The clock on the nightstand ticked loudly in time with Ryan’s snoring. Miranda closed her eyes and tried to breathe through it, determined, somehow, no matter what, that she would relax and get to sleep. It was nearing 4:00am and this was now the sixth night in a row that she had lay awake worrying about the future and she was sick of letting it beat her. Life was really kicking her ass and now it was starting to ooze out of her pores. The stress was overpowering and she felt full of adrenaline and fear constantly.
She turned to stare at Ryan and her heart sank. Even when he was asleep and in the most vulnerable position possible, he still looked dangerous and mean. She rolled over as quietly as she could, trying to not move the mattress too much for fear of waking him. If she did, she knew what it meant. Another black eye or shouting down. She didn’t dare breathe until she was sure she had gotten away with it and then relaxed down onto her pillow and exhaled. The clock read 4:06… It had been a long night.
It hadn’t always been this way. Only months before, Miranda had been blissfully happy. She was late twenties, happy in her career and starting a relationship with a guy who was not only gorgeous, but seemed to adore her. He’d been impossible to resist when she had finally given in and accepted the opportunity to go out on a date with him, but as time passed and Ryan’s hold got stronger, the charm disappeared and made way for possessiveness, insecurity and ultimately mental abuse. Miranda was crushed, but after being the strong and confident woman she had been, she found herself slipping inside herself and becoming more and more isolated. Her friends seemed to have forgotten she existed and she found herself relying more on Ryan when really she should have been pushing him away. When he eventually turned around in the middle of an argument and socked her in the eye, it wasn’t much of a surprise. She had been expecting it and hated herself intensely for being so weak. She’d let him get away with it all and now she was stuck with him. He had moved into her apartment, and she was too scared to ask him to leave. She didn’t even know how she would broach the subject, and now, here she was tossing and turning all night, terrified of waking him because she didn’t have to nerve to evict him and move on with her life.
The job had been the last straw. She didn’t even know how it had happened, but she was on disciplinary leave from her office for misconduct. She was an assistant at a law firm and although she knew it hadn’t been her who had spoken to the press and leaked details of a certain high profile case, she was somehow in the firing line as the secretary of the acting partner… and now she had been suspended without pay whilst the investigation was ongoing. There had been no warning. She had simply been called into the boss’s office and told that she had to take her things and go home. They didn’t even ask her if she had done it or not, they just informed her that someone had provided evidence that it had been her. She still couldn’t think of who it could be, and she began to think that she had been picked at random just to take the fall for whoever was really guilty. Maybe she was just the easiest target. The day she had come home in tears and told Ryan what had happened had been one of the worst of her life. All she wanted was some guidance, support and someone to listen to how unjustly she had been treated, but Ryan snarled at her and called her a stupid bitch. She was devastated and had gone to bed crying, just wishing she was somewhere else entirely.
She knew she wasn’t going to get out of the situation by lying awake and worrying about it, but she couldn’t help it. Miranda had always been a dreamer who thought the best in everyone, and now here she was with a boyfriend who bordered on evil and someone in her midst at work who was trying to set her up and get her fired. She had always worked so hard at doing the right thing and respecting and treating people well that she thought everyone else was like her… how wrong could she get?
Ryan let out a loud snore and Miranda jumped. As he stirred, she bit her lip in fear and clamped her eyes closed tight. The last thing she could handle when she was that sleep deprived was him waking up and yelling at her.
She peeked towards the doorway and thought about the spare bedroom down the hall. Did she dare try to climb out of bed, creep down the hallway and climb into it? Maybe she would be able to switch off easier if she was alone in there… but she knew it would only lead to an argument in the morning.
You’ve really gone and got yourself in a shitty situation, she thought. Put up and shut up. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes again. There was no point in worrying. And after thinking over the disciplinary and investigation at work again she decided that when her alarm sounded the following morning, she would get up, get dressed and make her way down there to set the record straight. She had been too timid to make a fuss before now, but she was sick of being walked all over and if it was one thing she didn’t want to mess up, it was her career.
Tomorrow, she thought, tomorrow I’ll tell them they’ve got it wrong. Tomorrow, everything will be better.