Chapter 4

I was straining with everything in me against just grabbing Sophie’s hips and pounding the living daylights out of her. She was so sweet. So wet. So damn tight. So fucking tight. God, it felt so good. Like she had grabbed on to me with her bold stare and sexy body and now wouldn’t let me go.

When she had come beneath my mouth, her cries free and intense, I felt like I’d climbed Mount Fucking Everest. Like I had accomplished something. Now I stared down at her and stroked my cock inside her warmth, wanting her with everything inside of me. I felt…alive. Sober. My eardrums were buzzing and my vision was stark and clear. The moonlight floated over her curves like silk.

Her hair tumbled around her head and even in the dim lighting I could see the pink stain on her cheeks, her cleavage, from arousal. Her skin was dewy and warm and her lips were parted in ecstasy.

But it was the way that she watched me that killed me. Her eyes were wide, more luminous, without the constant blinking from those fake eyelashes, and she met my gaze boldly, curiously. She had started to move in rhythm with me, rolling her hips. Finding her own pleasure points.

She wasn’t the most skilled or creative or adventurous woman I had been with. There had been too many late-night fumbles and fucks and girls who were very well pleased with themselves.

But Sophie was the best fuck, bar none.

Because in the end, she wanted it more than anyone else.

And she enjoyed it more.

When she came, shattering beneath me, her mouth a perfect oval of soundless shock, her nails digging into me, I had never seen anything sexier. I let her ride out the tail of her pleasure before I shifted her knees so I could drive deeper. I increased my tempo, let myself unleash a little bit of that fury I felt at having her pussy squeeze my cock in its hot, wet grip.

Then I came, watching her the whole time, grinding my teeth against any guttural groan that might startle her.

“Damn, Sophie,” I murmured. “You’re amazing.” I paused, catching my breath.

“I really enjoyed that,” she said in such a Sophie way. “So much more than I was expecting.”

I’d known her less than two hours and I could have predicted her response wouldn’t be typical. I also knew better than to ask her what she was expecting, because she would have a list and I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to lie there in hot, sticky silence for a few seconds and feel her heartbeat against my chest. So I just told her gruffly, “Good.”

Pulling out, I slid in next to her on the bed with a sigh. I tossed the condom on the nightstand and ran my fingers over Sophie’s arm. Goosebumps rose wherever I touched her. Fascinated, I trailed over her stomach, her breast. I liked seeing the effect I had on her.

She glanced over at me. “Just so you know, I can’t spend the night.”

Normally, I didn’t want women to spend the night. It was too intimate, too familiar. And I was usually too drunk to be any sort of host to a guest. Anyone who stayed ended up fending for herself. But I didn’t like the idea of Sophie leaving just yet. I wanted her again in the morning, and I didn’t want to be the asshole who took her virginity, then sent her out into the night. I settled my hand onto her hip.

“Why not?” I asked, relaxed, still mildly drunk, and very satisfied. “You already know I bite, so what difference does it make?”

Sophie sat up, my hand falling off her back onto the bed. She looked tousled and naked and delicious. “I don’t sleep well in unfamiliar environments. My ability to self-soothe is dependent on consistency.”

“Self-soothe?” The shit she said. “What does that mean?”

“It’s the ability to relax and one, fall asleep initially, and two, return to sleep when you’ve been roused while sleeping. Babies learn to do that with pacifiers or a mother’s breast. Then move on to their own thumb, or their humming, or rocking.”

I fiddled with her arm again, running my finger down it. I couldn’t seem to stop touching her. “I can think of something better to put in your mouth than a pacifier.”

Sophie just blinked at me. “I’m not going to be able to fall asleep with your penis in my mouth.”

That made me laugh. It rumbled up from my chest and ended in a cough that spoke of too much booze and late-night smoking. The visual of Sophie closing her eyes and…damn. She was literal. And adorable.

And apparently leaving. She had bent over to retrieve her bra and was putting it back on.

“Can’t you just lay here a minute? It’s been like sixty seconds since I pulled it out.”

“I thought men like to fall asleep right after.”

“Where do you get your information from, seriously?” I eyed her as she glanced back at me over her shoulder. “Just come here. Two minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.” Which in itself was insane. When the fuck did I ever ask a woman to cuddle? Never. That’s when. But damn, Sophie was such a tasty treat, I wanted to just feel her curves one last time.

Sophie went on her back next to me. I slid my arm around her shoulders, pulling her snug in beside me. I stared at the ceiling, feeling content and tired. “Doesn’t this feel nice?”

