Chapter 4

Winning Over the Parents

Have you ever wondered the impact that parents have on our daily lives?

As a matter of fact, our parents tend to determine more than half of our aspirations as well as character buildup. People are fueled to work more just because they may not wish to end up like their parents.

People also may tend to have a relaxed attitude towards work because their parents may not have created time for them during their childhood. As a kind of general rule of thumb, most sons are usually more bonded to their mums while daughters spend more time with their dad's.

We are creatures of love and with roots, and this is why you will need to bond with your partner's parents. Generally, many people in love want their partners to extend the same love towards their parents. They want their parents to be cool with their partner and accept them: no one wishes his/her partner to be rejected by parents. Sadly, this rejection occurs in some relationships and this is why I need to show you some tips to avoid rejection. These tips are to be taken seriously so that your partner’s parents respect you the more.

Without any more ink wasted, let us see some tips you can adopt.

Create a Great first impression

Admittedly, this is one of the areas where many parents showcase disapproval for the partner of their son or daughter. First impressions usually matter at every place;

In a job interview, first impression is king:

When applying for a bank loan, first impression is important,

When appearing for a scholarship board, first impressions are super important.

I guess the question you are asking is, How do I create a great first impression?

The answer to that question begins at your clothing. The circumstance under which you are visiting his/her parents should determine your clothing. Also, a little bit of advice from your partner will go a long way in helping. You want to know why? Your partner understands her/his parents better than you. If her/his parents are the type that frowns at a certain kind of dressing or hairstyle, she will help you avoid that hairstyle or dressing so that the meeting does not start off on a wrong foot.

After you have sufficiently settled the issue of clothing, you should learn the traditions of your partner's parents. The thing is, traditions differ from family to family and what is obtainable in yours may not be accepted to hers.

Her parents may not like to talk while eating.

His parents may love talking loudly while eating

Her father may be very observant of the kind of glass you use for wine, water, etc

It does not matter what their traditions are, make sure you learn them because it shows that you respect them.

Don't be Cocky

Yeah, I said that.

You see, I have come to realize that for some people, a chance to meet with the parents is the time to show off. They think that by showing off every accolade, they would suddenly acquire all the respect in the world and become loved. Truth is that, while your partner's parents look forward to meeting a confident and successful fellow, they are not looking forward to an evening with a prick.

So, keep your ego in check, will you.

When asked questions about your achievements, answer the question in a modest way and then try to praise your partner more.  As always, remember to be kind to them at all times with your words. Offer them thanks for the opportunity to meet and always compliment them for raising a wonderful son/daughter.

Learn to Negotiate

Most marriage counselors have shared some of the bitterest stories that they hear from couples concerning parents. For example, Leila and her husband José may come into the counseling room with bitter words about their families. Leila may accuse José of not wanting to be there with her family for Christmas, while José may still hold on to his assertion that his family has a family tradition that they expect him to uphold.

Do you see the source of the problem here?

It is not Leila's family or José's family tradition that is the source of the problem, rather it is the couple’s inability to negotiate properly. Most families have unique traditions on special occasions which they expect members of the family, married or not, to uphold. Some families organize a kind of neighborhood cookout where the men drink beers and flip beef over fire, while the women organize dishes. Some others decide to travel to a particular country in order to experience new cultures. Sisters may identify a period in the year as the time to get together for their parents, while the boys may set out a time to go hunting, or other activities. The truth is every family has a tradition. However, a perfect lover does not need to always accept to go along with his/her partner's family tradition. Rather, the perfect lover requests for a kind of compromise. By compromise, I mean you can decide to spend Christmas with your partner's parents and then Thanksgiving with your parents. In this way, fairness is guaranteed. I want you to take note of the fact that I used the word, 'request' and not 'demand'. Some partners tend to demand that their own opinions be met without realizing that the other partner feels oppressed. There is absolutely no need to show that you are the bossy one when you can apply a little diplomacy. Think about it!