Chapter One

“Just be outgoing”, “Just be charming” “Be yourself”. I had been repeating this mantra over the last few weeks and I found myself saying it again as I unpacked my bags in my new home. A small, very basic dorm room that I I was trying in vain to make cozy. I had bought all new things to try and ‘shake’ the old me but so far, it didn’t seem to be working. As I finished unpacking the last box, I took a look around. On my desk was my laptop, my books for the semester, a cork board with photos of my best friends and family, my dog Banjo and a photo of me and my dad at graduation. My bed was made, clothes neatly hung and a poster of France hung up above my bed; it was a replica of one of my favorite paintings and it calmed me. I was about to sit down to begin Chapter One of my Intro to Psychology textbook when my door came flying open. “Oh my gosh, why did I bring so much shit?” and a pile of books fell to the floor. Boxes came crashing down and a large trash bag of clothes spilled out onto the floor. My neat and tidy room just became a war zone. “Um, I’m Danielle.” I said, sticking out my hand to shake hers. She just glanced at me. She hesitantly shook mine, briefly before diving down and gathering her things. “Here, let me help.” I picked up her boxes and sat them on the desk. “Your name is?” “Haley Price.” “Nice to meet you Haley!” I said. She smiled and began rambling about her drive here and all the things her mother had made her pack. She was about five’ five, had long wavy brown hair that even in her frenzy was perfect. She had wide blue eyes and tan skin, she looked urethral.

“Have you joined any social clubs?” she asked as she hung up her clothes which I noticed were mostly skin tight tops and black pants. “Just a few academic ones. I’m on a scholarship, a full ride, so I have to really make sure to keep it up.” “I see” Haley said. “I have a few scholarships and grants but it’s student loan city for me.” And she laughed. “I’m going to try for a sorority, rush week will be soon, their dorms are so much nicer!” she said in disgust and rolled her eyes. Then she stopped and took me in, seemingly for the first time since she arrived. “Boyfriend?” she asked me. I shook my head no. “Perfect, you can find one here.” She winked. “Do you?” “Oh no, I did not come to college with a boyfriend. I’m bi, actually. But no worries, you’re not my type!” and she laughed. “You are pretty though, you’ll find a guy in no time. We should do something about your hair however.” And she went back to unpacking. My hair? I thought. I looked in the mirror that was hung on the back of our door. It was plain and straight, cut in a blunt way and came down to my mid-back, it didn’t have a lot going on besides it being strawberry blonde. Was I pretty? I was tall, had spots of freckles across my nose, hazel eyes and a clear complexion. My breasts were small but I knew enough to know they were nice. I wasn’t athletic but had a small frame. I guess boys just had never really noticed me. Haley noticed me observing myself. “Have you ever had a boyfriend?” she asked. I hesitated. “Yes, of course.” I said, not wanting to tell her the truth. “Ok, cool.” she said and jumped on her bed. Her clothes had been put away and her bed made. She also had photos of France on her wall but they looked like hers. “Have you been?” I asked her, pointing to a photo of Notre Dame. “Yes, just a few months ago, for the second time. I just love Paris, guess you do too?” and she nodded toward my poster. “Yes, very much, but I’ve never been.” “Are you going to take French 1 with me, then?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “I planned on it!” I lit up, academics, my comfort zone. “Tres bien” she responded, with a really good accent too. “I know a little already but it will be good to brush up.” Haley had organized her things the same way but it was clear how different we were. She seemed so sure of herself, so confident. “Alright, well, are you hungry? I’m starved!” she grabbed her sunglasses and her bag and grabbed my hand. “Let’s go for a walk!”

We wandered around campus and I admired the tall brick buildings and the history of the campus. Everything was green and lush and leafy. The sun was shining and it was easy to spot the very attractive guys that were swarming campus. Haley attracted attention, that much was clear. She seemed older in a way, wiser. She was cool and collected and most importantly it seemed, outgoing. As a group of guys crossed our path, she stopped them. “Know of a good place a girl can grab some lunch?” she said, tilting her sunglasses their way. As the most handsome guy of the group gave her directions to a small Mexican restaurant nearby, I stood there, hopeless. “This is my roommate, Danielle” she said, now everyone’s eyes on me. I managed to put my hand up in a small wave and said, “Hi”. They looked disappointed and waited for me to say more but nothing came out. They turned back to Hayley and she thanked them and Brett, her new friend, jotted his number down on her hand. When they turned to leave, she came close to me and clapped her hand against mine. “And that is how it is done.” She smiled. As she told me what she thought of Brett, all I could think of is how that mantra of mine failed to work. I was still the very timid, very shy, Danielle.