“Sure,” she said, in the voice I had used with my grandfather when he asked if I wanted to watch golf on TV. Polite as fuck. Nothing more.

Her tone amused me. “What’s wrong?” I asked, turning to see she was stiff as a board and staring straight up.

“I’m wearing a bra but no panties. It’s weird.” She met my gaze. “Do you have my panties?”

I sighed. So much for relaxing. Sophie sucked at it. I stretched and flipped over on my stomach so I could search around the foot of the bed for her panties. I had tossed them somewhere in that general direction. “Are you really leaving?” I asked as I felt around the floor.

“Yes. I have to get some sleep because tomorrow I have to do wedding planning with Bella. If I’m tired I’ll be bitchy because I do not enjoy wedding planning with Bella. And then Bella will cry. And I will want to murder her.”

“Fair enough.” I found the panties and lifted them in the air in triumph. “Got ’em. I drank too much to drive you home, but I’ll get you an Uber and ride home with you.” My issues with alcohol were my own problem. My golden rule was never to drive. I didn’t need to kill someone because I didn’t know how to deal with my own personal shit.

She took the panties and looped them over her feet. She shimmied them up her legs and lifted her ass, giving me a mouthwatering view. I really wanted to tap that again, but she was determined. She noticed me eyeing her pussy and she snapped her panties back into place with the world’s most adorable blush.

“You don’t have to go with me,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll be fine in an Uber.”

“It’s two in the morning. Look, I may not be sober, but I’m not an asshole.”

Her pause was so extensive, I wasn’t sure what in the fuck was going to come out of her mouth. But she just nodded. Reluctantly, I found my pants and pulled them on. Screw the briefs. I was free-ballin’. “Do you want some shorts and a T-shirt?” I asked her. “That dress didn’t look comfortable enough to want to cram yourself back into it.”

I couldn’t really say what compelled me to make that offer, other than Sophie didn’t seem like the girl who ran around in tight dresses all the time. Ripping those fake eyelashes off had kind of proved that. Sophie stood up and came over to me. She gave me a smile and reached up and kissed me softly.

“You’re not really the big bad wolf, do you know that?”

Embarrassed, I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Thank you,” she said. “But I’m fine. And thanks for making me come.”

That made me snort. “You’re welcome. Same.” I turned and found myself a shirt.

In the living room she struggled back into her dress. “Can you zip this thing?”

“Sure.” I took the zipper up slower than was necessary, kissing the back of her neck softly. She shivered and I felt a deep, dark satisfaction.

When the Uber showed up I realized it was a guy I went to high school with. That was annoying. His name was Brian and he grinned at me as I opened the door for Sophie. “Hey, Jordan, what’s up? Having a good night?”

“Better than you,” I told him, slipping into the backseat behind Sophie. I put my hand on her knee. I couldn’t resist touching her.

When my caresses went higher than was strictly polite, she glanced over at me, raising her eyebrows in reprimand. I gave her a dirty grin and shifted my hand back to her knee. She was silent for the ride and when Brian tried small talk I told him flat out I wasn’t going to talk to him.

He snorted. “You’re such a dick.” He glanced at Sophie in the rearview mirror. “If you’re looking for a local, there are a lot better options than Cain. Just saying.”

“I got exactly what I was looking for,” Sophie said in that matter-of-fact way she had of speaking.

Brian’s eyebrows shot up. “Damn.”

I grinned. “Hey, she told you.”

When we pulled up to Sophie’s house, I had to admit to being slightly shocked. I knew it would be big, but this was next level. It was jutting out over the water, a massive gray beast. A shit-ton of lights were ablaze but the blinds were closed so I couldn’t see inside. “I’ll walk you to the door. Brian, give me a minute.”

Sophie didn’t respond. She just got out of the car and went up the walk, digging in her purse. I thought she would take out a key but she pulled out her phone. “There’s an alarm,” she explained. “I have to use the app to let it know that it’s me. It’s fingerprint identification.”

Of course. “Nice view.” I gestured to the bay. The house was situated so that two of the four sides were facing the water.

“It is.”

We were in front of the door then and she looked impatient, eager to get inside. Away from me. I took her phone out of her hand and went to her contacts. I put my number in. “Text me sometime.” I didn’t think she would. And I didn’t think I actually wanted her to. But it felt like the right thing to say.

She nodded. “Thanks, Cain. I had…fun.”

It wasn’t the right word and we both knew it. It had been more intimate, more shattering, than a bar hookup. Fun meant playful and standard. Two people getting each other off. This had been different. But I didn’t know the right word for it. I didn’t know why. So I just said, “Me too.”

