The lights in the club go down.

Then it's applause.

Screaming.

I'm about to move forward when Ethan steps in front of me. He shakes his head and runs a hand through his dark wavy hair.

He motions one more minute.

Gotta make the crowd work for it. Gotta make them wait. This is shit I know, but I lose track of it the second I get near a stage.

My chest is light. My heart is in my throat.

Then the crowd is chanting Dangerous Noise and I'm not sure I can breathe.

Fuck, I can't do this.

I remind myself that I've done this a thousand times. Hell, I've done it on a stage this size a few dozen times.

I know it's possible, but my heart still feels like it's going to leap out of my chest.

Oxy made this easier. It killed my nerves enough that I was a better performer high. If I'd managed to figure out how to stay just high enough, I'd still be using and I'd still be stage-fright-free.

But I got greedy, got too high, started forgetting my commitments, missing recording sessions, showing up late to shows, fucking up everything for everybody else.

Ethan looks at me the way he always does, his blue eyes as filled with excitement as they always are. He can't tell I'm nervous.

I do have an expert poker face.

Ethan steps on stage first. Already, the crowd is going crazy. Then it's Joel bouncing to his drum kit.

Then me. I step on stage and take my place opposite Ethan.

Mal, our singer, is the last to step on stage. The crowd goes fucking crazy for him. He and Ethan share frontman duties but he's the one groaning at all the girls in the audience.

The sound of Ethan's guitar fills the room.

Then the first kick of the drumbeat.

My fingers are stiff enough I almost miss my first note, but I get it. By the first verse, I'm lost in the motions of my hands and the sounds of the room.

I relax enough to play well.

I can fucking do this.

Our music mixes with the cheers and screams of our fans. We pour ourselves into the music that flows from the stage. Our fans pour themselves back as they sing along.

This is the best, most equal relationship I've ever had.

This is exactly where I belong.

I'm in a trance the entire show. I don't rouse from it until I hit my last note and Ethan grabs my arm to pull me backstage with the rest of the band.

The crowd cheering and clapping pours into the narrow hallway.

Ethan is beaming the way he always is after a show. "That crowd was amazing." He turns to Mal with a megawatt smile. "Best show so far."

Mal half-smiles back. He nods in that Mal kind of way.

Poor Ethan lives and dies for his brother's approval. He'd never admit it, even to himself, but it's clear as day.

Mal's smile spreads to his cheeks. "It was."

Ethan is giddy enough he nearly jumps.

I take a conversation breather to head to our dressing room. My shirt is soaked with sweat. I find my change of clothes in the back corner and start unbuttoning.

"Oh my God. Are you really Kit Lockhart?" A brunette paws at my arm.

I only glance at her enough to check her expression. Somehow, she's not kidding. I'm not sure how she scored the backstage pass hanging between her tits if she really thinks that line will work.

I pull my arm back but say nothing. She knows she's backstage at our show. She knows I'm Kit Lockhart.

She moves closer. "I've always wanted to end up backstage with you." She shifts her hips against mine. "I've always thought about what we could do together."

Fuck, I hate the way fame makes strangers think they have permission to touch me.

This time last year, I'd have taken her up on her clumsy offer. I'd have done it right here.

Still could.

It would be an easy half hour of pleasure.

She's pretty enough. She's certainly eager enough. But I've got zero desire to fuck her.

The way she's looking at me is empty. It makes me think of Piper, of the way our conversations are full. Not sure what they're full of but it's the opposite of the way this chick is looking at me.

I pull on my new shirt. "Thanks, honey. I'll see you around."

She pouts.

I head back to the hallway.

Ethan, Mal, and Joel are hanging by the wall, shooting the shit. I nod and head over.

The tour manager Jim, cuts between us. He's wearing the same anxious expression he always is. "Where the fuck is Pete?" Jim looks at me like he's thinking about throwing me on stage to take the Sinful Serenade bassist's place. "We only have ten minutes."

Mal chuckles.

I move out of the way. Jim is always a mess. It's best to let him work himself into a frenzy. He relaxes as soon as the band steps on stage.

Joel bounces over to Jim and stage-whispers. "He's fucking his wife." He points to the dressing room down the hall.

