Chapter Eleven

Turner

MY GOD, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. Hovering over the top of me, the wind lightly blowing her strawberry blonde hair past her face. She had a sheen of sweat across her brow from exertion and a smile that I had a feeling couldn’t be wiped from her face if someone tried. This was the happiest I’d seen her. Walls were down, heart was open, and I imagine this is the Annabelle that probably existed before her parents died. The world was blessed to have her. In this moment, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I would do everything in my power to make sure she stayed this way for the rest of her days. She deserved this kind of freedom to be who she really is. If I saw her closing off the world, I’d make sure she let go and saw there was nothing to fear. I would be that for her.

“What are you smiling about?” I goaded her.

She bent down, my dick still buried inside her. She kissed the tip of my nose and said, “Nothing and everything.”

“Good. That’s the way it should be.”

Annabelle sat up and looked around her. She was searching for her clothes, which were a couple feet away. On shaky legs, I watched as she slid me out of her, and stood. Her body was incredible. Curves in all the right places and nothing but perfection to my eyes. I reached down and took the condom off, tying the end. Unlike her shyness from the last time, there was no reservation as she stood in front of me in all her gorgeousness. She dressed herself not caring that I was staring at her. I couldn’t take it anymore. After I taught her how to drive my Jeep, I needed her right then and there, so I took what I wanted.

“What is it, Doctor Brooks?”

“Just enjoying the view.”

She bit her lip. I swear if she didn’t stop, she was going to have to get naked all over again.

“Hmmm, yes, it is beautiful out here.” Her aqua eyes roamed the area.

“I see nothing but you.”

She picked up my shirt and tossed it in my face, giggling. “Get dressed charmer.”

I got up and put my clothes back on. She folded the blanket we’d been on while I walked over to the Jeep. Annabelle’s phone started ringing the second I got near. I glanced at the screen and saw it was the hospital, but ignored it. It was her day off. They were probably calling to ask her to do overtime or cover someone’s shift. Not today. Today, she was mine. I went around to the driver’s side and checked my own phone. Hers went off again. What on earth? I picked it up and called over to Annabelle.

“Hey, the hospital is trying to call. Want me to answer?”

She came toward me at a leisurely pace. She looked completely satisfied.

“Sure. If they want me to come in, tell them no.” She laughed at herself.

I swiped my finger to pick up the call.

“Hello, Doctor Brooks. “

“Doctor Brooks? Oh sorry, I was trying to get in touch with Annabelle, is she around?”

“She is, but she isn’t able to come to the phone at the moment.”

“Oh, okay. Well, this is Lauren, one of the NICU nurses. I take care of the little boy she frequently visits.”

There was a tone in her voice that had me more alert. “I know who you are, Lauren. What’s going on?”

She sighed into the phone, reluctant to tell me. “The baby . . . he, uh, well, he went into cardiac arrest earlier this morning and, unfortunately, the doctors weren’t able to get him back into a regular arrhythmia. He passed away around noon. We knew she’d want to know.”

My heart sank. Everything around me came crashing down.

“Oh shit. Okay, well, thank you for calling.” It may have been rude, but I hung up.

I watched as Annabelle came toward me, the smile still in place from only moments ago and I was about to deliver news to her that would send her spiraling. How the hell was I going to tell her this? She was in a good place. She was happy. Noah dying was something that would send every guarded wall and barrier right back up reinforced with steel walls. How would I deal with her then? It didn’t matter. My needs were selfish. I had to tell her.

“What did they want? A nurse need the day off and want me to come in?” She said it like it was her own personal joke.

“Annabelle.” I said her name. It was enough to cause her to stop moving. Concern etched her face.

“What? What is it?”

I wasn’t going to hold it back from her any longer than necessary. “That was Lauren from the NICU. She called to let you know something.”

Her voice shook. “What the hell is it, Turner?”

“It’s Noah. He developed an arrhythmia. He didn’t make it, baby.”

It didn’t take a genius to see that she was about to collapse. I rounded the Jeep and caught her just before she hit the ground. I went down with her in my arms. I adjusted her so I was cradling her, brushing back her hair that had fallen forward.

“I don’t understand.”

I looked into eyes that were so confused and wanting to cry but couldn’t produce tears yet.

“I know. Unfortunately, sometimes these things happen. It could have been anything.”

