“No,” cried Em from across the gym. Kieran stood in the doorway behind her. Both of them ran across the room and climbed into the ring, but it was Earnshaw they went to and it fucking burned. Kieran checked his vitals while Em looked at me accusingly.
“What have you done?” she whispered.
“What have I done?” I asked, shocked. Watching Em kneeling next to him felt like betrayal. “He shouldn’t be here, Em. If he can’t handle a simple sparring session, how’s he going to handle world-class title fights?”
“He’s not here to fight world-class fucking fighters, he’s here to promote your career.” The fact that she was shouting at me should have made me pause. Em rarely raised her voice, let alone swore. Unfortunately for me, I was on a roll.
“Nobody made him get in the fucking ring with me. It’s not my fault if the stupid bastard doesn’t know when to quit.”
“Bullshit! You’ve been spoiling for a fight for ages and you should never have let him get in the ring with you. This is on you, O’Connell, and you don’t have the balls to admit it. You don’t even give a shit whether he’s okay or not.”
“Why are you taking his side? I’m a fighter. This is what we do!” I shouted, feeling more and more pissed off by the second.
“It’s not about taking sides, you arsehole. It’s about right from fucking wrong. And don’t you ever call this fighting. Stick any label you want on it but you’ve just bullied and beaten a guy who’s done nothing more than try and impress you. That’s not the man I married,” she answered, her eyes welling up with tears.
“Maybe this is exactly the man you married,” I said quietly and turned my back on all of them.
* * *
“Well, you properly fucked that up didn’t you,” Kieran said smugly as he sat his arse down on the bench next to me.
“You’re not supposed to swear in church,” I answered softly.
“I drop a quid in the collection box for every time I swear. Me and God have an agreement about it,” Kieran replied. I chuckled because I was pretty sure he was serious.
“How did you know where I was?” I asked him.
“After Em’s kidnapping I figured that this was probably your bolt-hole for when things go to shit.” He waited patiently for me to get my shit together and talk to him.
“How’s Earnshaw?” I asked, scared now to know the answer.
“He’s gonna have a headache tomorrow, but he’s fine. You knocked him old cold but he came round a few minutes after you left.”
“Em still pissed at me?” I asked with my head in my hands.
“She loves you, Con. Of course she’s still pissed at you.”
“I fucked up big didn’t I?” I asked him.
“It was a fuck up of epic proportions. Seriously, I think this might be it for the both of you. Don’t sweat it. Romeo and Juliet weren’t meant to be either.”
“You’re an arsehole,” I told him, “and you’re enjoying this.”
“I’m not the one who knocked out his manager and yelled at his wife. I’m pretty sure the arsehole of the year trophy belongs to you. And, yes, I’m enjoying this immensely. You making Em curse was entertainment value enough.”
“What am I going to do?” I asked him.
Surprising the fuck out of me, he answered me seriously.
“Think about what she said. This shit with Frank has been fucking with your head since Em was kidnapped. You need to talk to her about it. Get it off your chest and tell her everything. Stop acting like a hard arse and let her in. You’re gonna lose her if you don’t.”
I nodded, as I thought about what he said.
“Do you think I should crash at yours tonight? Give her some space and speak to her in the morning?”
He laughed in my face. “I know fuck all about marriage, Con, but common fucking sense tells me that you not going home to her tonight is the worst idea ever. Man up and go make nice with your wife. And whenever the urge strikes you to argue back with her, bite your fucking tongue. Unless you’re saying sorry or I love you, you’re basically just ringing the bell for round two.
* * *
Everything I meant to say went straight out of my head when I walked through the door.
“Arsehole,” was the first thing Em said as she smacked me on the chest, then surprising the fuck out of me, threw her arms around me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” I blurted out, as I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as tightly to me as I could.
“What’s going on, O’Connell?” she mumbled into my chest.
I took a deep breath, knowing that she needed to know where my head was at. But it went against the grain to do anything but protect her and make her feel safe.
“I’m scared, Em,” I told her.
“Of what?” she asked.
“Of losing you. I promised I’d protect you and I couldn’t have fucked that up more royally if I tried. Now I’m doing it again. Frank’s finding ways to get to you that I can’t stop. I’m pissed off and frustrated and I’m hurting anyone in my line of fire because I can’t hurt Frank.”
Bone-wearily tired I sat down on the sofa and pulled Em to sit down in my lap. If she forgave me enough to hold me, then I wasn’t letting her go.
“Why the fuck didn’t you just talk to me about it,” she said.
“I think you’ve sworn more today than any day since I met you,” I answered.
“Stop changing the subject,” she replied.
“Because husbands are supposed to protect their wives. It’s my job to deal with my shit, not drag you down with me,” I said.
“I didn’t marry you for protection. I married you because I love you. If there’s stuff worrying you, then I’m the one you talk to about it. Because this marriage isn’t going to work if you try and keep me in the dark about important stuff. I get that you want to take care of me, I really do. But don’t you think it worries me more to see you go off the deep end like this?”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, but I really did mean it. There weren’t enough apologies in the world for the way I’d been acting.
