CHAPTER 16

Saturday afternoon Stefan sat – or, rather, slouched - on his parent’s couch watching TV. He wasn’t there because he missed them; he tried to convince himself he was only there for the food. They always had great food, whether it was left over’s in the fridge from a meal their cook had made or frozen dinners stored in the freezer. Since he didn’t have any comfort food in his apartment he headed to Park Avenue, knowing his parents wouldn’t be home. His father mentioned they were going to visit his uncle in Brooklyn today.

He heard the front door open and sat up cursing himself for not leaving sooner.

“Oh Tommy, stop complaining. You only visit your brother once a month and then you spend the next month complaining about him. He’ll never be you so stop expecting it from him.”

Stefan sat up as he heard his mother’s voice move closer. This was interesting, Stefan thought. He never knew his dad didn’t like his uncle Bob.

“I don’t expect him to be like me, but he could at least try and set an example. You know Stefan is headed the same way.” Tommy Kelson’s voice sounded resigned as he answered his wife.

Stefan thought of his uncle in his flat in Brooklyn with the dozen of empty beers always standing around; his father thought he was heading towards that? He had never needed their approval but for the first time Stefan felt their strong disapproval.

“Stefan will get better, just you wait Tommy. He just needs some…”

“A kick in the ass if you ask…” Tommy’s voice broke off immediately as he stepped into the living room and saw Stefan on the couch. “Stefan…”

“Don’t worry dad, I won’t take it personally. Hi mom.” Stefan said as he stood up. He had enough insults thrown his way last night he didn’t need any more.

“Stefan, please don’t go. We didn’t know you were here.” Ruth Kelson pleaded.

“So that makes it alright to say I’m going to end up a no-good drunk like Uncle Bobby?”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s still wrong of me to say that and I’m sorry, Stefan.” Tommy said walking to Stefan with his hand held out.

Stefan wanted to shake his father’s hand but something held him back. Wasn’t his father maybe right?

“Dad, I…you’re right. If I keep going the way I have been I might up the same.”

For the first time in his life Stefan saw his father’s face go pale. Not when his father had learned a business partner was a fraud, not when the markets crashed, never had Stefan seen his father look so shocked.

His mother pressed a hand to her dear old southern heart. “Tommy, I’m going to get you boys something to drink.”

“Thanks Ruthie.” Tommy said his eyes still on Stefan. “Sit down, son. I think it’s time we had a man to man talk.”

The last time his father said that he told him about the birds and the bees and Stefan had a feeling this conversation wasn’t going to be any better. Resigned he sat down and waited for his father to start.

Tommy sat down on a wingback chair and glanced out the window at the trees starting to bloom in Central Park. “When I was growing up I wanted so many things I couldn’t have. A new bike, new clothes and of course more sweets. But my parents couldn’t provide it, so I made do with what I had. Then when I had you I wanted to give you everything, and I did. I gave you everything you wanted, you just had to ask. No saving your money, no doing chores, you just got it. I see now that I might’ve been wrong, I’ve been a bad father to you.”

Stefan felt shame rush through him. As an adult, he knew his father indulged his only child because he was never home. Always at work, making sure he could indulge his family. “You were never a bad father. Whatever I’ve become is on me, not you.”

“At least I knocked the sense into you to take a bit of responsibility.” Tommy laughed. Ruth walked in, carrying two beers and bag of nachos. She sat down after handing out the beers and folded her hands in her lap, making it clear she wasn’t going to leave them alone.

Stefan took a long pull of beer before meeting his father’s gaze again. “I know I’ve been spoilt, I know I grew up without responsibility and expectations dad. But somewhere along the line I became an adult and still I never picked up either, and that’s on me.”

“Fair enough. So, what do we do?” Tommy asked looking at Stefan before glancing at his wife.

“I think that’s up to Stefan Tommy, not you.” Ruth said before turning to her son.

Stefan sighed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. His parents expected a clear-cut answer here and he didn’t have one. The only one he did have, they weren’t going to like. He cleared his throat and summoned his courage. “I hate my job at FACE; I hate Roman although hating him is more on me than on him, and I hate that you hold my trust fund over my head like a goddamn axe.”

Tommy laughed, shocking Stefan. “Finally the boy speaks his mind Ruthie.”

“You’re not mad?” Stefan asked confused.

“Why would I be mad? It’s your right to like something or not, and I do hold the trust fund over your head like an axe. It’s the only axe I’ve had since you left school.”

Stefan shrugged. “Fair enough. So what now?” He looked at both his parents, hoping they had the answer.

“Tommy, tell him about the call you had yesterday.” Ruth nodded encouragingly at Tommy.

“Oh, right. Yesterday that photographer from FACE called me. Where he got my number I don’t know, heads are going to roll for that…”

“Tommy!” Ruth admonished.

“Well anyhow. He told me you were on set again yesterday.”

“I didn’t do anything dad! He asked my opinion.” Stefan defended knowing where this was going.

“He didn’t say you did. He told me you had a keen eye and needed to take it more seriously. He also told me that you spend most of your time in the studio so he thinks you might enjoy doing something about it. Is that true?”

Stefan thought about fencing it but decided since they were talking straight he would too. “Dad, I hate my job. The paper pushing, playing police man and bidding to Roman’s whims. I hate it. Probably more because Roman keeps reminding me I only have a job because of you. And before you go firing Roman, that’s partially my fault. I can’t say I’ve ever actually done my job, so his anger was justified. And the photographer’s right. I do enjoy it in the studio. The angles, the backdrops, the lightning… I never thought anything of it until he spoke to me yesterday.”

“So do you plan on doing anything about it?” Tommy probed.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know exactly what part of it I like best. All I do know at this stage of my life is that I want to start taking responsibility and decide what I want to do with my life.”

Ruth clapped her hands together with the same joy she had years ago when Stefan had taken his first step. “See Tommy, I told you! Our boy just needed to grow up.”

Stefan glanced at his father. His expression gave nothing away and Stefan didn’t know what to expect.

Tommy finished his beer and placed it on the table, taking his time before turning to Stefan. “I think you’re done at FACE. I think you need to take a couple of days and decide what you want to do. Your mother and I want you happy, whether or not that includes working for us. If you do decide to head into photography there will always be a place for you at FACE if you want it.”

Stefan felt a wave of relief wash over him. “Thanks dad, you’ve given me a lot to think about.”

He stood up and shook his father’s hand before hugging his mother. Just as he turned to leave his father touched his shoulder. “I’m proud of you, son.”

Stefan nodded and briskly left. Emotion clogged his throat as he stepped into the elevator. Five words. Five words that almost brought him to his knees. Five words he had never wanted but couldn’t appreciate more. If anything, he was going to make sure his father used those five words more often.

He stepped out of the apartment building and saw the large orange dome peek out from behind the trees of Central Park. The sky was dashed with broad strokes of violet, turmeric, and butter yellow colors. Without thinking, Stefan pulled out his phone and aimed its camera. Before his finger touched the capture button Stefan realized that this was what he wanted to do after all. He walked through the park, sat down on a bench and started to scroll through the pictures in his gallery. Pictures of sunsets, sun rises, flowers, trees, snow, buildings, people. Thousands and thousands of pictures he had taken impulsively because he liked the way they looked.

Without realizing it, Stefan had had a passion all these years and just never realized it.