CHAPTER THREE
Blaze
“What’s that sandwich done to you?” Dante asked.
“Huh?” I looked up from where I was making a sandwich at the kitchen counter.
“You’re slapping meat on bread like it’s offended you somehow.”
I frowned and gentled my movements, cutting the sandwich in half with care before sliding the knife into the sudsy water in the sink.
“That better?” I asked. “What are you doing here, anyway? You spend all your time with Swish these days.”
Silence.
I turned around to find Dante leaning against the counter watching me, undoubtedly waiting for an answer to his question.
I sighed. “I guess I’m a little uptight. I have a big decision to make.” I told Dante about the meeting with Julianne Carpenter.
“You don’t like the idea of merging with her company?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I do, kind of. But I’m comfortable the way things are. Do I want to mess with that?”
“Depends on if you’re content to be comfortable, or if you want to go for all you can get. What do you really have to lose if you try?”
I thought about it. “Being my own boss, for one.”
“That’s what contracts are for, Bossman.”
Dante was right, of course. I grabbed two beers from the fridge and sat down, sliding one over to him.
Dante knocked off the cap on the edge of the table, which displayed many scars from similar actions. A bunch of bikers living under the same roof meant the clubhouse would never be a showplace, not that any of us cared. A few of my girlfriends had, though.
“You really think I spend too much time away from the club?” Dante asked, and I felt like a jerk.
“Nah. I’m just in a bad mood. Sorry to take it out on you. You and Swish are great together, and I’m glad you live with him.”
Dante smirked. “You’re just happy you don’t have to compete with me anymore for the ladies, although that time we shared was one for the books.”
I shook my head, thinking about the three-way and how, even though Dante and I had never touched more than with a slide of skin while maneuvering in the bed, I hadn’t been as freaked out by the experience as I probably should have been. It had been one of my first clues that my attraction to J might not have been a fluke.
For a moment, Dante looked like he was going to say something else, but he closed his mouth and looked down at his beer.
“By the way, I saw someone you know today,” I said.
Dante took a pull from his bottle. “Yeah? Who?”
“A guy I met at your birthday party at the country club. Lake Adams.”
Dante frowned. “Yeah? Where’d you see him?”
“At the meeting with Julianne. He’s her PA.”
“Huh. That’s kind of weird. I figured he’d be halfway up his dad’s ass, working at his firm.”
“I was sure he remembered me, but he pretended not to.”
Dante chuckled. “Sounds like him. He’s such a brat, or at least he used to be. My mother likes him, so that tells you something.”
“You don’t like him?”
Dante shrugged. “He’s okay, I guess. I don’t really know him very well. My mother’s the one who made up the guest list for that party.”
“You said you went to high school with him.”
“Yeah. He was a freshman when I was in my senior year. I stood up for him a few times when he was getting picked on by some preppy assholes because I felt sorry for the kid. It’s not like he can hide the fact he’s gay, and high schoolers can be brutal.”
“So he was being picked on for being gay?” Looking back, I vaguely recalled Lake had been flirting with me at the party, at least at first. I didn’t remember how I’d reacted to it, but probably not well. I’d been pretty screwed up after J’s death, and having a hot guy coming on strong had probably made me act like an asshole.
Dante nodded. “But like I said, I really don’t know him very well. Hey, Isaac’s birthday’s coming up. What do you think I should get him?”
I reluctantly turned my thoughts away from Lake. It was still weird hearing Swish being called Isaac, but that was his real name and what he now preferred to be called by most people. He didn’t mind that most of the club still called him Swish, though.
“What about something for his pet grooming business?” I suggested. “Won’t be too long until he’s certified.”
“That’s not very romantic.”
“Sorry, didn’t realize you were suddenly a hearts and flowers type of guy.” I was only pulling Dante’s chain. I knew he was in love with Swish. Remembering something he’d once told me while drunk, I smiled evilly and said, “If it’s romance you’re going for, what about a pair of lacy panties? A man can’t have too many of those.”
Dante paled a little and then blushed, which I found hilarious and choked on my beer until it dribbled out of my nose.
“Fuck you, Blaze, I told you to forget I ever said that.”
I continued to chuckle as I finished my sandwich. Evidently Swish liked wearing women’s underwear, and Dante found it sexy as hell.
