Chapter Twenty-One
Josephine
It was the Monday after the “boating incident” where I’d almost let Julian ravish me below the deck—no pun intended—and I was not prepared to go into work. I had the same kind of dread in my stomach that built up right before I had to wax my hoohah before swim season.
I took my time applying my makeup, trying to relax myself. I’d called Lily the night before to get her opinion on the matter, but she’d only made me feel worse.
I think a part of her was shocked that I’d let it go that far.
“The plan was for you to move to New York so you could get a job and an apartment before I move up there in a few months. This plan did not include sleeping with your boss. Don’t you see how that could not only jeopardize your career at Lorena Lefray Designs but also EVERYWHERE else in the entire city? Seriously, Jo, is his penis made of pure gold? Ivory? Does it sparkle? Because sleeping with him cannot be worth more than your career in fashion. Think about it.”
“I know that! You don’t have to tell me that,” I huffed into the phone. “Don’t you think I’m already panicking enough as is? He was drunk and I almost took full advantage of him!”
Lily didn’t believe that for a second.
“You two have been circling around each other like a couple of bloodthirsty sharks. You did not take advantage of him.”
I groaned.
“Just focus on what’s important, Jo. I’ll be moving up in a month and then you won’t have to hang out with Julian anymore. You’ll have me.”
Just hearing her reassure me that she was headed to New York melted away most of my anxiety. I needed her in New York. I needed reinforcements. If Lily had been with me on that boat, I never would have let it go that far with Julian.
“Once I have the money saved for a bus ticket and first month’s rent, I’m there,” Lily said.
I made her swear to that promise.
After we’d hung up, I’d made a promise with myself not to screw up the opportunity that had fallen into my lap. There were any number of outcomes that could happen if Julian and I decided to pursue some kind of relationship. All but one of them ended in a break-up and my inevitable termination from the company. Truthfully, I knew I only had one option: I would continue on as Julian’s employee and his friend, nothing more. We’d be cordial, I’d get my job done, impress him, and move my way up in the world.
I couldn’t let this job slip through my fingers. I had debt collectors at my door, next month’s rent to worry about, and Lily couldn’t move to New York if I was unemployed. I owed it to her to commit to the position I’d been given, even if that included putting my love life on the backburner for the time being. This conclusion meant that I had to be upfront with Julian.
I huffed out a breath of air and pushed off the counter to pick out the most conservative outfit I could find. I settled on a loose pair of slacks and a boring, gray blouse that completely hid away every ounce of cleavage. I pulled my hair into a low bun and slipped on a pair of flats. Hopefully the message I was trying to send would come across loud and clear. Me = employee. You = boss. Even a caveman could understand that.
By the time I started my trek to work, I was still trying to push aside stray memories from the boat. One particularly vivid image—Julian gripping my hands in place above my head—had just played out in my mind when my phone vibrated in my pocket. My hand shook as I reached in my purse, assuming it would be Julian calling.
It wasn’t.
My mother’s face lit up my small screen and my stomach dropped. I hadn’t talked to her in weeks and this was the precise moment she chose to call me? I veered off to the side of the sidewalk and leaned against the side of a building to try to drown out a bit of the street noise.
“Hello?” I asked after the call connected.
“Josie. It’s Mom. Is this a good time to talk?”
I stared out across the sidewalk. Technically, I had ten minutes until I was supposed to be at work and I was already a block away from Julian’s hotel. I had no excuse.
“Yes. Yeah, can you hear me all right?”
The morning streets were full of honking taxis and bustling pedestrians scurrying to work as quickly as possible. Chances were it sounded like I was in the middle of a circus.
“Yes. I have you on speakerphone over here so your dad can hear too.”
I smiled. “Hi Dad.”
“Hi Jos,” he chimed in.
I hadn’t heard from either of them in a month and now they were calling me together? Something was up.
“How are you getting on in New York?” she asked.
“Good,” I replied, treading lightly.
“We read up on the news every day. Looks like someone gets mugged or killed every night of the week up there.”
And yet they didn’t think it was necessary to check up on me until now…
“Yeah, but I don’t walk around at night and I always have pepper spray on me.”
“You know you wouldn’t need that pepper spray back home…” my mother mumbled.
You’re right, ‘cause I’d hurl myself off a bridge from sheer boredom before I ever got the chance to use it.
“How are things at the shop, Dad?” I asked, ignoring my mom’s little dig.
“Oh, same as always. Slow, but steady.”
“Slow but steady” could have been the motto of my entire hometown. Seriously.
“Well we just wanted to check up on you. I know you’re busy with all of those New York dreams of yours… will you be making it home anytime soon? Maybe for your dad’s sixtieth next month?”
Guilt clawed its way up my vocal cords until I had to clear my throat just to be sure I could still talk.
“I’ll try. Really.”
I knew I was making false promises, but I couldn’t tell them the truth. I had so many people watching and waiting for me to fail. I’m sure every single person in my hometown had placed a bet on how long I’d manage to stay in New York before crawling my way back home. They’d all taken it as almost a personal insult that I’d wanted to leave and make something of my life. They’d sleep a little better at night knowing that I’d gone out to fulfill my dreams and landed face first in the dirt.
Why?
Because it meant that every time they got the urge to reach for more, to dream a little bit bigger, they could rest easy in their ranch-style house, with their .2 acres of land and their 2.5 children, knowing they’d made the right decision—the proper decision—while “that ol’ Josephine Keller wasted her youth on foolish dreams.”
I’d be damned if I let them see me fail.
“Listen Mom, I gotta go. I need to get to work. I’ll let you know if I’ll be able to come home next month.”
Before she could reply, I hung up and shoved my phone back into my purse. Fierce determination coursed through my veins. All memories of the boat ride were packed away and shoved below. For now, I needed to focus on myself.