{Kayla}

Since I don’t have a car, Mel offers to pick me up for our GNO. I could easily take the bus, but she insists. Every time. I know why. My friends think I’ll cancel on them at the last minute. Mel capturing me is her way of ensuring I’ll go through with our plans.

I’m now trapped in Mel’s little bug as we make our way to the club. I don’t blame them for doubting me and taking me hostage. Truth is, I had the phone in hand, the text ready to send, when she showed up half an hour early. This is our first time going out since that fateful night of the boyfriend bonfire.

What a difference a couple weeks makes. I started that night pining over a player I’d never call mine. I start this night in love with the guy and worried every moment will be our last. I’m chewing off my nails in worry as I listen to the scanner he set up in the kitchen. I used to find it interesting listening in to the detail of every call. Now I find myself inhaling sharply every time the damn thing goes off. Each call could be the one that takes Jake from me forever.

I have to get out of my head. I’m my own worst enemy. Why do I immediately jump to the negative? Why can’t I stay positive like every other normal person? Then again, I’ve never been accused of being normal. At least he’s not on shift tonight. When I told him about my GNO, he disappeared, saying he had plans. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask. We’re entitled to time away from each other, even though I already miss him and want to text him just to say hi.

Mel’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts. “You need this, Kayla.”

Whether I do or not isn’t the issue. My most trusted friends made a deal with the puppy-eyed devil. I’m not about to let them forget that. “You told him to have sex with me on a truck.”

She squeals. “Did you? Was it awesome? Tell me everything.”

It really was awesome. Some of the best sex of my life, blindfolded sex aside. Considering everything, that’s saying something. I felt him in my heart that day on the truck, which then scared the shit out of me and caused me to ruin the day with my ridiculous meltdown. I’ve been melting down ever since. Jesus, what is the matter with me? How’d a guy I didn’t even like get me to fall for him? How’d he go from my annoying man-whore of a neighbor to the only one I want? To the one I love?

What a disaster. Even though they made this deal out of love, I can’t stop myself from asking, “Do you all hate me? Is that why you did this?”

“Oh, don’t play the victim here. You needed this, which is why I told him to have sex with you on not just any truck, but a firetruck. Oh my God. That’s like shit dreams are made of. Please tell me he made your siren go off.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

I laugh despite my mood. My friends only want what’s best for me and I know that. It doesn’t help with the panic attack that’s been constantly hovering right under the surface. I lose my smile and swallow thickly.

“Kay, what is it?”

“He said I’m the reason for my own misery.”

“Well, duh.”

“Mel!”

“What? He’s right.”

I want to cry. “Some friend you are.”

“Boy, you’re a mess. You aren’t pregnant, are you?”

“No.” I know that for a fact, but the timing does explain why I’m so damn emotional. And puffy. “He drops the L-bomb, like, a lot.”

“During sex?”

“During. Before. After. When we say good-bye. When we say hello.”

“Don’t say another word until we’re all together. That number of L-bombs is serious shit.”

We listen to the radio and avoid talking until we’re at the same bar we were at when we came up with the brilliant idea to have a boyfriend burning in my apartment. That night started it all and now here we are, having another GNO that would, no doubt, result in something just as stupid, bringing everything full circle.

Mel drags me over to the premium table Ciara and Shannon snagged. When we sit, Shannon starts in. “You won’t believe what Ciara did to get us this table.”

This I’ve got to hear. It’s a welcome distraction. “Well?”

Ciara shrugs like it’s no big deal. That means the story is going to be even better than what I’m making up in my head right now. Her wild side is already out. “There were two little men sitting here, scoping out the place like predators hunting for their next victim. This is a hangout for BU students, not a place for sex offenders. They were creeping me out.”

“What’d you do?”

“I told them I was DEA and asked if they’d seen two men scoping the place, looking for women to drug. I said this was a known hangout for the perps. They quickly blew me off, then raced out of here like their shit was on fire.”

Apparently, her prelaw degree is paying off. I love her touch of crazy. Thank God she’s on our side. “They could have been real criminals, Ciara.”

“I called a guy. They didn’t get far.”

I’m still not ready to get into the dirty details of the shit show I call my life, so I find something else to talk about. “Are you all done with your finals?”

“Nice try.” Mel pats my shoulder. “Tell them what you told me.”

It’s time. After all, they’re my support group. This is a friendervention if ever there was one. “Okay, guys. Here it is. Jake told me he loves me. Like, said he was in love with me.”

