Chapter 13

I hadn’t had sex with Sophie in days and it was making me edgy as fuck. Even the booze wasn’t giving me the usual sense of complacency, of easy numbing escape. I just sat in the Thirsty Moose and thought about how damn much I wanted her. How pathetic was that?

So when she told me she was going out on Wednesday with her sister’s friends for a bachelorette party, I figured there were only about four different places they could be and I was going to check them all out until I found her. Odds were she would be wearing another tight dress and I wanted to see that almost as much as I wanted to see her naked again in my bed.

Four nights without her under me was three and a half too many. I was sure I could convince her to come home with me at least for an hour without her parents being on to her.

But after cruising past three out of the four likely locations twice I had come to the irritating conclusion that they must be in the one place I did not want to go. The bar Christian worked at. Damn it.

It was warmer tonight than it had been and I had already had a few drinks. My face felt hot and I felt pissed off. Where the hell was Sophie? I had known she would be busy with her family but I had expected to see her more than I had. But she had said her mom was giving her crap for blowing off Bella and that she couldn’t get away. I believed her. If Sophie was sick of slumming with me she would be honest and just tell me to fuck off.

But she had tried to tell me to fuck off. When I had lost my goddamn mind and had insisted she dance with me on the sidewalk. She had tried to tell me she was getting too attached and didn’t want to see me anymore but I had refused to accept it. And she had given in to me. It was a dick move. I was being selfish and I knew it.

There was no way I could let her go just yet though. She was the only thing good in my life and I knew when she left I would have to go back to boat, stool, bed. Repeat. I wasn’t ready to reclaim my bleak existence.

Yet, I had told her I wouldn’t hurt her on purpose and I knew, I just knew in my gut I already was. I should have the balls to let her go.

The thought pissed me off, churned my gut.

I had to see Sophie.

I waved to a guy I knew from the docks who was sitting by the door at the Moose and headed out into the night. Christian had been tending bar at Camden House for at least two years. Maybe three. I wasn’t allowed in there, technically. But rules were for pussies.

The key was to saunter in cool and calm. Like I belonged there.

I spotted the bachelorette party immediately. They stood out among the granola fake farmers and the transplants who had opened up artisanal butter shops and shit in town. And they certainly looked nothing like the girls who had grown up here, who lived in tank tops and denim shorts. These girls were wearing tottering high heels, very small outfits, and lots of makeup.

All except Sophie. She had her pink Converse on again, like the night we’d met. This time she didn’t have on a dress, which I found a little disappointing. She had on one of those girl outfits that was like shorts and a top attached to each other. It would be awesome to strip off her but it wasn’t my favorite look. Not enough cleavage.

There were six girls total, including Bella and Sophie. Bella was wearing a white dress and when she turned I saw she had on a sash that said BRIDE. The other girls had sashes that said I DO CREW. Sophie looked bored, though she was wearing the sash. I would have thought she would have refused but apparently, she was doing her best to keep her sister happy.

The reason I never came to this bar was ninety percent Christian and ten percent because they played dance club music. It pounded on my skull. While watching girls dance was no hardship on the eyes, the music killed the vibe for me.

I was planning to stroll past them to the bar without speaking to Sophie but she turned when I was five feet behind their party as if she sensed me. She gasped, then smiled. She mouthed “hi” to me and I wanted to go to her and steal her. Take her home with me and never let her go.

Giving her a nod, I decided the hell with it. I walked right up to her, tugged her to me, and kissed her with four days’ worth of tamped-down desire and neglected hard-ons. She didn’t even have time to make a sound of protest before my tongue was taking hers.

When I finally broke away and smiled at her, she was breathing hard and blushing, just a little. “Hi,” I said.

“Gross,” her sister, Bella, said.

I turned and gave Bella a smile. “Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I won’t crash the party. I just wanted to say hi to Sophie.”

“I think you just got her pregnant,” one of the other girls said, fanning herself. “Holy moly, that was hot.”

Yet another girl, a brunette, eyed me curiously. “Who is this hunk of hotness, Sophie? I had no idea you could get such amazing coastal cock in this little town.”

Coastal cock? Wow. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“Wait,” said Girl Number Three. “I thought you were our bartender. Does that tongue swipe come with the drink special?”

They all snickered. All except Bella and Sophie.

“He’s not our bartender,” Sophie said. “That’s his twin brother.”

“Oh, my God, there are two of you?” the brunette said, leering at me.

Someone had clearly been deep into the vodka already because she looked predatory and glassy-eyed. “It’s a mind fuck, isn’t it?” I asked her mildly. Then I squeezed Sophie’s hand. “I’ll talk to you later. Have fun.”

“Thanks,” she said, and she looked like she wanted me to rescue her. But I knew she had to stay whether she wanted to or not. Family obligation and all that shit.

