Chapter 3
Cat watched Talon go back out into the cold with energetic footsteps. A part of her wanted him to stay with her, holding her hand and protecting her while she questioned the Sethari. The other, braver part of her was thankful that he had enough faith in her and her abilities to leave her alone. She turned around with a sigh and saw that Shazuul had built a small nest out of blankets for himself. He looked too peaceful and harmless, snuggled in his nest there. It was becoming increasingly hard for her to see any danger in him. However, she couldn’t let her guard down for a single second. One mistake, one moment of inattention, would be enough to cause fatal consequences. Cat took a deep breath and swore to herself that she wouldn’t make any mistakes.
Shazuul gave her something that was probably supposed to be a smile, and patted the ground next to him, inviting her over. Come, he said in his thoughts. She half expected him to demonstrate his powers by putting pressure on her, but it really was nothing other than an invitation to sit next to him. She didn’t, of course. Instead, she sat on the ground in front of him, crisscross apple sauce, after putting a blanket down first.
A minute passed without either of them saying anything. Was it a sign of weakness to say something first? That was probably nonsense, because the Sethari was all too aware that she was burning with curiosity and impatience to find out more about her parents and her brother. Was this the moment she had been waiting half her life for? Cat brushed a strand of hair from her face and noticed that her hand was shaking. It seemed too good to be true that she might finally have some certainty about Coran. In all the years since his disappearance, she had always been convinced that her twin brother was still alive. She looked at Shazuul and suddenly, she was no longer sure that Coran was still among the living. All of the doubts that she had suppressed rigorously, because she couldn’t stand the idea that he was dead, now came rushing up at her. He would surely have made contact with her if he was still alive. There was no reason for him to just disappear. The list was endless.
“Can we have a normal exchange?” she started the conversation.
He made a grimace of discomfort. “I not good with words,” he said squeaking. “Why?” He tilted his head to the side. Was he trying to look cute? Or was his goal to look like a harmless Sethari? Cat could barely suppress an amused grin. Watchfulness, she reminded herself.
“I just prefer it that way,” she answered and was curious how Shazuul would react. He shrugged awkwardly and looked at her expectantly.
“No scared,” he said in his elongated, patient-sounding tone. At first, Cat misunderstood him, and thought that he meant that he wasn’t afraid of her. When he continued, she realized what he was saying. “Shazuul know Cat long time.”
Stars danced in front of her eyes. Now they were getting into the part of the conversation she longed for the most, but also dreaded more than anything. She blinked a few times, trying to chase away the tears that were starting to form. “You said that you know my parents. Where are they?” Cat couldn’t stop her voice from sounding accusing.
“Hard,” he said. “Father disappeared before Cat’s birth. In the caves.” She could feel that he wanted to show her something in his head. She searched his face for any hint of malice or danger. Fine. She sent out her spirit, and he was already open, inviting her in. Did the Sethari know no fear? She had never met anyone who invited others in so willingly like he did. She entered cautiously. He showed her an image of a desert. A cliff rose above it up into the sky. She knew this image from somewhere, but didn’t know exactly where it fit in. She saw a dark hole, leading deep into Earth’s belly. Down there, she heard Shazuul’s voice, soft and dampened. Disappeared. Nobody knows more.
What about my mother? Is she still alive? Where can I find her?
She could feel his sadness. It was real. There was no way anybody could fake that. Then she saw a woman holding two newborns in her arms. Cat’s heart raced. Something about her face was familiar, and then, she finally understood. This was her mother, holding Coran and Cat in her arms. She looked deathly exhausted. The happiness in her eyes was strangely dull. Cat saw the woman – her mother – hand both babies to the Sethari. They looked at each other, the woman and Shazuul, and exchanged a message wordlessly. Cat knew instinctively that they were speaking to each other in their thoughts.
The amount of information was too much for Cat, as were the strong feelings that were hitting her all at once. They weren’t just her thoughts, she thought with an odd distance, but also Shazuul’s feelings. He mourned the woman. Her name was Cassie. She was the first human who had willingly given him energy to save him from starving, and now, after entrusting her children to Shazuul, she could leave. Cat didn’t understand exactly where she had gone, but she saw Cassie lean back in the pillows on her bed. She closed her eyes, and suddenly, she was far, far away. She could feel the urgency with which Shazuul wanted to leave the huge ship, and she watched him flee with a human who awakened a vague memory in her.
She tore herself away from the Sethari’s thoughts.
It cost Cat all of her remaining strength to not cry. Her mother had entrusted Cat and Coran to a Sethari! How could that be?
“Cat,” Shazuul said. His voice sounded so loving that it seemed like an echo of her mother’s feelings. “Mother gone, father gone. Shazuul,” he pointed to himself with his snout, “always there.”
“Do you mean that you always watched over me?” Cat’s thoughts were racing. She remembered the card she had received, signed by a mysterious friend with the initials “SH”. She remembered the feeling of being watched, even if she had never been able to figure out by whom. “You were always close by? But why? I mean, why did you give Coran and me up, if you wanted to watch over us?”
The Sethari’s face darkened. “Burke not trustworthy,” he said. “Burke doctor on ship. Traitor.” He made an inviting gesture towards his head, but Cat shook her head vehemently. It needed to work this way too, or she would collapse in a screaming heap sooner or later. That was not an option. Not now, not later. She needed to stay strong.
“What happened to Coran?” She finally asked the question that was swirling in her head.
“Shazuul not know.” He searched for the right words. “Cat and Coran separate ways. Cat vulnerable. Coran strong. Shazuul with Cat. Coran gone.”
It hurt so much, so very much. Coran had disappeared because Shazuul had stayed with her.
“Not be sad,” Shazuul said and touched her hand with his snout. Cat didn’t even flinch when she felt the surprisingly soft skin on his snout. “Someday Coran back again. Patience.”
“Do you really believe that?” she asked. He nodded, and Cat knew that he would never lie to her. The thing that had connected her mother and Shazuul - it also extended to her. It was almost like a present that her mother was sending her from the past. She was probably dead, just like her father, but something of them had survived.
The only question was how she was going to explain to Talon that she trusted Shazuul.