I took lunch with Leno the next day and we chatted about mundane things—new techniques we were learning in our advanced training, going to the town to get new clothes, learning gardening and cooking in the Guild’s extracurricular courses. But the conversation turned to Spar, as Leno knew that he had taken a liking to me. This wasn’t unusual, of course, though I had to be careful to keep knowledge of our romantic feelings secret.

“You know, he’s going to be a general eventually,” he said. “I heard he’s doing so well that they’re going to promote him in record time.”

I hadn’t known this. Of course, he had mentioned that he was doing well in his drills, but he had been modest, apparently. The Spar I had first met would have told me this at the first opportunity. “Where did you hear this?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Norin mentioned it. Said that another junior Knight had told him.”

“So it’s just hearsay,” I said, a skeptical tone in my voice.

“Come on,” he said. “You know it’s true.”

He was right. It wasn’t as if I was clueless. We had since learned that competition among the juniors was fierce, because they were vying for limited promotion opportunities. If Spar was setting himself apart, it would be obvious to the other juniors, simply due to their jealousy. Lyral had displayed that clearly.

When I left to go to one of my classes, I couldn’t help but recall the conversation we had had in the garden. A romantic attachment would definitely kill Spar’s chance to be a general. It would even kill his chance to be a Knight at all. What would he be left with? He would have to hunt by himself in the woods or find under the table employment in another town, where he would face discrimination from the other workers. It was a huge risk we were taking.

And of course, it was a risk for me as well. I knew my parents loved me, but would they take in a disgraced omega? Even if they did, what would I do with my life? I could never be married or start a family; no one would want a man like me. I would have trouble being employed as well. I would have to take a craft or grow herbs myself, and sell them in the market, hoping that some of the townsfolk would accept my “tainted” goods.

The fear shivered in my chest again, ever present. Was it worth it to live with this anxiety? The constant feeling that if we were found out, our lives would be over? We couldn’t hide it as me being Spar’s favorite forever. Eventually, I would have to bed other men to downplay suspicion. The thought made me sick. I was in a bind.

When Spar came to see me that night, my anxiety evaporated as he took me in his arms and held me tight. We curled up on the bed, erotic thoughts on hold as we simply enjoyed the feeling of being cheek to cheek with each other. I looked up at him with an idiot grin on my face, while a part of me marveled at how quickly love had weaseled its way into my life.

“You know, Soren, I think what we have is worth fighting for,” said Spar.

“Of course it is,” I said, unsure of what he meant exactly.

“I thought about it, and I think we should take it to the Council.”

It was like a lightning bolt had struck my heart. I was amazed at the thought of making our secret relationship well, not a secret, especially when the consequences were so dire. It was even more amazing that Spar, with his bright future, was the one suggesting it. Was it possible that currying favor with his superiors had made him cocky?

“But the risk,” I said, trailing off.

“I know,” he said, squeezing me even more tightly. My heart was fluttering like a caged bird, startled by this incursion into its peace and quiet. “But we will be found out eventually, you know that. This way, we can strike preemptively.”

I chuckled at his militaristic language. When he put it that way, it wasn’t a bad idea. “But what if it all goes wrong,” I said, still protesting out loud. I had the sneaking suspicion that he was right and that bringing it to light was the right choice. At least if we did it ourselves, we would be able to control how we presented it: like two proud lovers willing to fight, not just continue skulking around.

“What if it all goes wrong as it is?” he said. I didn’t answer. My mind was racing with thoughts of the horrible possible consequences. Worst case, we could live in the forest as hermits together. Spar could protect me and hunt, and I could cook. I would have to go to more of the Guild’s cooking classes while I still could.

“Don’t worry about it for now,” he said, stroking my cheek tenderly. “It was just a thought.”

I relaxed a little at this, but despite his reassurance, I knew that it would have to happen. It wasn’t just a thought, it was an inevitability.

“It’s true, we can’t keep meeting secretly like this,” I said. “And Spar, I thought about it earlier—what if we have to bed someone else?”

He gazed at me stolidly. “We must do what we have to do to maintain our relationship. The thought is distasteful, but not being with you would be worse.”