I could have gotten a table but I hated waiting on a server. Besides, I was feeling reckless and a little mean. I decided irritating Christian by sitting at the bar was worth irritating myself in the process.

When I got to the bar Christian was already eyeing me with curiosity. “So what brings your sorry ass in here?” he asked. “I’m guessing it has to do with one Sophie Bigelow.”

“Don’t say her name out loud,” I said, sitting on a stool. “It pisses me off.”

“Everything pisses you off.”

“Mostly just you,” I said. “Give me a shot of Crown.”

I needed a hot burn, all straight down my throat, not something to sip.

Christian just stared at me. I hated when he did that. When we were kids he had never done that. He had been the energetic one, the rough-and-tumble, hyperactive wild child with impulsive tendencies. I had been more intense, more calculated. Him trying to assess me or whatever the hell he was doing was a new thing and I hated it. It’s an odd thing anyway to have to look at someone whose genetics are identical to your own. Obviously, it wasn’t precisely like looking in a mirror, but growing up I had wished that I could just be solo. Just me. Not one of “the twins.” Fortunately, my mother was a lot of things but not organized enough to dress us in coordinated outfits, so we had escaped that scarring fate so many twins endured.

“Stop staring at me, you fucking weirdo,” I finally said when he made no move to get my drink. I was getting even angrier. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea. I felt agitated, my leg bouncing up and down. I could sense Sophie behind me, but I couldn’t have her. That was frustrating as hell.

“You know eventually we’re going to have to talk about stuff.”

Oh, God. When the hell had he become a guy who wanted to talk? “What stuff?”

“Camp. I know you blame me.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell off the stool. “Of course I do. That’s the stupidest fucking thing you’ve ever said to me. No one grabbed your dick and stuck it where it didn’t belong. But don’t worry. I blame Ali too for being a whore, so you’re not alone on the list of people I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire.”

“As long as you’ve moved on.” Christian turned his back on me and grabbed the Crown Royal.

“What am I supposed to do? Just forgive you? Would you do that if you were in my position?” What a bunch of bullshit. Why did people who did terrible things always demand forgiveness? Forgiveness allowed them a free pass to behave like a shitty human being. Forgiveness absolved their guilt, eased their conscience. But they didn’t deserve that. They should pay. Because if they didn’t pay, they would do it again. Or something different but just as horrible.

“I don’t owe you anything,” I added.

“I just want you to hear me out.”

“Save it. I don’t want a bunch of excuses.” I took the glass he set down and pulled it to me. I gripped the glass, caressed it, lifted it to feel the heft of the weight. They used cheap barware here because the crowd was younger. It wasn’t satisfying, not the way the glasses at the Thirsty Moose were. Those made you feel like you were holding something solid, stable, important. This felt like a letdown.

“Aren’t you at least a little curious how it happened?” Christian asked, sounding pretty damn sincere.

I snorted. “I’m pretty sure I know how it happened. You took your clothes off and stuck your dick in my girlfriend and she made those stupid orgasm noises she always made. Those annoying whimpers.” I lifted the glass and took the Crown down in one swallow. I was heading in a dark direction. I should probably leave and go to a different bar. One where I wasn’t looking at a mirror I wanted to punch.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“So you were in love?” I sneered at him. “Is that it? She claimed to be mistreated and lonely or some other bunch of bullshit lies and you were there for her? It was magical and you never meant to hurt anyone? Fuck off.” I shoved my stool back and pulled out my wallet. I was going to get in a fight if I stayed. I got out a ten-dollar bill and wadded it up. I threw it at Christian and it bounced off his chest. “Keep the change, motherfucker.”

“Grow up,” he told me.

Right. Because he was just riding the wave of maturity.

“Ali is back,” he said.

That knocked the wind out of me. For a second I felt overwhelmed by a wave of hurt and anger and disappointment. I had loved her, had imagined a future together. I had been a decent boyfriend. Now my brother was trying to give me details on how they wound up fucking the shit out of each other in our bed. And telling me the cowardly bitch who had abandoned her child had reappeared.

I realized it didn’t matter. “So?” I said in the most scathing voice I could muster. Though I did glance around like she might be in the bar.

“She wants to see Camp.”

That figured. She made herself scarce then changed her mind. Typical Ali.

I decided not to waste my breath saying anything else. I walked away from the bar and straight past the bachelorette party, ignoring Sophie and her sister’s friends. I headed back to the Moose. But I did text her.

Let me know where you end up tonight. I’ll get you and you can come home with me.

I was expecting rejection. I knew I was being pushy. She had to hang out with her sister.

An hour later she hadn’t answered me. But I was drunk and I wasn’t going to back down. I wanted her.

I wanted her to do that thing she did, where she made me forget everything that sucked and made me laugh.

So I went back to get her.