Em’s eyes blinked open as she woke and automatically looked for me.
“Hey,” she said, and I knew by her gravelly voice that she’d spent a good part of yesterday crying.
“Mornin’, love,” I answered her.
“You been awake for long?” she asked.
“Not long,” I assured her. I’d been awake for two hours, and before that, I hadn’t slept much all night. The last time I’d fallen into a fitful sleep, I dreamed that Frank had taken her from outside the courtroom, and that her body had been left on the steps of the gym. I woke as I dreamed of holding her in my arms, her blood pooling beneath me as life drained from her tiny body. The tears I’d cried in sleep were still wet on my cheeks when my eyes opened. I didn’t try and sleep again. My eyes were scratchy from staring so hard, like she was some kind of ghost who’d fade and disappear if I turned away, even for a moment.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, knowingly.
“Things didn’t go so well yesterday,” I admitted.
“She sold me out, didn’t she?” Em said sadly, and I nodded.
“Tell me everything, O’Connell. I need to know,” she pleaded.
“Trust me, love. You really don’t. She sided with Frank. That’s all you need to know.” I replied, desperate to protect her from as much of the fallout as I could. “So fuck the bitch,” I told her. “She sold you down the river when she let Frank get away with raping you. I never thought any parent who did that would change, so fuck her. Her and that bastard can rot in hell for I care,” I told her venomously.
“She’s still my mum though. It still hurts,” she admitted.
“I know, love,” I told her sadly.
I would make this right for her but she couldn’t know that. So for the moment, I’d do my best to help her through this.
“Let’s stay here today. We’ll take a day off from school and training and court and just spend the day in bed, watching old movies,” I suggested, knowing full well that I couldn’t afford to take the days off from training I already had, let alone another one to just stay in bed. None of that mattered though. Everything was secondary to taking care of my wife. It always would be.
“I can’t think of anything I’d love to do more,” she said, and I waited for the “but.” I knew it was coming by the look of determination on her face.
“But we’re going to court,” she told me.
“Why put yourself through it, Sunshine? You know your being there won’t make any difference to the verdict.”
“I want Frank to know I’m not scared of him anymore and that I’m not alone. He might get away with what he did but I’ve cried the last tear I’m going to cry over what happened. I have a wonderful life ahead of me, and I want to live it. So let’s go to court and show them that we’re not afraid, get this thing over with, and get on with our lives.”
“It can’t possibly be that easy, love,” I cautioned her.
“It won’t be. Of course it won’t be. I have waking nightmares every day when a smell or a sound brings back what happened but you told me once that the good stuff takes up room, so we have to let the bad stuff out to make that happen. That’s what the therapy is for. But for now, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
“That sounds like another one of them famous quotes,” I said.
“Franklin D. Roosevelt in his presidential inauguration speech.”
“You are wicked smart, you know?” I told her. “I love that you want to be strong and move on from this, I really do. I mean, watching you cry over what this guy did kills me a little bit more each time I see it. But I don’t think I can let it go that easily. I didn’t protect you once, despite my promises, and when he’s released I feel like I’d be letting you down a second time.”
“You have to try, O’Connell, or he’s not only ruined my past. He’s ruined my future as well.” That was never going to happen. I would take care of that for her, and she’d never have to be afraid of anything else ever again.
We turned up for court at nine, but deliberation took much longer than any of us thought. When the steps became too cold, we moved to the benches in the lobby outside the courtrooms. Eventually, when I didn’t think I could wait much longer, the clerk came out of the dark, heavy oak door and told us that a verdict had been reached. We filed silently into the courtroom one by one, with Em sitting in the middle of us.
Without prompting, Danny and I, who were seated either side of her, held each of her hands tightly. Em’s mum, who was already seated on the other side of the courtroom, had turned to face us when we filed in. For a brief moment, she caught Em’s eye, but Sunshine quickly turned her face away. She was done, and by the wave of regret that washed over her mother’s face, her mum knew it too. Like I said before, fuck the bitch.
She turned to watch as Frank was brought up from the cells in cuffs; we all did. The bastard had the brass balls to wink at Em as he was led to his seat, and I wanted to vault over the barrier and remove his kidney. Maybe removing it was ambitious but I was pretty sure I could render it useless for the rest of the cock’s miserable life with one good punch.
Sunshine filled me with pride. In a gesture completely unlike her, she lifted her hand and gave him the finger. Frank frowned angrily. This wasn’t the same girl he left bleeding on the floor. The courtroom went silent as the judge left his chambers and the clerk said, “All rise.” We stood, then sat again as the judge was seated. The clerk moved over to Frank. “The defendant will stand,” he called out, and Frank stood up smugly.
“Members of the jury, will your foremen please stand,” the clerk said, and an older guy rose from the jury. He had a kind look about him, and I closed my eyes, hoping this guy could deliver me a miracle. Hoping that he would deliver me justice.
“Have you reached a verdict upon which you are all agreed?” he asked, and the man replied, “We have.”
“Do you find the defendant Frank Stephen Thomas guilty or not guilty of the charge of rape?” There was the slight pause and then the deep baritone voice sounded clearly across the courtroom. “Not guilty.”
“And in the charges of kidnapping and assault with the intent to kill, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?” The pause didn’t seem as long this time because I knew what was coming. “Not guilty.”
