I don't go home after school.

I go straight to the shop.

Park my bike at the rack out front. Smooth my dress. Run my fingers through my hair. Switch from my prescription sunglasses to my regular glasses.

Brendon is in there somewhere.

I can handle looking him in the eyes.

Really, I can.

The bell rings as I pull the door open.

At once, the room quiets.

Conversations cease.

Tattoo guns stop buzzing.

Footsteps move into the lobby.

There's Ryan.

Walker.

Brendon. He's in the back. Leaning against the wall. Looking straight through me.

Leighton's blue eyes find mine. She tilts her head to one side. Mouths are you okay?

I nod a yes, even though it doesn't feel accurate.

"I just wanted to... uh..." I play with my backpack strap. "Give this back." I set Brendon's keys on the counter.

Leighton turns toward the brooding tattoo artist. "You want to grab those now, Brendon?"

"Yeah." His voice is even. Like he doesn't hate me. Like he doesn't feel anything toward me.

"Did you guys sign the paperwork?" I bite my lip. He hates me. I know it.

"Yeah. We did," he says.

"That's great. Congratulations."

He pushes off the wall. Takes a dozen steps toward the counter. Slides his keys into his pocket without looking at me.

It's like I don't exist.

His coldness is contagious. It sucks all the warmth from the room.

Walker steps forward. "Hey, Kay. You coming to our celebration?"

"Huh?" There's a celebration?

"For signing the paperwork. It's tonight. I know just the thing. It will be fun." He looks back to Brendon with a smile. "For all of us."

"You really step up when Dean isn't here," Ryan says.

"Do what I can." Walker turns to me. "It's my treat. Bring Emma too. And any other hot friends."

I shake my head. "I'd never sink that low."

He chuckles. "Fair enough." He smiles at Brendon. Then at me. "Tonight. Meet here at eight. Then we'll... well, it's a surprise."

* * *

"It's Walker, isn't it?" Emma pulls open a Vitamin C cap and lets the powder fall into the glass below it.

"No." I bite my lip. That's a good lie. Maybe I should say it's Walker. Dean. Ryan even. Emma wouldn't try to make things happen with Ryan. I think.

"Hmm..." She opens another cap.

"That's enough." I motion to the dozen cellulose caps in the sink. Then to the glass filled with orange power.

"I don't want to do it again." She glances in the mirror, pushing now light purple hair behind her ear.

This is her third Vitamin C wash. For whatever reason, mixing vitamin C with your shampoo is a great way to gently fade color from hair.

After doing Emma's hair for the last few years, I'm an expert.

"One more," I bargain.

She nods. Cracks another capsule. Tosses its remains in the sink. Motions to the shower. "Will you?"

"Of course."

She pulls her bathrobe over her dress. Pushes the shower curtain aside, plants a towel over the edge of the bathtub, then leans back. "Maybe Walker is into Leighton."

"Possible."

"But they don't have it. Something is up with him. And Brendon. He didn't come home last night. That's never happened before."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It's probably nothing. A date. But all he texted was—" She drops her voice two octaves to imitate Brendon. "Staying at Walker's place. I'll see you tomorrow." She moves back to her normal tone. "Like that's supposed to convince me he's not out getting laid."

"It's better that way. Or would you rather hear about his sex life?" I squeeze dandruff shampoo—another good way to fade hair color—into the glass and stir with a metal spoon. There. It's a nice pale orange.

"Yeah, that's true. But I'm still worried."

"It's probably nothing."

"You would know, I guess. You two have been hanging out a lot."

"Only because his work schedule aligns with mine and yours doesn't."

"Yeah. You... you like hanging out with him?"

"You don't?"

"I guess he's all right."

"He's good company." If he ever talks to me again.

She lifts her neck to look at me. "You haven't said anything about school."

"What's there to say?"

"Like you don't love every second of learning."

"I don't hate it." I move to the tub. Grab the handheld shower head and turn the water on. And test it against my palm. Too hot. I turn the cold.

"You. Love. It."

"Maybe."

"Just admit it."

"Okay. I love it." There. Perfect. I kneel next to Emma. "Lean back."

She does.

I focus on rinsing her hair. It makes it easier not to spill everything rising up in my throat.

"What about your grandma?" she asks. "Do you have any more info."

"Sort of. It's... it's not good, but they're not sure how not good."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Thanks." My chest gets tight. I need less of that. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Okay." She's quiet for a while.

I rinse her hair.

She squirms as water hits her ears.

The silence is nice. Even if it's heavy with all sorts of unsaid things.

"I thought about this. More than I should have." She looks up at me. "All the guys you know are from work or school. All except the guys at Inked Hearts."

"Maybe."

"So, if it's not someone from work or school, it's Walker, Ryan, Dean, or Brendon." She cringes as her brother's name falls off her lips.

"It's not going to happen. It doesn't matter."

"It is. And it does."

I finish rinsing her hair. Move on to shampoo.

"Why... why don't you want to tell me?"

I press my lips together. Rub Emma's scalp a little harder. Avoid her attempts to look me in the eyes.

"You'd tell me if you were into my brother."

"Don't be ridiculous, Em."

"Is it though? You guys have been hanging out a lot."

"Because he's always here."

"You're different around him. Nervous. Giggly."

"I don't giggle."

"You do. You... I mean, I get that he's hot. You're not the first person who's said that."

"They're all hot."

"True. But you look at him in this way. Not like he's your brother."

"He's not my brother. He's your brother. He's my..." Well, he's my nothing right now. "He's my friend." I grab the shower head and bring it to her hairline. "Close your eyes."

She does. "You keep insisting he's hot and not annoying."

"I take the latter back."

"You can tell me, Kay. I won't be pissed you like him. It's not like you'd ever act on it."

Right. It's not like I'd kiss him in the middle of the night.

I try to focus on rinsing Emma's hair. On anything but the feelings whirring around my gut.

There. She's done.

I turn the shower head off. "You want to do this now." I motion to the bottle of Special Effects dye sitting on the bathroom counter.

"Let's air dry a little first." She sits up. Gathers her hair in one hand and squeezes. "Whatever it is that's bugging you, you can tell me." Her voice is soft. Earnest. Hurt.

She thinks I'm locking her out.

God, the way she's looking at me like I don't trust her anymore.

I can't take it.

I can't lose Em too.

Words jump out of my mouth without stopping in my brain. "It's Dean."

Her jaw drops. "Really?"

"I know. He's too old. He sleeps with a different woman every night. He doesn't take anything seriously. But—"

"He's hot. Confident. Funny. I get it."

"Yeah. But I don't actually want to be with him. That would be terrible."

She nods. "Oh." Her eyes light up with an epiphany. "No wonder he bet Brendon you're not a virgin. Then offered to pop that cherry." She laughs over his dirty words. "You should take him up on it."

"I don't know."

"Or maybe not." She sets her hand on my shoulder. "When you like someone, you get attached. And Dean isn't the kind of guy you want to be attached to."

I nod.

"But if you do want him to be your first... I can help." Her eyes light up. "Think about it."

"Sure."

"And think about how we're going to hide it from Brendon. Pretty sure he'd kill Dean for that."

"Right."

"You have any idea what he's pissed about?"

"Brendon?"

"Yeah."

"Who knows with him?"

She nods. "You think he'll get over it soon?"

"I hope so."