Chapter Thirty-Four

Mia

If I was going to make this “working from home while raising a baby” thing work, I was going to need a bigger place. I was currently regretting my decision to cut the second bedroom in half. The room was barely big enough for a small office, let alone a nursery. For now I was going to be working from the kitchen table. I needed to go shopping for a desk next week. My mother had already volunteered to go with me.

The woman loved to shop, as did I. It would be fun and help take my mind off other things I wasn’t quite ready to think about, namely Brad. He’d been texting pretty regularly, but I hadn’t responded. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him what I needed him to say. He needed to figure that out on his own.

For now, I had other things to get done. I had to finish my article and then get ready for my weekend trip to Vegas. It wasn’t going to be what I had originally thought it would be when I booked the trip last month. There would be no drinks while gambling. It was going to be a laid-back trip, which was just fine with me.

First, work. I took a deep breath and focused on what I needed to do first. I rushed through the final paragraph and sent it off to a proofreader. I didn’t get up from my spot at the table. Instead of starting the packing process, I browsed apartments. I needed at least two bedrooms but would prefer three. I didn’t have a lot of baby experience, but I was pretty sure they needed a lot of stuff. The baby would have a room of its own, but I had a feeling the amount of stuff my baby would have would be spilling into other rooms.

I couldn’t help but click on some of the houses. It was a dream of mine. I would love a house in the suburbs, but the cost and the commute could be rough. Of course, if I was working from home, I could offset some of that cost. Just for kicks, I looked at pictures of houses and imagined how I would decorate each room.

“Stop it. You’re supposed to be packing,” I scolded myself. This path of dreams was not going to get me packed and ready for my trip.

I closed the laptop and headed to my room to start packing. It took some time to plan each outfit. Once I was finished, I checked the time and realized I had better get a move on it or I was going to be late for dinner with my mom.

Time management was definitely something I was going to have to work on if I was going to make working from home successful. I found myself easily distracted. I was definitely going to need a home office or a place dedicated to work alone. I rolled my eyes. Finding a two-bedroom condo was hard enough. Finding a three-bedroom I could afford was going to be even harder.

I breezed into the restaurant and immediately spotted my mom. She was hard to miss considering she was standing and waving her arms.

“Mia!”

“I see you, Mom,” I said quietly, trying to sneak in and take my seat without too much attention.

She laughed. “You look radiant!”

I shook my head. “You’re crazy. I’m not radiating quite yet.”

“Oh, yes, you are. You’re glowing.”

I giggled. “Fine. Whatever you say. I think it’s because I was running late and didn’t have time to powder my nose.”

“You’re beautiful. You don’t need makeup, and don’t you dare try to powder away that natural glow,” she said with a proud smile.

“Thank you, Mom. That’s very sweet, and I appreciate it. I’m probably going to need those compliments when I’m feeling as big as a house.”

She giggled. “Yes, you will. I have a feeling your baby daddy will shower you with compliments if you let him, though.”

I rolled my eyes. “I doubt that. He told me one of the reasons he wants to marry me is my body. I don’t know if he’ll feel the same way when I’m big and pregnant.”

“With his child, the child he is desperate for,” she reminded me. “And I doubt that’s the only reason he wants to marry you.”

“I know he wants it, and before you ask, no, I haven’t told him. I’ll tell him when I get back from my business trip,” I promised. I purposely ignored her last comment. I didn’t want to discuss how Brad had never told me he loved me.

“Good. I’m going to keep bugging you about it until you do.”

I scoffed. “I know. Trust me.”

We ordered our meals and chatted about the baby and all the things I needed to buy. She advised me to start now so it wasn’t such a huge hit to the bank account when I realized I needed so much. I agreed with her.

“Want to walk over to Macy’s and do a little window shopping?” I asked when we were done eating.

She lit up. “Of course! I thought you’d never ask.”

I laughed. “Well, I’m kind of afraid to actually buy anything. I have known women who rushed out and bought stuff and then miscarried. I don’t think I could deal with that.”

“Think positive. You’re healthy and you are not so old, my dear. Women your age have babies all the time.”

I nodded. “I know. I’m just afraid to get too attached.”

“Let’s go shopping. Even if the worst happens, you can try again,” she said in a soft voice.

I groaned. “I don’t know about that.”

“Stop. Let’s go.”

