Olivia sat in her room, cello between her legs, and bow in her hand, but she couldn’t bring herself to play. Holding the instrument was a comfort to her, but she just couldn’t break through her sorrow to play. Playing always brought her joy and it scared her to know that music wasn’t able to bring her out of her slump.
It had been two days since the day at Fern Falls with Blaine. She was torn. The feelings that had been simmering inside her had exploded. And he rejected her. She wanted him so badly. She needed to feel his rough hands explore her back and her thighs, she needed to feel his warm breath on her neck.
She sighed and set the bow down on her bed. She felt the tenderness in him and it excited her, but she had also seen the anger in him, and it scared her. They were from two very different worlds, and the rational side of her knew that it was for the best that she hadn’t heard from him. She was mad at her rational side though, it didn’t understand the sorrow she felt in her heart. If she were to get involved with him, could she ignore the fact that he was a biker? Would she have to accept all that came with it?
“It doesn’t fucking matter.” She muttered to herself, her rational side taking over. Why was she analyzing whether or not she could accept the fact that he was a high-ranking Brass Bonds member, when she would likely never hear from him again.
“Livvy!” Maddie’s sing song voice rang out from the hallway, “Are you using the car today?”
Maddie strode into Olivia’s room wearing teeny tiny floral shorts and a crocheted tank over her bikini top. She had on a huge floppy sun hat, clearly channeling her inner bohemian.
“Oh, Liv. What’s wrong?” Maddie sat down on Olivia’s grey comforter.
“It’s nothing.” Olivia stared out the window.
“Uh huh. Nothing? Right.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. You can take the car. I’m not going anywhere today.”
“What are you planning on doing? Staring out the window all day like you’re in a music video? It’s not raining, it won’t work,” Maddie said, trying to be funny.
Olivia sighed and slumped back in her chair. She gave her sister a weak smile, and hoped that it would be enough to get her off her back.
“Come to the beach with me and Jasmine.” Maddie grabbed for Olivia’s hand.
Surprising not only Maddie, but herself, Olivia let herself be pulled out of her chair and heard herself agreeing to go to the beach.
“Really?” Maddie said. “Sweet!”
Thirty minutes later Maddie and Olivia were on the way to the beach to meet Jasmine. Maddie had insisted that Olivia wear one of her crocheted beach coverups, and Olivia was too tired to protest. Before they left she had caught her reflection in the mirror, and aside from her puffy eyes, she didn’t recognize herself. The next to nothing coverup allowed for her black bikini to peek through and any beachgoer would be able to see her lean physique and her toned abs.
“I work out five times a week and my abs don’t look as good as yours,” Maddie complained as she weaved in and out of traffic.
“You look great and you know it. Stop fishing for compliments,” Olivia said snarkily.
“Hey, I was just trying to give you one. I wish that you could see how hot you are.”
“Thanks,” Olivia said. She had never felt ‘hot’ before, but when she was with Blaine, her insecurities had dissolved. She didn’t cover up, or feel weird when he had traced her stomach and hips with his tongue. She looked in the visor mirror and saw herself from his point of view. Dark hair, pretty green eyes, freckles.
“Your eyes light up when you smile, and you smile the most when you play. Men are going to fall all over themselves when they see you onstage with the orchestra,” Maddie said, turning the Honda into the beach parking lot.
“Thanks Maddie. I just hope that the audition goes well, if I even get a spot.”
“Of course, you’re going to get a spot. Don’t be ridiculous.”
Olivia knew that she was technically the best cellist in the state, but her fate was in the hands of Mr. Tunbridge.
“Do you want to talk about what’s going on with you?”
Olivia waited for a moment, her initial reaction was to brush off the conversation, but she continued, “Do you remember that biker, Blaine?”
“Hot biker with the long hair covered in tatts? The one that you kissed in the barn? That one?”
Olivia smiled, “That one.”
“Of course, I remember him.”
“Well, he’s been working out at Steve’s farm and we started spending some time together.”
“Holy shit. I knew it! I knew that he was into you.”
“The other day we went to Fern Falls together and went skinny dipping.”