“You think that would make good porn?” I asked suddenly. “I mean, one of the guys in women’s lingerie.”
“Some people like it.”
“You like it.” I couldn’t help teasing.
“Don’t knock it until you try it,” Dante said, and, unbidden, an image of Lake Adams wearing only a pair of lacy pink panties entered my mind. Oddly, it wasn’t that difficult to imagine, and the thought didn’t turn me off. Far from it.
“I’ve seen plenty of chicks in lingerie,” I said.
“We aren’t talking about chicks.”
I cleared my throat, avoiding Dante’s gaze. “Get Swish a watch. Engrave it or something.”
“Maybe. I already have one thing in the works.”
“What’s that?”
He drained his beer and set the bottle on the table. “You’ll make fun of me.”
“No, I won’t.”
Dante ran his tongue over straight white teeth and gave me a dubious look before blurting, “I bought him a star.”
I wasn’t sure I’d heard right. “A star? You mean—”
“In the sky, yeah. You can buy them and have them registered. I gave it Gus’s name.”
Gus was the old man who had hired Swish to run the animal shelter. He’d adopted Swish even though Swish was an adult, and then died unexpectedly the day the adoption was finalized. Swish had been crushed.
“I think that’s nice, man,” I said, meaning it.
Dante looked away, obviously embarrassed. “Isaac has this thing where he thinks Gus watches us from the stars. So.” He tossed his empty bottle in the trash.
I took my plate to the sink. Dante didn’t come from a loving family and had played the field for years, blazing a trail of one-night-stands with both men and women. It was nice he had Swish to love him and keep him centered.
My fingers itched for a cigarette, but I’d given them up. I dug out the pack of gum I kept in my jeans pocket and stuffed a piece in my mouth, trying not to think of Lake Adams and why he’d been stuck in my brain since lunch.
“Gotta get back to work,” I said.
Dante paused at the door leading to the hallway. “Oh, almost forgot. Ax is bartending tonight. He wants us all to come. Meet us there when you wrap up?”
I only hesitated a moment before agreeing.
I could use a night out.
***
As two cameramen moved around the bed where Hung was fucking Tatiana with his lips wrapped around Tease’s cock, I tried to keep my mind on the scene, but it kept wandering back to Julianne’s offer. I’d made Hard Time Production a moderate success, but I hadn’t done a lot with the gay porn side of things, and if I agreed to merge with Steel and Velvet, Julianne could really help with that. I didn’t want doubt and complacency to keep me from making a move that would be better not only for myself, but also for the thirty-four employees who depended on me.
Tease bellowed and squirted all over Hung’s face, bringing me back to the scene. From the sated looks of Tatiana and Hung, they’d finished while my mind had been elsewhere.
“That’s a wrap.” Kevin’s voice cut into my thoughts. “Is that it for the day, Boss?” he asked me. His freckled-faced, fresh looks belied the talented director and cameraman he was, and I was glad to have him on my team.
I nodded. “Yeah, good work, everyone. See you at seven-thirty tomorrow.”
Someone switched off the bright lights. Tease pulled a robe over his muscular physique and headed toward the snack table. Hung took a long swallow from a water bottle while passing Tatiana her robe.
“Thanks.” Tat smiled at Hung before turning to me with an interested look that told me she’d heard about my recent breakup with Maddy. Tat was hot, with big breasts and skin the color of burnished wood, but I wasn’t interested, and not just because she was my employee and one of only two actresses willing to take on Hung’s big cock. Truth was, I just didn’t have it in me. I needed a break from women who acted like a casual relationship was what they wanted, but then a couple months down the road, pressured me for more. I gave her a friendly wave and turned away as a couple of guys started clearing the set.
Stepping out of the warehouse into the frigid air, I took a deep break before trudging across the back yard, head down against the biting wind. Now that Swish no longer used the screened porch of the clubhouse for pet grooming, the smokers in the club had taken it over. As soon as I swung open the door, the acrid smell of cigarettes hit my nose. My fingers itched to hold a smoke in my hand. I dug out a fresh piece of gum and stuffed it in my mouth as I went inside through the kitchen door, heading straight for the bathroom and a hot shower.