I reluctantly went, but the moment we walked into the baby section, I was beyond excited.

“What do you think—a boy or a girl?” she asked.

“I have no idea, Mom.”

“What theme will the nursery be?” she said, picking up a blanket with a Noah’s Ark theme.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I haven’t even thought about it.”

She smiled. “There’s a lot to think about. This is why it would be nice if Brad was in the picture. He could help you make these decisions.”

“That’s what I have you for. You raised me on your own. I can do it, too—with your help of course.”

“Oh, sweetie, of course you can, but it is difficult. Please don’t think it was easy. There are going to be days you want to quit and hide in a closet and cry. I did. Several times. You were a good baby, but sometimes it was overwhelming,” she said, looking thoughtful.

“I’ll be okay. I want this. I do know it will be hard, but I’m ready.” I paused and burst into laughter. “Well, I think I’m ready, but then I can’t even decide on a nursery theme.”

My mom hugged me and laughed. “Trust me, this is the least of your worries. It isn’t like the baby is going to remember if there were animals or fire trucks on the walls.”

I nodded, feeling a little reassured yet overwhelmed as I took in all the different gadgets that went along with having a baby in the house. I was going to need a big fat loan to buy it all. In the back of my mind, I knew Brad would spoil the child if I let him. He would be a good dad.

“Look at this!” my mom squealed, holding up a little dress. “Is this not adorable?”

I smiled. “It is. It looks like something a woman would wear, only much, much smaller.”

She nodded. “I know! And look at this one!”

I looked at the rack of infant dresses and was amazed. “They’re so fashionable!” I exclaimed.

She vigorously nodded. “If you have a girl, I’m buying this dress,” she declared.

I couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. “Maybe I’ll write about baby fashion in a future article. I can’t believe how cute these dresses are. I mean, I’ve seen pretty and all that, but these are like mini replicas of dresses the mommies would wear. How have I never known about this before?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I really want to buy this dress. Are you sure you have no inkling? I knew you were a girl,” she said proudly.

I rolled my eyes. “No, you didn’t. You guessed. You had a fifty-fifty chance of being right.”

She put a hand on her hip. “Don’t try to deny my mother’s intuition.”

I nodded to placate her, and we got back to making a list of all the things we were going to buy the baby. It was an extensive list. We left the store without buying anything, although it had been close.

It was after nine when I finally got home. I was exhausted. My mother told me it was the pregnancy and to expect to be tired a lot during the first trimester.

Brad called at eleven on the dot. It wasn’t a text, which kind of surprised me, so I answered it.

“You answered,” he said right off the bat.

I laughed. “I did.”

“I’m sorry. I’m a complete asshole.”

“It’s fine, really. I was just oversensitive.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “We’re good then?” he asked hopefully.

“As good as we can get.”

I was desperate to tell him about the baby, but I held back. I couldn’t, not yet. Instead, I blurted out the other matter that had been on my mind. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, baby. I can’t wait to see you again. When can I see you?”

“I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow for a business trip. I’ll be back on Sunday and can take a look at my schedule then. Brad, I’m not sure I can make it out there for a while,” I said, not wanting to say too much.

“I understand. It’s fine. We’ll figure something out.”

We talked a little more about our jobs and current events. I left off the part about me working from home. He would wonder why or assume I had done it to spend time with him in California. I didn’t want to get his hopes up. I felt like he was holding back as well.

“I should go,” I murmured, fighting back a yawn. “I’ve got an early day tomorrow and flying always wears me out.”

“You can’t call me when you’re gone?” he asked. “I’m going to be texting you.”

“I can try, but I’ll be busy. I don’t want to say I will and then not do it.”

“Okay,” he replied, his voice unusually subdued.

I had an overwhelming urge to tell him I loved him but stopped myself. “I’ll be thinking about you,” I said in a soft voice.

“I think about you nonstop,” he whispered.

We both hung up. It was the first time we had ended a conversation like that. It was like we were a real couple missing each other like crazy. He had actually sounded a little down. I wanted to be there to hug him and tell him it would all be okay. It broke my heart to keep things from him. I missed him terribly. I could tell he missed me as well. It sucked that we were so far apart.

I had no idea how I was going to get through the next year or two years or ten years. Life didn’t look nearly as enjoyable without him in it.