I’m not seeing the problem here, Lexi.”

Liv toys with the wrapper on her blueberry muffin, pulling off a berry and popping it into her mouth before looking at me. It’s only my third shift at Turn the Page, but Liv sort of makes it impossible for me not to spill my guts to her. First thing this morning, I told her all about my day with Ian yesterday and my agreement to go hiking with him today.

“You said he was a nice guy. You said you liked hanging out with him. What’s the harm in a little hiking trip? Are you worried he’s secretly a serial killer?”

I shake my head. “Of course not. It’s just…it’s complicated.”

“Life is complicated, babe. Get used to it,” she says, her eyes returning once again to the muffin.

Charlie interrupts, “What I think Livvy is trying to say is, things in life are never as easy as you hope they’ll be. But that’s the beauty of life. It’s never easy, but it’s always worthwhile.”

I groan. My head hurts, and it’s way too early in the morning for Charlie and his philosophical musings. I need at least three more cups of coffee before I’m up for this conversation.

Charlie smiles at me, and I instantly regret my ornery response.

“Sorry, Charlie,” I say with a giggle. “I think that’s the first time I’ve actually said that and meant it. Usually, it’s more of a sorry-dude-but-suck-it-up type of response.”

He grins. “Believe me, it’s not the first time I’ve heard it. And I guarantee, it won’t be the last. At least my mother didn’t name me Jack. I can deal with, Sorry, Charlie, a lot easier than, Hit the road, Jack.”

Liv grunts as she hops off her stool, stretching her back and cracking her neck from side to side. “Whatever. All I’m saying is, you need to live a little. You’ve been here two weeks now, and as far as I can tell, you’ve done nothing but fix up your house and spend time here.”

“You truly should get out and see the beautiful leaves before they’re gone,” Charlie adds.

“Yeah, you never know when the first snow is gonna hit.”

I stand. “Argh, all right. I’ll go. Some friends you are. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Charlie reaches out and pats my hand. “We are. That’s why we’re telling you to go.”

The two of them exchange a knowing glance as I sigh and get to work.

* * *

“Are you…trying…to kill me?” I gasp, doubled over to try to ease the ache that’s developed in my side.

When I agreed to a hike, I pictured a casual stroll through the woods. Not scaling the side of a mountain.

Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. But, seriously, would it kill someone to level this shit out a little? I feel like I’ve gone a million rounds with the StairMaster.

Ian smiles at me as he grabs hold of my hand, pulling me up and over the next rock. “Trust me, it’ll all be worth it once we get to the top.”

“Yeah, because then I can push you over for trying to kill me.”

He throws his head back in laughter, and even though I’m pretty sure my lungs are going to explode and my side is going to rip open, I can’t help but chuckle with him.

“You think I’m kidding? You just wait, buddy.”

“I’m not worried. I’m pretty sure I can take you.”

He turns and leads the way down the path ahead of me, and I can’t stop the perusal my eyes give his body. A fine sheen of sweat covers his arms and neck, causing the dark tan of his skin to almost glow. But that’s the only indication he shows of any sort of exertion.

I knew Ian was in good shape—I mean, come on, look at the man—but he’s in far better athletic shape than I ever realized.

“Are you Superman or something?” I huff as he hops deftly from one rock to the next.

He shoots me a crooked smile over his shoulder. “Superman? No way. I’m more like the Caped Crusader. Always dug that bat mask.”

My face falls and I give him an exasperated sigh. “Seriously, how are you not dying right now?”

A confident grin spreads across his face. “I work out.”

I snort. “Duh. I might be out of breath, but my vision works fine.”

“There you go again, checking me out,” he says with a smirk, reaching his hand down to me to help me up and over the next hurdle.

“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s not like I’ve had anything else to look at while trying to keep up with you.” Except, you know, the leaves and the landscape—the entire reason I’m supposed to be out hiking with him today.

He laughs as he pulls me up to stand next to him. After I steady myself, I take a look around and realize we’ve finally reached the crest. My sharp intake of air must clue Ian in on my sudden awareness as well.

“Told you it would be worth it. Now, come on. The clerk at the grocery store told me there was a sweet little meadow over here where we could have lunch.”

He turns and walks away without waiting for me to respond.

When his words register, I jog to catch up. “Lunch? I hope you don’t expect me to trap and kill my own food. Because I sure as hell didn’t bring anything to eat.”

Just then, he holds back a few branches that were blocking our way. I step ahead of him, spinning around as I walk out into the clearing. It’s small and private—not that anything this far up is a thriving metropolis—and absolutely stunning. The meadow is surrounded by a thick forest of trees and bushes, their vibrant fall colors breathtaking now that I have a moment to step back and enjoy them.

“Wow,” is all I can say.

Ian steps out next to me, his hands coming to rest on his hips as he looks around. “Wow is an understatement. Can’t believe I’ve been here for two weeks, and I haven’t been out exploring yet. I’ve been missing out.”

I nod. “Too bad we don’t have much time left. They’re saying we could get our first snowfall as early as next week.”

I expect Ian to cringe, like most people do when they hear snow is on its way. But his eyes light up as he looks at me.

“Can you imagine how gorgeous this place will be, covered with a blanket of white?”

I look around me. “It’ll be stunning. Too bad the trail will be impassable.”

Ian continues to survey the scenery around us. “True. But I don’t mean this meadow. I mean, all of Maple Lake. Sitting out on the back porch with a cup of cocoa and a blanket, watching the snow as it dances across the lake. I can’t think of anything more heavenly.”

I smirk. “Why, Ian, you sound like a bit of a romantic.”