They all shout their favorite curse word of choice as they lean back at the same time. I just dropped the atomic bomb of girl code. It renders them into shocked silence until their brains can process it.

“I knew daily orgasms were too much,” Shannon says with a shake of her head. “This is all my fault.”

“I should have never had him have sex with her on the firetruck,” Mel adds. “It made it too personal. It’s my fault.”

“Did he grant you mine?” Ciara asks and leans in.

I’m still not over what she asked him to do. “No. We both agreed that request crossed the line.” Instead of Ciara being disappointed, she relaxes in her chair and even smiles triumphantly. To my shock and dismay, the rest of them all nod as if they’re in on her wish. I want to throw a drink into their faces, but alas, I’m empty-handed. “Are you all in on this? You wanted me to have sex with two guys at the same time?”

“No.” Shannon puts her hands up. “I was never okay with that.”

“Me, either,” Mel adds.

I turn my venom on Ciara. “This is all on you. What kind of friend does that? What the hell were you thinking? What the hell were any of you thinking putting Jake up to those stupid wishes?” I jump to my feet and storm to the bar. I need a drink and try to catch the bartender’s eye. It’s Mike, so I scan the bar for Britt, but don’t see her. I wonder if they broke up again. He’s too busy flirting with a group of seriously hot and ridiculously perky girls at the end of the bar to notice me.

“Unless you have double Ds and look like a young Marilyn Monroe, he’s not going to notice you.” Emma sits down next to me.

I hug her and smile. She’s healing nicely. Her bruises are hardly noticeable, especially in this light. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home tending to Ryan?”

“He threatened to spike my coffee with Oxy to make me sleep if I didn’t leave him alone. He actually told me there’s only a single letter between mothering and smothering. The ass.”

No, no, no. Emma and Ryan can’t be having issues. “Everything is okay, right?”

“It’s fine. We just don’t need to spend every waking moment together.” She shouts at the bartender. “Yo, Mike. We’ve got boobs, too.”

“Don’t give me shit, Emma.” He leans on the bar in front of us. “It’s like this every last week of school. I’m not used to this many customers.”

“Aw, darn it. That means you’ll have to actually pay attention to everyone instead of picking one to take home with you.”

“You’re a brutal bitch,” he tells her. “Just like your friend.”

“Hey!” I bunch my hands into fists, unsure why. It’s not like I’m going to hit the guy.

“Not you.” He brings up his hands. “Britt.”

Ah, the lovebirds must have parted ways. Emma chimes in, “Here’s a tip. Next time Britt wants to get back together, run the other way. She’s not a one-man girl. Don’t look at me like that, Mike. You and I both know it’s true.” She then carries on like she didn’t just emasculate the guy by telling him he wasn’t enough. “I’ll have a maraschino martini.”

He set his jaw and turns his attention to me. “More tequila shots?”

“A glass of Pinot Noir.” I’ll never do another tequila shot, not when it makes me take guys home from the bar.

“And for your friends?”

“They can order their own.” The rest of the group can fend for themselves right now, I’m that pissed they all knew Ciara wanted Jake to phone a friend. Once Mike delivers our drinks and rushes off to serve another group screaming at him, I turn to Emma. “How are you doing really?”

She sips her martini. “I’m still pissed Ryan almost killed himself to protect me, but I can’t change what he did.”

“It’s pretty amazing if you ask me.”

“It was stupid. Careless. Reckless. Don’t get me going. I love the guy, but if he ever does anything so dumb again, I’ll kick his ass. That’s nothing compared to what his handler said she’d do if he ever did something like that again.”

“His handler?”

“Every cadet has one.” She does the neck-swivel to make sure no one else is listening in. “TREX requires it for the first year.”

“Who’s his handler?”

“Her name is Bailey McKoy. She’s head of some intel something. I tuned out as soon as he geeked out. Do you know which is Jake’s handler?”

“Which one?” I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“It’s either Jason or Jackson. My money is on Jackson Banks. There’s something about him. He looks like Wolverine without the claws.”

I don’t care what his handler looks like. “How much did Ryan tell you about the agency?”

“Let me put it this way. He’s not the only one who can’t keep a secret to save his life.” We both laugh. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about any of that. I know what’s got you so freaked out. It’s Jake, right?”

Even though I’m beyond mad at my friends, it’s ultimately Jake’s fault. He should have never… Well, he went and… My heart sinks when I realize he’s done nothing wrong. It’s all on me. My misery is my own fault, just like he said. That makes me feel even worse.

