Chapter Five

The library had asked me to help out at one of the kid’s events, as one of their staff was off sick. The children were going to be making turkeys out of all kinds of materials. I didn’t mind working with children, but wouldn’t have wanted to be in the kid’s section permanently.

The room filled with moms and dads and kids. Some of the kids seemed to be there without parents. I noticed a little dark-haired girl in the back of the room. There was no adult with her or any other kids. I walked up to her and knelt down beside her.

“I love your picture,” I told her.

She nodded shyly at me and didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to join a table with other children?” I asked her.

She shook her head and kept looking down. “They don’t like me,” she turned her head slightly and whispered to me.

Then I recalled seeing her mother drop her off. She had been wearing a hijab. Was that perhaps why she was sitting by herself, I wondered. I knew what it was like to be alone and feel like everyone resented you.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“Seven,” she said.

Her name was Abida she told me. I looked around the room and spotted another young girl sitting by herself. I walked over to her. She was supposed to be joined by her friend, but then her friend had gotten ill and couldn’t make it. I took her over to Abida’s table and knelt down next to them.

“Abida, this is Kirsten,” I said, “she was also sitting by herself.”

Abida looked up at me.

“Hello, Abida,” Kirsten said and smiled at her.

Abida smiled back and pushed a few coloring pens over to Kirsten’s side of the table. I stood up and walked over to a group of kids who were being very noisy, to see if they needed any help. I glanced back at Abida later and saw her laughing.

At the end of the afternoon, Abida’s mom came up to me.

“Thank you!” she said.

Abida came forward and gave me a hug. They both waved goodbye as I watched them disappear with the rest of the kids, parents, and turkey paraphernalia, quickly wiping a stray tear that snuck down my cheek. If I ever had children, I thought, I hoped they wouldn’t be ostracized.

~*~

I heard the flutter of wings and jumped up. Was it him? I hadn’t seen him for more than a week and had begun to fear he might be dead. As I reached the glass door, he landed elegantly on the balcony floor. He tucked his wings in and the feathers were replaced by his olive skin. His form shot upward and his tall naked body adorned my balcony. I handed him the sweatpants quickly, casting my gaze aside. My body was buzzing with energy now that he was back. I followed him inside and began to babble non-stop with the news of the strange man’s visit.

“And he had a Triquetra symbol on his hand,” I said.

Teseen sat quietly and listened on the sofa. Then he leaned forward and placed his hands on my shoulders when I stopped and took a breath.

“He said his name was Nesu?”

His lips were drawn tightly.

“Yes,” I replied, “and he said I shouldn’t trust you!”

Teseen shook his head, stood up and paced around the living room. I looked up at his bare back. The cuts were still healing, but were less red around the edges. I could see the poultice had worked on the infected wound on his side. It may not even scar. The first time I had made one, I had read the instructions in a book, naturally. It wasn’t a book I loaned, but rather one a close friend had bought for me. My mother had frowned when she read the title one day when they were visiting me.

“The art of Wiccan healing,” she said and looked at me with raised eyebrows.

Teseen slapped the kitchen counter, drawing my attention back. My gaze travelled down to the line of the sweatpants below his waist and the top of his pelvic muscles.

“I can’t believe he came here!” he said. “Nesu.”

“But it’s okay,” I replied, “I didn’t believe him.”

I stood up and grabbed hold of his hand. He let my hand go.

“It’s not safe for you if I stay,” he replied, “He may come back!”

He took a step closer, leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. Warmth travelled down my body.

“I have to go.”

“Wait!” I cried, “Please don’t go!”

He had barely been there a minute and he was now back at the balcony door.

“Teseen!”

He shifted into his hawk form and disappeared into the night. I stared at the door, but he didn’t return. How could he just leave again like that, I thought. I prayed Nesu wouldn’t come back. When he had been there the last time, I had held the crystal in my hand and an image had come into my mind. I saw Nesu drawing a bow and releasing the arrow. The arrow sailed through the air and sunk into the flesh of a bird in a tree. The bird crashed to the ground and Nesu laughed cruelly. The bird’s blood spread out like a red velvet river over the snowy bank. I could see the bird was a hawk.

The vision had not surprised me at the time. When I thought about it afterwards, I wondered why I had started having strange dreams and visions. I had never had them before, just small premonitions or déjà vu experiences which seemed natural. It all started just before I saw the hawk for the first time.

Now Teseen was gone. I was alone again and confused. When would I see him again? Was Nesu coming back? Could I really trust either of them? My mind and body felt heavy and occluded. My emotions were pressing through my resolve.

There was only one thing I felt like at that point. I had a standalone bath with clawed feet in my bathroom. It was my favorite thing in the apartment. I filled it with steaming hot water and added a few drops of lavender oil. I stripped off my clothes, threw them on the ground and climbed in. I sunk lower into the water until my shoulders were covered. Then I couldn’t keep my emotions under control any longer and succumbed to the flood of tears. I rested my head against the bath and sighed between the cascades. Why was all of this happening, I asked myself. I felt like I was being punished, like I was back at school again. I would never forget the incident.

“Here comes the weirdo!” one of the bitch club had called out, as I walked out of the school gym.

I had survived having people stare at my skinny legs for an hour and thought I was safe again, back in my uniform and pantyhose. I carried on walking towards my locker, clutching my gym bag in front of my chest.

Then I tripped.

The passageway erupted with cruel laughter and jeers.

“She’s so spastic!”

“Ha weirdo!”

I wished I could have just disappeared at that point, from the passageway, from the school, from the planet.