When I had the water nice and hot, I stripped and stepped into the stall. I was half-hard from watching the shoot, desire coiling low in my belly. I soaped up, eyes falling closed as I pictured Tease standing over Tatiana, Hung’s lips wrapped around his dark cock. Both men were built like a wall of bricks, and fans loved them together. Tease’s real name was Jared. He was handsome in a swarthy way, mixed race, with skin of a rich caramel shade and startling eyes the color of a grasshopper. Although Tease rode a Harley, he hadn’t as of yet taken me up on joining the Hedonists. He was a real loner, and so far, no one in the club had gotten close to him on a personal level. He showed up for his shoots, occasionally ate with us or lingered to play a game of foosball, then headed home to Queens.
Realizing I’d gone from washing to gently pulling on my cock, my thoughts turned from the shoot to J. Tall, broad, athletically built, and with the brightest smile I’d ever seen. My heart hurt thinking about him. God, I missed him. I’d kept my emerging feelings for my best friend to myself, not understanding them and not wanting to drive away my best friend. Now he was gone forever, and I could never tell him. If I were honest with myself, I didn’t think I ever could have.
With water pouring down my shoulders and back, I imagined dropping to my knees in front of J, but that didn’t feel right. I adjusted the image to J on his knees in front of me, hands fumbling at the zipper of my jeans. I knew even if J had been into men, he never would have been the type to kneel to me, but this was a fantasy, and it was working for me right then. As I stroked my hard length, I continued imagining him pulling me out and wrapping his mouth around my dick.
Soft suckling turned hard and desperate, muffled cries cut off by my thrusting. J’s eyes widening as I fucked his mouth. I was getting close, but J’s startled expression was holding me off. My mind changed the scene, and J’s squarish, harsh-featured face softened into the high cheekbones and pouting lips of Lake Adams. I gasped, balls drawing up tight against my body. In my mind, I grabbed that wavy blond hair and plunged deep into Lake’s throat, and he moaned around my cock. Intense pleasure sprung up my spine, and I let go, a powerful orgasm rushing through me, leaving me wrung out and ragged with water turned cold running over my head.
Quickly, I finished washing and stumbled out of the stall. God, that had been good. What the fuck, though?
Lake was cute. Okay, hot. But he was nothing like J. I wasn’t looking for a hookup with a man.
I dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a black T-shirt, boots, and J’s black leather jacket before leaving through the garage.
The cold wind burned my neck as I criss-crossed through the streets of Clinton Hills, my Harley rumbling between my thighs. As always, I got a charge from riding my bike. I didn’t know what it was, but ever since the first time I’d sat on a hog, there’d been nothing else like it for me, no question in my mind that I’d eventually join my brother Tim’s motorcycle club. I’d never imagined one day he’d be gone forever and I’d be president of the Hedonists. Anger mixed with guilt and shame over Tim’s death simmered beneath my consciousness, and I pushed it down. With long practice, I turned my thoughts in another direction, concentrating on my surroundings and the bite of the wind on my exposed neck and wrists.
The sun had set, drawing a dark blanket over the city. I rode past a group of young boys standing by a street lamp, one with a basketball tucked under his arm, the fog of their breaths visible in the air. They watched me with awestruck gazes, and I revved my engine to show off before roaring away.
The Yellow Banana was a popular gay bar in downtown Brooklyn where Ax had recently taken a job as a bartender. The last time I’d been there had been a few years ago with J, after he’d reconnected with this brother, Morgan. The kid had confided that he was gay, and J had wanted to try to relate to Morgan by going to a gay club. That was one of the things about Jake Wentworth I’d loved; he was so tough on the outside and so fucking sweet on the inside. I pushed down the swell of sorrow rising in my chest and made my way inside the club.
I’d heard from Ax the club had expanded and was impressed by the results. The proprietors had bought the barber shop next door and knocked down the wall between the two spaces. Dozens of round tables crowded the room. A long, curved bar took up one end with the restrooms to the side, and a stage for a band occupied most of the other.
The club was dim and the music loud, bass pounding through the floor. Men of all types slid by one another or stopped to mingle. A few openly made out. I spotted Ax at the opposite end of the bar filling glasses and started that way.