“You know,” Emma picks the peanuts out of the bar mix in the wicker basket between us. “It’s all about finding a way to cut through the bullshit and making it work, despite the odds stacked against you.”

“I don’t think it’s the same thing with Jake and me.”

“Sure, it is.” She sets her drink on the bar. “The number one person against us was me. I was so scared to be happy I did everything I could to stop it from happening. Lucky for me my BFF talked Ryan into coming after me.”

My entire world is crashing around me. My heart hurts. I’m so mad at my friends I can barely see straight. I’m even madder at Jake for doing nothing wrong. Why can’t anything be simple? To top it off, I don’t have a BFF to talk to Jake for me. Defeated, I admit that to Emma. “I don’t have a Britt.”

“No, you have three of her, and they all love you as much as Britt loves me. Don’t forget that.” She spins me on my stool to face my friends. They’re all staring at me with giant eyes, all filled with tears. I slide off my stool, nod at Emma in thanks, and approach the table.

Mel and Shannon open and close their mouths several times, but it’s Ciara who speaks and breaks me. “I love you,” she declares and thrusts out her chin. “You guys are all my best friends and I’d make the same request from each of your roommates slash lovers slash whatevers.” She turns to Shannon. “Well, except for you, since you’re my roomie. That would just make it weird. But for Mel and Kayla, I would. I regret nothing.”

I can’t stay mad when she makes me laugh. I still want answers. “Why, Ciara. Why ask Jake to do that?”

“Because if he went through with it knowing you didn’t want to, he’s the douche dick I originally took him for. But if he talked to you about it first even though it was part of the rules that he couldn’t, and he refused to share you with anyone, then he’s the man I wanted him to be.”

I shake my head and pinch the skin between my eyes. “You were testing him?”

“Why say that like it’s a bad thing? My request made him realize the man he really is. You’re welcome.”

“I really want to hate you right now.”

Ciara stands and hugs me, even kisses me on the cheek. “Instead, you love me.”

I hug her back. “I do love you, damn it. I love all you bitches.”

“And Jake?” Ciara asks.

I give them a nod as I accept my fate. I’m in love with the type of guy I’ve spent my entire life avoiding. “I love him, too.”

“Then tell him.”

“I will. Eventually. I have to work up to it.”

Ciara shakes her head. “Never wait.”

She sits and nods for me to as well. I do, scared of the sincerity shining in her eyes. She’s never serious. “What is it?”

“When I was seventeen, I was in a car accident with my boyfriend. We’d both been drinking. He drifted into oncoming traffic and jerked the wheel back, but went too far. We flipped and landed wheels-up in a lake.” She smiled, but soon her eyes fill with tears as she drew in several breaths. “I got my belt off and turned to help him. But he pushed me out the window. I surfaced and screamed for help. I then dove back under, but it was so dark. I had no idea how far down it was to the bottom.” She closed her eyes, forcing the tears down her cheeks. “Sam never made it out.”

Another man risking his life for the woman he loved. I think of Ryan and how lucky he is to be alive. My heart breaks for Ciara’s loss. “I’m so sorry, Ciara.”

“He used his last moments of life to save me. I vowed, from that moment on, to never take life for granted again. Sam’s death reminds me of that every day. So, if I seem a little wild, out of line, or anything else, it’s only because I want to live.” Her voice shakes as she wipes at the tears that spill from her eyes. “I want you all to live.”

Wow. Like, holy balls wow. I’m stunned, sad for her and Sam, and oddly invigorated by her talk. I now understand why Ciara is the way she is and am inspired by it. It’s like a thousand-watt light bulb just went off in my head, burning away the fog. I don’t want to live a life of regret, a life trying to make up for a life lost. I’ve already lost twenty-four years to my fears, of trying to be just like my mom. I don’t want to be anything like her. I don’t want to be anything like my dad. I want to be like me. I refuse to lose another day living my life under someone else’s rules.

I stand and hold them all in my gaze. “I’m going after him.”

They applaud, drawing attention to us. I’m embarrassed as hell but refuse to let that hold me back. I run to the front door and throw it open, then suck in a breath as sirens echo in the inky night. I stand there, too shocked to move, as several firetrucks streak by, the sirens screaming into the night. Sirens never affected me before Jake. Now I have a man I love on the fire department and that scares the shit out of me. He’s got to know how I feel and nothing, not even a race to a fire, will stop me from telling him.

“Jake,” I whisper as I take off in the direction the trucks just disappeared in.