Her head tossed back and forth and denial seeped in. “No, these things don’t just happen. He was fine. I was just with him yesterday morning. The doctor told me he was doing better. His stats were good, they were going to decrease some of his medication. This doesn’t make any sense. Are they sure they called the right person?”

I lowered my head to hers. “I’m sorry, Annabelle. What can I do?”

She didn’t answer me. She simply looked off into the distance and kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t here with me. She was somewhere else. Remembering something, feeling something, and I wasn’t included. I stood with her in my arms and I set her in the passenger seat.

“Do you want me to take you home, or would you like to come back to my place?”

Again, silence.

I didn’t know what to do. A new side of Annabelle was emerging and this was one that I had no clue how to deal with. I wasn’t familiar with death. Even worse, I didn’t know how to handle death of a baby. Tentatively I buckled her in and came back to the driver’s side. I had no clue where I was going so I did the one thing that I felt was right. I drove her back to her house. It was a quiet drive. Nothing could be said. We were only just outside of the city and it was maybe twenty minutes of driving, but when your head is full of unanswered questions and wondering why these things happened to good people, it made for an extraordinarily long ride. When I pulled into her driveway, I grabbed her keys from her purse and went to unlock the door. She wasn’t following behind me, so I went back to the Jeep and carried her inside. Her cat, Chaz, came running but didn’t meow like he normally did. Even he could tell his human wasn’t okay.

Setting her on her bed, I slipped her shoes off and asked her if she needed anything. There was no response. She lay down and faced the wall. I don’t think I’d ever felt so helpless in my life. Did I lay down beside her and cuddle her and let her feel me there with her? Did I leave her alone and check on her later? Did I go into the kitchen and make something for her and see if she would eat? What the in the hell was the right thing here? I chose the first option. Scooting in behind her, I wrapped my arm around her middle and pulled her back to my chest. I felt her breathe in deep and exhale. She still hadn’t shed a single tear, which I found more disturbing than her silence. I knew she was feeling broken from the news, but the way she loved Noah, there was bound to be a river of tears waiting to come crashing out of her, it was just a matter of time. She needed to cry. I brushed my thumb back and forth in a soothing fashion across her stomach, and I waited for something to hit me. I hoped sleep would claim her for at least a little bit. In the meantime, I would also wait for some guidance to tell me what I needed to be doing.

Sleep did take her under after she shifted around restlessly for almost a half hour. I quieted her the best I could, and her cat jumped on the bed in front of her and purred in her face. I think he gave her more comfort than I was capable of giving her. When I felt her heavy breathing, I carefully moved out of the bed without disturbing her and did the next best thing I could think of. Stepping outside, I called my mom.

“Hey, baby, whatchu up to?” My mom’s southern drawl was always sugary sweet when she heard from her boys.

“Mom, something happened.”

I could hear her moving and shutting a door. “Sorry, I had some company over. What’s going on, Turner?”

“You remember that baby Annabelle told you about? The one she cared for?”

“Of course.”

“She got a call today that he died.”

Mom gasped. “Sweet Jesus, what happened? How is Annabelle doing?”

“Honestly, we don’t know many details, but he’s gone.” I swallowed hard. I, myself, was getting choked up. “She’s not doing well, Mom. She won’t speak and she hasn’t cried.”

It took her a moment to respond. “Okay, well we all grieve differently.”

“No, Mom, you don’t get it. She’s lost. I can see it in her eyes, she’s not there right now. As soon as I told her, everything shut off and she receded. I don’t know what to do.”

“All right, baby, it’s okay. Tell me where are you at and I’ll come to y’all. She may need another female to confide in. It’s not you, but she’s a very guarded girl. I could tell from the start. I can see where this would make her shut down.”

Maybe she was right. Maybe Annabelle needed a woman to talk to. I might not be the source of comfort she was seeking.

I gave her the address and told her to come whenever she’d like, but that Annabelle was sleeping right now and probably needed it. She agreed and said she would be over in a couple hours. I figured that was plenty of time to get myself together and figure out what my girl needed.

Time was flying by, yet slowed every time I looked at the clock. Annabelle was still in bed. She’d woken once and I went in to ask her if she was hungry, and got her a glass of water with some aspirin. She declined all of it. Only two words had been uttered by her since we left the field, and I was now anxious for my mom to get here to see what she could do.

About that time, the doorbell rang. Annabelle looked over at me and I gave her a sympathetic look.

“I called my mom. I’m sorry if that makes you upset, but I think you need someone other than just me right now.”

She simply nodded.

