JT didn’t know what the hell it meant to be happy.

But right now, he figured it had to be on the other side of the city and probably wondering where the hell he ran off too. JT frowned at the thought of Alec worrying. He considered calling him, even paused on his determined stride to the shady ass building on the easter outskirts of Philadelphia, right smack dab between the city and the Appalachian wilderness. He pulled out his phone, scrolled to Alec’s number, his thumb hovering over his digits.

“No,” JT grumbled, shoving his phone back in his pocket. Maybe later. Maybe when he had the time to think clearly, and honestly. When he could actually mean what he said when he told Alec that they’d be safe and happy, forever.

Tucking his phone away, JT decided the first step to that was facing off against the loan shark again.

The one-story, nondescript and nameless building wasn’t unguarded. There was a black SUV parked outside, alone in the lot. Soon as JT neared it, the passenger and driver doors opened and the big, bulking men from the condo visit emerged.

They glowered at JT, waiting for his approach. Their employer nowhere in sight, JT paused to avoid their fists raining down sucker blows. These guys flexed with their hair-trigger tempers. They’d been trained to punch first, ask questions after.

If they wanted a fight, at least he wanted a fair one. But if he could avoid dragging this out, then he’d be polite, professional, cool-headed.

“Where’s your boss?” he asked.

The driver rounded the front of the truck, standing by his friend. He scowled fiercely at JT while he answered, “Turn around.”

Instead of doing as ordered, JT folded his arms over his chest, holding his ground. “I need to speak to her. I’d like to talk about settling a debt.”

After a long pause, where they filled it glaring each other down, two-to-one, the broody bodyguard who’d been sitting shotgun pulled out his phone and swiped twice at the screen. “You see this?” he asked into the phone. “Fine.”

Sliding his phone away, he nudged his head to the building. “Your funeral,” he said as JT passed between the two brutes. They might be a couple inches shorter, but together they had more muscle...and Lord knew what else on their persons. Outnumbered and outgunned wasn’t too far of a reach.

Yeah. He’d play nice. For now.

Silently falling back from the closed door they lead him to in the back of the emptied office, JT glanced over his shoulder and scowled. It looked like a normal enough place. The office furniture appeared new. And there was the scent of lemon cleaner in the air. The central heater hummed through the building, chasing off the chill that clung to his bones from the brisk autumn wind. But it did nothing to stop the hairs rising off the back of his neck as he recalled how very close Alec and he had been to a bullet in the head, each.

Fists tightening at the image of Alec bleeding and broken, dying, JT forced his feet to move closer to the door. Noting the warm gold light spilling out from the crack at the bottom of the door, he knew he had made a good, if not dangerous choice hunting down the information of Amanda Lorraine.

JT didn’t knock. He opened the door and entered, waiting for the two men to jump him. And they might have, if the fair-haired woman behind the large desk in the small room didn’t shoo them away with a little flick of her dainty hand. The driver gripped the door handle, swinging the door shut on that silent command.

Not wasting time, JT jumped in with his first question. For starters, he set out to clear the air. Lest he walked into the office of the wrong woman. This was definitely the lady who had called in on Parrot and his debt to her. But was she the Amanda he had heard too much about?

“You Amanda?” JT wanted to cross his Ts and dot his Is. No need to beat around the bush. This had to be the woman he’d been directed to once he asked around at a local Gamblers’ Anonymous meeting. Apparently, Amanda had made her rounds there, emptying out the pockets of poor, unsuspecting saps.

Saps like Parrot.

JT stared her down, waiting for her to acknowledge him. She looked up only after she’d settled her pen down by the creamy parchment she scrawled on. Smiling at JT, she gestured to one of the seat across her desk. “Please sit.”

“No thanks,” JT grunted. “Are you Amanda Lorraine? Or have I got the wrong person?”

“Mandy,” she corrected following a lengthy pause, her deep plum lips tilting up in that mocking smile. “I haven’t been called ‘Amanda’ in years. Not since I buried my Ma and Pa right after each other. Bless their black, shriveled hearts.”

So. Not a family person, this Amanda. That made sense. Why else would she be a loan shark? The job wasn’t only dangerous; it called for some real recklessness. Someone in this field would not only have to be evil, they would also have very little need for family, friends, and community.

JT might have felt sorry for her—if she hadn’t tricked Parrot with her fluctuating criminal interest rate. Not that Parrot should have ever come to her in the first place, the idiot. Still, JT found most of his anger directed at Amanda.

She reached up, removing the butterfly clip holding up her hair and shaking out the long, bright blonde tresses. They flounced over her slim shoulders, her silver halter top shimmering as she leaned back in her office chair, her fingers locking together in her lap.

“Do you remember me?” JT took that seat now, deciding he was fine glaring at her across the desk from this level too. She was still dwarfed when sitting, and it only made him hold his shoulders up higher.

He silently challenged her to shoot him head-on, instead of firing warning shots in the dark.

