Chapter Fifteen
Cassian
I slowly opened my eyes, vaguely aware that someone lay next to me. But that was impossible. I never spent the entire night with anyone. Not for a long time anyway. My eyes fully open, I looked over to my right and saw a flash of red hair against the white pillowcase next to mine.
Olivia.
What the fuck was I doing? Instead of keeping my distance like I’d planned, I’d ended up sleeping with her not once but twice. Then instead of keeping her at arm’s length, I’d been foolish enough to bring her here on some kind of mini-vacation, like we were goddamned dating. This couldn’t happen, so why was I being so stupid?
It’s not that I didn’t want to be with her. I just couldn’t. Period. Everything I was, everything I’d done in my life made it so. Why my cock and his brand new best friend my heart were having a hard time dealing with that fact escaped me. So now those two had entirely disregarded what my brain had been saying since the day she walked into my life and we’d all ended up at the beach house on Gasparilla Island like she and I were some couple in love who wanted to get away from it all.
Just one problem. There was no getting away from who I was or all the shittiness I brought into this thing between us, whatever it was.
She was so close, though. I wanted to reach out and run my fingertips over her skin to remember how she’d felt in my arms just hours before. I wanted to be the man who’d thought it was such a grand idea to bring her here instead of the man I really was.
Closing my eyes, I worked to push all that from my mind. I couldn’t change the past or what that past had made me, no matter how much I wanted to. I didn’t want to let her go, though. It was selfish and thoughtless, but I wanted the kind of sweetness she gave my life. That I didn’t deserve an ounce of it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want to let her go.
She rolled over and looked at me with a cute, sleepy look. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Sun’s up, but I don’t think it’s too late.”
Pushing the hair out of her eyes, she smiled shyly. “I’d have thought you’d be an eye on your watch kind of guy.”
Smiling, I wondered why I wasn’t at that moment. My watch sat on the nightstand, but I didn’t want to know what time it was. I didn’t want to think about anything but lying there with her, no matter how wrong that was.
“I usually am. I guess this place just has that kind of effect on me,” I lied.
Propping her head up on one hand, she asked, “Do you come here a lot?”
I shook my head, trying to remember when I’d last slept in this bed with a woman. Suddenly, the memory of that last time flooded my mind. Exactly one week before Rachel and I separated. “No, not really,” I lied again.
Olivia sensed something was wrong and sat up quickly, her feet hitting the floor before I could say another word. Looking around for her clothes, she muttered, “I think we should probably get back. I have things to do today.”
While she picked her things up from the where they’d been thrown hours before in the heat of passion, I reached out to run my hand down her back, loving the feel of her silky skin under my hand. “Grab a shower while I run out to get some breakfast. We have some time.”
She stopped moving and turned to look at me with an expression filled with confusion. I couldn’t blame her. One minute I was Prince Charming and the next I was as cold as a fucking iceberg.
“Try the shower. It’s got like ten showerheads. I don’t think you’ll find a better shower anywhere.”
Raising her eyebrows, she smirked. “That’s one hell of a shower. I guess I can’t possibly leave without trying it.”
I sat up and slipped my pants on. “Good. I’ll get some breakfast and be back in a few.”
As Olivia walked toward the bathroom, I grabbed my phone to call the local store that thankfully delivered whenever I visited this place. Or at least it did the last time I was here. Five minutes and two teenage boys with squeaky voices later, I came to find out that the store’s owner had retired and no, they didn’t deliver anymore.
What the fuck was I doing? I had a gorgeous woman naked in my shower, and there I was spending time talking to pimply-faced kids about fucking bagels. I slid out of my pants and headed into the bathroom as my conscience scolded me for once again making the wrong choice with Olivia.
It only took a few seconds of looking at her wet, naked body before my cock was ready to go. Between the guilt and the knowledge that what I was doing was wrong, I thought it might have let me down, but like my heart, it stood ready to go.
She turned around, surprised at first, but then she smiled. “I thought you were handling breakfast.”
Closing the shower door behind me, I stepped close to her as the water poured down over me. “Didn’t work out. This is a far better way to wake up anyway.”
I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me, but she pressed her hands to my chest to push me away. “What the fuck is with you, Cash? We have a great time all the way here, and then you run ice cold on me as soon as we arrive. Then we have sex and you’re all about me, but we wake up and you’re the ice man again. Now you’re all about me again?”
I’d brought this upon myself. No intelligent woman would let me get away with what amounted to running hot and cold in some crazy ass bipolar fashion for long, and Olivia had every right to demand an answer. I couldn’t give her one, but she had every right to demand one.
She stood staring at me waiting for me to say something, but I just leaned back against the wall, unable to explain that as much as I wanted us to be that couple we were when I was all into her, we couldn’t be more than what we were when I was cold. If she wanted to be with me, she’d have to accept this was how I was.