A shiver of repulsion coursed through me, and I pressed myself closer towards him, breathing in more of his intoxicating scent. While the sudden fear that the conversation had brought faded, I found myself wanting to rub my hands all over him, kiss him, undress him.

It was apparent that he had the same thoughts as he started to caress me. It was still early in the evening, but there was no reason we couldn’t start our activities early. I flipped over and straddled him, immediately bending down to kiss his neck. The salty taste of his skin filled my mouth, and I reveled in the soft, barely perceptible sounds of his moans of pleasure.

I reached down and found that he was, of course, hard. I toyed with his cock through the fabric, stroking it and squeezing it with my fingers, working my lips down his neck to his collarbone, and then to his chest. I was sure that he was ready to burst by now, so I started to undo his trousers, hungrily awaiting his cock, which I desperately wanted inside me.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door. For a wild moment, I thought I had imagined it. But there it was, again, sharp and insistent. Spar glanced at me with wide eyes. I got up and straightened my clothes, and looked back to check that Spar’s trousers were buttoned before getting the door.

I opened it just a crack at first, to imply that I was busy, but it was Ramiz as well as a senior Knight I didn’t recognize. At their stern looks, I opened the door fully.

“Ah,” said Ramiz, seeing Spar standing behind me. “Just as I expected.”

The Knight spoke. “We’d like to see both of you in the Council room immediately.”

I was paralyzed, unable to speak. It was obvious what this was about, from the way they were looking at the both of us, but my mind was racing to find another reason. Perhaps it was about Spar’s performance in the drills, or mine in the training sessions. Maybe they had discovered the secret garden. Nothing seemed plausible. It had to be our relationship.

“Come on, now,” said Ramiz, stepping back from the door. “The Council is waiting.”

I was shaking as I left the room and locked it after Spar. I desperately wanted to hold his hand, but of course, I couldn’t. It would have been imprudent to give them more evidence than whatever they already had. I glanced at him and he had a perfectly blank face on, which made me even more nervous. Surely I looked guilty.

There was no time to worry about that, though. The halls were deserted, thankfully—I didn’t want any of my fellow omegas to see my humiliation. We were being led into an unfamiliar corridor I had never had reason to visit before. It was opulent, like the ceremony corridor, but the aura of formality made me even more nervous this time.

Soon enough, I found myself in a seat facing both councilmen and Knights. Spar and I sat in chairs side by side facing a long table of inquisitors, all with varied expressions. Some looked stern, some looked bored, some looked sympathetic. But no matter how they felt, there was no excuse for what we had done. I cursed myself. How could I have let myself get into this mess?

The bright lighting didn’t help either. I felt like I wanted to become minuscule, like a beetle, and crawl away under a carpet, never to be seen again. This was utter torture. I nearly felt like I would faint. Just a few months into being an omega, and my career was over. What would my parents say? What would Leddy and the others—

“Soren and Spar,” said Ramiz, “you know why you’re both here. We know you have developed an attachment, which is expressly forbidden for reasons we believe we made clear to you in your training.”

One of the Knights spoke up. He was a large man, almost fat, with a heavily scarred face from which grass green eyes glowed. “As a Knight, Spar, your primary duty is to your country and your fellows. By being involved with an omega, you cannot fulfill your duty. The omegas are there to provide relief, not be a distraction. If this happens, you must see another, which you failed to do. Perhaps you thought that your good standing with the training officers would secure you an exception. We do not make exceptions for anyone.”

“Do you have anything to say for yourselves?” asked Ramiz.

This was it. This was our opportunity to take a stand. We could make our case. I hadn’t had any time to even think about what I wanted to say, but I would have to do the best job I could. My life depended on it.

Spar saved me from having to speak. “I love Soren,” he said, “and I do not think that my performance as a Knight has suffered from loving him. I continue to perform the best in the drills. He helps me stay strong.”

“But by monopolizing him, the other Knights cannot make use of his services,” said the superior Knight. “What do you have to say to that?”

We had nothing. There were enough omegas to help the Knights, but recruitment was low, and if more omegas did what I did, there wouldn’t be enough. It was simple math.