“Of course. You’re Wren Forrester’s friend and roommate,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “I never thanked you properly for passing along my message. Not that it helped. Wren hasn’t been forthcoming on his payment at all.”

JT bit the inside of his cheek to avoid the hateful comment springing to mind. Calling to mind why he was here, why he’d risked his safety, he smothered his volatile temper and leveled her with what he hoped was a cool look. “You want your money. I can get it for you. But you leave Wren out of it.” Leaning forward, he said, “It’s my debt now.”

Amanda stared at him for a moment, and then she chuckled huskily. “Ah, lovers. I can admire that. I wouldn’t die for any of my men.”

“That’s none of your business.” He cut off, realizing antagonizing her wouldn’t help. He was here for one reason only: to help Parrot square his debt, and to free himself to see Alec without endangering him by association. The less Alec knows of this, the less danger it poses him. “Just transfer the debt to me. And I’ll get your money.”

She shrugged off his earlier comment, staring at him long and hard, her fake, black lashes nearly touching as she narrowed her eyes, her lips frozen in that plastic, plum-colored smile. “I suppose that could work.”

“One more thing.” JT leaned forward. “Don’t you dare shoot at me again.”

JT shot up from his seat, heading for the door.

Amanda called him back, his hand stilling on the lever handle. “Since I’m being awfully generous, and passing on loans, I figure a month should suffice. Two at tops.”

JT stiffly turned to face her and her lifeless mirth. “You’ll get your money. Until then, you stay the fuck away from my family,” he said, the low, threatening growl lacing his words. He knew a word like ‘family’ meant nothing to her, but he wanted it out in the open.

She didn’t bat her long, fake lashes at his tone. Without another word, she lowered her head back to the letter she’d been writing...or whatever. Ceremoniously dismissed, and wanting to keep his head on his shoulders, JT left her office, forcing one leg in front of the other. He’d never wanted to throttle a woman before in his life. Not even his aloof mother wrenched so much violent hatred out of him.

JT was on the road when he faced a certain truth: it wasn’t so much that he hated the loan shark as he resented the damning butterfly effect she’d caused in his life by appearing on his doorstep.

Getting home was imperative now. He ached for Alec. That was the best way to describe his pinching skin, and the itching under it.

Soon as he pulled past the gates of their home, JT quieted the rumbling engine and bounded from his bike. He rang the doorbell, recalling how he hadn’t asked for a house key yet. These days, he’d been inseparable from Alec, so he hadn’t felt the need to ask.

JT breathed easier when he heard the locks opening on the other side. His next breath lodged in his throat at the sight of Alec’s mother, Isolde.

She opened the door wider, nudging her head in to gesture him through. “He’s upstairs. Turned in early.”

JT pulled out his phone, confirming it was only a few minutes past ten. Certainly much earlier than Alec would have slept if JT were around. Antsy to see him, he asked, “Do you think he’ll still be awake?”

Isolde locked up first, before finally turning to face him. “Does my response matter? It seems like you’ll check on him anyways.” She cocked her head, studying him more shrewdly under her black netted veil. “But before you leave, I’d like to ask: what do you want from my son?”

What did he want? Wasn’t it obvious? JT needed Alec’s happiness, almost as much as he needed for this marriage to be real. He loved Alec. That much he knew now. Even if it killed him to say it to the omega, and ruin whatever they had. So, why did it feel like their chances at forever were crumbling around him anyways?

“I just need to see if he’s okay.”

Isolde nodded. “Only… Don’t break his heart.”

JT swallowed hard, moving away from his mother-in-law. He couldn’t make that promise. Not when he understood what he had to do. At least until he scrapped and saved every penny the loan shark wanted.

Alec was in his room, sleeping on his side, under the covers. His black hair fanned out around his head on the pillow, a dark halo that didn’t rob the innocence of his peaceful features in slumber. JT didn’t want to disturb him, but Alec’s mouth lured him down to his knees. Good thing he was so damn tall, as he remained on level with Alec’s lips.

Pecking them wasn’t enough, JT pushed closer, sealing their mouths, groaning softly into the kiss as Alec stirred awake from his touch.

“JT?” he whispered, his eyes fluttering open…and then widened. He sat up, and JT leaned away to give him room. Alec gripped the edge of the bed, peering down at him, his chest rising and falling under his thin white T-shirt. “You’re home.”

“I just got back,” JT said, for lack of anything better to tell him. There was no way in hell he’d be bringing up Amanda Lorraine and her loan shark business to Alec. Better he stay far away from that.

“Yeah, I see that. But from where?” Alec worded his question softly. His fingers brushed JT’s cheek, stroked the dark sprinkling of beard hair masking his jaw.

A day away from regular grooming and he was beginning to feel less Alec’s fake alpha mate, and more like his usual self. Why he’d parted with his beard, he didn’t know. He had thought it would please Alec. That if he acted more like what he was used to, and less like himself, they wouldn’t have to pretend for long.

