. At least I could believe it wasn’t as if his brothers knew everything that had happened between us. This was between Cash and me.
Why didn’t that make me feel any better?