Going to the door, I let my mom in and took her purse. “Where is she?”

“Down the hall, the last door on the left.”

Taking no time to ask me anything else, she headed off in the direction I told her. I followed behind her. Upon entering the room, Annabelle was still lying down but facing the door. Her expression stoic. She knew she was going to be asked questions and it was like she had steeled herself for the onslaught. Except, that’s not what happened. My mom, in her typical fashion, knew exactly what was needed. She took one look at Annabelle, and instead of the fifty questions I think both of us expected, my mom went to Annabelle lifted her head and lay her head back down in her lap. I watched on as my mother gently stroked Annabelle’s hair and started to hum a soft lullaby I knew she sang to my brothers and me when we were younger and not feeling well.

Annabelle cracked.

Tears pooled in her eyes, and for the first time in hours, she released her emotions. My mom cooed to her and told her it would be okay. She simply let her have her feelings without forcing anything from her. It was then that I knew I made the right choice asking Mom to come over. Annabelle needed a mom. She needed the touch of a mother to make her feel like her world would be okay even though she was hurting.

“I named him. Turner was the only one I told.” Her voice was hoarse from sleep, and not speaking.

“You did? Well, I’m sure it was a special one,” my mom replied.

“Noah. It was my dad’s middle name.”

I didn’t know that. She never shared that bit of information with me.

“Noah is a good and strong name. Sounds like he was a fighter.”

A fresh wave of tears and sobs wracked her body. “He was, except now he’s gone.”

“I don’t know what your religion is, honey, but I am a firm believer that God has a plan for all of us. When it’s our time to be called back to his side, it’s because we are needed elsewhere, and to teach those of us who still remain how to live differently. Noah had his purpose. What the purpose was . . . well, that’s up to you to search for that answer.”

I could tell she was pondering this thought. I didn’t think Annabelle was a very religious person, but in some way shape or form, we all had our beliefs. If my mom’s words were giving her comfort, then by God, I hope she kept talking. I didn’t want to continue to intrude on their moment of quietness and solitude, so I stepped back and shut the door. Walking into the living room, I sat down on the couch and buried my head in my hands, my fingers diving into my hair. My mom being here was giving me some peace as well. I didn’t want to deal with this alone and being at a loss how to comfort the one person you never want to see hurt is more stressful than I ever thought possible. Sitting back, I rested my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes. What a day it has been.

Not having a clue how long it’d been, I was awoken by my mom’s hand on my leg and her whispered voice telling me she was leaving. I didn’t even realize I’d dozed off.

“Where is she?”

Her eyes were red, and I knew she had shed tears alongside my girl. “She’s asleep again.”

I nodded. “Thanks for coming.”

“You’re welcome, son.”

“I didn’t know what else to do, Mom. It’s like as soon as I told her he was gone, so was she.”

She reached forward and patted my cheek, her hand lingering. “I don’t know what it’s like losing a child. Hearing Annabelle talk about that baby during dinner, there was so much adoration in her voice, I knew he was special to her.” Mom dropped her hand. “She was loving him like he was hers, Turner. I don’t know how or why she attached herself to him, but she obviously saw a reason to. The poor girl has seen entirely too much loss in her short life, and this was just another notch for her to believe the world is a cruel place that only hurts her if she lets it.”

“Well, I don’t need her shutting me out. That’s what I’m concerned about right now. It has taken some time to get her to open up to me, and even then she is guarded.”

“She has reason to be.”

“I know.”

Mom gave me a soft smile. “One thing at a time, Turner. You can’t fix everyone. Show her you’re here, and she will tell you what she needs.”

She stood and went for the door.

“You okay to drive, or should I call Dad to come pick you up?”

“I’m good. I’ll be calling tomorrow morning to check on her. I have some things I’d like to do, and I’ll need your opinion on it.”

My mom, always busy doing something. “Sounds good.”

She shut the door behind her and the house went silent. What a shitty ending to a day that had so much potential. Deciding I needed to see Annabelle and feel her, I went back to her room. She was on her back with her hands resting across her stomach. At least she looked peaceful. Stripping off my shirt, I went to her and scooted in beside her. I didn’t want to crowd her, but I also wanted to make sure she knew I was here. I placed my hand on top of hers, and of their own accord, her fingers threaded through mine. She breathed in a broken inhale. The kind that comes from a child that had been crying too much. I was giving her space and, yet, still being close enough that if she needed me I was at arms length. It was enough, for now.