JT swallowed hard, realizing how futile that fantasy had been. Just as he accepted that he loved Alec, he accepted that he had a right to protect him from the dangers that shouldn’t be affected him. The danger that JT had brought to his doorstep.

“I was hanging at the clubhouse. Catching up with friends.”

“Did you talk to Wren?” Alec stared into his eyes, his own features shuttered to any telling emotions as he spoke Wren’s name.

Unable to lie aloud again, JT shook his head.

“Hey,” Alec called to him, his voice a husky whisper. His brows had swooped down, and his lips were pinched in the corners from barely concealed concern. “Are you all right?”

JT cupped Alec’s hand, holding it closer to his cheek, turning into his soft palm and brushing a kiss into it. Feeling Alec’s shudder, he clutched his hand nearer. “I’m fine,” he said. “Though I should be asking you that question.” At Alec’s raised brows, JT added, “Your ankle?”

“Oh,” Alec said, shifting under the sheets, turning over onto his side to face JT fully. “It’s better. It only needed some weight off it. Mom forced me to bed a few hours ago, and she’s been waiting on me since.” He ducked his head. “I feel gutted that she’s taking care of me when it should be the other way around.”

JT stood, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Though Alec’s hand was no longer touching his cheek, he locked their fingers together and sat there, staring at their joined hands. “She’s your mother,” he said, squeezing his hand. “It goes both ways. Everyone helping everyone. That’s what family does.”

“I missed you,” Alec said after a pause. “I was worried… That maybe I said something.” He shook his head, letting the thought hang.

JT smoothed the frown from his face. “Look at me,” he said, giving Alec’s hand a small tug, forcing his lover to meet his gaze. Leaning in, JT stole another kiss. Alec moaned into their locked lips, his hand falling over JT’s shoulder, drawing him in.

Breaking their suction before he fell deeper, and forgot why he was up here, JT touched his forehead to Alec and breathed, “It has nothing to do with you. It’s all on me.” And then, because he felt like his lungs were shorting from the trepidation of his announcement, JT pushed away from Alec and released his hand.

On his feet, he moved to the door, turning back and acknowledging Alec’s flurry to free himself from the bedsheets. “I have to go,” he told him. “There’s something I have to do.”

“No,” Alec said, sucking in a sharp breath when JT grasped the door handle.

“Don’t follow me. This was always supposed to be temporary, right?” JT forced his gaze from Alec, turning to the door, opening it. He paused for a moment, urging a firmness to his tone as he said, “It’s better this way. Trust me. Find someone else to make you happy, Alec. I can’t think of anyone else who deserves it more.”

JT closed the door after him, moving swiftly, hearing Alec’s footsteps above. He ignored his cry, ignored how Alec’s mother, Isolde, came rushing out of the living area, her eyes wide with panic and then narrowing with accusation.

“I’m leaving,” was all JT told her, knowing that should suffice and cool her maternal indignation for her son. “I’ll leave a voicemail with the address to send my things. I’ll send a check for the delivery costs.”

Alec limped down the stairs, his ankle still hindering him. Determination and pain bunched his features together, his brows slashed, his teeth working into his bottom lip, his heavy breathing carrying down. When he wobbled near the middle step and Alec’s mother gave a short scream, JT sprung into action, wondering if he’d ever be able to shake off Alec.

And knowing as soon as he had Alec safely in his arms, staring down into those glowering dark eyes, that he was well and truly gone. As far as his heart was concerned, it would remain forever with Alec.

Forgetting they were balancing precariously on the stairs, Alec shoved at JT’s chest, trying to free himself. “Let me go!” he finally shouted, slapping JT’s cheek once...twice. He struggled until JT was forced to lift him up and carry him, bruised and battered more emotionally than physically, to the living room.

Once he had Alec on the sofa, he backed out of his reach.

“I hate you,” Alec snapped, his fists clenched in his lap, his eyes sparking with the fire of that statement. “You…you coward! You liar!”

JT waited out the angry retorts, one by one, never refuting them. He was all the things Alec claimed he was, and more. He was a failure. He was a mess. And just as Alec deserved the best, JT deserved nothing at all.

“That’s right,” Alec roared as JT turned his back, striding from the living room. “Leave! Go! Don’t fucking come back.”

Isolde stayed by her son, looking torn between walking JT out, and remaining close to Alec. JT made her life easier. “I’ll close the door,” he said over his shoulder.

Outside, he leaned against the front door, staring up at what he could make out of the inky black, cloudy sky. There were no stars to guide his path tonight. No small spot of brightness anywhere. For a moment, he fought the urge to turn back, fall to his knees before Alec and beg his omega’s forgiveness.

No. He was doing this for Alec. For their future.

Choosing to believe that this was how they could both be happy, JT shoved off the door and made for his bike. The steady roar of the engine and rumbling didn’t comfort him as it usually did. Not when he knew this was how he might be leaving Alec forever.

Remembering Isolde’s warning about breaking Alec’s heart, JT realized as he peeled out of Alec’s drive he’d done more than that: he had broken his own heart.