She took her phone back and swiped quickly before putting her fingerprint on the screen. The front door to the house swung open with a click. It only opened an inch or two. She gave me a wave. “Good night.”

Fuck that. A wave? I grabbed her arm and kept her from entering the house. I bent down and gave her a kiss that I hoped she would dream about. A hot, demanding kiss that maybe she would remember when she was getting herself off in the shower.

A kiss that I would remember when I was sitting on a barstool, chasing happiness. Fending off anger.

“Good night.” My voice was gruff and I pushed the door open all the way. Then I pushed her through it, afraid I might haul her back to my place and make her forget all about self-soothing when I thrust my cock into her mouth.

The last look she shot me over her shoulder was enigmatic. Just big, brown eyes in a pale face. Then the door shut.

I went back to Brian’s car and got in the front seat. “Don’t say a fucking word,” I told him, even as his mouth opened to speak.

“It’s a free country,” he said. “And I can’t figure out what these girls see in you. I mean, look at this house. Her parents are loaded. Yet, she wants to take your dick in her? I just don’t get it.”

I rubbed my jaw, annoyed. “Girls like a bad boy, don’t you know? Lose the golf shirts and maybe you’ll get some ass.”

He shrugged as he drove. “I’m married now. I married Kim Seeney.”

“Poor Kim.” What about I didn’t want to talk did he not fucking understand? “Pull over. I’m walking.”

“What? Don’t be a freak. That’s a forty-minute walk and you’re fucking barefoot.”

I wanted to settle down with my whiskey and think about Sophie. I felt the rage climbing inside me. Scratch, scratch, scratch. Let me in, it always whispered. Open the door and welcome me. “Then shut up.”

“Does that girl know you have a kid?” he asked.

The door crashed open with an explosive bang as I yanked the handle. “Fucking pull over.”

“What the hell?” Brian shot me a look of alarm. “Alright, Jesus. Calm down.”

“Don’t ever talk to me about that kid,” I said. “Do you understand me? Mind your own fucking business.”

Everyone in town talked about the kid. They debated endlessly whether or not it was mine or my identical twin brother’s baby. There was no way to know. Ever. And we all knew that, because we had both fucked Ali the same week. Me, because she was my girlfriend. Christian, because he was a fucking asshole. But almost no one had the balls to mention it to my face. That Brian did right now sent me into a red rage.

I didn’t even wait for him to answer. I just got out of the car, and with shaking fingers, reaching into my pocket for that crumpled pack of cigarettes. After slamming the door shut, I lit one and walked, not even noticing the asphalt beneath my bare feet. I took a deep drag and walked quickly, craving a drink.

My mouth was dry and I was furious because now instead of Sophie’s face all I could see was the sweet, innocent face of the eighteen-month-old boy who was either mine or Christian’s.

And all I could feel was how much that hurt.

---

I had been hoping to escape to my room undetected but Bella was in the family room and immediately turned when the front door clicked shut behind me.

“Oh, my God, there you are! I have been so worried. Sophie, it’s like three in the morning!” She jumped off the couch and rushed over to me, wearing yoga pants and a tank top. Her hair was pulled back from her face and she had scrubbed all her makeup off. Bella didn’t believe in clogged pores.

“I’m fine. I texted you.” I could hear a touch of childish defensiveness in my voice and I felt guilty over it. I should be grateful my sister was worried about me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

She pulled me into a hug and I let her, even though hugging is not normally in my wheelhouse. “You smell like sex,” she accused, pulling back and eyeing me. “Holy shit, you had sex with that bar guy. Sophie Jane!”

That amused me. “Stop trying to be Mom. And yes, I had sex with him.” I thought about it, the feeling of Cain inside my body, moving with confidence, stroking me to orgasm. His tongue on my clit. “Good sex, I think. I mean, I have nothing to compare it to, but I would say that I enjoyed it, so presumably that makes it good sex, doesn’t it?”

Her eyes widened. “Why would you do that? Why would you save yourself all these years and then go and hook up with a Mainer? I don’t even understand you.”

I kicked off my shoes and set them on the shoe rack in the hall closet. I don’t like shoes in my room. I’m convinced I can smell foot scent emanating from them. “You don’t have to understand. But I wasn’t saving myself for my soul mate, Bella. Or my wedding night. I liked this guy, and I did it. It was like shedding a skin.” My virgin shell. “I feel better equipped to date now.”

“Did you use a condom?” She bit her fingernail. Then realized what she was doing and dropped her hand.

“Of course. I’m not stupid, remember?”

