Chapter 10
Molly
I hadn’t kept my word and I wanted to do that, so after the horror of being kicked out of Ethan’s apartment, I drove to see my dad.
Paulie met me out front instead of the guard that was there before.
“Good morning, sunshine,” he said just before he opened my door. When he saw my face, he instantly knew I was upset. He bent down and grabbed my hand. “Hey, you okay?”
I really didn’t want to talk about it, but there was something about a person genuinely asking if you’re okay, something about someone knowing you aren’t okay and reaching out to help you feel better. I could feel the tears fighting to pour out. My bottom lip trembled but I shook my head no.
“No. I don’t need to talk.”
“You don’t need to or you don’t want to?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“It does, love,” he said, leaning forward to caress my cheek
It felt too familiar, too much like easy temptation, and wrong. Just wrong. His hand was warm and smooth, with the right amount of callouses, and completely wrong. Just wrong. That was not the hand I wanted to have touch me, caress me, comfort me, and while I was thinking, he was leaning closer. I came to see him inches from my face, from my lips, and I recoiled in disgust, jumping back.
“What’s wrong, Mols?”
I thought to say I don’t want this, but I didn’t want to start a fight, so instead I said, “I need to see my father,” trying to exit the car and push past the hulk of a man.
“So,” he said, pushing me back to be seated. “He’ll still be there. We need to talk.”
I sighed deeply and rubbed the headache I was beginning to feel from my eyebrows.
“What about, Paul Mathers?”
“Wow, Molly Karin. We dropping governments? It must be serious.”
“It must be,” I said with attitude. “You keeping me here.”
He sighed and rubbed the scruff on his face. “Look, Mols. I just… I mean… I think—”
“Cat got your tongue?” I said, attempting to lighten the mood.
“Something like that,” he said, chuckling and shaking his head.
“Well nothing you have to say should be that hard. So try again.”
“I just think we should talk. Last time we talked, it didn’t go so well and I just, I don’t know, Molly. I didn’t like how we ended. I want us to be the way we were. You know?”
Not really. No, I didn’t know. How could we be like we were? What was there to salvage? Did he really want us to be what we were when we were teenagers and somehow convinced we could have a happy life together? When we were too naïve to understand that love and war couldn’t go together.
“Paulie, we’re not those people anymore,” I said, touching his hand and trying to let him down as gently as possible. “I don’t like how we ended either. So let’s start over. I changed my life – for the better. And I’m happy. You’re happy and I’m glad you’re happy. Can’t that be good enough?” I said, smiling.
He smiled a weak smile and patted my hand. “For now.” A small beat of silence passed between us before he stood from his crouch and helped me from my car. “Let’s go see your old man.”
“Yeah, let’s,” I said, sliding my arm into his.
My dad looked much better. His skin was no longer pigmented with so many bruises. He filled out his jacket and he looked every bit the king he thought he was – the king of the Skulls. What did that make him? The Grim Reaper? I couldn’t know and in all the years I’d known him and been estranged from him, he’d always carried himself that way, even when there was only two people to lord over.
He sat at the table with a can of beer, slouching in his chair.
“Are you supposed to be drinking, dad?” He looked better, but the truth was I didn’t know about his internal injuries. More than likely, he shouldn’t be drinking.
“Maybe,” he said, taking an apologetic sip.
“What did your doctor say?”
“What she doesn’t know won’t kill her, will it?” he said, raising his can as if giving a toast. “Now, how’s my daughter?” he asked. He sounded so sincere. All that was missing was him opening his arms for a hug. How I was feeling, I might have taken the hug. That was how vulnerable I was. I would have gone against every instinct from childhood and survival and hugged. Every daughter wanted comfort from their dad, right?
I decided to go for something less emotional, something more like what we were: distant relatives. “Not too hot, dad.”
“Want to talk about it?” he asked, sipping his can of beer.
“No.”
“Why?”
“It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“I understand. Want something to drink?”
“Yeah,” I said as he nodded to Paulie.
He pulled a can of grape Fanta from the refrigerator. I smiled a half smile and took the cool can from his hands.
“I guess not much has changed,” he said, smiling as I ticked back the metal can top and heard the hiss of carbonation.
“So, got anything to tell me?” dad said smugly, sipping his beer.
“About what?” I said, dreading his answer.
“About Ethan, of course.” He smiled, and it would have been alarming if I didn’t know he was like a snake. He would strike when it looked like he was the most disarming.
I opened my mouth and closed it. Did I really want to know?
“You’ve been watching me?”
“You’ve been watching me?” he said in a squeaky voice, mocking me before laughing. “Come on, baby girl. You went to school. You’ve got to have some brains in that head. What do you think?” His face turned serious and I knew that he was no longer into playing with my emotions. “Yes! We’ve been watching you. Duh. We never stopped. You’re my daughter. You think I don’t know where my child is and who and what she’s doing?” He smiled sadistically at his double entendre. “I know who’s been sharing your bed, and since you’ve finally done right by us and come home, you can tell me anything he’s shared.”
“What?” I asked, horrified that he thought I would ever be his spy.
“You’ve been sleeping with the enemy, Molly,” he said like he was speaking to a child. “Obviously you’ve seen the error of your ways or the inevitable happened and you realized that you two could never work. I don’t care which one it was, but since you’ve come to your senses, the least you could do is tell us anything he might have said.”
“What makes you think I would do that?” I asked, disturbed by his perspective of what had just happened. “I couldn’t do that.”
“Yes. You could. You still haven’t learned anything, Molly girl,” he said. If anyone else had said it, it might have sounded endearing. “Remember what I told you? Family is about loyalty. That’s what makes the Skulls stronger, bigger, and better than that little crew pretending to be worthy of the word Bandits. Loyalty,” he said, pronouncing every syllable of the word. “That’s what makes me think you’ll tell me. Do you still know nothing of the word?”
The tears I tried to keep in started leaking from my eyes as he continued. He looked on with a bored and uninterested stare. “It’s been ten years and you’re still that same, little girl. I thought by now you would have learned.”
“I’m not telling you anything Ethan said to me. He didn’t tell me a single thing about his crew, but even if he had, I wouldn’t tell you anything.”
“What about loyalty?” he said, slamming his hands on the table and standing.
“What about it? You don’t know anything about loyalty. You only know how to look out for yourself. I’m standing here with a broken heart and it would have been nice to have your support. Instead you tell me I’m nothing if I don’t give you what you want?” I asked, coming to the realization I should have known from the beginning. “You still haven’t changed. You cheated on mom. You pushed me to do that job even though you knew I wasn’t ready!”
“You’re still talking about that shit ten years later?”
I kept talking as if I hadn’t heard his outburst. “You pushed me to do that job even though you know I wasn’t ready and now you’re trying to force me to do something I don’t want to do. Again! You’re never going to change, are you?”
Just saying it out loud hurt. I thought that at least I could have my dad. I convinced myself we could have repaired whatever happened and that at least, at the very least, I might have lost the guy but got my family back. But that was not the case either. I turned to see Paulie and realized he was still hoping I’d change my mind. But goodbye to my dad was goodbye to him, because Paulie would never leave the Skulls.
“You kicked mom out and had everyone convinced she was some kind of whore who deserved to live on the streets than be with us. You convinced everyone but me. I wondered if I had made a mistake in staying with you and I was right. I should have left with her. You were never any good for us. You’re a poison. You kill everything around you and one day, all that poison’s going to kill you too.”
I looked at his smug face and the words flew out without any thought. I knew the instant they made their mark.
“Goodbye, dad,” I said, walking out the door for good.