“You? Wait, in the daytime?!”
Olivia smiled, “Yes, the daytime. But I kept my underwear on and so did he.”
“That’s technically not skinny dipping, kiddo.” Maddie laughed.
“Fuck you.” Olivia turned to look out the window and tried to ignore her sister, mad that she wasn’t taking the conversation seriously enough.
“Who are you right now?” Maddie joked. “How’s his body under all that leather?”
“It’s amazing,” Olivia said dreamily, momentarily taken back to the water dripping down Blaine’s tatted pecs and washboard abs.
“Anything happen?”
“Kind of,” Olivia said.
“Don’t play coy with me. Details Liv, details.”
“We made out in the water, and on the dock. It was amazing. We kissed for hours.”
“And…” Maddie prodded.
“He went down on me and I kinda freaked out and made him stop.”
“Right there on the dock?”
“Right there on the dock. It’s weird. I didn’t care if anyone was around. I felt safe with him.”
“Why did you make him stop?”
“It felt so good, but I got overwhelmed, and didn’t know what to expect, you know, if he kept going. I didn’t want him to know that I’ve never had that happen to me before.”
“Well, next time, just go with it. You will be pleasantly surprised with the result.”
“I don’t think there’s going to be a next time.”
“What do you mean? He clearly likes you. And whether you know it or not, you left him seriously wanting more.”
“I don’t think so,” Olivia said sadly. Glad for her sunglasses as she could feel the tears welling up again. “I told him that I’m a virgin.”
“Really? How did he respond?”
“He didn’t say anything. He pulled his hand away from me like I was made of poison.”
“And then what happened?”
“I just got out the van and ran into the house so he couldn’t see me cry.” Olivia’s tears breached her eyelids and fell down her cheeks in heavy drops.
“And he didn’t chase you, he didn’t call you?”
“No.”
“What a pussy,” Maddie said angrily, and steered the car into a sandy parking spot.
“There’s Jasmine.” Olivia pointed to the leggy blonde at the edge of the beach.
“The best thing you can do is forget about that guy.” Maddie grabbed her beach bag out of the back seat. “Let’s go get our flirt on with some hot guys here. That will make you feel better.”
“I doubt it,” Olivia said and stepped out of the car.
“Listen, it’s cheesy, but as the saying goes: ‘The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Olivia trudged behind Maddie across the dune, her flip flops flinging up hot sand as she walked.
“Try it before you write it off.” Maddie smiled and ran to hug Jasmine.
Olivia decided that she was going to do her best to forget about Blaine. She stood up tall and joined the girls as they set up the beach umbrella. It was 85 degrees and the beach was full of hot guys playing volleyball. She pulled a book out of her beach bag and settled into her chair in the shade of the umbrella. Maddie and Jasmine unrolled their colorful beach towels and applied sunscreen to each others’ backs.
Olivia was deep into her novel when she heard a dull thud as a volleyball came crashing into the beach and ricocheted into the umbrella. She sputtered and spat out sand.
“Sorry about that.”
Olivia stopped brushing the sand off herself and looked up to see a sexy all-American boy with tousled blonde hair and a tanned soccer player’s physique standing under her umbrella.
“Here’s your ball.” Olivia handed him the sandy white ball.
Behind the tanned boy, Olivia saw the bemused look on both Maddie and Jasmine’s face. They were clearly intrigued at the scene unfolding in front of them.
“What are you reading?” he pointed a sandy finger to Olivia’s book.
“1984.”
The boy chuckled. “That’s a light beach read.”
This caught Olivia’s attention. She rested her book on her lap and squinted up into the sun to try to get a better look at him. The boy had brains. What was she doing judging a book by its cover? Albeit a chiseled, Calvin Klein model-ish cover…
“Olivia.” She stood up and held out her hand brazenly.
“Tanner.” He shook her sandy hand. “Sorry about the sandstorm.” He took her wrist in his big hand and brushed the sand from her palm with the other. “The only way to really get this fine stuff off is to get in the lake. Are you hot enough for a swim?”