“Blaze.” Dante’s hand fell on my shoulder. “Glad you could make it.” He pressed a cold bottle of beer into my hand and led me to their table. I snagged the chair between Matteo and Dante. We called Matteo Bullseye because of his prowess with the dart board as well as with a bullet.
“You’re late,” Matteo said. The rough, street-smart Italian had been a good friend of Tim’s and was now like an older brother to me. He’d stepped up when Tim had died, encouraging me to take my brother’s place and mentoring me until I felt comfortable as president of the MC.
“Some of us have to work,” I teased, well aware Matteo pulled long hours as a security guard at a club in Manhattan.
“Yeah, well, if you call watching people fuck all day working,” Matteo shot back. He grinned at me, one arm draped over the back of his chair, light-colored shirt clinging to the rippling muscles of his chest. Tim used to say he hated going clubbing with Matteo because his friend made him look bad in comparison, and I could definitely understand.
Dante was just as gorgeous. I looked around at the interested looks directed at our table. “I feel like a thorn between two roses,” I said.
Dante shot me an incredulous look. “Give me a break. You know what a good-looking fucker you are. They’re ogling you as much as they are us.”
I was accustomed to women finding me attractive, but I’d never paid much attention to whether or not men did. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, to be honest. On one hand, it was flattering as hell and filled me with a strange curiosity. On the other, being the focus of all that testosterone was a bit unsettling.
Matteo squeezed my shoulder. “Heads up, Boss. I saw one of the Pistons here a while ago.”
“Which one?” I asked. Last thing I wanted was a fight.
“The dumb-looking one with the greasy hair.”
“That describes at least half of them,” Dante said, and Zeke snorted into his beer.
“You guys aren’t going to get into something with them, are you?” Swish asked, dark eyes worried.
“You’d better not,” Morgan said to Zeke, who looked amused.
I had no intention of letting that happen.
I caught sight of blond hair nearby in the crowd and did a double take. What the hell? Lake was there?
He wore jeans and a black T-shirt that made his blond hair look almost white in contrast. I’d begun to think he couldn’t possibly match up to what I’d fantasized about since seeing him at the restaurant—that I had to have embellished it with my mind—but there was no doubt how, well, pretty he was. I never considered that a guy could be pretty, but he really was. High cheekbones, soft, vulnerable-looking lips the same as the ones wrapped around my cock in my shower fantasy, long eyelashes that could compete with any female’s, and sort of feminine features that were also masculine. Androgynous, I guessed.
Lake was earning his own share of attention. Men’s heads turned as he went by like he was walking the runway.
Matteo nudged me and passed me the bowl of mixed nuts. When I looked back to where Lake had been, he wasn’t there anymore.
“Bullseye, did you ask Ax when he goes on break?” Dante asked.
“He said soon.”
“When the hell is that?”
I tuned them out, turning to Zeke and Morgan who were sitting so close to each other, they were practically sharing a chair. I’d missed the last couple of Sunday dinners at Swish and Dante’s, and therefore hadn’t seen much of Morgan, although Zeke had been by the clubhouse for lunch a few times and to fix my bike.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“Great,” Zeke said, smiling. Being married suited him. I marveled at how, once he’d gotten his head on straight about liking men as well as women, he’d never looked back.
“Not you, Bozo, I was talking to Morgan.”
“I’m good.” Morgan smiled at me.
“How’s the company?” Morgan not only taught ballet, he ran a major company.
“I’m getting there with a lot of help.”
“You haven’t been to see us in a while,” Swish said, leaning across Dante so I could hear him over the music.
“I’ve been meaning to. I will next Sunday. How’s school?”
Swish grinned. “It’s great. I love my classes, and Dante’s making all A’s. He’s so smart.”
“I bust my ass studying.” Dante had his arm wrapped loosely around the back of Swish’s chair. After years of never getting close to anyone, he’d finally settled down. Seemed like a lot of the guys were figuring things out for themselves, while I continued to skip from girl to girl like a sexed-up game of hopscotch.
“How’s Pepper?” Swish asked.
“She’s good. We all spoil her rotten. She loves wallowing in our laundry.”
