Chapter Three
I rounded the corner and the house came back into view. We lived in a cul-de-sac on the edge of town. The homes were all relatively new and custom built. The trees had some time to grow but they didn’t tower over the houses like in the rest of town.
Still, I loved our little neighborhood.
The families were all sweet and lovely and we took care of each other.
I couldn’t bring myself to move or to take my kids from their home. Even though there were times that I wanted to.
Like right now.
Looking up at white siding spotted with black shudders and boasting a bright red door, I saw my dream home. And I saw a lifetime of pain I would never recover from.
Grady, where are you?
I slowed my demanding pace to a measured walk. I told myself this was a cool down, but the truth whispered and echoed inside me. I could push my body to my limits when I ran, when I ran away from everything and everyone that needed me. But now that I was confronted with those same things, I couldn’t bring myself to face them again.
As a mother, I had always felt this severe degree of failure. I had four kids. Four of them. Life was always crazy for us and I never felt like I was enough for all of my kids. Chaos ruled my parenting style, and because they were all two years apart, they were always in different stages of needs and demands.
Now, without Grady by my side, I had never felt like more of a failure at anything. This wasn’t just a small failure either; this was the crash and burn kind of catastrophe that combusted into a million unrecognizable pieces.
That was what I was doing to my children. I was the pilot of their plane of life and I was about to dive-bomb us into the middle of the ocean.
“You all right?” A voice called me out of my silent pity party.
I looked up to find Ben Tyler at his mailbox. I didn’t know how to feel about meeting him again, especially while I looked like this. Most of me still fizzled with anger about our altercation this morning. But there was this small part of me that felt extremely embarrassed that the only times he’d seen me were when I’d been in my underwear and braless tank top and now like this, sweaty, red-faced and panting.
This guy had to think I was a complete nutcase.
I tried to smile, but my worries, exhaustion and general bad attitude made it more of a grimace than a happy expression. “I’m fine. I just finished a run.”
“I can see that.” His smirk was annoying.
“Don’t you have a job?” The words fell out of my mouth before I could censor them. Oh, god, what was wrong with me?
He chuckled at my rude question. He should probably snap at me and swear to himself never to talk to me again, but something told me this guy didn’t have it in him to hate people.
Not even his bitchy neighbor.
“I do,” he said. “I took a couple days off to get moved into the new place.”
“Oh.” Well, obviously. I was an idiot.
“Don’t you have a job?”
I couldn’t tell if this was sarcasm or if he was genuinely curious. When he raised his eyebrows expectantly, I gave him an answer. “I’m a stay-at-home mom.”
“Abby?”
“And her three siblings.”
“Wow,” he whistled. “Four of them? You don’t look like you have four kids.”
Um… “Thanks.”
“I heard about your husband,” he blurted suddenly.
“What?” My voice was a whisper. I felt my bones become brittle and breakable as he grimaced with his knowledge of my grief.
“I’m so sorry,” he gushed. “I don’t know why I said it like that. I just… I didn’t know how to bring it up. And I didn’t want you to feel like you had to explain it to me.”
After staring at him for several silent seconds, I said, “I wouldn’t have felt like I needed to explain it to you.”
He winced. “Liz, I’m sorry. The neighbor across the street shared your story and I just… I obviously have no tact.” He laughed bitterly at himself and I wanted to change the subject.
I needed to change the subject.
“Mrs. Mitchum. She has trouble minding her own business.”
His dark eyes softened a little. “I noticed.” He rocked back on his heels, clearly putting his next sentence together in his head before he spoke it. I glanced up at my house and desperately wanted to escape there. Sure, five minutes ago, I’d dreaded walking through that door. Now, thanks to Ben Tyler, I couldn’t wait to get inside the safety of my own place.
“Well, I guess, I’ll see you-”
“If you need anything, you can always knock.” He took a step forward when he interrupted me. We stood just three feet apart, but I swear I could feel his aura or something. He radiated this energy that grated against my skin. I had no doubt that he was a successful person, and not just from the size of the house he’d bought. He had this charisma that poured off him. It annoyed the hell out of me, but I saw that in real life he could charm whomever he set his sights on.
“Thanks,” I answered simply.
“Seriously,” he emphasized. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Okay.”
“And my pool!” His words came out almost desperately. I didn’t know if it was guilt pushing him into wanting to be friends with me or what, but it was getting to be a little much. “Any time you or your kids want to go swimming, the pool is yours.”
I cleared my throat, “It’s going to get cold soon.”
“Well, until then.”
“Honestly, I have too many kids for that. I can’t watch them all. It’s too stressful.”
“Oh.” His shoulders deflated some and I could tell he was disappointed with my answer.