He puffs up his chest. “Me? No way. I’m manly. The manliest. To prove it, watch as I lug that big log over here, so we have somewhere to sit and eat.”

He gestures to a fallen tree, the trunk of it at least a few feet around and fifteen feet long. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to get that thing all the way across the meadow.

I smile as I watch him stride over to it, rolling up his sleeves as he nears. Spitting into his hands, he bends at the knees and works his fingers under the gigantic piece of wood.

“I can’t carry you back down the mountain, so you’d better not hurt yourself!” I shout as I watch him strain to lift the log.

His face reddens with the exertion, and when I see a vein pop on his forehead, I decide enough is enough. I roll my eyes and walk over to him, grabbing the backpack he dropped when we first entered the meadow.

“How about we just sit here?”

Ian falls back on his ass, the breath coming out of him in a whoosh. “Oh, thank God. I didn’t want to admit defeat, but that son of a bitch is heavy.”

I laugh. “Well, it is a tree. Last time I checked, you weren’t Paul Bunyan. Pretty sure mere mortals can’t lift a full-sized tree.”

I sit down on the log, leaning back so that I can lift my face up to the sun. It’s a beautiful day outside, but the chill in the air has been stinging my cheeks. The warm sun is a welcome sensation.

Ian swings a leg over the log and sits next to me. “You hungry?”

I raise my eyes to his. “I meant what I said. I’m not killing anything.”

He laughs. “Chicken. Lucky for you, I had enough insight to pack food,” he says, unzipping the backpack at our feet. He pulls out a few wrapped sandwiches, two apples, some grapes, and a small box of crackers. Once he has that all arranged on the log between us, he reaches back inside and pulls out two bottles of water.

I raise an eyebrow. “This is quite the spread for an impromptu picnic.”

He shrugs. “What can I say? I like to eat.”

He tosses me a sandwich before promptly digging into his own. I unwrap it, not at all surprised to find PB & J. When I look back up at him, he smiles.

“It’s tradition. We have lunch together, we have PB and J. Just the way it is.”

I give him a playful roll of my eyes, smiling as I bite into the sandwich. It’s surprisingly good.

I moan as I chew. “What did you put in this? Crack?”

Ian laughs as he watches me take another bite. “Nope. Just years of practice. I have the ratio of peanut butter and jelly perfected. I only use preserves, so there are those awesome little chunks of fruit. Plus, I’m convinced cutting it diagonally instead of horizontally makes it taste that much better.”

His words make me giggle. “I’ve never heard someone speak so affectionately about PB and J.”

“I’m a connoisseur, baby.”

His tone is jovial and lighthearted, but the pet name still causes the bread to stick in my throat for a moment.

I turn and watch him as he finishes his first sandwich and starts in on his second, completely unaware of the internal panic attack I’m currently experiencing.

Because, despite how hard I’ve tried to keep my distance from this man, he’s somehow managed to worm his way right into my life.

I know he wasn’t using the word as a term of endearment. It was a flippant remark made in jest. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Ian over the past few weeks, it’s that he’s rarely serious. He’s one of the happiest and most upbeat people I’ve ever met.

But, when he called me baby, I wasn’t able to tamp down the butterflies that swarmed not only my stomach, but also my entire body. My tummy flipped, and my heart literally skipped a beat—something I’d thought was just a turn of phrase up until this point. Even now, as I watch him chug down half of his water, I can’t help the giddiness flowing through my veins. It’s everything I can do to keep from smiling at him like a freaking idiot.

Or so I think.

When Ian turns to look at me, his own lips spreading into a goofy grin, I realize how horribly I’ve failed at hiding my feelings.

“What?” he asks, the smile not dropping from his face.

I shake my head. “Nothing. I’m just glad we’re here.”

And it’s the truth. I’m glad I came out with him today. It’s nice to know I’m not entirely broken. That the part of me I thought had died in the car that night is, in fact, still alive, just in a very, very deep coma. Ian has somehow managed to reach down to that part of me and pull it back from its eternal slumber.

But that still doesn’t change the reality that I can’t be with him. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

Because, even if he’s managed to reawaken the part of me I thought I’d lost, I’m still not the same person I used to be. Almost killing someone will do that. I got in the car that night as one person, and by the time I checked out of the hospital, I was someone entirely different.

Ian deserves better than someone just going through the motions, living her life day by day until the time finally comes for it to be her day.

Believe me when I say that I considered…the alternative…many, many times. The pain I felt after I was released from the hospital and during my days of rehab was almost too much to bear some days. But, deep down, I don’t have it in me. I’m a coward. Besides, I deserve every moment of this hurt. Living with the knowledge of what I did is a fate far worse than death.

Or, at least, that’s what I tell myself.

So, as much as I appreciate Ian for helping me achieve some small level of happiness, it can’t continue. I don’t deserve to be sitting here, in this gorgeous place with this gorgeous man, eating a delicious lunch and laughing.

If I let myself, I know I could fall for Ian. And he’d make me happier than I ever thought I could be. But that would be me destroying yet another life. Dragging Ian down into the depths of my despair and darkness.

I won’t let that happen again.

After today, I need to work harder to keep him away. Buying the lake house has locked me into staying here. But Ian said he was only here for a short while. Soon, he’ll go back to wherever he came from. I just need to keep my distance until then.

Ian packs all our garbage back into his pack. When he stands, he holds a hand out to me to help pull me to my feet. “You ready to head back?”

No, I think to myself. Not in the slightest.

I place my hand in his, knowing this will be the last time I feel his touch. “Yep, let’s do this.”