Knowing firsthand what pigs we could be at the clubhouse, Swish wrinkled his nose. I caught sight of Lake’s blond hair again and leaned back in my chair so I could see better. He was coming our way, this time wearing the snug, white shorts and tight tank top with The Yellow Banana emblazoned on the front in glittery cursive that all the waiters wore, and I realized he worked there. The shorts made his legs look a mile long.
“Who are you staring at?” Dante asked, turning around in his chair.
I knew the moment Lake spotted us because his steps faltered, and his chin shot in the air. He stopped at our table and whipped an order pad out of his shorts before turning his back to me. My eyes followed the curve of his back downward, coming to a rest on the little white shorts that barely covered the swell of his ass. My mouth went dry, and I reached for my beer.
“See something you like?” Matteo whispered in my ear, and I choked, coughing into my hand until my eyes watered.
Lake scribbled down drink orders until, finally, he had no choice but to take mine. He turned to me, green eyes narrowed like a cat’s. “Hello again.”
“So, you remember me this time,” I said.
Lake just shrugged.
“You work here?”
Lake huffed. “No, I just love the staff outfits so much, I had to get a set. And taking drink orders is a hobby.”
“Smart ass. I’ll have another of these.” I held up my beer bottle and watched Lake sashay toward the bar, shorts molded to his round ass. I turned back to my friends to find them all watching me.
“I didn’t know he worked here, did you?” I asked Dante, who shook his head. He was watching me closely.
“What?” I asked.
“He was at Dante’s party,” Swish said as though just remembering where he’d seen Lake before. Swish had been with me that night, although he and Dante had disappeared around the time I started talking with Lake.
“Yeah. What’s really weird is I just saw him at lunch today. He’s the PA for a woman I had a meeting with.”
“Must be on the outs with the folks,” Dante said. “They’d never approve of him working such menial jobs.”
Matteo leaned close to my ear again. “You interested in that guy?”
I blinked and turned my head toward him, almost bumping our noses. “What?”
“That blond waiter. You want him?”
I shifted in my seat. “What the hell, Matteo. No. Why would you ask me that? I told you, I know him from before.”
Matteo gave me a look that said I was bullshitting him, and since he’d seen me ogling Lake’s ass, he had every right to. Thankfully, he backed off.
Lake returned in minutes with our drinks.
“Here you go.” He set mine down last, of course. “Anything else I can get you?”
“How ‘bout you give Blaze here a lap dance?” Matteo suggested, and I swear to God, I wanted to throttle him. His eyes flashed amusement.
Lake darted his eyes at me.
“He’s kidding,” I said.
“No, I’m n—Ouch!” Matteo jerked his hand away when I bent his pinky finger backward. “Son of a bitch, Blaze! That hurt!”
Lake’s nostrils flared, and he stalked off, tray tucked under one arm.
The guys were all laughing.
“You are so going to pay for that,” I said to Matteo.
“Stop teasing the straight guy,” Morgan said. “He can’t help it.”
Ax finally got a break and came over to the table, twirling the chair around beside Zeke and sitting on it backward.
“Hey, guys, glad you could make it.” He looked over at me and nodded. “Boss. Wasn’t sure you’d come.”
I raised a brow. “Why’s what?”
“You know,” Ax said.
“He means all the gayness,” Dante said, gesturing at the crowd of men drinking, flirting, and dancing.
“I’ve never acted like that was a problem, have I?” I asked, stung that they could think so.
“Naw, but that doesn’t mean you want to sit around with a bunch of queers ogling you.”
“Fuck, Ax.” I shook my head. “You should know me better than that. And it’s not like I’ve never been here before.”
“You have?”
Everyone was looking at me.
“Yeah. With J.”
“You and Jake came here?” Morgan asked. “Why?”
“He wanted to after you told him you were gay.” When tears gathered in Morgan’s dark eyes, I regretted bringing it up. I regretted it even more when Zeke shot me a nasty look for making his husband cry.
“He loved you a lot, Morgan,” I said. “He wanted to understand everything about you.”
“We’d planned so many things to do together,” Morgan said so softly we wouldn’t have been able to hear him if not for a sudden break in the music.
A voice drew our eyes to the microphone onstage.