“Is this the verdict of you all?” the clerk asked.
“It is,” the guy replied. The man who I thought looked kind only a minute ago, now looked like any other fat, middle-aged fuck, judging my girl’s word over that rapist and finding her the liar.
“Mr. Thomas,” the judge called out clearly, “you are free to go.”
“All rise,” the clerk called out, and the judge had already fucked off for his afternoon game of golf before anyone realized that Em and I still sat in our seats. I looked over to see the bailiff unlocking Frank’s cuffs, and Em’s mum looking down into her lap. I hope the bitch was fucking petrified at taking Frank back. She’d brought this on herself. On all of us.
“What now?” I asked Em. I didn’t know whether to hold her close or carry out my plan of putting one of Frank’s kidneys out of commission. I wanted to do both.
“No hugging or commiserating,” she told us all. “I don’t want to give Frank the satisfaction.”
“Let’s just go back to the gym.”
“You don’t want to go straight home?” I asked her.
“No. There’s something I need to do first.”
“Okay, love,” I told her, “whatever you need.” Frank’s barrister quickly led him outside and down the steps of the law courts, probably for his own safety. I stared a hole in the back of his head but the fucker, grinning ear to ear and laughing with his barrister, ignored me until he climbed into a cab and then turned and fucking waved at me before driving off.
“You guys okay to stay here, and I’ll bring the truck round?” Liam said.
“Sure,” Kieran replied. “When you’re on your way, I’ll drop Nikki home on my bike then grab us all some lunch and meet you back at Danny’s.” I couldn’t think about eating after what had just happened.
“I need the bathroom a minute, love. You okay to wait here with everyone?”
“Sure,” she replied looking worn out. After a quick kiss, I raced back up the steps of the courthouse, quickly bypassing the doors to walk around the side of the building. Out of sight, I placed my hands against the cold stone and vomited until there was nothing left. A clean, white handkerchief was held in front of me as I turned to face Danny.
“Well done for not doing it in front of her, son,” he told me.
“You don’t think I’m a pussy for losing my stomach over a guy I could take out in under one round?”
“Son, I puked when I woke up this mornin’. Does that make me a pussy?”
“I’m pretty sure you’re the feckin hardest man I know,” I told him. He just nodded his head and grunted, like that was a given.
“Come on. We’d better get back. Told Em I was emptying my catheter bag. If we take much longer, she’s likely to walk into the men’s toilet to try and help.”
“Is she gonna be okay?” I asked him, and he chuckled.
“She asked me that same question about you not five minutes ago. But that’s Sunshine for you. Always worrying about everyone else before herself.”
“What did we do now, Danny?” I asked, feeling pissed off, sad, despairing, and vengeful all at the same time.
“We train, Con. It’s all we can do. Bad shit happens all the time. You keep moving forward until you find some happiness that made you glad you kept moving,” he told me. It was good advice but I wasn’t ready to move forward yet. Not until I could purge all this shit building inside me.
* * *
Danny opened up the gym, and we followed him inside, my hand at the small of Em’s back. For the first time in as long as I can remember, this place didn’t feel like home. No matter what shit my ma put me through, I could almost always find peace here, and what I found inside those four ropes was justice. That was gone now, and killing Frank was the only way I knew how to get that back. I didn’t want to tie him down and slice him up like he’d done to Em. No, I wanted one round with him in the ring. Three minutes with no gloves was all I needed to make everything better again. Taking off the wool coat off that was a gift from me, she draped it over one of the folding chairs. Pulling another toward her, she sat down.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Waiting for you,” she replied. I gave her a funny look as I tried to work out what she was talking about.
“I’m your wife, O’Connell. I know you almost better than anyone else in the world. If we go home now, all that hate is going to eat you up, and you won’t sleep any better than you did last night,” she said.
“How do you know I didn’t sleep last night?” I asked.
“Wife, remember?” she said, holding up her hand and wiggling he ring finger. Knowing she was right, I changed quickly, wrapped my hands, and taking the time to kiss Em gently on the forehead, went to the bag and unleashed hell. I pounded on it relentlessly, not bothering with combinations, just hooking and jabbing repeatedly, with power that came only from hours of discipline and dedication.
At the speed I was punching, there was no way I should be able to hit the same mark every time but I was, because every spot on the bag I hit was one of Frank’s vital organs. In normal training, Danny would time me on each apparatus then move me on. Strengthen my arms and toughen my knuckles but work on my core as well. There was no stopping me now though. I heard Kieran and the other guys talking quietly as they ate their lunch. No one else trained, they just sat and waited with me.
“I can’t take this anymore,” I heard Kieran say. “I’ll go toe to toe with him if that’s what he needs.”
“Sit down, Kier. Let him work this out himself.”
The sun had long set when my punches finally slowed. The once grayish-white wraps were soaked with blood where my knuckles had split, and I could barely lift my arms. Slumping down, I leaned my back against the ring and, raising my knees up, rested my hands over the top as I looked for my girl. Already out of her chair, she knelt down in front of me and started to carefully undo my wraps. When they were off, she kissed the back of each set of bloodied knuckles before cupping my cheek with her tiny hand.
“Let’s go home now,” she told me. Danny, Kieran, Liam, Tommy, and Earnshaw all sat waiting for me. Not only had they been there today but they waited while I vented my rage in case I needed them. That was family for you.