Bella pursed her lips then she eyed me. “Your hair looks insane. And where are your eyelashes?”

“I took them off. I put them on my beer bottle, but they can’t be reused anyway, can they?” I wasn’t sure.

Without warning Bella burst out laughing. “Soph. You are always you, I’ll give you that.”

It sounded like a compliment. I was grateful to be off the hook. I didn’t want her lecturing me for days on end. But I wasn’t going to lie about what I had done either. “I’ve been planning this for a while,” I admitted.

“Come sit down and tell me everything.”

Ew. I did not want to do that. I wanted to take my night with Cain and put it in a secret place, only to be examined on occasion. Because I had enjoyed it. A lot. I actually liked Cain. And I really liked what he did to my body. It had been eye-opening. That sexual awakening I had somewhat joked about. I didn’t really want to discuss that with Bella but she lived for girl talk. So I would attempt it just so she wouldn’t give me crap about texting Cain like I was fully intending to do. She would tell me I should play hard to get, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I wanted to repeat tonight at least once more while I was in town.

That hadn’t been part of the original plan, but now I couldn’t quit the idea.

I sat on the couch next to her, running my hands through my hair. “What am I supposed to tell you?”

Shifting, I found it intriguing that I had vaginal soreness. Not surprising, yet not something I had thought about in advance. I hoped Bella didn’t want a blow-by-blow because I wasn’t giving her that.

“What does his house look like?”

That was an easy question. “It’s a Cape Cod style. Dark paneling. Clean. Dated. He lives alone.” I relaxed a little.

“Did he ask you to spend the night?”

“Yes. I said no, obviously.”

“That’s good. There is nothing grosser than a guy who wants to boot a girl out of his bed two seconds after doing it.”

Huh. I wondered what she would think about my attempts to leave two seconds after doing it. Also, her terminology amused me. Not for the first time, I wondered how exciting Bella and Bradley’s sex life was. I had a feeling she was a prude. “He was actually a decent host for a guy who drank six glasses of whiskey. You would approve.”

“Did he go down on you? Guys are so chintzy about that now. Everyone wants oral but no one wants to give it.” Bella looked like she might be talking about something personal.

Again, I had to wonder. Bradley seemed like a guy who would be selfish in bed. I didn’t dislike Bella’s fiancé exactly, but I thought, generally speaking, he was a douchebag. “He did. His idea, not mine.”

“Ooh, la la. Interesting. Was he good at it? I mean, I imagine he would be or he wouldn’t offer it on the menu.”

“I had an orgasm so he didn’t suck at it.” My nipples tightened just thinking about it. I wanted more of that. More of all of it. I pressed my hands to my cheeks to cool them down.

“That’s good. You know I am not a fan of hookups, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. I would have been so sad for you if it was horrible.”

“Me too.” I crossed my feet and tucked them in under my knees. “I wouldn’t mind doing it again,” I said, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I thought she was going to warn me against getting attached and remind me hookups don’t work that way.

But Bella had happily ever after on the brain. “Oooh, what if you fall in love and get married? That would be so cute.”

I stared at my phone, wondering if I should text Cain my number now or tomorrow. “That’s not going to happen.”

“You never know. What does he do for a living? He looks like a carpenter.” Bella jumped, like something amazing had occurred to her. “Oh, my God, he can be a house husband to your kids. You can work, doing your numbers thing, and he can raise your children. This is so cute.”

My sister had lost her mind. “He’s a lobster fisherman.” Which I needed to research out of pure curiosity.

“What? Really? Oh. That’s disappointing.”

“Why?”

“Stinky fish.” Bella’s nose wrinkled. “Hey, don’t forget we are having alterations done at noon tomorrow in town.”

“How could I forget?” She had reminded me at least four times in the last twelve hours.

“Then we’re going to meet with the caterer.”

“Yep.” Bella was off my night with Cain, dismissing him on the basis of fish-handling, and was on to her wedding. There was no point in explaining to her a lobster was not a fish. I yawned, seeing my out. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Perfect time to escape.

In my room I showered in my en-suite bathroom and let the hot water pour over my sensitive body. I felt different. More aware of my own skin. Of every sensation as the liquid streamed over sensitive spots that only Cain had touched. All the attention and the importance placed upon losing your virginity were accurate. No one could ever explain what it actually felt like to have a man inside you and now I had that knowledge.

And I wanted more. Plain and simple.

As I towel-dried my skin, I pictured Cain, drawing my nipple into his mouth.

I texted him.

This is Sophie.

Then I went to bed, leaving my phone in the bathroom so I couldn’t watch it, willing him to respond.