CHAPTER SEVEN
Blaze
I wanted to follow Lake. He’d looked so vulnerable and alone, but when I’d tried to help, gone was the friendly guy who’d greeted me in the office to be replaced by the brat from before, although he had thrown a thank you my way. So instead I left and drove my bike to my lawyer’s office, telling myself that whatever was wrong with Lake, Julianne would sort it out. He obviously didn’t want my help.
As I wove in and out of New York City traffic on my Harley, the cold wind biting at any bit of flesh left unprotected by my leather jacket, thick jeans, boots, gloves, and helmet, I thought about Aunt Shirley’s advice to ask out Lake. Hell, the guy wouldn’t even let me help him to a chair—I doubted he’d agree to go on a date. But having seen him again, particularly when he was talking to me cordially, had made me want him all over again. I realized with a start I wanted to know what it would feel like to have him naked in my arms.
Shit, I needed to get myself together before I walked into my lawyer’s office with a stiffy.
I spent two hours with my attorney going over Julianne’s contract with a fine-toothed comb. He told me everything looked good, and I had him add a few clauses leaving both myself and Julianne the opportunity to change our minds after a year. Julianne had agreed to this over coffee, and it was the added touch I’d felt I needed to be comfortable to go ahead with the merger.
Julianne and I had also discussed moving all production to the warehouse and consolidating our offices in the building where Steel and Velvet currently operated. The warehouse was much roomier and suitable for production, and I could certainly use a real office, particularly when it came to business meetings, so it would be nice to have that. I had to admit I was beginning to get excited.
On the way home, on impulse I turned my bike toward the winding road leading to the cemetery. I hadn’t been there for J’s funeral. The guys and I had had our own goodbye ceremony at a bonfire on our property. I’d visited a couple of times since then, but it had been too hard seeing J’s name on the tombstone.
The place was pretty desolate in winter, with the trees bare and grass brown and brittle. I sat on my bike a long time before getting off and walking toward the large slate tombstone with the name Wentworth etched on it. J was buried yards away from his parents’ double grave. He wouldn’t be there at all if he’d died before his parents because the fuckers had disowned him. Morgan had insisted his brother be buried with the rest of the family.
“Hey, J,” I said, plopping down on the cold ground. A bouquet of fresh yellow roses had been placed in the stone vase, probably by Morgan. “Sorry it’s been awhile. Kind of hard coming here, you know?”
I looked up into the weak winter sun. All around me it was quiet, other than the wind in the trees and the dull roar of the distant highway. Peaceful.
“I’m merging the business with another porn company. I think it’s the right thing to do. I’m kind of excited about it, to tell the truth.” I thought about Vanessa and how J had possibly taken up with her before we’d all thought. Anger coiled low in my gut. I didn’t want to be angry.
“Morgan’s doing well. He and Zeke are really happy. I know that probably seems weird to you, but they work, you know? I miss you, buddy.” I reached out and touched the cold, hard stone, unyielding beneath my fingers. “Where’d you go, huh?” My whisper was caught on the wind, and I imagined it being lifted to J somewhere in another place.
I got to my feet and looked at the words engraved under J’s name beneath the birth and death date.
“Beloved brother and friend. Gone too soon.”
I turned and walked down the hill, the cold wind lifting my hair and nipping at the tops of my ears, feeling like a part of me remained behind in the quiet graveyard with J.
***
Ax slid the beer over the bar to me.
“You look different,” he said.
“I look different? You’re the one who’s grown hair.”
For years, Ax had kept his head shaved, his scalp sporting a myriad of tattoos. At six foot seven, with a body of burly muscle, he’d been formidable-looking. He still was, but the wavy dark hair he’d recently let grow in lent an approachability to him that had been missing before. I suspected the change had something to do with Caleb, the young man who lived and worked with Swish. Caleb had issues. Deep ones. And he was fucking terrified of Ax. Anytime we went over there for Sunday dinner, Ax insisted everyone call him by his full name—Axel—and he kept his distance from Caleb. But I’d seen him watching the young man.
“That’s old news. When are you going to stop harping on it? And, yeah, you do look different. For a long time, you’ve been walking around like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. Did Spoons get offed or something and nobody told me about it?”
I chuckled. “If only. Naw. I guess I’m just feeling better about things. This merger’s been a good move.”
Ax’s tawny eyes regarded me under dark brows. “Glad to hear it. You deserve some happiness. That all?”
I glanced at him. “What else would there be?”
Ax poured whiskey into a glass and put it on a tray for one of the waiters. Not Lake; I’d already looked for him and hadn’t seen him.
“I kinda noticed you have an interest in one of the guys here.”
I stilled, beer bottle halfway to my lips.
“Have you been talking to fucking Matteo?”
Ax grinned. “Only after I saw you mesmerized by Lake’s stint on the pole. He does do it well.” He waggled his eyebrows.
The surge of jealous anger that hit me at Ax’s words told me I was fucked more than anything else could have. I was normally not the jealous type—so much so that some of my past girlfriends had taken offense to it.
“Have you tried asking him out?” Ax asked.