“Don’t be sorry, O’Connell. Do something about it. You promised me once that you’d be a better man. Well then be one. You can’t solve every problem with your fist. This shit has to end now or you’re going to end up in prison one day, and I really do not want to be visiting there.”
“And if Frank gets to you again?” I asked her.
“Then I’ll fight him off again and stay alive until you rescue me. I’ve lived my life in fear once before, O’Connell. I won’t do it again. You can’t worry about everything. Just take things a day at a time, and what will be will be. And when you get angry, hit punch bags, not people,” she ordered me.
“I can do that,” I agreed. I was so relieved that she hadn’t just up and left me after knocking Earnshaw out that I’m pretty sure I would have agreed to anything. In all honesty, it felt like a weight had been lifted off me just by sharing with her.
I’m not the only one you need to apologize to either,” she reminded me.
“I know, Sunshine,” I agreed, as I rested my forehead against hers. “I’m just really not looking forward to it.”
* * *
The next day, I sat at the bar of the Royal Oak sipping my orange juice and lemonade. The barman had sniggered when I’d ordered it until I gave him the death stare. I was trying to be a better man but that didn’t mean I still couldn’t fuck with people from time to time. Any man who mocked another for drinking a non-alcoholic drink deserved to be fucked with anyway. Earnshaw sat down on the stool next to me sporting a killer black eye and looking like someone had stolen the jam out of his doughnut.
“A pint of lager please,” he mumbled to the barman.
He nodded and we sat in silence as the barman poured him his drink. He reached for his wallet until I held my hand up.
“I’ve got this,” I told him, sliding a fiver across the bar. “Do you regret coming to London?” I asked.
“I don’t regret following my sister. She needed me even if she didn’t know it. But yeah, I’m kind of regretting taking a job with Danny,” Earnshaw told me miserably, still not looking at me.
“Danny’s the best. I know he comes over as a bit of a hard arse but what he doesn’t know about boxing ain’t worth knowing,” I told him.
“It’s not Danny that I regret working with. You’re a lot more of a dick than I thought you’d be.” Fair play to the man, he had a pair of balls on him. I’d knocked him into the middle of next week, and here he sat calling me a dick to my face. Oddly, it made me like him a little bit more.
“Yeah, well, I’m genetically predisposed to be a dick. You’ll learn to get used to it,” I told him, which was pretty much my version of an apology.
“I’m not sure there’s any point in sticking around to find out,” he admitted. “I’ll be honest, when I came here I had a real dream about what I wanted to achieve. Emily’s Jerry Maguire call wasn’t that far off the mark. I wanted to be part of something special. When I met Danny and found out he was looking for the same thing, I figured this was my opportunity. You resenting my help didn’t factor into my plans.”
Earnshaw took a sip of his pint while I thought about what I was going to say. Letting him in and trusting him wasn’t going to be easy but he had a right to it. Hell, after the stunt I pulled, he could have gone to the police and probably had me charged with assault. At this point, I don’t even think he’d told Danny what had gone down.
“Do you know what happened to Em?” I asked him.
“No,” he replied and turned sharply to look at me.
“Before we met she lived with her mum and stepfather. He beat her pretty much daily. She came to university to study for her mathematics degree and changed her name but he found her. We were already married when he kidnapped and tortured her. In a few weeks, he’s up for trial. He did all that to my wife, and I’ve never laid a finger on him. The day I acted like a fucking imbecile was the day he’d written to her from prison. It made me a little crazy, and I took it out on you.” I left out the fact that she’d been raped. My baby girl wouldn’t want him knowing that. But his face was ashen anyway.
“Shit, man. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“Are you kidding me? You have nothing to apologize for. I was out of order in the worst way, and I’m sorry. If you’ll stay, I’d like to give this manager thing a go.”
“That absolutely killed you to say, didn’t it?” he said with a grin.
“Yeah, so make the most of it. I can’t promise not to be a dick again but being a dick also means that I don’t apologize often.”
“How does Em put up with your moody ass?” he commented.
“Fuck knows. She owns the balls of every man at Driscoll’s so be warned she’ll own yours by the end of the week,” I warned him.
“I’ve already got one sister, and she’s enough of a handful. I’m not sure I could handle another,” he said with a grimace.
“Em is gentle and kind. She doesn’t shout or even raise her voice much. She doesn’t bark orders or ask for anything but she is the strongest woman you’ll ever meet. If Danny’s the backbone of our family, then Em’s the heart. That’s why she’ll own your balls like she owns ours. You’ll love her and won’t be able to help it.”
He nodded thoughtfully as he stared into his pint.
“She’s your voice of reason then?” he asked curiously.
“That and my moral compass,” I agreed. “But I have a short fuse when it comes to people flirting or fucking with her. I’ll work on reining that in, but our relationship will be easier if you bear that in mind.”
“I don’t have any interest in her other than being friends, so you have no worries on that score. She’s important enough to you that I’ll take her advice and consult with her a fair bit of the time but consider this my word that I won’t be messing with your head that way.”
“I appreciate it,” I told him honestly.
“Look, if you’re serious and you can get a handle on your anger management, then I think I can help you. But you need to listen and take my advice. You do that and fight like you’ve been fighting, and I’ll take you to the top.”
“Done,” I agreed with a rare smile.