Behind him Maddie and Jas were hanging on to every word. Olivia saw Maddie mouth, “Do it!” and point to the water.
Olivia felt a twinge of guilt at the attraction she felt for Tanner, but brushed it off. As tough as Blaine looked, the cowardly fucker hadn’t reached out to her after she showed him her vulnerability.
“Sure.” She let Tanner lead her to the water’s edge by the hand.
As they waded into the cold, clear water, goose bumps prickled up over Olivia’s body.
“Walking in like this is torture. We’ve just gotta get in fast!” Tanner pulled Olivia by the arm and bounded out into the deeper water with her in tow.
Olivia squealed and followed Tanner’s lead; he released her hand when they were waist deep. They both dove into the water and surfaced together.
“Woooh!” Tanner shouted. “That’s brisk.”
“It’s freezing,” Olivia shouted through her chattering teeth.
“This lake doesn’t really get warm until the end of August. Does the trick for the sand though, doesn’t it?”
Olivia felt alive and refreshed. “It feels amazing.” She laughed through her chattering teeth.
“Sure does, now let’s get out!” He laughed.
Olivia shook her head yes and the two trudged into the shallower water.
“Want to take a walk? We can discuss Orwellian theories.”
Olivia laughed. “Sure,” she responded before she had time to second guess it.
As they headed off along the beach, the hot summer breeze quickly evaporated the water from their bodies. Tanner was surprisingly well-read and extremely hot, just the kind of guy Olivia thought was out of her league. He was in college on a soccer scholarship, but he actually cared about the courses he was taking, and was one of the few players to maintain a high GPA. Olivia enjoyed their conversation, but started to notice that Tanner was extremely boastful. He seemed to be really good at talking about himself, and after half an hour she noticed that he hadn’t asked her anything about herself. She found her mind drifting to Blaine and how his eyes looked into hers when he asked her about her music and her passions. She should’ve felt more excited about walking along the beach with the star centre, but the butterflies that rose up in her stomach whenever she saw or thought about Blaine weren’t responding to Tanner’s presence. The more he talked about himself, the more she grew bored. Her mind ran to other things, like practicing for her audition, and what she was going to have for dinner.
“We should get back,” she interrupted him.
Tanner turned to her and stepped in close. He put his hand behind her head and kissed her. It caught Olivia totally off guard and she pulled back. She tried to look into Tanner’s eyes, but he was staring down at her chest.
“Is everything ok?” he asked.
Olivia remembered what Maddie had said about getting under someone else. ‘Might as well give it a try’ she thought to herself and stepped in to him. She wrapped her arms around his taut waist and tilted her head back to accept Tanner’s lips. The kiss was nice at first. It didn’t ignite a fire in her belly, but it was pleasant. Then Tanner started to get more aggressive, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth, like a lizard’s. She tried to back off, but Tanner pulled her in close, and in one swift, well practiced action, yanked her bikini string to expose her breasts to the hot summer air. He grabbed and kneaded her breast while he tried to kiss her. ‘Nope.’ Olivia thought to herself. She leaned back and pushed Tanner’s shoulder as hard as she could.
“I want to go back.”
“Oh, come on baby. We’re just getting started.”
“I’m leaving.” Olivia turned to walk away, fumbling to tie up her bikini string.
Tanner grabbed her by the forearm. “You’re into it. I know that you are.” He gripped her arm tightly and Olivia started to get scared.
“I’m just not feeling well,” she lied, trying to diffuse the situation.
Tanner eased up his grip on her arm and grabbed her by the wrist, forcing her hand to the front of his boardshorts. Olivia could feel his erection, thick and hard, straining at the front of his shorts. “Look at what you did to me.”
Olivia recoiled and pulled her hand out of his grip.
“I don’t want to have anything to do with you – or that.”
“Fucking cocktease.” Tanner stormed off angrily down the beach. He stopped, turned back and shouted, “Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position right now?”
When she was certain that he wasn’t coming back, Olivia sank to the sand, pulled her knees in close and cried, letting the full body sobs overtake her body. She didn’t know how long she was there before she felt her sister’s arms as they wrapped a towel around her.