“And now, for your enjoyment, one of our sexiest Yellow Banana employees is going to give us a dance on the pole. Remember, tips are welcome, but otherwise keep your hands to yourselves. Let’s hear it for… Lake!” He stepped back, clapping with the audience as the music started. I looked over at Matteo, who held his hands up as if to say he’d had nothing to do with it.
My attention flew back to the stage where Lake had pulled off his shirt. The lean muscles of his chest and back rippled as he hooked a leg on the pole and swung around it. He certainly was limber. I swallowed thickly at the sight of his round ass threatening to pop out of those tight shorts.
What the hell was I thinking?
I dragged my gaze away from the stage and darted glances around the table, afraid the others had noticed my interest in Lake’s performance. Fortunately, all of them were watching the show.
“Holy shit,” Matteo murmured close to my ear. “You sure you don’t want a piece of that, Bossman?”
Lake worked the pole, body undulating to the music in a way that was nothing short of mesmerizing. He made every swing and slide look effortless, when it had to take an extreme amount of muscle power and steadiness to do what he was doing.
The audience was going wild. I hoped they had some fucking good security in the place. Lake got close enough to the edge of the stage for a few guys to cram bills into the waist of his shorts before going back to the pole. Someone yelled something absolutely filthy, and my face burned at the same time anger rolled over me, making me what to jump up, find that guy, and pulverize him.
When the dance ended, I sat there, stunned, both at the performance and at the feelings seeing Lake pole dancing had stirred in me. The man returned to the mic and announced another dancer, but my eyes followed Lake until he disappeared into the back hallway.
“On that note, I think Isaac and I are gonna take off,” Dante shouted over the music and catcalls that had started up as the new guy hit the pole. From what I saw, he couldn’t hold a candle to Lake. “I have a bitch of a test coming up on Monday that I need to start studying for.”
“Spoilsport,” Ax called to Dante as he and Swish waved and headed toward the exit. Ax looked toward the bar. “I better get back. Break’s about over.” My heart hammered, my face was hot, and my dick hard as granite wedged behind my zipper. Morgan and Zeke got busy talking low and stealing kisses. I picked up my beer and finished it, hoping I’d stop sweating soon.
“That was some performance,” Matteo said.
I glanced at the stage where the dark-headed twink was shaking his butt.
“Not him, asshole. You know who I’m talking about. Admit it. You want in his pants.”
I opened my mouth to deny it but shut it again just as quickly and shrugged.
“I knew it!” Matteo crowed, and thank God Zeke and Morgan were making out and not paying any attention to us. I didn’t need more ribbing.
“Shut up.”
Matteo slapped me on the back. “I was hoping you’d find someone after J.”
I swung to face him, heart having slammed to my feet. “What the fuck, Matteo?”
“Come on. It’s me. I know how you felt about him.”
I swallowed. “Did he know?”
“No, man. J was clueless.”
I let out a breath and ran a shaking hand over my face.
“I’ve been watching you bring babe after babe through the door, wondering when you were going to clue into the fact there are a lot of hot men out there.”
I shook my head. “J was special.”
“Yeah, he was. But he’s gone, and you’re still here. Not to mention he was never gonna be interested in you that way.” I could see the seriousness in Matteo’s eyes as he held my gaze. “But he loved you, man. You were his best friend.”
I broke from his intense stare and looked down. “I know. I never would have told him. But sometimes I think he’d picked up on how I’d begun distancing myself from him. I’ll always regret that.”
“He probably thought it was due to Vanessa, and that was his own fault. Anyway, just because you two weren’t meant to be doesn’t mean you can’t taste the rainbow, as they say.”
I made a face. “Who says?”
“I do. Oh, and that commercial for those little colored candies that pull your fillings out says it too.”
I laughed. “You know you’re getting old when you start worrying about your dental work.”
“Fuck off.” Matteo smiled, showing off a set of beautiful white teeth. “So. What are you going to do about this attraction of yours, huh?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“What?” Matteo shook his head. “Why the hell not?”
“It’s just a passing thing. Besides, the guy’s kind of a brat. And he hates me, didn’t you notice? I got my hands full dealing with you doofusses without taking on more trouble.”
Matteo looked insulted, and I laughed. Zeke and Morgan disengaged from their lip-lock, and the subject changed. I didn’t see Lake again, and after another hour, we left the club.