“He wouldn’t go if I did.” I’d never had any trouble asking women for dates, but somehow the idea of Lake shooting me down bothered me a lot.
“Only way to know is to try. Anyway, it wasn’t just you looking at Lake like he was the second coming that told me what was up with you. I figured you’d get tired of dumping chicks sooner or later.”
That was a little harsh. I didn’t dump them. I always tried to be really nice about it. And I wouldn’t have to do it if they’d just enjoy things and not put pressure on me for more.
“The way I see it, you seem like the perfect guy to the ladies. Gorgeous, nice, great in bed.”
I couldn’t help but smirk. “Been listening at my door?”
Ax ignored me. “Then they start suspecting you have major issues, but they think they can cure you.”
I put down my beer.
Another waiter approached with a drink order—again, not Lake—and I had to wait for Ax to get back to me, the words major issues flashing like a neon sign in my brain because—what the hell?
“Dude,” Ax said, leveling his gaze at me. “Don’t look so offended. We all have our problems.”
“Major ones?”
Ax shook his head. “Your best buddy died violently and unexpectedly. Only a few years before that, your only brother was murdered. And before that, you lost your dad. You never knew your mom, and that’s got to have an effect on you.”
“Wow, you really know how to cheer up a guy,” I mumbled.
“My point is, it’d be weird if you didn’t have some problems,” Ax said. “Although one might expect you to be clingy after all that abandonment, I kind of get that you alienate your partners the way you do. In a passive-aggressive way, of course.”
“Of course. Tell me, when exactly did you get your psychiatric degree, Dr. Bryant?” I asked sarcastically.
Ax winked at me. “When I became a bartender, of course.” He jerked his chin to his left. “Look who just came in.”
I turned on the stool. Lake was walking out of the back wearing his waitstaff uniform. He must have just arrived for his shift. Heart rate speeding up, I took a moment to soak in the sleek lines of his body. Ax leaned over the bar and whispered in my ear.
“Go get him, tiger.”
I frowned at him. “You just told me I sabotage my relationships. Why are you trying to push me into another one?”
“Because a relationship with another man isn’t the same as a relationship with a woman. Men don’t have the same needs as women. Besides, I haven’t seen you so attracted to someone in a long time.”
If Ax said, “since Jake,” I was out of there, but he didn’t. Then I wondered if I’d really felt the same about J as I did about Lake. Had I ever gotten this pumped over J walking into a room?
I looked back to where Lake had stopped to talk to a beefy guy with a lot of tattoos and got off my stool and headed that way. Lake’s expression kept changing as the guy spoke to him. He alternated between nervous and upset before a pleading look fell over his face. Then he went pale. By the time I got close, I was alarmed to see Lake’s eyes roll back in his head. The tattooed guy caught him before Lake could hit the floor.
“Give him some room,” I barked at the crowd suddenly closing in on them. “Is there a couch in the back we can put him on?” I asked the tatted guy as I lifted a limp Lake out of his arms as though I had every right. It felt good to hold him.
“Yeah.” The guy led the way, and I followed, Lake’s face pressed against my neck giving me all kinds of feelings.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You a doctor or something?” The guy stood back so I could pass through a door. I headed straight for the saggy couch in the corner.
“No, I’m a friend of his.”
“I’m the manager. I was telling him he needed to go home. He looked too sick to work. He claimed it was just a headache, said something that sounded like gibberish, then collapsed.”
Lake’s skin was pale, his pulse fast, and his lips dry.
“You have a bottle of water?”
The manager left to get some, and I gently smacked Lake’s cheek with my fingers. “Hey. Come on, wake up.”
Lake’s eyes fluttered.
“That’s it. Open your eyes.”
“Who—where…” He seemed to be trying to focus on my face.
“You’re in the back at The Yellow Banana. You fainted. Do you know who I am?”
Lake frowned, looking confused. The manager returned with the water.
“Here. You need to take a drink,” I said as I unscrewed the bottle. Wrapping an arm around Lake’s back, I helped him to sit up and take a sip.
“Don’t drink it too fast.”
“Think he needs an ambulance?” the manager asked.
“I’ll drive him,” I said. I expected a fight from Lake, but he was docile as a kitten. The manager, who said his name was Vince, opened a locker and took out a bag. He helped me pull navy sweatpants over Lake’s shorts and switch the white boots for a pair of tennis shoes. All the while, Lake looked around him like he wasn’t sure where he was, which was worrying. I gave Lake some more water and then helped him out the back and around the building. Looking at my bike, I wondered if he’d be able to hang on.
“He okay?”
I turned to find Ax standing behind me.
“Dehydrated, I think. I once saw a guy at a fun park look exactly the same way. I’m taking him to the hospital.”
“I’d better call you a cab,” Ax said. “I got a ride here, so I can drive your bike home.”
I handed my keys to Ax, and we sat on a bench while he called us a cab. I kept giving Lake sips of water, and he seemed a little better, but the fact he was so quiet and docile concerned me.
When the cab finally arrived, we climbed in.
“I—I can go alone,” Lake surprised me by saying.
“No chance. I’m going with you, and that’s final.”
He didn’t protest anymore and remained silent for the entire ride to the hospital.