That wasn’t who she was, though. Stepping toward me, she pressed her body against mine and slowly pushed her hips forward to run her wet pussy over my cock. “No answer? You’re just planning on standing there with a raging hard-on and giving me the silent treatment?”
“Olivia…” I stopped myself and shook my head.
Frustrated, she knitted her brows and frowned. “Fuck, Cash! What do you want from me? What? Just say it!”
I lunged at her, slamming her against the tile wall and covered her mouth with mine in a kiss that contained all the pent up shit my fucked up mind was dealing with. I wanted her. That’s it. I wanted to not be the man I was so I could be the one Olivia deserved. I wanted to forget the mess of my past and believe something good could happen with her.
She matched my need with her own, clutching at my neck as her mouth pressed hard against mine. The heat between us threatened to burn me up, but I wanted more. Olivia’s moans echoed off the walls, ratcheting up my desire for her. Sliding my hand between her legs, I pushed two fingers into her hot cunt, thrusting in and out fast and hard to feel her come from my touch.
“I want to see you come so fucking hard you can’t stand.”
She climbed up my body desperate for the release only my fingers could give her. I slammed them into her as her teeth sunk into my shoulder. Everything between us now was raw and primal with no reason or thought to hold us back. Her nails scratched over my shoulders, and she cried out against my skin at the first sign of her orgasm ripping through her.
I pressed my forehead against the tile and heard Olivia groan, “Yes, Cash! God…yes!”
“Come for me, baby. Let me feel you come apart.”
As the water rained down over us, she came until her legs shook and she couldn’t stand anymore. Before her body stopped trembling, I lifted her and she wrapped herself around me, giving me the perfect angle to enter her.
“God, Olivia, you’re killing me.”
She pressed her heels hard against the base of my spine as she bucked against me. I drove hard into her, and with each thrust the wall I’d built around me began to crumble. If we could be this real together physically, maybe I could let go of the past and this could be something. And maybe who I was could be with someone like Olivia.
Her voice weak, she whimpered, “Cash, what are you doing to me? You’re driving me crazy.”
I stared into her dark eyes and let myself feel all those things I’d pushed away for so long. In those eyes I saw a chance for more than just fucking and leaving all the time. All the things that stood in our way could be overcome. I just had to give her a chance.
Her cunt contracted around my cock, and she came a second time, her body mine if I wanted to claim it. The feeling of her giving in to me sent my body into overdrive, and I came until there was nothing left inside me. Pushing wet strands of hair off her face, I kissed her long and deep and answered her question. “I want you. That’s what I want.”
She looked at me like she was searching for some answer in my eyes. “You can have me, but I can’t do this with you if all I am is someone you sleep with. I know that sounds old-fashioned, but as much as I love doing this with you, it’s just not enough.”
How the hell she could be so brave to put herself all out like that baffled me. I’d never showed her I could be trusted with a sentiment like that, yet she’d laid it all on the line knowing there was every chance I’d run ice cold and walk away without looking back.
She gave me my out. I should have taken it. I knew that. I also knew I hadn’t met a woman like her before, and I liked how she made me feel when I let her in.
“I can’t promise forever, Olivia. I will promise to only be with you as long as we’re together.”
Pursing her lips, she considered what I’d said and finally nodded her head. “I guess for someone like you that’s pretty big. It’s a deal.”
I lowered her to the floor and cradled her face in my hands. “Not really. I haven’t been with anyone else for a while. There’s something about you I can’t seem to shake, Olivia. Makes being with other women hard.”
She flashed me one of her stunning smiles and traced her finger across the tattoo on my chest. “Then I guess it’s my job to make that impossible.”
* * *
I stood in Olivia’s office doorway waiting for her as the club behind me began to fill up. A typical Friday night at Club X, it was anything but a typical night for me. Tonight would be the first time Olivia and I appeared in public as a couple after our breakthrough just six days before. As I ran through every reason why this was another in a long line of my bad ideas concerning her, she emerged from the conference room dressed in a short black dress that hugged every beautiful curve and four inch heels that made her legs look like they went on for miles.
“Wow…you look stunning.”
She walked toward me on shaky legs and looked down at her feet as she stopped in front of me. “They’re a little higher than I usually go for. I don’t think I’ll be dancing tonight.”
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pulled her toward me and kissed her on the lips. “I hadn’t planned on us dancing anyway. I had something else in mind.”
“Something else? Like what?”
“Another visit to the top floor.”
Her expression turned skeptical. “Really? I thought I was too good for that.”
I gently gripped her chin between my thumb and forefinger and lifted it to look into her eyes. “You’re too good to simply fuck in a fantasy room. You’re perfect to spend some time alone with there, though. I thought it might be fun. Maybe see some more of the dancers.”