“We hereby forbid you from bedding each other,” said Ramiz, sighing. “Consider this a warning. If you continue to disregard our warnings, we will have no choice but to discharge you both from your service.”

I had mixed feelings in that moment. We were saved—at the expense of our relationship. We still had livelihoods, but we could never share the intimacy we had, ever again.

To my horror, I felt tears welling in my eyes. Not now, I thought. Not in front of all of them. I blinked them back furiously, trying to emulate Spar’s mask of non-emotion. I could let it all out in the privacy of my room, as soon as I had a chance to get away.

“If there is nothing else to address, then you are dismissed,” said Ramiz. “I hope to see you both with others within the week.”

Heartless, I thought. That’s what he is. To see heartbreak in front of his eyes and tell us to get over it in a meager week. My mind was roiling with thoughts and feelings and overwhelmed as I was, I allowed myself to be led out.

Spar didn’t say anything to me. The council members were still with us, so I couldn’t so much as hug him goodbye. I wanted to burst out bawling, but I had to stay strong, like him. Maybe we could properly talk again after this. They hadn’t prohibited us from simply talking, had they?

But the superior Knights took Spar with them, leaving me to return to my room alone. As I predicted, I spent the rest of the evening crying my eyes out, until they were red and raw. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep, but not before I spent a great deal of time mourning my love.

* * *

The next day, I woke up to the horrible realization that my relationship with Spar was over. It nearly made me cry again, but to my surprise, I felt numb. The tears simply wouldn’t come, as if I had used them all up last night.

I thought of having to bed someone so soon and felt repulsed. My libido was killed by my depression. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with it immediately, I thought. I had a few days. When I opened my door, I saw that there was a package waiting for me—it was full of worvil packets, teas, and other small, soothing items from the nurse. I smiled despite myself, thankful for his kindness. I wondered how many cases of heartbreak he had had to treat.

I didn’t want to eat breakfast, but I knew I would feel better if I did. I would at least feel better if I could see my friends; maybe they would be able to distract me. But I doubted it. The thought of them continuing their careers as omegas without any problems was even more depressing.

Still, I forced myself to take a warm shower and get my breakfast. I found Leno and sat with him, letting him just talk and talk, interjecting comments where necessary. He had apparently recently discovered a penchant for bondage and was experimenting with any Knight who was willing. I wondered if he had ever had the desire to be in a romantic relationship.

I was lost in bitter thoughts of my school friends, happy and secure with their mates and children, when Leno said something that startled me.

“They’re all going to be sent, I heard,” he said, smothering his toast with a healthy dose of jam. “Even all the juniors.”

“I had no idea we were even at war,” I said.

“No one did. This all happened suddenly. After several reconnaissance missions went poorly, it was just one thing after another, you know.”

I actually didn’t know. I didn’t understand war; no one but the Knights really did. Anyone who grew up in the town only ever knew that Knights protected us from mysterious enemies and that was that. We were never actually threatened by these enemies, so we had little reason to question further, assuming that the Knights were simply able to do their jobs effectively.

“Do you think we’ll be in danger?” I asked.

He looked at me like I was crazy. “We have the Knights, of course. What kind of soldiers could go up against them?”

So he didn’t know, then, that the other side also had their own shifters. It was going to be a surprise for everyone. I assumed that our men were strong and well-trained, but shifter against shifter was going to be difficult—far more difficult than the image of dragons plowing down human men that Leno apparently seemed to have.

“I suppose you’re right,” I said uneasily. So it was entirely possible that we could be in danger, after all. I cursed the Knights’ superiors for their decision to keep their knowledge secret. How could the townsfolk protect themselves if they knew nothing? I thought of my parents, Leddy, her new family. What could they ever do to prepare? If they knew, they could at least evacuate the town.

Leno noticed that I was preoccupied, touching my arm gently. “We’ll be alright, you’ll see,” he said softly, with an earnest smile.

I weakly smiled back. The next few days were going to be interesting—and heart-wrenching. I hoped that the work I would have to do in preparing for war would distract me from the intense pain that still throbbed in my heart.