Clearly he had never taken kids under six swimming before. Sure, Abby was a freak of nature when it came to water sports, but Lucy and Jace weren’t even close to being water-ready. If I had someone else to go with me, it wouldn’t be so bad. I could split up the two littles and Grady could have helped me keep an eye on the two older ones. But I didn’t have Grady anymore, and I didn’t trust a complete stranger to help me keep my kids alive.
Plus, it was just weird. We hadn’t known each other for twenty-four hours yet. I wished he’d stop forcing his friendship on me.
“Liz, I have to go soon! Get your a-s-s in the shower now or you’re going to have to wait until Thursday before you can take one!” Emma’s voice called from the front porch. She held Jace on her hip and Lucy clung to her leg. Her wild blonde hair whipped around her face in the fall breeze.
She looked like the well put-together mom I would never be.
Of course, she wasn’t a full-time, single mom and therefore had time for things like hair appointments and manicures. Also, her body had not pushed four bowling balls out her vagina, so she had that going for her too.
I snuck a glance at Ben to see him watching my sister intently. Yep, she did that to all men. Poor guy.
“I’ll be right there!” I called back.
It was too late; she’d noticed Ben and now her curiosity had gotten the better of her.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” I said quickly to him in hopes I could escape before my sister wanted a formal introduction.
“Mommy!” Lucy slammed into my thighs and wrapped her short arms around me. “You smell icky.”
My face flushed with embarrassment. No doubt I smelled icky. Ben tossed his head back and let out a loud bark of laughter.
“Thanks, Babe,” I grumbled.
“You do smell icky, Sis,” Emma chuckled on her arrival.
“That’s why I need that shower.”
She ignored me, her sparkling eyes already on my new neighbor. “I’m Emma.” She smiled widely at him. Jace made a dive for me and I caught him before he tumbled out of Emma’s distracted arms.
Ben reached out his hand and took her now empty one. “Ben Tyler.”
“You’re the one with the pool?”
He winced again. “Is everyone going to hold that against me?”
I looked down at my kids and thought yes inside my head, but I let my sister throw out a flirty, “Only until you redeem yourself.”
“Hey,” he joked, “my Pop-Tarts saved the day this morning.”
I resented that on principle. “I would have gotten her out eventually.”
He shot me an indulgent smile. “Sure.”
“Sure?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Mommy, I want a Pop-Tart!” Lucy squealed.
“Pop-Tart!” Jace echoed.
I bit back a tired sigh. “Can I have just twenty more minutes, Em? I promise I’ll be fast.”
“Twenty,” she said firmly. “Then I have to go. My study group will kill me if I’m late again.”
“Twenty, I promise.” I gave Jace a sloppy kiss on his cheek and passed him back to my sister. I told Lucy to wait with her Aunt Emma while I took off for the house again.
I left my kids and sister to chat with my new neighbor in hopes that they could repair some of the damage I’d created with just two interactions.
Part of me felt extremely sorry for Ben for having to put up with me. I didn’t know what had come over me. Sure, grief and depression ruled most of my moods these days, but I at least tried to put on a show for the rest of the world. I’d managed to stay polite and cordial to almost everyone else in my life, except for a select few, and those people had deserved every last bit of my ire.
Ben Tyler didn’t deserve ire or anger or bitchiness or anything else unpleasant. He had been nothing but nice since we crashed his pool and his morning. Still, there was something about him that just bothered me.
I snuck a peek through the frosted paned glass in my front door once I’d slipped inside. Emma laughed hysterically at something Ben said and he seemed absolutely captivated by her smile.
I wanted to be happy they had hit it off. I should be grateful she could represent my family with her own kind of charm, but I wasn’t. Irritation and frustration bubbled inside my stomach and spread out through my arms and legs hotly. I didn’t understand all this animosity for a man I’d just met.
And I hated that I let it get to me and affect what could be a perfectly comfortable relationship as neighbors.
Emma was still smiling when they said goodbye to Ben at the mailbox and turned back to the house. He watched her walk away from him, holding a letter absently in between his long fingers. I couldn’t help but laugh a little as he clearly checked out her obviously swaying ass.
My sister, the hottie with the body.
But then his eyes flicked up to the house and I realized I had been standing there spying on them. I jumped away from the window and sprinted up the stairs. I now had only fifteen minutes to get through my shower and do something manageable with my shoulder length hair. I couldn’t let Emma down again.
She did so much for me. Allowing her to get to her study group on time was the very least I could do. Besides, I desperately needed a shower. I needed to wash away the sweat and grime from my run and the weirdness and angsty feelings Ben Tyler seemed to bring out of me.
I tried to convince myself that having a neighbor in that house would be a good thing. He’d offered help and I knew without a doubt at some point in the future, hopefully far future, I would need it. I needed too much these days.
I just hoped by the time I had to ask him for it, I could get over whatever hostility I felt for him and could treat him with the grownup respect I should naturally have.
Or, at least not snarl every time I got within six feet of him.