Flashing me another of her gorgeous smiles, she ran her hands over my shoulders. “By the way, you look incredible. I don’t know how you do it, but you have a way of making a black dress shirt look so hot.”
Pressing my lips to hers, I slid my tongue inside her mouth, loving the feel of her in my arms. That conference room just a few feet away looked like a much better idea than spending time out in the bar, but Olivia pulled away just as I’d decided to go for another round on the mahogany table.
“Time to go. Our first public appearance awaits.”
Even though we’d talked about this for days, suddenly the idea of dealing with Stefan and his questions or worse, his comments about my personal life, seemed like the worst idea I’d had in a long time. I’d worked hard to keep my personal life private, but now I was about to upend all that work to show Olivia how much I wanted to be with her.
The rhythm of the music pounded through the club, matching our steps as Olivia and I walked toward the bar, my hand pressed lightly on the small of her back to guide her. The room teemed with people, but the crowd fell away to make room for us to pass. I spied Stefan do a double-take when he saw us, and instinctively I tightened my arm around Olivia’s waist.
She looked more stunning than every other woman in the place when she turned to look at me confused about my sudden possessiveness, her big brown eyes staring up at me as if to ask, “Is something wrong?”
Stefan beat a path to us, pushing past people on his way to where we stood. Pulling me toward the end of the bar, he said in my ear, “How long have you been with Olivia?”
I simply stared at him, amazed he thought he should ask anything about my personal life even now. He saw he wasn’t going to get any information from me, so he turned on the charm and leaned down to say in Olivia’s ear, “I see you let yourself get comfortable here. Good for you!”
Unaware of my past with my brother, she beamed a smile up at him. “Thanks!”
“So what are you two planning tonight?” he asked over the music. Before we could escape, his buddy Jake sidled up next to him with a look that screamed he couldn’t believe his eyes. For a friend of Olivia’s, he didn’t look too friendly.
“What’s up, Liv? I didn’t think this was your type of scene.”
“Hi Jake! Long time, no see,” Olivia chirped sweetly at the jackass.
He hadn’t said twenty words and already I hated Jake Richfield. His gelled dirty blond hair and cheap ass watch and clothes made me want to knock him flat on his ass. My hold on Olivia tightened even further until she was pressed right to my body. Prying his stare off my date, he looked me dead in the eyes as if we were close friends and asked, “What’s up, Cassian?”
Olivia looked up at me, and I gave her a tiny smile. “See you later, Stefan. Have a good night. Looks like the crowd is great tonight.”
I didn’t give him or his asshole friend a chance to answer or continue the conversation. Taking Olivia’s hand in mine, I led her to the stairs and we made our way up to the fantasy rooms. Kane stood guard at his usual place at the end of the hall with one of his rare smiles on his face.
Leaning down, I whispered low in Olivia’s ear, “Wait for me in room ten. I’ll be there in a minute.”
As I watched her walk down the hallway, I heard Kane say behind me, “So that’s why you reserved a room. I wondered what was up.”
Olivia entered room ten and closed the door. I turned to face Kane, hoping he’d be a little more mature than Stefan. I needed a brother who could act like an adult now. “Thanks for not saying anything to Stefan. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Olivia’s a sweet girl. She’s good for you, and since she’s obviously okay with the whole Rachel thing, I have to give her credit.”
I looked away to avoid Kane’s stare. “She doesn’t know about Rachel.”
And in just those few words was the very problem that haunted every minute I spent with Olivia. Until that moment, I hadn’t said them out loud, only allowing them to exist in my mind and torment me. I knew it was wrong not to tell her, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to explain that part of my past.
“That’s not good, Cash. Women don’t like finding out the man they’re falling for still has a wife.”
“She’s not my wife. We separated years ago. All that remains are legal formalities.”
Kane wasn’t buying my excuses. Leaning forward, he leveled his gaze on me. “You’re either married or divorced. Separated means nothing to a woman like Olivia.”
“I can’t divorce Rachel. I never had her sign a pre-nup. We divorce and this club is one of the first things she’ll go after. I know her.”
Kane’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “No pre-nup? What were you thinking, Cash?”
“I wasn’t thinking. I was a kid in love.”
“And now you’re a grown man who if he doesn’t tell Olivia the truth is going to lose her.”
I looked down the hall at the room where Olivia waited. “I’d planned on telling her tonight. I just don’t know how to.”
“You know me, Cash. I’m all about leaving the past in the past. Nobody should have to deal with what I was. But Olivia’s going to find out, and if she doesn’t find out from you, you’re done. You can’t come back from that kind of lie, even if it is just a sin of omission.”
I nodded, knowing every word he said was right. I needed to tell Olivia everything, and all I could hope for was that she’d understand. There was nothing between Rachel and me anymore. There hadn’t been for a long time. I just needed to make sure Olivia knew that too.