Jim turns red.

Joel bursts into laughter as he makes his way back to us.

"You're cruel," Mal says.

"How? I helped him locate the musician who was missing." Joel shrugs. "Not like they'll mind getting caught in the act."

Mal cocks a brow.

"Don't pretend like you haven't noticed. They get 'caught' way too often for it to be accidental." Joel looks to me. "Back me up, Lockhart."

As fun as it is seeing Joel indignant, I can't deny the truth. Every time Pete's wife, Jess, visited during the tour, the two of them ended up caught in the act. They were never far from someplace truly private.

There's something sweet about how unable they are to keep their hands off each other. I can't remember the last time I actually cared about the person I was fucking. For a long time, sex has been women using me for drugs or fame and me using them for an easy distraction.

I nod back to Joel. "The dressing room locks. If they want privacy, they have it."

"That's the man's wife," Mal says. "That should mean something."

"Thanks Mr. Monogamy. When was the last time you had a serious relationship?" Joel cocks a brow. "Oh yeah, never."

Mal ignores Joel to turn to me. "I can't hear anything. Joel's too loud."

Joel smiles. "That's what I'm told."

Mal sticks out his tongue in disgust.

I do the same.

Joel folds his arms. He looks at me with mock indignation. "Oh, you can have a threesome with Ethan but hearing about me being loud is too much?"

Ethan shrugs. "Look at me, look at you."

"You two didn't makeout or shit. It's not like that mattered," Joel says.

"Why were you watching?" Ethan shoots Joel a playfully accusatory look.

"It was in front of my face." Joel cocks a brow. When nobody responds, he adds detail. "That night in Toronto. That hot Canadian chick with the glasses."

Ethan laughs. "We were in another room. If you saw anything it was because you wanted to see it."

"Like it only happened once." Joel shakes his head with mock disgust. He turns to the dressing room. "A hundred bucks to whoever pulls that open."

"If you're so sure getting caught will get them off, you open it," Mal says.

Joel says nothing.

Mal raises a brow I thought so.

"Okay, you want to bet what they're doing?" Joel asks.

"We all know what they're doing," Ethan says.

"But specifically," Joel says.

Ethan laughs. "Okay, a hundred bucks says he's eating her out."

"Peg him as the generous type?" Joel cocks a brow.

"A smart man knows where he belongs," Ethan says.

Mal and Joel shoot him uh-huh looks. Ethan makes a point of bragging about how generous he is with his one-night stands, but we all know he's thinking about his ex, Violet. It's been almost two years since the two of them broke up.

It's still hard to believe. They were the couple everyone envied.

We caught them in a lot of compromising positions. Half the time, his face was buried between her legs.

Ethan looks to Joel. "You taking the bet or not?"

"Who's pulling the door open?" Joel asks.

Ethan nods to Jim pacing in front of the door.

Joel offers his hand to shake.

It's on.

We all watch as Jim works up the courage to knock on the door. Then he's doing it.

Then he's pulling the door open.

I can't see anything from here, but I can hear a woman's groans. They're loud enough to echo through the hallway.

There's no sound of walls shaking or flesh pounding flesh.

A moment later, Pete is at the door, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

He's beaming with pride.

Even though Pete is fully dressed, Jim is horrified. He takes a step backwards. "You're on in ten minutes."

Ethan motions pay up to Joel.

Joel pulls out his wallet and makes a show of handing Ethan five twenties. "So when you and Kit were double teaming chicks which of you took that position?"

"What!!!" A woman's voice interrupts.

That's Piper.

Ethan shoots Joel a death glare.

She steps forward. "I go to the bathroom for five minutes and I come back to this?" She looks at me. "Tell me you didn't—"

"Tell her nothing." Ethan looks at his sister. "You don't want to hear about this."

She stares at me with horror.

Joel laughs. He stage whispers to Piper. "Don't worry. I'll give you the dirt later." He shifts back to his normal voice. "Your hair looks different. You weren't blond before, were you?"

She shakes her head. "It's new." She runs her fingers through her now dark blond hair. "You like it?"

Joel nods. "It's cute." He flips his dirty blond hair. "We almost match."

"Yeah. Excuse me, Joel. I can't let this go." She looks from me to Ethan. "Did you two really—"

"We're not having this conversation," Ethan says.

"Yes, I know. I'm a nice girl and nice girls can't hear about those kinds of things." She just stops herself from rolling her eyes.

"Nice to see you, Piper, but I got to head out." Joel nods goodbye. "I'll be bugging Ethan and Mal soon, so I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Where you going?" she asks.

Joel smiles. He leans in to whisper.

She blushes.

He plants a kiss on her cheek then moves down the hall. He stops at the Sinful Serenade dressing room to yell something to the happy couple. Then he's gone.

Ethan turns towards his sister. "Your drive okay?"

"All twenty minutes of it," she teases.

"You catch the entire set?" he asks.

"Yeah, you were great." She rises to her tip toes to hug Ethan. "Mal was just okay though."

"He's not close enough to hear you mock him." Ethan smiles.

"You're right. He was great too." She looks to me. "And you too, though it's a bit harder for a person with no musical talent to judge a bassist's skills."

"He was great." Ethan winks at me. "Don't let it go to your head."

Piper gives me a long once-over. It's not like I have famous written on my forehead. It's not quite like I'm a piece of meat either—though I wouldn't complain about Piper looking at me like she's thinking of—

Fuck.

I can't be going there.

I certainly can't be thinking about unzipping her skinny jeans and tossing her crop top aside. Can't wonder what color bra and panties she's wearing.

And what she looks like in them.

Need to discuss something else. Now. "Your hair looks good. It's lighter than I figured it would be."

"You and Kit are talking about your new hairstyle?" Ethan asks.

"Oh, well, I send him nudes every night. He took a few nights to notice the hair— not that it's his fault, so many of the pics were beaver shots- but he liked it. Blondes are his type." Her smile widens as she teases Ethan.

He leans in to not quite whisper. "You and Kit dating happens over my dead body."

"I'll miss you." She smiles serenely.

He frowns. "Not funny." He shoots me a don't even think about it look.

Piper laughs. "It's really funny the way your eyes are bugging out of your head. But I'll stop. I want to stay on your good side. I'm starving. Tell me there's food here."

"Nothing good," he says.

"I'm gonna get dinner then. Hmmm... this neighborhood is jammed. And I'm craving pho," she says.

Ethan laughs. "That's unusual for you."

"I know. I haven't had it in forty-eight hours. It's been horrible. Come with?" She turns to me. "You too, Kit. And maybe Mal. Sounded like Joel has plans."

"I'm gonna stay and see if Jim survives this." Ethan turns back to Piper. "You okay going alone?"

"Yeah, sure." She plays cool. "You want to come, Kit?'

"Sure," I say.

Ethan looks at me with incredulity. He drops it enough to whisper something in Piper's ear.

She whispers back.

They both laugh.

They're a happy family, the Strongs, even with Piper's near daily complaints of Mal and Ethan getting bossy and over-protective. I've never seen a family that loves each other as much as they do.

"You should come with us," Piper insists. Her eyes stay glued to mine. Her eyes scream Ethan, please don't see through how badly I want you to stay here.

Ethan shoots me another don't even think about it look then he turns to Piper. "I'll head home after this. Meet you there."

"Sure." Piper hugs Ethan goodbye then she nods to the side door.

After I wish Ethan goodbye, I follow her.

The parking lot is starting to fill with people who left after the Dangerous Noise set. As much as I enjoy most of the guys in the headlining band, I have to smile. It's flattering knowing people came to a concert just for you. Especially when you're the opener.

Piper laughs. "You look like a kid in a candy store. Should I scream, 'Kit Lockhart loves all his fans?'"

"Only if you want a stampede of horny women."

"I'm sure you're used to that." She laughs. "You okay with pho?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not if you want me to be happy."

"Good thing for you, I do."

We're teasing but I can feel the truth in the words. It shouldn't feel profound, something as simple as caring about another person's satisfaction, but it does.

I feel the same way I do before I step on stage— nervous and excited.

I haven't felt like that around a woman since I was a teenager.

Piper is a teenager. Nineteen but that's still firmly teenager. I remind myself that this can't happen, but that doesn't do shit to wipe away the excitement in my chest.